He turned toward her. “It was rough. Sometimes I think losing three babies is a big reason I’m not great around kids.”
She started to say something to make him feel better, but he held up his hand. “You and I both know I’ve had my moments with your daughter. I suppose I still have a fear of getting too close to anyone again. I mean...first there was you...” He stopped, took a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up again.”
She reached over the stall door and grabbed his hand. As if a map of his palm was ingrained in her mind, she felt the familiar places—the calluses, the slight protrusions at the knuckles. She wanted to place that palm against her cheek and feel the caress she knew as a girl. Instead, she reached up and placed her hand on his face. Her thumb brushed the corner of his mouth.
He swallowed. “What are we doing here, Miranda?”
“I don’t know,” she said on a soft rush of air. “My work with Lawton is almost complete. I’ll talk to my minister tomorrow about involving him in some activities. But beyond that, I don’t think there is much more I can do for him.” She moved her hand to the back of Carter’s head, and down to his nape. His back stiffened.
“But the truth is,” she said, “I don’t really want to go. Not yet.”
He blinked, cleared his throat. “You’ve made a good life in Durham, haven’t you?”
She smiled up at him, losing herself in the mossy-green eyes that at one time threatened to swallow her whole. “Yes, I have a life in Durham, but somehow I don’t believe my life should be in that city,” she said. “I believe it’s here. It always has been.”
He drew in a ragged breath as his arms came around her. He hesitated for a moment, the longest moment of Miranda’s life, and then he did what she’d been dreaming of. He pulled her close, tightened his arms at her waist. His chin rested on the top of her head. “I don’t think we can go back, Miranda. It’s just not possible.”
A slow ache began in the chest that felt so blessedly sweet against his. Here they were, as close as they’d once been, but it wasn’t the same. He didn’t even want to try. Tears gathered in her eyes.
And then he put a finger under her chin and lifted her face. “I don’t know if I want to try.”
Those words could have been the cruelest she’d ever heard, but they came from his mouth choked on emotion, as if he didn’t believe what he was saying but needed to protect what was left of his heart.
Miranda wiped a drop of moisture from her cheek. How had she hurt him so badly? Why had she given up the most important relationship she’d ever had or ever would have?
“I understand what you’re saying, Carter, and I don’t blame you, but right now, for this minute, if you don’t kiss me, I think I’m going to die, and I don’t know how we’ll explain that to those people in the house...”
His mouth descended to hers with a muffled cry in his throat. His lips crushed hers. His tongue delved deeply between her lips. It was a kiss of hunger, passion, and most of all, relief, as if a simmering pot had just reached a boiling point.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, equaling the fierceness and demand in the press of his mouth on hers. And then, suddenly, the kiss gentled. His lips became soft and seeking. His hands on her back moved slowly, languorously. She pressed her chest even more thoroughly against his and moved her head, her mouth, her tongue in perfect harmony with his.
When the kiss ended, they were both breathless and clinging to each other. Miranda was certain there had never been a kiss like this one. And she believed with all her heart that what had existed for them at one time was still burning. Yet now the fires of their emotions could give them even more, a lifetime of perfectly blended lips and equaled passion.
“We should go in,” he said hoarsely. “I’ve got a big day ahead of me.” He stepped away from her, rubbed his nape briskly.
She was a mere two feet from him and yet suddenly she’d never felt more alone. “Carter...?”
“Don’t say anything, Miranda. Please. Let’s go in.”
He whistled for Buster, his mind and body adjusting much more quickly than hers to the lives they’d built apart. He waited for her and the dog to precede him out of the barn. Then he closed the door and followed her back to the house.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
MIRANDA WENT DIRECTLY to the kitchen and began stacking Cora’s dishwasher. Carter retrieved his uniform shirt, said a quick goodbye, which Miranda apparently pretended not to hear, and left the house. He felt like a heel. He’d been completely into the kisses in the barn, and he knew that Miranda darn well knew it. There was no way to hide that level of passion. And yet in moments, his old insecurities had turned that passion as cold as a March wind.
Driving to his own cabin, Carter contemplated his behavior. Self-preservation was the only excuse he could come up with. Did he care about Miranda? Every bit as much as he once had, maybe even more. Did he want to see where this new relationship might lead? That was the part that was driving him crazy. No, he didn’t. He was over the heartache she’d caused him fourteen years ago. At least he told himself daily that he was, but then he’d kissed her like that in the barn, and all his arguments went up in the smoke of that kiss. But, no matter what he finally admitted to himself about his feelings for Miranda, he couldn’t risk going through that kind of pain again.
He shouldn’t have kissed her. With each nibble of her soft lips, each press of her body against his, he was reminded of what they once had. And it made him long for that kind of sweet bliss again.
He’d told himself on many occasions that he was a coward, and he believed it now more than ever. It’s just who he was. He wouldn’t test fate by hooking up with Miranda again. He wouldn’t let himself get close to her little girl. Carter knew loss, more than most men, and another tragedy in his life might send him into a downward spiral from which he’d never recover. There were many kinds of cowards. Carter was an emotional one. He’d learned to live with that fact. He’d accepted it as true so he could move on.
Yet right now on this lonely dark road to a lonely dark cabin, he felt almost as miserable as he had during those tragic turning points of his life. But in a way, tonight was worse. Tonight his misery was doubled because of his cold treatment of Miranda. He’d seen the hurt in her eyes. He’d watched her body stiffen with his indifference. Did he want her to hate him? Maybe he did. Hating her was impossible, but if she hated him, he wouldn’t have to risk hurting her again or setting himself up for another unbearable loss.
He pulled into his driveway, turned off his engine and sat in the patrol car for several minutes letting his mind adjust to the emptiness he’d find on the other side of his door. Thank goodness he had the trip to Wilton Hollow and an investigation to pursue tomorrow. His brain would be functioning on a professional level once more. Tonight, he’d drink some warm milk and read a couple of articles in the latest Mountain Times Magazine, and maybe...just maybe, he’d sleep.
* * *
CARTER WAS AT the station early Monday morning. He checked the schedule and discovered that Sam was on the roster for today. Sam was the best backup Carter could ask for, but Carter considered that this investigation might present some unpleasant truths to his rookie. But even if evidence was found on Sheila’s land, that didn’t mean that Allie was responsible. No. Considering what Allie meant to Sam, Carter couldn’t conceive of her guilt in any of this mess.
Carter studied a local map of the area. The mountains were a web of short, mostly uninhabited roads, many of which bore the name of some distant settler who’d landed there and staked a claim. Recalling Sheila’s last name, Sam uncovered one such rural track of dusty road called Blount Lane. Maybe Sheila hadn’t lived there for decades, but obviously one of her ancestors had.
A closer study indicated a walking path around the back of Sheila’s property that extended several hundred yards behind the p
lot of land where the county had identified a structure. Sheila’s house, Carter figured. Even if Sheila were home, he and Sam could enter the property without being seen.
“Good morning, Chief.”
Carter looked up from his spot behind his desk. “Sam, will you have a seat for a moment. I want to talk to you.”
Sam pulled out a chair. “It’s still early, Chief. Surely I’m not in trouble yet.”
“No, you’re not in trouble, but I’m investigating a lead on the hardware and winery thefts, and I’d like you to go with me.”
“Sure. No problem.”
“Actually, there may be a problem,” Carter said. He wanted to be completely up-front with Sam so his rookie wouldn’t feel blindsided when they reached Sheila’s land.
Sam waited patiently for Carter to continue.
“The lead I got is a good one,” Carter said. “I feel like it might pan out. But you need to know that we’ll be heading out to a little-known road called Blount Lane.”
“Don’t think I ever heard that name,” Sam said.
“Maybe not, but you know the place. It’s Sheila’s house, and more importantly, the place Allie is living.”
Sam shook his head. “There’s got to be some mistake, Carter. That stolen property couldn’t be on Sheila’s land. Granted, Dale is a suspect, but Allie would have told me...”
“Are you sure about that?”
“As sure as I can be about anything. Allie wouldn’t be involved in anything criminal.”
“I’m not saying she is,” Carter assured him. “I don’t know what we’ll find when we get out there today, but you’ve got to be aware that anything is possible. If Allie is guilty of aiding Dale, then...”
“She isn’t. She wouldn’t.”
“Okay.” Carter sensed he was pushing too hard. Sam was crazy about Allie, and of course he would defend her. He just hoped Sam wasn’t about to get his heart broken. “We’ll leave in a few minutes.” He picked up his desk phone. “Just have to call Judge White to see if he has my search warrant ready. Then you and I will head out.”
“You don’t have to worry about me, Carter,” Sam said. “Whatever we find, I’ve got your back.”
* * *
FOR MOST OF the trip out to Blount Lane, Sam was relaxed, even chatty. Only when they neared Sheila’s land did he stiffen slightly in the passenger seat and stare alertly out the window. “We’re getting close,” he said.
Carter passed the narrow turnoff to Sheila’s drive and took the next rutted lane. He stopped when the car couldn’t go any farther. “We walk from here,” he said. “If the tip I got is the real thing, then we might be walking right into the middle of that stolen property.”
Sam darted a quick glance in Carter’s direction. The muscles in his neck tensed.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Carter asked. “Who knows what we’ll find.”
“I’m ready. And I’d bet my last dollar that Allie didn’t have anything to do with stealing that equipment.”
“You’re probably right. I hope you are, but I haven’t heard you say the same thing about Sheila.”
“No. Truth is, I’ve never been too pleased that Allie lives with that woman.” As the sun crested the trees on the eastern horizon, the two men picked their way through an overgrown path toward the back of Sheila’s property. They’d gone a few hundred yards when a woman’s voice, demanding and sharp, drifted toward them.
Both men stopped. “Sounds like Sheila,” Carter said.
“I’ve only heard her voice once, so I can’t be sure. Whoever it is, she’s angry about something.”
Carter made out a few of the words. “Put more fertilizer on those plants. Dale’ll kill me if this isn’t a good crop.”
Carter stared at Sam.
“Something tells me we’re not going to find rows of lettuce,” Sam said.
* * *
SAM EXPERIENCED THE first twinges of anxiety. He still believed Allie was innocent of any wrongdoing, but they were on Sheila’s property and the little conversation he’d heard didn’t sound good. He and Carter continued toward the sound. Sheila’s voice, recognizable now, became more strident. “Freakin’ bugs!” she said. “How am I supposed to know how much insecticide to use?”
As Carter and Sam got closer, Sam stepped on a dry branch. Sheila’s head snapped around to the direction from which they were approaching. “Someone’s coming,” she said in a loud whisper. “Cover this stuff up, and let’s get back to the house.”
Carter stepped into the clearing just ahead of Sam. “You’re not going anywhere, Sheila.” Another woman, lost in the dawn shadows on the other side of a green field, tried to run, but Carter hollered a warning to her, as well. “Hold on!”
Sam gave chase, but stopped suddenly. No, it couldn’t be. Unfortunately, that cute figure and those long, strong legs were a giveaway. “Allie,” he said, fighting his mounting disbelief.
She halted, dropped her arms to her sides and turned to face him. Her features reflected her surprise, her shock and, worst of all, her guilt.
“What’s going on, Allie?” Sam asked.
“I can explain, Sam...”
But Sam knew she couldn’t. It was true that sometimes a picture was worth more than the cleverest explanation, and so far what he’d seen didn’t paint a pretty picture. Clearly Allie had been trying to get away...from him.
Assorted cultivating equipment lay in the clearing, and Sheila was holding a drop cloth as if she were intending to cover the evidence. Carter and Sam stayed apart and took small, slow steps through the field, surveying the unmistakable crop. Sam had seen his share of marijuana and knew he was looking at a healthy sampling of product.
Carter’s voice carried across the field. “I’m pretty sure we’re dealing with the biggest cash crop to come out of the mountains in a long time,” he said. “At least two acres of marijuana plants, in different stages of growth.”
Since Dale’s name had been mentioned earlier, Sam figured he was behind the endeavor. But, apparently, Sheila and Allie were helpers, willing or not.
Sam broke off a leaf and sniffed it. He shook his head as if he were trying to make some sense of what was so blatantly obvious.
Having kept his gaze on the women, Carter said, “Ladies, you want to come over here, so we can have a little chat?”
Sheila answered with a string of curse words effectively ordering Carter off her property. Allie moved slowly toward them. In spite of what Sam knew to be true, his heart still ached for her. She suddenly seemed so small and vulnerable. But he was a cop, and the facts mattered more than his emotions at this minute.
Carter handed Sheila the search warrant. After reading it, she closed her eyes and lowered her forehead into her hands. “Don’t say anything, Allie,” she warned. “We’re gonna need a lawyer.”
Carter walked in the direction of a hastily constructed lean-to against a tree. “If I look in there, am I going to find bigger equipment like tillers and other items from the winery in town?” He strode along a line of plants. “And this setup of hoses and sprinklers looks just like the items stolen from the hardware store.”
Sheila answered with a hard stare, her lips clamped tight. A few feet away, Allie was pleading with Sam. “I wanted to tell you about this,” she said. “None of it was my idea. I never wanted to go along with Sheila and Dale.”
“But you didn’t tell me, and you did go along with them,” Sam responded, keeping his voice calm and impersonal.
“Shut up!” Sheila screamed at Allie. “What part of ‘don’t say anything’ don’t you understand?”
Sam felt like he’d been punched in the gut. All at once his words became hoarse, choked. “Allie, you’re dating a cop.” He paused. “More than dating I’d thought. How come you couldn’t have found a way to tell me about this?”
�
�I wanted to, but I was scared.”
“Scared my fat...” Sheila ground out until Carter silenced her with a look.
Allie flinched. “I was scared. I’m living in your house. I don’t have any money.” She spared a pitying glance at Sam. “I don’t know what I would have done if I’d made Sheila and Dale angry.”
Sam tried to ignore the pain in his gut. She could have come to him. He would have found her a place to live. Heck, she could have moved in with him.
“We’re all going down to the station,” Carter said. “It’s a bit of a trek back to the patrol car, but it’s a lovely day, so it shouldn’t be too hard. Once we get there, you can call anyone you like, Sheila. Maybe a lawyer, maybe Dale. In fact, I’d kind of like you to give Dale a call. I have a few questions for him, too.”
“Sorry, Chief,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “He’s out of town on business.”
Sam realized that anything else he might hear from these two women would probably be lies. Until a few minutes ago, he’d have believed every word Allie said; that she was an angel brought to earth just for him. But, he had a job to do, and like other lovestruck men before him, he would have to accept that an angel’s wings could be tarnished.
Sam took Allie’s arm, but this time it was not with affection. This time he was making sure she didn’t escape. They marched side by side, not speaking. Sam figured there’d be plenty to say later.
* * *
SHEILA HAD REFUSED to answer any questions, which didn’t surprise Carter. She’d sat at his desk drinking coffee and glaring at him as if sparks from her eyes might ignite the whole building. Allie, on the other hand, talked freely to both officers. Between tears and apologies, she gave them all the information Carter needed, including the fact that she’d been a willing participant in the scheme because of the promise of a share of big profits. When she was taken to a waiting cell for transport to the county jail, Carter felt certain he’d heard the truth.
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