She took a breath. “I ended up terminating the pregnancy.”
“Will doesn’t know?” Peyton asked, gently.
Ivy shook her head. “I never thought I’d see him again. I never thought it would ever be an issue for anyone but me.”
“Sometimes,” Sarah said, “we have to make choices with the information and the resources we have available at the time.” She squeezed Ivy’s hand. “A lot of women have faced decisions they didn’t expect to have to when their knickers were on the floor.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve faced that decision.”
Both Ivy and Peyton looked at Sarah.
“Years ago—before I met Rob—I was dating this abusive arsehole. Knew I’d never get away from him if I had the baby. I couldn’t bring a child into that life.” She smiled sadly. “I know I did the right thing for situation I was in. But it doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard.”
Ivy nodded. “I need to talk to Will.”
“Course you do, ducks.” Peyton threw her arms around Ivy. “And whatever you need, we’ve got your back.”
Sarah hugged her, too. “Absolutely. Anything you need.” She pulled back and stared into Ivy’s eyes. “Anything at all.”
The tears she thought she’d quelled sprang to life again. “I don’t want to put you guys in a weird position with Will. You’ve both known him a lot longer than you’ve known me.”
“We’ve got your back,” Peyton reiterated.
Sarah nodded and tilted her head toward Peyton. “What she said.”
Ivy sniffled. She never would have imagined that, not only would she end up falling in love on this trip, she’d also make amazingly wonderful new friends. Ultimately, she knew the she was responsible for whatever happened, but it was nice to know that she wasn’t completely alone like she’d been last time.
Thirty minutes later, Peyton had dropped Ivy off at Will’s empty flat, and she paced around the place, tucking her belongings back into her suitcase. If she needed to get out quickly, she wanted to be ready. Not that she thought Will might hurt her. He wouldn’t. Ever. There was no question of that. But, if things went south between them—and they very easily could with what they needed to talk about—she didn’t want to prolong either of their discomfort while she packed her stuff.
She zipped her toiletry bag and set it on the floor next to her suitcase.
“Your flight doesn’t leave until next week.”
Heart in her throat, she whirled to face Will. He leaned into the bedroom doorway, arms braced above his head on the frame.
As soon as he met her gaze, his arms dropped, and he’d crossed the room and pulled her into his arms. “What’s the matter?”
She forced a smile. “Who said anything was wrong?”
He stared at her, his expression incredulous. “You’re packing your shit. Your eyes are red and puffy, and your face is blotchy. You’ve been crying. What the hell happened?” He smoothed his hand over the back of her head. “Did Peyton say something?”
“What? No.” She shook her head. “Peyton is amazing. And so is Sarah.” She took a deep breath. “This doesn’t have anything to do with them.”
Concern shadowed his eyes. “Did I do something to upset you?”
She shook her head. “No.” She pulled out of his embrace and crossed her arms over her chest. “But we do need to talk.”
“What’s going on? Is this about Charlotte? I told you, we can—”
“Will, I’m late.”
“For what?”
Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at him. Waiting, she watched his face as her meaning clicked into place. His eyes widened, and he sank down on the bed.
Chapter Thirty
The bottom dropped out of Will’s world as he stared at Ivy. Despite the slightly sick feeling in his gut, he was already imagining her pregnant with their child. Waking up with her every morning. Sharing a home with her. Having a family together. In two seconds flat, he’d created an entire life for them around a late period. In an effort to rein himself in, he asked, “Have you done a test?”
She shook her head. “I only just realized I was late this afternoon.”
He tried to remember every time they’d had sex. “I don’t think we’ve ever forgotten protection, have we?”
“No. But, nothing has a hundred percent effectiveness rate.” She dragged her hand through her hair and paced across the room. “You don’t need to worry about it, though. I’ll figure it out.”
“What do you mean I ‘don’t need to worry about it’? If you’re pregnant, it’s not like you got that way on your own.”
She sighed. “Obviously. But I’ll deal with it.”
There was something about the tone of her voice. She was pulling away from him. She might still be right in front of him, but she’d already left the room. He glanced at her packed bags. Hell, she was practically on her way out of the county.
He pushed himself off the mattress and stalked over to stand in front of her, blocking her path. “You’re not dealing with this alone.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
He sighed. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.” He stroked his palms up and down her arms. “I’m not trying to take control of you or your body or the situation. But I’m also not going to leave you to face this alone.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she dashed angrily at them. He put his arms around her. She was stiff in his embrace, but as he continued to hold her, she slowly relaxed.
“It’s going to be okay.”
“You don’t know that.”
Hot tears soaked the front of his shirt as she silently cried.
Helpless to do anything more than stroke her back and make promises he had no way of keeping, he finally asked, “Do you want me to run up to the chemist’s and pick up a test?”
She shook her head, rubbing her face against his chest. “They’re usually more effective in the morning. And last time, it didn’t even register as positive until I was over a month late.”
Cold dread plunked like hundreds of oversized ball bearings in his gut. “Last time?”
Ivy turned to wood in his arms then she pulled away. As much as he wanted to keep holding her, he let her go. She wrapped her arms around her middle and walked to the window.
“Ivy?”
“I was going to tell you before now. I meant to tell you.” She turned around and stared at him, her eyes imploring.
With startling clarity, all of the pieces suddenly slotted into place, and he lowered himself onto the chair, his knees suddenly too weak to hold him up. “You turned up pregnant after the wedding, didn’t you?”
She nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She turned away from him then turned back. “What the hell was I supposed to do? Call up Charlotte and say, ‘Hey...I need to reach your underage brother to let him know that he knocked me up during our closet adventure—can I get his number from you?’”
Ivy’s aversion to telling Charlotte anything about their relationship suddenly made so much more sense.
“And let’s say I had gotten a hold of you. What would I have said? Hey...remember that drunken closet fumble? Surprise...you’re going to be a daddy. How the hell would that have worked?”
He tried to imagine how he would have reacted hearing that news at seventeen. Another thought occurred to him. Had she given birth—did he have a child out there somewhere with her quirky personality and his competitive nature? Her gorgeous smile and his green eyes?
He met her defiant gaze. “I don’t know how it would have worked. I wasn’t given the chance to find out.”
Her eyes widened, and her entire body seemed to deflate. Shock gave way to anguish on her expressive face.
“What happened?”
She sighed. “I went to a clinic and terminated the pregnancy.”
Relief and loss battled for dominance.
“I could barely take care of myself, back then. I wasn’t in any position to ha
ve a baby. And before I realized I was pregnant, I drank...a lot. I wanted to forget about Justin—to forget about you. After I knew, I didn’t want to risk giving birth to a child with fetal alcohol syndrome. That wouldn’t be fair to a baby. And I didn’t think any of it would be fair to you. I’m responsible for what happened at the wedding reception.”
Agitation had his knee bouncing, and he stood, needing to expend some of his restless energy. He paced toward the windows and watched fluffy white clouds chase each other across the bright blue sky. One of the few beautiful summer days in England. The perfection seemed to mock their turmoil.
“I was just as responsible as you were. And don’t give me that shit about being younger. I wasn’t that much younger.”
“Young enough,” Ivy snapped.
He continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “And again, it’s impossible to guess at would have been fair to me. Not knowing at all pretty much negated that, too.”
She turned away, her body shaking as she cried. He crossed the room to her and resting his hands on her shoulders, pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t have been supportive of your choice,” he murmured. “And ultimately, it was and is your choice.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know... I just wish things had been different.”
A small sound that might have been a laugh broke the silence. “Yeah. Me, too.”
“Who were you with?”
She turned and looked at him, confusion clear on her face. “What do you mean?”
“When you had it done. Who went with you? Charlotte? One of your other friends?”
“I went to the clinic, got a prescription, went to the pharmacy and got it filled. No one went with me.”
“And afterward?” he asked, sure he already knew the answer. “Who took care of you?”
She shook her head. “Until I flipped out and told Peyton and Sarah, earlier, no one knew but me, the doctor, and the pharmacy tech who filled the scrip.” She looked away from him. “And now, you.”
“What about your parents?”
“I told them about a year after it happened. I was having a hard time...and I told them.” She swallowed hard. “They disowned me. A couple years after that, they got in a car accident. Neither of them made it.”
“Oh, Ivy...”
She lifted a shoulder. “I like to think that someday they might have forgiven me.”
“I’m sorry, love. I’m so fucking sorry.” Her fear of losing Charlotte made even more sense. He never should have pushed Ivy for more than she was able to give.
She met his gaze. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“How about not using a condom? Or shagging a drunk girl?” His gut twisted with guilt and regret.
She shook her head. “We both could have done things differently. We were both young. I was stupid.”
“You weren’t. You were hurting.” His heart ached for her. Not only had she dealt with everything alone, she’d been carrying this around, by herself, for the last twelve years. He opened his arms, unsure if she’d welcome his comfort or not.
She took an uncertain step forward, and then, she was in his embrace. The relief of her arms wrapped tightly around him and her face buried in his chest made it slightly easier to breathe.
She lifted her head and looked up at him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I never thought we’d ever end up here. And earlier, I could barely function with you in the same room, let alone figure out how to talk to you about it. And then...”
“It’s okay. I get it. I mean, I’m not saying it isn’t a huge shock, but I understand.” He smoothed his hand over her hair, soothing her as best he could. “I’m just sorry you had to face everything on your own. No matter what happens, you’re not going to be alone this time.”
She tightened her arms around him and rested her head on his chest again, as questions swirled through his head. He just held her for what felt like forever. There were so many things he wanted to know. But he settled on the one most pertinent to their current situation.
“Do you want children?” he asked.
She stilled. “I think so. At some point. I mean, I always imagined I’d have them some day.”
“Let’s just get married,” he blurted.
He wasn’t sure how it was possible, but somehow, she’d become even more motionless in his arms. In fact, he was pretty sure she’d stopped breathing. Suddenly, she backed out of his embrace. “What did you just say?”
Judging from the horrified look on her face, she wasn’t a fan of the idea. “I suggested we get married.”
“Asking a woman to marry you because she might be pregnant is a terrible idea.”
Will tossed his arms in the air. “Really?”
She frowned. “What?”
He scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to rein in his frustration. “You honestly think that’s the only reason I’d propose?”
He knew she was scared. He knew this had to be bringing up a metric fuck-ton of past pain. He also knew he shouldn’t be all butthurt. But he was. Stupidly, he’d thought that in the last month and a half, they’d moved past her assumption that he didn’t know his own feelings.
“We’re not getting married.” She shook her head emphatically. “I don’t want to be something you eventually resent because you were trying to do the responsible thing.”
“I’m not trying to do the responsible thing. And that wasn’t the most...graceful proposal. I know that. But I do love you. Pregnant or not, I’d marry you in a fucking heartbeat.”
She stared at him, and he didn’t have a bloody clue what was roiling around her head.
“If you want,” he tried again, “we can just live in sin. We’ve already been doing a standup job of it.”
Not even a hint of a smile from her.
He moved closer and took her hands. “I know you’ve been through hell with your ex. And I understand that you’re still unpacking a lot of baggage. And no matter what we find out when you take the test, you’ll probably be dealing with stuff for quite a while. But god damn it, Ivy, you don’t have to do any of it alone.”
As they stood staring at each other, Will heard a key in the front door, followed by Simon calling out, “You packed and ready to go? Ivy coming with?”
“Fuck me,” Will muttered.
Simon tossed his keys from hand to hand while he stood in the bedroom doorway and looked back and forth between Will and Ivy. “You’re not packed, yet, are you?”
Ivy glanced at Will, confusion evident.
“I’m beginning to regret giving you a spare key,” he said to his friend, his gaze still on Ivy.
“Get moving. We’ve got to go.”
Will walked to the door. “Do me a favor and wait in the living room? Or better yet, the car?”
Simon headed toward the front door as Will turned back to Ivy. “I know it’s really late notice, but your bag’s packed... Do you want to go to Liverpool with us and watch some exhibition games? They’ve cleared me to play.”
She smiled sadly, and he knew there was no chance she’d go. “You didn’t even get a chance to tell me your good news.”
He shrugged. “Some things are more important.”
She moved to his dresser and started pulling out socks and underwear.
“What are you doing, love?”
“Helping you pack. What does it look like?” She opened his t-shirt drawer. “How long will you be gone?”
“Five days. I can get us a room in the same hotel the team is staying in.”
She faced him, a stack of shirts clutched in her hands. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” He opened his mouth, but she spoke first, setting the clothes on the top of the dresser. “Charlotte’s home. And I really need to talk to her. About...everything.”
He settled his hands on the upper swell of her hips. “Wait for me. I’ll go with you. We’ll do it together.”
“I can’t. I need to do it, now—before I lose my nerve.
”
The plan had been not to let her go through this shit alone, and here she was, barreling forward. His mind raced through possible options. “Let me call the head coach—see if I can work something out. Maybe I can—”
“Will. Stop.” She rested her hands on his chest. “Please, just stop, okay?”
He shut up.
“You have to go. This is your chance to prove that you’re well enough to play. You can’t give that up. You can’t blow the career that you love because of bad timing.”
He cradled her face in his hands and kissed her. When he finally lifted his head, he said, “You’re so much more than bad timing.”
Her lips tilted upward in a sweet smile, and her eyes softened as she studied him.
A car horn broke the silence.
“I’m guessing that’s Simon.”
He groaned. “Fucking tosser.”
“Go on. Get the rest of your stuff.”
He quickly shoved everything he needed into a bag and figured what he didn’t have, he could buy. “Are you sure you won’t come with?” he asked again.
She handed him his toothbrush and toothpaste. “I can’t.”
He shoved them in the duffle. As the horn honked again, he braced himself to ask the question he wasn’t sure he wanted an answer to. “Will you be here when I get back?”
Her lips pressed together briefly, and her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Ivy stared at Will, wishing she’d been able to lie to him.
His face crumpled, but he drove his hands into her hair and kissed her so fiercely the room spun. When they finally broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers, his fingers sliding to cup her face. “I need you to remember you’re not alone.”
Her hands settled over his, her heart breaking. “I know. And I promise, I’ll let you know when I take a test.”
He lifted his head slightly and stared into her eyes. “I love you.”
Turning her head, she pressed a kiss into his palm, stifling the words she so desperately wanted to say.
He brushed his lips across her forehead, grabbed his bag, and walked out the door.
In Bounds Page 20