by Sara Stone
I watched calmly as Rose went about cleaning up the mess from the spell. She no longer had the bottle. They would be here soon. Would the curse keep them from noticing that something was different about me? How was I supposed to help when I didn’t want to do anything, but lie down and close my eyes? My focus, my drive, it had all left. My reasons why I should help had gone, leaving behind an emptiness that made me rub my chest for warmth.
Hattie was a reason I shouldn’t want Ronan’s touch. She liked him. I should be putting space between us. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but the emptiness drowned it out. My mind cared, but the rest of me didn’t. His thumb was rubbing circles on my hand. I kept staring at the contact. It brought little warmth with it. I wanted to lean in and lie on him. I wanted the feeling of consuming nothingness to go away. My brain tried hard to fight the fog that was setting in.
Ulric walked into the house and looked around. When he spotted Ronan and me on the couch, he shook his head slightly before taking a seat in a wingback chair across from us. I tried not to look at him. I knew he was acting cruelly because of the curse, but even with my soul gone, I felt the pain of my friend pushing me away.
Rose came out and chatted with him quietly for a moment before taking him into the kitchen. He followed her reluctantly. I got up and followed along. I knew I needed to. I fought my limbs as I went to get moving. We needed to help him. His normally bright vibrant skin was lackluster and clammy. His hair hung down in greasy pieces, as if he hadn’t washed it in weeks. The bags under his eyes matched the tiredness coming over me.
As I entered the kitchen, Rose ushered me away from being seen from the living room. When I took a step near him, he stepped back putting his back against the cabinets. I reached out to touch his arm and he pulled it away from me.
I looked to Rose for help. She started to mutter something before he went completely rigid. His jaw moved as if he were trying to counter it, but he couldn’t get it open enough to talk. The joints of his jaw pulsed as he gritted his teeth. I had to work fast before Hattie and Judson arrived and might see what we were doing. I patted him down—something that I would have laughed at before, it was like he was getting arrested. Part of my brain fought to make a joke like I normally would, but I was void of all sentiment, of all humor. Instead, I just continued to search him.
All his pockets came up empty. My heart started to race, but I still just wanted to sit down. I kept telling myself I could sit once I found it, just to keep moving. To keep trying. He was a good person; he had helped me learn when I knew nothing about this life. I wanted that to motivate me, but I couldn’t muster up any feelings.
I kept looking at Rose shrugging. Maybe we were wrong. It wasn’t that they were cursed, it was me. They didn’t want to deal with me anymore. His shirt was a smooth t-shirt, and I could see there was nothing under it, but I patted him down anyway.
I heard the front door open and Ronan speaking with someone. Seeing Rose’s nervousness of being caught was enough to kick me into high gear through the cold ache taking over. Ulric’s panic was clear on his face as I felt the little bag sitting against his chest. Even as I felt it, I was surprised I couldn’t see the outline in his shirt.
I had never been this close to Ulric, even when training, so it was weird to stick my hand in his shirt and grab at the little pouch. My brain told me it was dangerous, and I wanted to shy away from it. I pulled it out of his shirt and snapped the cord.
As I pulled it away from Ulric he visibly changed. The bags didn’t look as dark under his bright eyes. He kept blinking, as that was all he could do under Rose’s spell. I dropped the tiny pouch into a jar that she tucked away in her sweater. She leaned in to whisper to Ulric in the guise of a hug.
“You were cursed. Judson and Hattie are as well. I need your help subduing them. After that, we can answer all your questions.” His wide eyes told us that he had no idea what was going on. Once the curse had been put on him, there had been no fighting it.
He managed the tiniest of nods before she released him. He tried to hug me, but when I didn’t react to hug him back, he pulled away and stared at me. I just stood there. I knew I should hug him and feel relieved that we helped him, but I wanted to lie down. I couldn’t muster up any feelings, and every time I tried, the fog became harder to fight off.
All three of us walked into the living room to find Hattie. She was sitting across the room from Ronan. He was sitting rigidly on the couch. Her phone was out, and she was typing away on it, completely engrossed in whatever she was doing.
“Hattie, I need you in the kitchen, please.” Rose waved her to follow. When she looked up and saw that I was standing by the table she rolled her eyes. I turned away, as if I were busy doing something else. The pain from losing my friends was long gone, but seeing her act like someone she wasn’t came off as strange and foreign. I didn’t like this Hattie, even in my trance-like state.
I leaned an elbow onto the table. It felt good to take a weight off. I slid my head along my elbow until it was touching the cool wood. Ulric came over and lifted me by the shoulders. He held me out and his eyes seemed sad. Whatever he saw on my face was enough. He turned me towards the kitchen with a slight shove like you would a child who doesn’t want to follow directions.
I walked to Rose’s side. She had the same spell on Hattie that she had just done on Ulric. It was a good thing they all came separately, or we would be in for some trouble. I looked her over. Her colorful hair clips were gone. That was her signature move. A bright pop of color in her hair. I wanted to be sad, but couldn’t manage it. Her hair hung down limply, framing her face. She usually wore bright makeup, but her eyes were lined darkly in a coal black.
My head was reeling with her differences. It screamed for me to hug her, but I just stood there limply. She wasn’t fighting the spell—like Ulric had tried to do, but she was seething. She glared as I stepped up to her.
I thought she would have the curse around her neck. That’s where Ulric’s had been and where Aldon had found it on his friend. When it came up empty, I kept searching. It was awkward to be rifling through her pockets. I still wasn’t finding anything. I tried searching again and nothing was on her.
When Rose had put the spell on her, her phone was in her hand like she had just been using it. She was on it at my house and was again when she showed up here. I didn’t know how the pocket curse could be on her phone, but I had nowhere else to check. I slid the phone out of her cupped hand. I held the phone between my hands and felt the small pouch. I couldn’t see it, but it was there. I scrunched up my face, wondering how she didn’t realize something was on it.
I pulled it away and showed the brown pouch to Rose, who pulled out the jar. Her face was full of relief. I stepped away from her crossing my arms. I wanted to feel something, relief, anger from her harsh words. It was discombobulating to feel nothing at all about any of it. Rose turned to call Ronan in the room before releasing her. Hattie slid down the cupboards to sit with her knees up against her chest. She started sobbing in them.
Ronan sat next to her, whispering into her ear, and holding her as she cried. I wanted to comfort her too, but I didn’t have it in me. I turned to walk out of the kitchen. I had the back yard in my sights. Just a quick nap. I just wanted to lie down until I felt better. Until I could breathe deeply without feeling the emptiness around my heart.
Before I could reach the back door, Judson called to me. I half turned and looked over my shoulder. He was standing there with a blank look on his face and his hands in his jean pockets. Everyone else had gone into the kitchen to help Hattie. They must have been busy explaining the situation to her, because no one heard him come in.
“What are you doing here?” he spat out. His cool mask was replaced by repulsion, his lip picked up into a snarl and his eyes were full of disdain. He didn’t want to be in the same room as me. If I had my feelings, my heart would have hurt worse seeing him look at me that way. I turned fully to face him. I fought the urge to gl
ance out the back door at the cool grass I wanted to lie in.
“The same as you I guess.” I shrugged and leaned against the table. I used the support to stay upright. I couldn’t give in to his feelings when I didn’t have any. I couldn’t have played the nonchalance better. My mind used it to get him to drop his guard.
I had no clue how I was supposed to get him to stay still for me to search for the pouch while everyone else was preoccupied with tending to Hattie. I didn’t want Judson to realize what was going on around him before I had a chance to help him.
“Don’t you realize that no one wants to baby you?”
Well, that was one way of putting it. Somehow with all my friends cursed, he was the one whose words echoed my deepest fears.
“I could’t really help coming if Rose needed me here.” All I could do was shrug my shoulders and stare at him. It was the truth. I watched his reaction to my feelings, or lack thereof. It was bothering him that he wasn’t hurting me.
He took a few steps closer to me and I subconsciously crossed my arms. The words he was saying didn’t hurt me, but I didn’t really want to hear it all either. The darkness of the fog closing in was a relief and yet suffocating. I knew time was running out and I had no idea where the pouch on him could be.
I took a breath and stood up. If my body could have moaned in response it would have. My muscles felt like I had run miles and the longer I stood there, the less I cared about trying. When Ronan and Rose were there urging me on, it was easier to try for them, even if I didn’t feel what they felt. But they weren’t here with me. I was standing here alone, taking whatever venom Judson had to say to me.
“What is wrong with you?” he asked, tilting his head as he looked me over. His eyebrows crinkled up as he tried to pinpoint what was going on.
“I just don’t give a shit, Judson. This is what that looks like.” I would have waved my hand down my length like I was showing off, but he got what I meant. He flinched at the swear like it hurt him to hear it.
“You don’t talk like that.”
"I do when I don't care." Maybe this lack of soul thing would work for my benefit. He was letting his guard down since I was coming off more like him. I took a step toward him, making me tilt my head back a little bit to look up at him.
The cold creeping up from my hands and feet had me needing to act now. Time was growing short. If I didn't get my soul back in time, at least they would all be okay. I could manage that at least, even if everything he had said to me was true.
He kept searching my face for something. What I couldn’t say. The cold was reaching my shoulders and my legs wobbled as my feet felt completely numb. There was no putting it off. I had no idea how to get him to stand still while I looked for the pouch.
My knees buckled and I fell forward. I was expecting to hit the floor, but his arms caught me before I face-planted at his feet. He pulled me up; I was half struggling to get my feet to work and leaning into him. He had held me before, but I was too nervous to ever notice how comfortable it was, and now it was gone.
I spontaneously used my stumble as a last-ditch effort to check for the pouch. I put my hands near his hips searching for it in his front pockets, without patting him down like I had Ulric. I couldn't fully stand on my feet, but I feigned like I was using him as a brace. Even while cursed to be a jerk, he couldn’t let me fall at his feet.
I came up empty in his pockets. He pulled me up until I was chest to chest with him. Before Rose had spelled my soul away, I would have been blushing feverishly, but now I was not affected by his closeness. I wrapped my arms around his waist and tried fishing in his back pockets, putting my left shoulder into his abs. Thinking about his muscles should have sent my head into a tailspin, but I was really wondering when someone was going to come out and help me.
I gave myself away, trying too hard to find it and he tried to push me away. Instead of letting him, I pulled myself in closer. His cologne was spicy. I had never noticed before that he even wore it. My stomach would normally have been doing backflips, but now the awkwardness just wasn’t there. I couldn’t worry about making it weird, because I didn’t care. As soon as I found the pouch, I could give in to the cold that had made its way to my hips and shoulders. It was so cold I expected to see my breath.
I reached up around his neck, fumbling my numb fingers to his shirt collar. His eyes went wide before I caught us both off guard by kissing him. I ran my hand up the back of his neck into his hair, which was now even more disheveled than usual. His lips were silky smooth under mine. I wanted to relish the feeling of it, but the part of me that would have considered this moment passionate wasn’t there.
Pushing into him, I let his warmth overcome me. The kiss seemed to go on and on as we both pushed into it, exploring each other. For a brief second, I could have sworn his kiss had fought off the cold. His arms dipped lower on my back as his fingertips dug into my skin. I teased his bottom lip with my teeth as I ran my other hand along his neck feeling the cord of the pouch. The warmth from his embrace fought against the ice moving into my chest.
I had longed for a kiss like this. I wanted to give in to the mind-numbing passion of it, but the feelings weren’t there like they should have been. I had used this moment as nothing more than a distraction. He was kissing me back feverishly, yet I couldn’t feel the butterflies. I couldn’t enjoy the closeness of him.
As he came to his senses, I wrapped my hand around the cord and yanked it off at the same time he pushed me back. He didn’t push hard, but enough that my numb legs fumbled as I fell against the table. I used it to hold me upright. Rose came out as Judson stood there with a confused look on his face. Ulric and Ronan, right behind her, kept looking between us—Judson’s lips were pinker than normal, giving away what had just happened. I would have blushed, but I couldn't even feel embarrassed.
Chapter Fifteen
I held up the cord, showing Rose the pouch before tipping over. I lay on her rug, wondering if it was time to close my eyes now. I wanted to give in. I couldn’t think straight anymore, and it felt easier just to let go. It was like the fog had spread to my head and I didn’t want to think about anything clearly. Just the peace in that would come with closing my eyes.
I vaguely felt the weight of the little pouch leave my hand. I heard them, but they sounded like they were underwater. I stared sleepily at the ceiling, wondering if Rose had spelled her house to stay clean. There wasn’t a touch of dust or cobweb anywhere to be seen.
Judson leaned over me, his face set in grim determination. He pushed his arms under me and picked me up. I lay there limply like a rag doll, unable to move. As he walked me out to the circle, Rose was behind him, talking with Ulric and Hattie. He sat down with me laid across his lap. Rose started to argue with him about being in there with me. My mind wanted to shut down, like the moment of falling asleep, when the edges of my consciousness go blank. I couldn’t think. I just lay there.
The buzz of my heart didn’t come as it did before when he was around. The butterflies were absent. My head rolled back to the side giving me a view of Rose’s back yard. I thought I saw a dull, slow movement coming towards us. It looked like darkness was crowding in to get a look at me. The longer I didn’t have my soul, the more I felt like I was losing my grip on reality.
Judson laid me out before backing away. They were all standing there looking worried. The jar that Rose had earlier—with the shimmering white cloud—was set next to me. Everyone, apart from Ronan and Judson, spaced themselves out and held hands as Rose started chanting.
Dark figures looming in the back. They were just behind everyone else. As they moved, their solid forms dissipated into ash, then reformed as they stood still. I wanted to point them out, but it seemed that I was the only one who could see all of them. The longer I watched, the more there were surrounding the circle. Their lack of faces made them even creepier, with gaping white holes where eyes should be.
The wind picked up in the circle as it had before, causing
the aching cold to spread faster. Hattie yelled at me to open the bottle. I reached over, wincing as I opened my clenched fingers. They hurt, as if my bones and joints had seized up. I pushed the cork out with my thumb as my arm fell to the grass. The cloudy substance swirled out of the bottle. I was afraid the wind would push it away and then I would never be whole again. The fear was a fleeting feeling I couldn’t latch onto.
I closed my eyes and let the last lingering spaces within become cold like the rest of me. I couldn’t fight it off anymore, and I couldn’t find a reason why I would want to. I didn’t feel the wind on my skin or hear the chanting anymore. Everything seemed dark and hazy. I was just there, wondering if I was lost in a dream or falling asleep.
I heard distant crying. I couldn’t place where it was coming from, and it was distracting me from drifting off peacefully into the dark. The longer the crying went on, the more noise I heard around it. Mumbled conversations were being held. Why couldn’t everyone just be quiet?
My eyelids felt like they were weighted down, but I managed to open one eye. Everyone was standing over me. Ronan was trying to comfort a crying Hattie whose dark make-up was streaking down her face, while Judson sat next to me rubbing his hand over my hair quietly. Rose looked like she had shed a few tears as she blotted her face with the hem of her shirt. Ulric stood back with his hands in his pockets, looking grim. He wasn’t doing the healing magic.
Hattie saw that I had opened an eye and practically barreled over Judson getting to me.
“Oh, thank the Goddess!” She pulled my head up into a hug so tight I thought she was going to pop it off. Her perfume mixed with the smell of coffee made me smile.
“Let’s get you inside,” Rose said, motioning everyone back to the house.
Judson got up and held out his hand to help me. I couldn’t even look at him. I had full-on kissed him. The emotions that I should have been feeling before, now hit me full force. I couldn’t help but think about how awkward this would be.