by Claire Kent
“What?”
She squirmed. “I know it’s silly.”
“It’s ludicrous! How could you possibly think I would ever fall out of love with you?”
“I didn’t really. It was just that old insecurity showing its head—telling me that a man as incredible as you could never be in love with plain old me forever.”
He was almost choking on his outrage. “Don’t you ever think anything so ridiculous again. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, and you’re the only one I ever will. You understand, don’t you, that the world turns for me only because you’re in it.”
She was tearing up, but she blinked the emotion away. “Yeah. Me too. I mean, you’re the only man I’ve ever loved.”
“Good.”
“Also the only man I’ve ever had sex with.”
“Good.”
She slanted him an almost teasing look. “There’s some kind of double standard going on here.”
“Guilty.”
She broke down into half-giggles, half-sobs and threw herself onto his chest again.
After a minute, she recovered enough to continue from before. “Anyway, all that is kind of the point. I think I’ve grown a lot, but I’m still that insecure little girl sometimes—even if there’s no good reason for it. That’s what I meant before. Everyone is kind of broken, so there’s not much sense in pretending you’re not with someone who loves you.”
“I know that.” He swallowed hard and hoped she would understand. “I was…I was just wrong.”
“Please don’t hide from me again.”
“I won’t.”
Evidently, that was enough for the time being. She reclined against the pillow again, nestling against him. And Ander realized that he actually felt better. Not great. There was still an ache in his chest that ripped at him every time he thought about his father’s death.
But the awful inner shuddering was gone, and he was more tired than anything else.
“You know,” Lori said, after a long stretch silence, “I love you for the man you are—broken or not.”
A different kind of emotion shuddered inside him, threatening to overwhelm him, but he managed to shape two words into the truth. “Same here.”
***
They spent most of the morning in bed, watching the news and dozing on and off. Then they went out to lunch and Lori asked him some more about his father. While it hurt to talk about, it didn’t threaten to crush him the way it had the day before.
Lori wanted to go to a bookstore afterwards, so they browsed the shelves for an hour, looking for good books and laughing at lines from the ones that weren’t so good.
When they got back, Ander was exhausted again, so he was relieved when Lori wanted to read. He picked up a book on the human figure in Aegean art and tried to relax and get lost in his reading for an hour or two.
He didn’t think he’d fallen asleep, but the next thing he was aware of was stretching out on the couch with his head in Lori’s lap.
Opening his eyes, his first instinct was to sit up quickly, since his position was both weak and helpless. But it felt nice. She was idly rubbing his neck as she read. And he couldn’t find the will to straighten up and leave the shelter of her lap.
So he closed his eyes and let go.
***
They went to bed early that night and were asleep almost immediately.
Sometime in the middle of the night, Ander woke up to find that Lori was rubbing herself against him in her sleep.
He moaned softly, recognizing his body had started to respond.
Either the sound or the motion woke her too. “What’s going on?”
“You must have been dreaming.” He wrapped his arms around her, wanting to feel her against him again.
“Oh. Must have been a good dream, since it turned you on too.” She was pressed so close she could hardly miss his growing erection.
“Yeah.”
Still rather groggy, Lori twined her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to his kiss.
It felt warm, safe, natural, right. Finding each other in the middle of the night. She was so soft and strong and loved. He held on to her, feeling a knot unclench in his chest as he murmured wordless endearments between kisses.
After a few minutes, he was able to settle between her legs and ease himself into her body.
Sighing with what sounded like contentment, Lori pulled her legs up to wrap around him, but before she could lock her ankles, Ander had turned them both onto their sides.
She let out a little gasp and shifted against him. Her legs still surrounded him, and he could feel the weight of her upper thigh against his. She adjusted until her heel was skimming his ass.
He reached down to pull her hips against him more snugly. “Is this all right?” he asked softly, pressing kisses into her neck.
She wrapped her arms around him, gently stroking his back. “Good.” Her intimate muscles contracted around him, clasping him as possessively as her arms did. “Ander, I love you.”
He made a throaty noise in response to the pressure on his erection. “God, Lori, I love you too.”
Ander eased back slightly and then thrust his hips forward, and Lori squeezed her legs around him as he moved inside her. He exhaled in pleasure at the deep sensations and felt her loosen her legs as he drew back again. The position didn’t allow for fast or urgent thrusting, so they established a gentle, rhythmic motion, both of them still on the soft edge of sleep.
He raised his face from her neck to find her lips again. She opened for him, and his tongue delved into her mouth to match the sensual motion of their hips.
One of her arms was trapped beneath his body, but she slid the other one up to lightly stroke his head. He hummed against her mouth in response to her caress.
They continued in lingering rhythm—nothing urgent, nothing desperate. And each time he rocked into her, he felt pulses of pleasure build inside him. It felt good, and safe, and as relaxed as he could remember. Although the sensations weren’t as hot and urgent as other times they’d made love, it was a respite he desperately needed.
He realized, though, that she wasn’t building to urgency very quickly. Or at all.
Ander finally released her lips and breathed on her warm cheek. “What do you need, Lori? I can last as long as you need. Just tell me what to do.”
She wasn’t even breathing quickly. “Keep doing this,” she whispered, catching his lower lip between her teeth. “I love this.”
He moaned deeply as she squeezed him with her thighs and her inner muscles. “I do too, but, baby, I don’t think you’re even close to coming.”
“I’m not.” It sounded like she might be smiling. “I won’t.”
“We’ll changed positions so I can move faster, if this is too slow for you.” He pulled up his legs and started to roll them back over.
“No,” she said, resisting the force of his body as much as she could. “I don’t want to come. I want to keep doing this.”
“But…”
“I love this. I love you. I want you to keep loving me.”
Ander groaned again, and his hand returned to her hip, where he started to caress her. “I do. I love you. With everything in me to love.”
“Me too. Me too.”
He continued to rock against her. Her body felt better than anything ever had, and he could feel a climax start to rise.
Then they were kissing again. And he was so close to her. He could feel her body—beautiful, soft, warm, adored—against him in every way. She was holding him with her arms, her legs, her mouth, her most intimate places. Touching him everywhere. With everything.
“Ander,” she gasped against his mouth.
“Lori.” He had no more words to say, so he kissed her again.
Despite his attempt to sustain the deep connection, he tensed up as the pressure built in his balls.
She must have sensed it because she tightened her legs around him. “Come now. I want you to come.” She tr
When she started contracting her inner muscles with constant, steady pressure, he released a helpless moan and jerked his hips, the sensations overwhelming him.
“Yeah,” she hummed, stroking his head with one hand and using the other to push on the small of his back, as if encouraging his motion. “Yeah, Ander. Good. Come.”
He twitched his neck as he started to lose control. “Love you, Lori.”
She clung to him, and he knew she was watching him, that she wanted to see his release, his pleasure, his irrevocable need for her.
The emotion swelled up with his climax as he realized that she wanted this—this—as much as she wanted anything else from him.
“I love you too,” she whispered again.
With a final jerk of his hips, he came, buried deep inside her. As he surrendered to the feelings, he mumbled out, “Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,” as a familiar, helpless refrain.
It was only then that Lori started to shake, little sobs stifled against his shoulder.
He gathered her as close as he could make her, concern flickering through his sated languor. “Baby, what is it?”
“Nothing,” she sniffed. “I’m just happy. I’m just happy that you’re you again.”
He tightened his arms around her as he realized she was speaking the truth.
“I’m sorry,” she said, controlling her emotion. “I know you’re still sad. I mean, I know it’s still hard for you. I didn’t mean to act like everything’s better. I mean—”
“Don’t be sorry,” he interrupted. “I know what you mean. I feel so much better than I did. I’m glad to be…to be me again too.”
The place on the sheet they were lying on had gotten rather damp. He had just enough energy to roll away and over onto his back, pulling her with him. He got comfortable again. Felt her soft, warm weight on him, a burden and a blessing both.
They lay in silence for a few moments, until Lori finally raised her head.
“Do you want to get married?” she asked, adjusting so that she was propped up on his chest.
“Uh, I hate to steal your thunder, but isn’t that a little redundant. You’re already wearing my ring.”
She giggled. “I know. But we’re never going to find the perfect date. Don’t you want to just go ahead and do it? Soon, I mean. Like in a couple of weeks. I don’t need a big fancy wedding, anyway. I’d just like my parents and Sabrina to be there.”
“That sounds about perfect to me. The sooner, the better, as far as I’m concerned.” He lifted his head to kiss her.
Then he grabbed her left hand. Kissed her palm. Turned her hand over to kiss the ring.
She shook her head in amusement, but her gaze was more tender than anything else.
“You know what I think?”
“What’s that?”
“I think you’re a covert perfectionist.”
His mouth twitched up in a suppressed smile. “What would give you that idea? Mr. Laidback. That’s me.”
She burst into rippling laughter. “So maybe it’s not new information. You’ve always poured yourself into doing everything as well as you possibly could. But I just realized you’re expecting to be perfect in our relationship too, and maybe that’s why…”
She trailed off, but he knew exactly what she meant.
For her, he wanted to be the perfect lover, the perfect partner, the perfect future husband, and he was forever falling short.
“So maybe you can’t be perfect and broken at the same time,” she concluded at last. “But you’re perfect for me.”
He couldn’t help but smile.
She slanted him a wry look. “Too sappy?”
“Just sappy enough.” He settled her more securely in his arms, pressing a kiss against her hair. “Because you’re perfect for me too.”
“Do you think…” She didn’t finish the question.
“Do I think what?”
“We’re not perfect, but I think we do pretty well with our relationship, especially given what we’re dealing with. But I think we could do even better. If you want to indulge your perfectionistic tendencies in a different way, maybe we could do some counseling. Not because anything is wrong with us or that we don’t have a good relationship already, but just so we can do better about…about talking about things.”
He could tell from her anxious tone that she was worried he’d be offended by the suggestion. “That’s not a bad idea.”
“Really?”
“Why not? I’m always up for doing better.”
Counseling wasn’t likely to be his favorite thing in the world. In fact, he might very well hate it. But he’d do so much more than that for Lori, for them.
She leaned down to give him a hard kiss. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“Good. Because I love you too. But don’t think I didn’t notice that you’re trying to steal my lines.”
She giggled and flopped down on top of him again. “No. Your line doesn’t have the ‘I’ and you always say it five times.”
“Ah. My mistake. So you count?”
“Of course, I count!”
He laughed uninhibitedly, the freedom catching him unaware.
They lay together in contented silence for a while.
Then Lori said without segue, “Now I get to buy a new dress to wear for the wedding.”
“Always good to look at the bright side.”
“Oh, and you can wear your Indiana Jones hat! It would be the perfect romantic gesture to prove that you love me.”
He made a growling sound. “I believe I said before that I love you beyond the scope of existence, but I am not going to wear that hat.”
She giggled a long time over his perturbed tone, but eventually she dozed off again.
It wasn’t yet dawn, and the world was still dark.
His father was dead, and that wasn’t going to change.
He’d been broken by so many things, and they could never be taken back.
But there was a kind of grace in the world that Ander had never understood before.
It boiled down to just this.
The dawn would come eventually, and what was broken could mend.
About the Author
Claire has been writing romance novels since she was twelve years old. She has a PhD in British literature and, when she's not writing, she teaches English at the university level.
She also writes romance novels under the penname Noelle Adams (noelle-adams.com). If you would like to contact Claire, please check out her website (clairekent.com) or email her at [email protected].
Other Books by Claire Kent
Escorted
Nameless
Other Books Written as Noelle Adams
One Hot Night: Three Contemporary Romance Novellas
A Negotiated Marriage
Listed
Bittersweet
Intimate
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