by Tara Sivec
Carter shrugs, looking down at his own shirt that says ‘BRONY’ in big, black letters across the chest with a picture of Applejack under it. “I don’t know, man, everyone here is so friendly. The guys at the face-painting booth told me I had nice bone structure. I could hang with them.”
Even though I’m in the best place ever and all of these people have come to support me, there’s still someone missing. Before I have a chance to dwell on it, I hear a throat clear behind me. I turn around and my jaw drops.
Ava stands there with her hands on her hips wearing a tight, pink bustier, a pink tutu and white, knee-high boots. She does a slow turn and attached to the ass of her skirt is a multi-colored tail that hangs down to her knees. She looks over her shoulder at me and shakes her ass and it takes everything in me not to throw her to the ground and climb her like a fucking pine tree.
I walk over to her as she completes her turn. She slides her hands up my chest and around my shoulders, clasping them together at the back of my neck.
“You are the hottest fucking woman I have ever seen in my life,” I tell her softly as she smiles up at me.
“I hope this makes up for the fact that I was a total bitch to you. I should have never said the things I did.”
I shake my head at her. “No, I was an asshole. I pushed you too far and I said some really shitty things when all I wanted to do was tell you that I love you.”
Ava closes her eyes and sighs, pressing her lips to mine. She feels so right and so amazing in my arms that I let out a groan of disappointment when she moves away.
“I kind of like this look on me and I’m having a great time here. I think I’m going to like being in love with a Brony,” she admits.
“Is this your way of telling me that you were completely wrong about Bronies and they aren’t weird at all?” I ask with a laugh.
She thinks about it for a minute and then smiles. “I don’t like apologizing, but when I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong.”
I smile right back at her. “You looked wonderful out there. Nobody puts Ava in a corner.”
We hear a groan and turn to see Drew and Jenny standing arm-in-arm.
“Did you two vaginas just quote Dirty Dancing?” Drew asks.
“Drew? What the fuck are you doing here?” Carter asks. “I thought you said you had a meeting today and couldn’t get together with us.”
“And what the mother of fucks are you wearing?” Jim questions, looking him up and down.
“You didn’t tell me you guys were coming to BronyCon, you just said you were doing something to surprise Tyler,” Drew explains. “And I’ll have you know, this pony costume is one-hundred-percent fleece and the tail is made from genuine unicorn hair.”
We all stare at Drew’s pink, plush horse costume, complete with a giant stuffed horse head that he’s currently carrying under his arm.
“My balls are sweating like a motherfucker in this thing, but it’s totally worth it,” he tells us with a smile.
“And the best part is, Drew hasn’t been cheating on me!” Jenny announces with glee.
Drew sighs and takes a step forward. “I can’t live with the shame and the guilt anymore, guys. I’m tired of lying by omission and not living my life the way I was meant to live it. Everyone, today I am officially coming out as a Brony.”
A few passers-by stop when they hear Drew’s announcement and start clapping and cheering for him.
“Shit! That’s where I recognized the glitter from on your hand that day at work,” I say suddenly. “That’s the glitter we use at Brony meetings when we do the handshake. You’ve been secretly going to Brony meetings!”
Gavin leans in closer to me. “Dude, I thought you said there wasn’t a handshake?”
I scoff at him. “Like I was going to admit all the Brony secrets to you. It’s against the code, man.”
My mom lets go of my dad’s hand and walks up to Drew, staring at him for a few minutes. Drew stares right back, squinting like he’s trying to get a better look at her.
“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Drew finally asks.
My mom nods. “You look familiar too, but I just can’t place it.”
I look back and forth between them, wondering what the hell is going on.
“Have you ever worked at the strip club Jennie’s Juggs?” Drew asks.
My mom shakes her head. “Nope.”
Drew brings one of his horse hoof hands up to his face and scratches his cheek. “What about Starbutts? They used to have this great show with two chicks and a couple of ping-pong balls. You sort of look like one of them.”
My mom shakes her head again.
Drew eyes suddenly go wide and he lifts his hoof up in the air. “I REMEMBER! Aren’t you the chick I had that foursome with in college? You’re name’s Debbie or Dinda or something, right?”
“Oh, my God,” Gavin mutters next to me.
I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on right now when I feel Ava squeeze my hand.
“Donna, my name is Donna,” my mom tells him with a smile.
“That’s it! Donna! Well, shit, it’s good to see you again,” he tells her before turning to Carter. “Dude, this was the chick I banged the night you met Claire, remember?”
“I thought you passed out in the bathtub the night we met?” Claire asks.
Drew and my mom laugh and the sound makes a little bit of vomit come up in my throat.
“I totally passed out in the tub, but that was after the foursome. Actually, now that I think about it, weren’t you in the tub with me?” Drew asks my mom.
She laughs again and nods. “I was. I woke up the next morning curled up in that thing alone wondering what the hell had happened.”
“Oh, holy fuck,” Ava whispers.
No. No, no, no. This is not happening. This is NOT fucking happening!
Drew shakes his head in regret. “Damn. I didn’t even realize I left you in there. I got up to take a piss and couldn’t stop laughing about the fact that I still had the condom on, stuck to my penis.”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding and send a prayer up to heaven.
“Too bad that fucker was totally broke and hanging in pieces around my junk,” Drew continues. “Good thing nothing bad ever came from that, huh?”
Drew and my mom keep right on laughing, not even realizing that everyone is staring at them and I’m about ready to lose my shit all over this place.
Claire steps forward and looks back and forth between Drew and I. Her eyes widen and she does it again. Back and forth and back and forth until I want to run screaming out of this place.
“Oh, sweet Christ,” she finally mutters.
My mom finally stops laughing and mimics Claire, looking between Drew and me.
“Oh. Oh, my,” she whispers.
Drew puts his hoof hands on his hips and glares at the two of them.
“Well, you wanted to come to BronyCon and find your dad,” Ava tells me. “Congratulations, sweetie.”
I bend at the waist and rest my hands on my knees, taking in as many deep breaths as I can without passing out.
Drew huffs. “What? I don’t get it.”
Three months later…
“Are you sure you’re using enough lube? I don’t think you’re using enough.”
“Shut up, I totally know what I’m doing, I watched a couple of YouTube videos.”
“You’re not going to tell anyone about this, right? I mean, this is awesome and everything and I love you and trust you, but I don’t need this shit getting out.”
“Will you stop complaining? Do you want to do this or not?” I demand.
Holding the MLP butt plug up in the air, I glare at Tyler. He’s clutching onto the table in the masturbation room at Seduction and Snacks, sticking his bare ass out, looking at me over his shoulder.
“Stop yelling at me! I can’t relax if you keep yelling at me,” he complains.
In hindsight, sneaking off to the masturbation room in th
e middle of Charlotte and Gavin’s co-ed bridal shower probably wasn’t the best idea, but we got bored watching them open up all of those stupid pots and pans and monogrammed towels.
Running my hand down Tyler’s back, I lean in closer to him and whisper in his ear. “Calm down, baby, I totally know what I’m doing.”
He sighs and turns his face, pressing his lips to mine. I glide my tongue across his bottom lip before pushing it between his lips. His tongue tangles with mine and I feel a gentle tug as he sucks it into his mouth. As the kiss continues, I can feel Tyler relaxing and I know he’s getting excited.
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” he suddenly screams, breaking the kiss and jumping away from the table.
“Sorry! Sorry, oh hell, I got a little carried away. I didn’t mean to stick it all the way in!” I apologize, wincing at him as he gives me a dirty look.
He tries to twist and turn his body to look at his ass and when he does, the tail attached to the butt plug swishes back and forth across the back of his legs. I can’t help it, I smack my hand over my mouth and start laughing.
“THIS IS NOT FUNNY! THIS IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY!” he yells, trying to grab for the tail to pull the entire thing out but it keeps swishing away from his reach. “GET THIS DAMN THING OUT OF MY ASS!”
I really wasn’t sure I would ever be able to handle the weird shit Tyler likes to do in the bedroom but right now, I realize all of my fears were for nothing. Tyler’s very good about throwing some normal, but equally hot sex into the mix every once in a while and I’m a strong, independent woman who can handle anything life throws at me. Including a hot guy dancing around a dark room trying to yank a horse tail out of his ass.
My website is still doing amazing and my mom even sponsored an ad on it for Seduction and Snacks. She’s still a little sad that I won’t be spending the rest of my life working in the family business, but she’s accepted the fact that this is what I want to do and she’s happy for me.
“Will you hold still? I can’t get it out if you’re going to keep flailing all over the place,” I scold Tyler, walking over to him and grabbing his arms.
“I promise I will never, ever ask you for anal again. This is serious business right here and not for amateurs. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to take a proper shit again,” he complains.
Standing up on my tiptoes, I kiss his lips and smile at him. “I love you, but you’re a lying sack of shit. You know you’re going to ask me tomorrow if it’s Anal Friday yet.”
“One of these days, it really will be Anal Friday and you’ll be glad I asked,” he tells me, turning around so I can get to his ass.
“You know, this tail really is quite pretty. I think you should leave it in for a while. I could brush it and maybe put a braid in it.”
Tyler growls at me over his shoulder. “You made your point. From now on, I will think twice before calling you a wuss for not trying out a new toy.”
I kiss the back of his shoulder and move to yank on the tail when the door to the room bursts open and Drew walks in.
“Come on, kid, it’s time for us to play catch!”
After BronyCon, Drew and Tyler had a DNA test done and the results were fairly conclusive. Drew is now the proud father of another bouncing baby boy. Ever since the test results came back, he’s been overcompensating the father thing just a little bit.
Tyler and I freeze and Drew crosses his arms in front of him, tapping his toe in irritation. “Son, I am really disappointed in you right now.”
Tyler quickly reaches down around his ankles for his pants and pulls them up, the tail refusing to be hidden and, instead, drapes outside of his pants.
“It’s not what it looks like,” Tyler tries to explain, swatting at the tail to try and keep it out of sight.
Drew shakes his head at Tyler. “How many times do I have to tell you? When you’re trying new, kinky shit, always get that stuff on camera. It’s like you were raised in a barn or something.”
Drew turns and walks back out of the room, throwing a parting comment over his shoulder. “Shake a tail feather, dick bag, I still need to teach you how to ride a bike!”
The door slams closed behind him and I slide my arms around Gavin’s waist and look up at him. “Uncle Drew is aware that you already know how to ride a bike, right?”
Tyler pulls me in closer. “Who the fuck knows? Yesterday, he gave me the ‘birds and the bees’ talk and it included props and scenes he acted out with your Aunt Jenny. I can never look her in the eyes ever again.”
I laugh, grabbing onto Tyler’s face and pulling him down for a kiss. I’m pretty sure no one has a crazier life than I do, but that’s okay. My closet is filled with couture and My Little Pony costumes, I have a job I’m ecstatic about, I’m in love with a crazy guy and my sister is getting married. It really doesn’t get any better than this - or any stranger.
The door to the room opens up again and all we see is a very large, very creepy looking fist stick through the crack.
“Duke says get your horse’s ass out here. It’s time for cake!”
The fist disappears and the door quickly slams closed.
I look up at Tyler in confusion and he shakes his head at me.
“Don’t ask.”
I take that back. The strange just never ends.
If you or anyone you know might be struggling with an addiction to My Little Pony, you’re not alone. Be proud, be loud and share the magic.
http://bronycon.org/
First and foremost, thank you to Janet Burns for being the best assistant a girl could ever ask for. Your love and support means the world to me and I’m so thankful to have you in my life.
Thank you to C.C. Wood for being the light in my life and my inspiration. You are my hero, and the wind beneath my wings.
To Beth Ehemann for telling me I don’t suck and for being a wonderful friend. I’m so glad I met you and found out we were separated at birth, as well as our husbands.
To Stephanie Johnson for being an amazing human being, a great friend and the best cookie whore in the entire world.
Thank you to Robin Stranahan for being the best assistant in NOLA and for all the MLP gifts, especially the Brony documentary. I love your face!
Special thanks to the women from Pure Romance of Cincinnati for giving me a tour of the warehouse, and inspiration for this book…especially turkey giblets.
Thank you to Valerie Potjeau, Christie Silva, Tressa Sager and Jamie Sager Hall for bringing dolphin rape awareness into the public light.
To Rapey the Dolphin for providing the answers to all of life’s questions.
Thank you to the fans all over the world for embracing the craziness of these characters and for allowing me to release the insanity in my brain to the pages of a book.
Thank you to my nephew for not being afraid to be a Brony and for letting me poke just a little bit of fun at you.
Thank you to Donna and Nikki for your amazing support and for not running away in fear when you read my manuscripts. And my texts. And my emails. Mostly my texts.
Last but not least, to my poor family who have five-minute conversations with me before I even realize they’ve been talking. Thank you for loving me even when I forget your names and I start taking notes about stories in the middle of dinner.