“I don’t want my old life back if I can’t have you.” Fresh tears roll down my cheeks.
He sees them and looks away.
“I have to go back. It’s not negotiable. If I bail, they’ll come after you and we’re back to square one.”
I can’t believe it. He sold his freedom. For mine…
“Where will you go?”
“I’m going to New York. I’ll check in from there.”
“You can take me with you.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not safe.”
“Is it any safer leaving me here?”
He hesitates. “Martine has connections. She can hide you someplace else until the coast is clear.”
His complacency about leaving me behind ratchets up my panic.
“Tristan, no. I shouldn’t have left you in DC. It was a mistake, and maybe this whole plan with Boswell was a mistake too. But what you’re saying is crazy. You’re being rash.” I’m talking fast, nearly spinning out with racing thoughts.
“Isabel… You don’t need to apologize. You just have to accept this for what it is. We both do.”
I’m tempted to beg, but I know it won’t change his mind. He’s made it up. He made it up days ago when I felt the shift between us.
So I decide to fight dirty, because that’s what he would do.
“If you’re going back to Jay, then maybe I will too. I know where to find her.”
He shoots me his cold, silver stare. “You stay the fuck away from that place. Do you hear me?”
“Then take me with you.”
He grits his teeth. “Goddamnit, Isabel. I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t keep my hands off you. And that’s not good for either of us.”
“I think it’s just fine.”
“Jesus, Isabel, you really think you can live this life? You think you can love an assassin? Someone who kills other people for a living?”
He gestures between us, as if he’s disgusted that I could even consider it.
“I already do.”
He grips his hands on the steering wheel. “You don’t belong in this life,” he says quietly.
“I belong with you, Tristan. We can figure the rest out. I promise.”
Frustration and desperation swim in my veins when he shows no signs of giving in to my pleas.
“Tell me you don’t love me,” I challenge. Because even if he can’t say it… Even if it’s strange and foreign… I know he does.
He looks out the window, his jaw tense. “You know I can’t do that, Isabel.”
Several agonizing seconds pass before our gazes lock. I meet his steely stare with a determined one of my own. I won’t give in. I won’t give up on us.
“Fine,” he finally says.
Fine? My heart does a pole vault.
“You’re hell-bent on ruining your life, one way or the other, right? Whether it’s with me or throwing yourself into absurdly dangerous situations. So let’s see how long you last.”
I’m hurting and wrung out, but his relenting gives me a surge of hope. Because as long as we’re together, I can try to change his mind.
I smile even though it hurts. Tristan is an unwelcoming wall of tension, but nothing can stop me from leaning across the car and kissing him square on the mouth. The contact soothes my battered nerves.
“I love you, Tristan.” I say it against his lips and pray he doesn’t push me away. Because the distance he wants to put between us will destroy me. Truly and completely. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, it will.
When our mouths drift apart, he feathers his fingers over my aching cheek. His gaze travels slowly along all the places he caresses.
In his reverent touch, I see his heart. His resentment. His confusion. The love he doesn’t know how to accept.
“Get your things,” he says. “It’s going to be a long drive.”
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Also by Meredith Wild
The Red Ledger
Continue Reading with The Red Ledger: Recall
More Information on The Red Ledger
The Hacker Series
Hardwired
Hardpressed
Hardline
Hard Limit
Hard Love
The Bridge Series
On My Knees
Into The Fire
Over the Edge
Acknowledgments
December 2, 2014, I woke up from a nap with an intense dream in my head. The notes I took all that time ago would eventually become the first scene of Reborn. To be publishing this book almost four years later is literally a dream come true!
So many people have helped me bring this first volume of Tristan and Isabel’s story to the world.
To those who have given their time and thoughtful feedback to help me make this book the very best it could be—my husband and first reader Jonathan, my editor Scott Saunders, my story consultant Remi Ibraheem, and my beta readers, Cleida, Carol, Amber, Krystin, Megan, Delanea, Linda, Martha, Melissa, Lauren, Stephanie, Beatrice, Cathy, April, Jordan, Jamie, Elyn, Sue, Kika, Danielle, and Kristin… Thank you!
To my sprint ladies for giving me critical motivational pushes and support the whole way—Angel Payne, Victoria Blue, Mia Michelle… Thank you!
To Solange, my constant cheerleader for this little dream of a book… Thank you!
To everyone on the Waterhouse Press team who has taken special care of this project every little step of the way… Thank you!
To my readers and amazing Team Wild crew, you have embraced the concept for The Red Ledger since the moment I decided to bring it out of hiding. Thank you for your daily support and bringing so much joy to my world as an author. I can’t wait to share Recall with you very soon!
About the Author
Meredith Wild is a #1 New York Times, USA Today, and international bestselling author. After publishing her debut novel, Hardwired, in September 2013, Wild used her ten years of experience as a tech entrepreneur to push the boundaries of her “self-published” status, becoming stocked in brick-and-mortar bookstore chains nationwide and forging relationships with major retailers.
In 2014, Wild founded her own imprint, Waterhouse Press, under which she hit #1 on the New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller lists. She has been featured on CBS This Morning and the Today Show, and in the New York Times, the Hollywood Reporter, Publishers Weekly, and the Examiner. Her foreign rights have been sold in twenty-two languages.
For more information, please follow Meredith Wild at:
MeredithWild.com
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