“His needs?”
Jamie smiled, took another sip of her wine, leaned forward. “I know what it means to be a Sadist. Someone who takes great pleasure in inflicting pain. And I know it’s not only sexual in nature. And it’s not only for the purpose of sexual pleasure between partners.”
“Serial killers?” I asked.
“Yes. And though I’ve recently found a fascination in the psychological makeup of that, I’ve been more interested in the aspect from my brother’s perspective. I’ve also researched masochism, trying to wrap my head around the idea of someone needing the pain in order to find release.”
“It’s not as simple as it sounds, huh?”
She seemed genuinely pleased that I hadn’t made any assumptions there.
“Not at all. When most people learn about Zeke’s dark desires, their immediate reaction is disdain, as though he’s some sort of serial killer, a man hell-bent on hurting others. That couldn’t be more wrong. And while I’m fascinated with the human mind and how we process things, I find most of my interest lies in the realm of human sexuality. More specifically, BDSM. A lot of people want to box it up, make it into something that can be defined as sexual gratification performed mostly as recreational leisure. And perhaps that’s partially true, but they’re wrong to think it’s all based on physical release.”
The woman waylaid me with her perception. For being so young, she had a much older perspective on things. Perhaps that was due to the tragedy she’d experienced early in life. “I agree, it’s certainly not all physical. But how do you make the jump from human sexuality to FBI profiling?”
“I don’t know that I can, but that doesn’t mean I won’t look more into it, see if it’s what I want. For now, I’m sticking with my first choice. Ultimately, underneath it all, I think we’re all driven by the same needs. It’s how we exert those desires that separates one from another.”
“A serial killer versus a Sadist.”
Jamie took a sip of wine. “Yes.” She sighed. “Okay, enough about serial killers. I’m more interested right now in understanding who has more power in the relationship, a Dominant or a submissive.”
“Who do you believe does?”
“The submissive,” she said easily, as if it was a no-brainer. “But that’s merely an assumption based on what little knowledge I have. There are times when I question it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Like tonight,” she added with a grin.
“What about tonight?”
She leaned in, her words barely above a whisper. “The fact that I’m not wearing panties.”
I smiled, took a sip of wine, waiting for her to continue.
“You issued the command, which gave you the power. Since you haven’t touched me, and you haven’t asked me to prove it, there’s no way for you to know whether or not I followed your order. I can only assume it’s also tied to mental stimulation.”
I considered that. “But for whom?”
Jamie laughed and sat up straight once more. “That’s a good question. I can’t seem to take my mind off of it.”
“Neither can I,” I assured her.
“So, the question is, did you do it to maintain the control?” Jamie asked. “Or more to test my limits?”
I leaned forward, kept my voice low. “If you’re asking whether or not I like the idea of you bein’ naked beneath that very sexy dress, then yes, I definitely do. However, I gave the instruction to see if you’d follow it or not.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I don’t make assumptions one way or another. I merely instruct as the situation permits and allow it to progress from there.”
“How did you become a Dominant?”
“I’d say it came naturally.”
“Was it recreational for you?” She tilted her head. “One of the papers I’ve read concluded that BDSM was deemed mostly recreational leisure as opposed to the expression of psychopathological processes.”
I considered that for a moment. “I guess it was recreational. Back in the very beginning.” I smirked. “I won’t deny that sex has always been appealing to me. At least since puberty, anyway. And sure, I went into it thinking mostly with my dick.”
“But that can be attributed to young adulthood,” she said with a smile. “As well as your lack of experience at the time.”
“True. I was pretty cocky back then, thinkin’ I knew everything.” I set my wineglass down. “Didn’t take long before a Dom took me aside and gave me a piece of his mind, informed me I had no clue what I was doin’ and until I figured it out, I had no business portrayin’ myself as a Dom.”
“Was he right?”
“Absolutely.”
Her eyes widened as though she hadn’t expected that response. “Did you stop?”
“No. I’d already had a small taste and the craving had built from there. I did, however, decide it was important to understand the lifestyle. Took some time and a lot of training, but I eventually felt as though I’d come into my own, finally found myself.”
Jamie nodded. “Being an alpha male and being a Dominant are two different things.”
“Correct. One’s a personality trait, the other a lifestyle.”
Her smile was brilliant. “Exactly. And you’re interested in living the lifestyle full-time?”
I picked up my glass again, swirled the liquid. “Not necessarily. I do admire the structure.”
“Are you looking for a serious relationship?” She shrugged one shoulder. “You know, for a full-time … pet?”
I raised my eyebrows, encouraging her to elaborate.
“Of course you’ll put me on the spot,” she said with a soft giggle. “You know Landon and Langston Moore, I presume.”
“I do.”
“They have Luci.”
I found it interesting how she said have and not are with. “They do.”
“And she’s their pet.”
“Is she?” I wanted to understand her observation on the subject.
“Technically, I guess she’s their submissive. But she’s called herself their pet. By choice, of course. And it’s a unique dynamic.” Jamie leaned back as the waiter delivered the dessert course. “But so is the one between Justin, Ben, and Addison.”
“Those are very different situations,” I pointed out.
“Yes. Landon and Langston are brothers, and they share Luci between them.”
“Okay.”
“And Justin, Ben, and Addison have an intimate relationship all the way around. Justin’s the alpha. Although Ben submits to Justin, he also dominates Addison.”
“What do you think about that?” I asked. “Justin and Ben having an intimate relationship?”
Jamie’s gaze never wavered from my face and I admired that about her. “It’s twofold. From a psychological perspective, I have a hard time wrapping my head around how it works. How a Dominant can submit to another Dominant.”
“You don’t believe there’s a paradoxical possibility that there can be submission within dominance?”
She cocked her head to the side as though considering this. “Well, in all fairness, it does seem contradictory.”
“Maybe.” Since I was currently battling that exact scenario, I didn’t have a decent argument, so I waited for her to continue.
“However, I do believe everyone has sexual needs and desires. It’s possible those can vary from situation to situation. So, yes, it’s feasible.” She picked up her fork, waved it over her plate. “Would I like to dig into their psyche to understand the dynamic? Sure. Like I said, I find it fascinating. The two men love one another and can offer each other something the female cannot. And the same goes for Addison. She gets something different from each man.”
“It’s not conventional.”
“Who says it should be?” she countered.
“A lot of people.” I wanted to ensure she knew that most people didn’t agree.
“Yes. Maybe. Those who are misinformed or lack inf
ormation on the subject, maybe,” she agreed. “Those who haven’t had the opportunity to understand what drives a person.”
“Like your brother?”
Her eyes dropped to her plate. “Yes.”
I leaned forward, regarded her closely. “Jamie, you understand this lifestyle is frowned upon by a lot of people. They don’t understand all aspects of it.”
Her gaze lifted to mine. “True, they don’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
“I agree. However, you’ve been exposed to a group of people who aren’t shy about their needs and desires. I know your brother’s open about it, takes no shit from anyone. He can handle the pressure though. The question is, if it’s something you learn about yourself, are you willing to live the lifestyle? To be subjected to the scrutiny of those around you? I think that’s an avenue you’re not considering. Just because people are members of a BDSM club doesn’t mean they want their desires to be publicized. They go to Dichotomy because they feel safe there. They know they can express themselves without contempt from others.”
She seemed surprised by my observation, but it only took her a few seconds to come up with a response. “You’re saying I’m walking a slippery slope by wanting to interview them? That I’ll be infringing on their privacy, extorting their desires? If they believe in who they are, what they want, why can’t they stand up for it themselves?”
“Easier said than done,” I told her. “If it were that easy, there wouldn’t be a proverbial closet. There are a lot of people who still live in it. Gay, bisexual, transsexual… It’s not always about not accepting themselves. It’s about fear others won’t. It may not be as frowned upon in some places, but that’s not the case everywhere.”
Jamie stared at me, as though trying to read between the lines. “You sound as though you have experience with that.”
“Perhaps I do.”
She nodded but didn’t probe where I expected her to. “Do you hide who you are?”
I laughed, then nodded toward the tiramisu. “Certainly not. I’m loud and proud.”
“And what are you looking for?” she asked, swinging her fork in small circles.
“As in?”
“A relationship? You mentioned you and Edge share submissives. Is that what you’re looking for? A relationship like Landon and Langston have with Luci?” Her head slanted just a fraction. “Or one like Ben, Justin, and Addison?”
“I’m not necessarily looking for anything. I don’t practice the lifestyle full-time. I don’t have a need to have a pet, as you referred to it. Some Dominants do and I respect that. I’m not one of them.”
“So you haven’t defined what your happily ever after will look like?”
“No. Have you?”
Jamie took a bite, her eyes closing briefly as she savored the dessert. I watched, my body warming instantly.
“I have not,” she said after she swallowed. “I’m like you. I’ll know it when I find it.”
We took a few minutes to finish off the dessert, the conversation pausing briefly. I thought she was done with the topic since we made it all the way to my truck before she picked it up again.
“Can you tell me about your relationship with Edge?”
I cut my gaze to her briefly before returning my attention to the road. “In what regard?”
She didn’t hesitate. “Is there intimacy between you?”
I figured I might as well be honest with her. If this was to go anywhere, Jamie needed to know where my head was at. “Not as of yet. But I can’t deny the desire’s there.”
“On your part? Or his?” She paused for a moment. “Or both?”
Keeping my eyes on the road and trying to hold back the hard edge to my tone, I said, “That’s yet to be determined.”
“Thank you for your honesty,” she said softly.
We drove the remainder of the way in silence. It was late and I knew she had class tomorrow. Plus, I had told Edge I would stop by.
I exited the truck so that I could walk her to her door. Once we got there, I could tell she was nervous. Before she could offer her pleasantries regarding the evening, I turned her to face me.
“Does that bother you, Jamie? That there could possibly be something between me and Edge?”
Her eyes flashed with what looked a hell of a lot like heat. “No,” she said on a breathless whisper. “It doesn’t.”
“How does it make you feel?”
She swallowed as I brushed my thumb over the pulse in her neck. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“That wasn’t my question.” I held her gaze. “I asked how it makes you feel.”
“The idea of it makes me … hot.”
I stepped closer, crowding her against the door. Her breaths were coming rapidly now, her skin warm against my fingers. I slid one hand behind her neck.
“I’ve never been kissed,” she said on a rush of air.
I smiled. “Never?”
“No.”
“There’s a first time for everything, right?”
“Yes,” she said on a soft whimper, her mouth straining toward mine.
Unable to resist being the first man to taste her lips, I leaned in. I took my time, sliding my tongue past her lips. She hesitantly greeted mine with her own. My body went rock hard, but I didn’t rush, savoring her sweet taste. When I pulled back, I rested my forehead to hers as I allowed my other hand to slide to the back of her thigh. Inching it upward slowly, I waited to see if she’d stop me.
“I don’t know what this is, Jamie, but I want to see where it goes.”
“Me, too.”
My hand climbed higher on her soft, smooth thigh. I growled when my fingers brushed against the bare skin of her ass. “I fucking love that you don’t have on panties.”
She inhaled sharply, then pressed closer, her mouth fusing to mine.
It took everything in me to keep the kiss slow, seductive. I knew if I wasn’t careful, I would devour this woman and we weren’t ready for that. While I didn’t care if Edge was there or not, I did have a tremendous amount of respect for the man. In a manner of speaking, he was in charge, and I had every intention of keeping it that way.
“You make me want things,” she said on a breathless whisper.
“I know the feelin’, cupcake.”
I pressed my forehead to hers again as I slipped my hand from beneath her dress, pressing it firmly to her back, holding her close.
“I look forward to seein’ you again,” I whispered as I kissed her forehead softly, resigning myself to leaving. “Very, very soon.”
She nodded, her hand fisting my jacket. I hadn’t even realized she was touching me.
I forced myself to step back, to drop my hands to my sides. “It pains me to say this, cupcake, but good night.”
Jamie’s smile was so fucking sweet. “Good night, Cav.”
In what might’ve been the biggest test of my self-control, I turned and walked away.
SIX
EDGE
WHEN I STEPPED INTO MY HOUSE SHORTLY after midnight to find Cav sitting on my sofa, a glass of scotch in his hand, I found some of my exhaustion dissipating.
I was used to coming home to an empty apartment, although it hadn’t been this one until recent months when I’d moved. Part of my employment package with Chatter had included luxury accommodations in one of their remodeled apartments. I hadn’t exactly jumped at the opportunity, but after considerable thought, I figured why the hell not. Not necessarily because it was free, more so because it was convenient. Living in the same building I worked in was a definite plus.
“How was your night?” Cav prompted as I took off my coat and laid it over the arm of the chair.
I didn’t speak at first, allowing myself a few seconds to acclimate to having him there. Although Cav had stayed with me from time to time—sleeping in my guest bedroom at my previous residence—he had yet to be in this apartment.
But that wasn’t the only difference. Not once had I invited Cav over with th
e intention of seducing him. Or vice versa.
Certainly what you’re hoping for tonight, huh?
“Busy,” I finally said, rolling up my shirt sleeves. I thought back to an incident at the club but decided not to share the details. I was not looking to talk about business tonight. I was looking forward to … something else. “What about you? How was your date with Jamie?”
“Magnificent.” His expression was as cheerful as his voice.
I grinned. “The restaurant was nice?”
“Probably,” he joked, shifting so that his ankle crossed over his knee. “But I hardly noticed.”
“She is something, huh?”
“I’ll say.” His smile brightened. “Did you know she’s never been kissed?”
I was pouring myself two fingers of scotch and damn near missed the glass as I jerked my head up, my eyes slamming into his. “What?”
“Technically, she has now,” he said easily.
He beat you to it. How do you feel about that?
I expected to feel some sense of jealousy about the news. I didn’t. Curious, absolutely. I knew she was a virgin, but to have never been kissed… That seemed preposterous in this day and age. Especially for a woman like Jamie. Hell, I figured she had men lined up around the block waiting for a chance to spend just a little time with her.
“That’s … surprising,” I muttered.
“What? That I kissed her? Or that she’d never been kissed?”
I gave him a what do you think? look.
He laughed.
I carried my drink over to the chair, composing myself after that shock. We sat silently for a moment, the tension beginning to build around us. I’d felt it before a few times, but never like this. Never quite this potent.
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