by S. Moose
"Get off the field, Henry!" Gavin shouts, "Now! We're still practicing."
Thank you Gavin!
"I'll hang for a little, Zara. Maybe we can get dinner," he winks and turns back to walk to the sidelines. He sits on the bleachers and stares at me.
Turning back to my friends, I give them a look and they nod. What the hell is wrong with me and why is Henry creeping me out?
We finish practice and Treston leaves without saying bye and part of me is sad. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. Reaching down to grab my bag, Henry comes up next to me.
"Good job today. You look amazing out there."
"Thanks," I smile, standing in front of him, not sure what else to say. "I gotta head back and finish homework." I lie, "I'll see you later. Maybe we can get dinner some other time."
"Yeah, sure. Let me at least drive you back."
Cue the uncomfortable moment. "Oh I'm sorry, but I have a ride."
"Oh, okay. That's cool. Have fun and I'll talk to you later."
"Okay! Later!"
Jumping in Gavin's truck, he drives us back to the house and I rush inside to shower and change into cropped yoga pants and a tank.
I feel my phone vibrate.
Cheese: What are you doing?
Me: Just got home...Why'd you leave?
Cheese: Come over and hang out with me
Me: Okay
Commence huge smile on my face.
CHAPTER 7
TRESTON
SITTING ON THE EDGE of the tub, I’m bouncing my leg up and down, staring down at the floor. So many thoughts are going through my head.
Beth.
Emily.
Zara.
It’s all coming at me and pushing me in a corner. All I want is peace and to fucking get on with my damn life. Then I see her blue eyes and hear her sweet voice. My muscles calm and my leg stops bouncing. The strangest things happen to me when I think about her.
I shouldn't have left the girls’ practice without saying bye to her. When my phone went off and I saw it was Beth, I had to take it. She's been calling me all day, and keeps leaving me messages about needing to talk because she can’t stop thinking about Emily. I listen to each message and it kills me. My family, especially my mom, tells me time and time again it’s not my fault.
But it is.
Splashing water on my face, I tighten the towel around my waist and look up to see my dark reflection in the mirror. I hate what I see in the mirror. My dark eyes and sinister stare.
Monster.
She’ll never love you.
No one wants you.
You’re worthless.
The voices are right. Who would ever love a murderer?
Putting on shorts and a shirt, I grab a bottle of water and head downstairs to relax and get my mind off shit. Turning on the TV, I flip through the channels and nothing’s on. There’s no way I can get my mind off her. I wonder what Zara's doing. I’m suddenly in a pissy mood; dealing with Beth and her shit and seeing Henry come to the practice. I slam my fists on the couch, struggling to get a grasp on what the fuck is going on in my head.
"What's your deal?" Gavin asks, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch.
"Nothing."
"Bullshit."
"Zara. Zara fucking Borzilleri."
Gavin coughs, peers over at me, and gives me a look. "You know, you've been going through these moods for a few days now. Do you like her?"
"Stop."
"No," he demands, "I'm not stopping. You like her, don't you?"
It's not a question. He's stating the obvious. I do like her. I like her a lot, but nothing can ever happen. My heart's still mourning and I have Beth to constantly deal with. I can't bring her into my drama. She deserves more than that. More than me.
"It's too soon," I hang my head, "She's been getting under my skin and I want to spend more time with her. We're friends," I laugh, shaking my head. "Even though all I can think about is kissing her and making her mine."
"It’s not too soon. When are you going to let yourself fucking live, man? I hate seeing you like this. You’re better than the skanks.” I take in what he’s saying. Normally I don’t let people talk to me like this. But Gavin’s my best friend and has been there for me. “I think you need to go for it. Listen," Gavin pauses, thinking about what to say. He's careful when it comes to Emily. "I know you love Emily and you will forever. She wants you to move on, though. So do it, Treston. You're not going to find a better girl than Zara. She's the real thing, the whole package."
"I know." Slipping my hand in my sweatpants, I take out my phone.
Me: What are you doing?
Peaches: Just got home...Why'd you leave?
Me: Come over and hang out with me
Peaches: Okay
Peaches comes over with Katy and Jamie. We agree to head out to dinner and they wait for me as I get ready. I pull out the framed picture from my drawer, sit on my bed and touch her face.
“I miss you, Em. I miss you so damn much. Why’d you leave?” I stare at her picture and remember her voice in my head. The sweetest voice ever. “You know, I know you’re the reason why everyone’s crazy at school,” I force out a laugh, “People keep telling me things and there’s this girl…” My voice trails off and I stop talking.
Pulling out my phone, I open my music app and play What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts. This song was on repeat for months when I lost her. It helped me through my pain and my drunken state. I let out a breath and lean back against my headboard, listening to the words, looking at her picture.
“I miss you.”
Fuck.
Why the fuck am I letting this happen? I finally found a girl worth having in my life, someone who makes me feel alive, and this shit is happening.
"Treston?" Her voice brings me out of my funk, "You okay?" She touches my arm, pulls the chair from my desk and sits down next to me. Her hand slides down my arm and into my hand. I still a breath and look at her. There’s a paralyzing fear against my chest. I’m unable to move and pull away from her.
“Talk to me.” Her warm voice resonates through me.
I close my eyes, taking in a few deep breaths. When I turn my head and look at her that fear is gone. She wants me to open up to her and I do, but it scares the shit out of me. The horror on her face when I tell her I’m the reason why Emily died is something I’m not ready to see. My chest tightens and in that moment she squeezes my hand. How does she do this? How can she simply hold my hand and I feel okay?
“I’m here, Treston and I’m not going anywhere.”
“My past,” I clear my throat, “It’s hard.” That’s all I manage to tell her.
“Will you tell me one day?”
I look at her, really look at her and realize that I don’t want to push her away. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I kiss the side of her head.
"One day I will.” Still holding her in my arms she listens to the song with me and remains quiet. I know it’ll make me feel better to open myself up.
Or maybe I’ll lose her.
I want to experience something new with her, but I can’t yet. When the song’s over we stand up, still holding hands, and walk toward the door. “Let's go."
When dinner's over, I don't want her to leave yet. Instead of heading back home with everyone, I take her to the field where I sometimes come and think. Sitting down in the middle, I look at her and see a smile.
"What?" I ask.
She looks at me then lifts her head to the sky. "I come here sometimes to think too. It's nice when it's just me and the fields. I press my hands into the grass and feel myself running with my lacrosse stick, passing by the defenders and aiming the ball toward the goal. It goes in every time."
"What else do you think about?"
"Life. Things. I don't know really. My mind goes everywhere and it's scary, sometimes." I listen to her talk and I want to tell her about Emily, but I don't. Looking at her, I know I don't deserve her. She's always happy and so
metimes it's hard for me to get out of bed and not feel the world crushing me.
The two parts of my head are screaming at one. One part is telling me to go for it and the other part is screaming to stay away.
I can't stay away from her, though. My life is messed up and it's not going to get better. I try to forgive myself about that night. Since I can't forgive myself, even after two years, I can't be with her. I have to only think of her as a friend and protect her because she means that much to me.
"Treston?"
"Yeah?" Her small hand touches mine and my body relaxes. My mind is clear of the fog from the built up anger and sadness. Her simple touch can make me forget and it makes me want to let her in. All the way in.
"Why'd you leave practice today?"
I suck in a breath, "A friend keeps calling me and I had to finally take it. She's going through a lot and we both share the same pain, so I'm there for her like she is for me."
"So she knows what you're going through?"
"Yeah, I mean, we went through it together."
"Oh," is all she says.
I'm not sure how I should respond, or if I want to. Beth is a part of my past that I don't want to bring back to the surface, especially to Zara.
"Tell me something. I'll go first. I'm scared to play for Duke. In high school, I was the star and it felt good. Now I'm here, playing with the best of the best, and it scares me. People think that I'm this fearless girl who can rock on the field, but in reality, I'm just scared."
I decide to tell her one thing. "I'm scared of thunder." I close my eyes and remember that night.
"Emily! Stop!" I wave my arms in the air and hope to get her attention. What the hell is she doing out driving in the storm? "Emily!"
Out of nowhere, a tree falls in the middle of the road, causing her car to go off the road. The crunching sound of the metal resonates in the air.
"Emily!"
"Treston!" I feel her hands on my shoulders, shaking me back to the present. I open my eyes and find the softest blue eyes staring back at me. "You're okay." She hugs me tightly, whispering that it'll be okay and I let her. I don't fight her off me.
It's Friday night. Another party and a chance to hang out with Zara again. I look around for her, thinking she said she would be in the kitchen to meet me.
Me: Where you at Peaches?
I turn around and see Henry handing her a drink, talking to her as if she's his. A growl climbs out of my chest and soon I'm by her side.
"What's up, Peaches?"
"Hey!" She smiles, her eyes on me, ignoring Henry. Good.
"Uh, Parker? We're having a conversation."
I turn to him, "And it's over." We walk to the pong table and I place my arm around her shoulders. All eyes are on us and I don't give a shit. People can stare at me all they want. I'm claiming Peaches as mine, so fuckers better stay away.
Her head rests on my shoulder and I feel her body relax. She takes a sip of the drink in her hand and I wonder if she's ever been drunk before.
"Take it easy tonight," I whisper to her and she nods her head.
We're up next against Jamie and Jackson.
"Ohhhh, battle of the exes," Ethan calls out.
"Not me," Jamie answers, "Never dated The King."
"You had your chance baby," I wink at her.
"Go easy on me, babe," Jackson calls out, "I'm still heartbroken."
Zara shakes her head and laughs, "Whatever, asshole."
The game starts and soon we're head to head. Both of us has one cup each and Zara's been swaying for the past few minutes. She opted to drink a mixed drink instead of beer and I'm pretty sure she's finished three red Solo cups.
Jackson aims and misses. "Yes!" Zara jumps up and down, taking the ball from me.
"You sure you got this?"
"Mmmm, definitely." She positions herself, cocks her head to the right and flicks the ball. It goes in. "Woooo!"
I get the ball, aim and release, scoring just like my girl. The crowd claps and Jackson rolls his eyes.
"Don't be a sore loser," Zara tells him.
"Rematch," he calls out.
"Fine." Zara turns to me, "Can you hold down the table? I have to use the bathroom."
"You okay?" She nods her head and walks away. We play again, but when it's my turn to toss the ball, I realize it's been a while since Zara's left and she should have been back by now. "I'll be back. Ethan, come play for me."
Heading upstairs, I see the bathroom door’s closed. Carefully opening it, I walk in and see her head in the toilet.
“Shit.” I run over and gather her long, soft blonde hair into my hands. Rubbing her back, I look around for a washcloth. Getting up, I grab one from the shelf, wet it with cold water and press it to her neck.
“That feels good,” she mutters in between her throw ups. “I’m sorry. I’ve never drank before and got carried away.” She snort laughs and rests her head on the toilet. “Oh my god! I can’t believe I did that!”
“Don’t be sorry, I think it’s cute.”
“Yeah, a girl snorting is real cute.”
“It is.”
She’s still resting her head on the toilet, but is now looking at me. “I'm so embarrassed." Her eyes are slightly closed and I wonder how drunk she is.
"How much did you drink?"
"Ummm," she starts to say, before throwing up on my lap. Awesome.
"You didn't throw up on me," I tell myself.
"Yep," she hiccups, “I did. And I'm about to again." She turns her head back into the toilet and empties everything in her stomach into the bowl. Her body shakes and I take her hair in my hands again, moving it out of her face. "Thank you." She says before throwing up again. As disgusted as I should be, I'm actually worried. I rub her back as she continues to puke and finally after a few minutes, she lets out a breath and sighs.
"Do you have a hair tie?" She raises her arm and I roll it off her wrist to tie her hair up. "Don't move. I'm going to wet the washcloth again." She groans and rests her face on the toilet. Running cold water over the washcloth, I place it on her neck and grab another to wash her face. Her eyes are closed and she looks peaceful. I look around the bathroom and see her puke on the floor and my leg. Cleaning up the mess, I go back to her. After wiping her face and arms, I pick her up and take her to my room.
“Treston, is she okay?” Katy asks, pushing Gavin out of her way.
“Yeah she’s good, but she’s wasted and I don’t want her alone. Can you change her into my clothes and put her in my bed?”
Her brow rises, “In your room? In your bed?”
“Did I stutter?”
“No,” she pats my cheek, “But are you sure? I can have her sleep in Gavin's room with me.”
"I'm sure, Katy. Get her changed into my clothes and let her rest. She's really drunk and I don't want to move her."
"You got it," she winks.
“Let me know when you’re done with Peaches and I’ll come back in.”
“Peaches?”
“Yeah.” I turn around, close the door and wait in the hall. The nickname fits her. I mean, I love peaches. The fruit is sweet and when ripe, it melts in your mouth. I wonder how my Peaches tastes?
Wait, mine?
Katy walks out of the room, looking at me and Gavin. “She’s good. Are you sure she can stay in your room?”
“I’m gonna stay with her.”
“Okay,” Katy smiles, “Let me know if you need anything.”
Giving Katy a hug and telling Gavin I’ll see him in the morning, I walk back into my room and sit on the edge of my bed, looking at her. She looks like an angel sleeping on my bed. I push her hair out of her face and feel a sudden comfort. It’s been so long since I’ve had a girl in my room, on my bed, in my space.
I once knew what love was. It was the best feeling, knowing someone cared about you and you cared about them. Then again, love can be taken away from you like that. In the blink of an eye, your whole life changes. Some people can sur
vive, but not me. You don’t survive the heartbreak I’ve been through. You can’t. The way she made me feel, the way she kissed me and lit my body aflame, no other woman could do that. Nothing would ever be okay and since the day I lost her, I’ve been on auto pilot. I go through the motions of school, the game I love, home, parties and errands, but nothing feels real anymore.
Though talking to and hanging out with Zara is okay for me. She’s not someone I want to avoid.
“Sleep Peaches. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
CHAPTER 8
ZARA
MY STOMACH GROWLS AS I RUB MY FACE WITH my hands. Drinking the night before practice isn't a smart idea, especially since it's summer and we're in North Carolina. Luckily, the air conditioner is on and the room is cool. I hate sleeping when it's hot and sticky.
Ignoring my internal clock, I try turning over when I feel an arm around my waist. My eyes slowly open as I feel warmth all over. Sunlight streams through the sheer curtains as I move from my side to my back. My eyes fully open when I feel the arm squeezing me and the other arm pulling me backwards.
No. No. No. What happened last night?
Slowly turning my body to face whoever is holding me, I gasp quietly. My eyes go wide and my mouth drops open. The blanket isn't covering his upper body and wow his body is...no words.
Staring at his strong chest and broad shoulders, savoring each moment and memorizing his body, my mind spins when I realize it’s Treston I’m in bed with. Holy shit, he’s built like a sex god. My heart races in my chest. I want to touch him, but I hold back. Slowly taking in his defined abs and perfect V, I bite my lower lip and let out a soft whimper. Images of how he might look…down there…come to mind. I quickly cover my eyes and lecture myself to not be a pervert.
Closing my eyes, I force myself to think about what happened last night. God, I cannot believe I did this and I don’t remember. I shut my eyes tighter and keep thinking. Flashes of moments come to me and I vaguely remember being in the bathroom with him. We were in the bathroom, okay, so he saw me puke. Great!
He holds me tighter. His nose is in my hair, breathing me in. “Don’t leave,” he mutters, “Please stay with me. You can’t leave. I need you.” My head whips to his. What the hell is he saying?