I moved out from between his legs up onto his thigh and pulled my legs in to my chest as he wrapped his arms around my knees. “Remember when Austin and I went up to my room the night of Grant’s party?”
Zach winced. “I’ll never forget your eyes as you walked behind him up the stairs.”
I rubbed down his cheek. “I showed him your website.”
“EM! Why?”
I took a deep breath and glared at him. His face softened.
“Why?” he said nicer.
“He wanted to know why we broke up. Then thinking he would be on my side…I showed it to him. I was like whining and complaining and he was all like… ‘what’s the big deal’…then I said two of them were married, and I asked him if he’d ever been with a married woman and he had.” I paused. My words were spewing out. “So then I hit him and he laughed. He thought it was shitty of you to do the website but didn’t think what you had done was so bad.”
“Well, that’s nice. I suppose. But I don’t want to talk about that.” He took another long swig of his beer.
“Why don’t you kiss me?” I asked, embarrassed.
He sat his beer in the sand and rubbed his palms together. “Gladly. But my hands are cold.”
I lifted the blanket and he slid one around my back under the blanket and the other slid behind my neck into my hair pulling me into him. His lips were soft like usual but his mouth was cold and tasted like beer. He breathed heavy and slow, and I knew I would never tire of his kiss. His fingers massaged my scalp, and I whimpered as he hugged me tightly.
The wind picked up and my hair blew between us. We both opened our eyes and grinned, then Zach’s face hardened. “What?” I asked and he nodded forward. I shifted my body around. Grant was at the cooler getting out a beer. His hair disheveled.
I buried my face in Zach’s neck, nestling my nose as close as I could. Zach took a drink; I felt his neck muscles move as he swallowed. I kissed his throat. I heard the cooler again. Grant was there tossing an empty can in the bag and getting another one. That was fast.
“Maybe you should slow down,” I cautioned. “What is that…like six?”
Zach pinched my leg. “Don’t, Em,” he said under his breath.
Grant was bent over the cooler and his dark eyes flashed up to mine. His free hand clenched into a fist and Zach’s body stiffened.
“I’m not the one who put that ring on your finger. I don’t have a ball and chain.” He took a long drink of the beer.
“You’re being an ass,” I seethed, and he turned his back to us.
Zach released a deep breath. “Why don’t we go for a walk,” he whispered into my ear.
I nodded, sorry I’d said anything. Habit. I moved to the end of the chair as he got up then he swung me into his arms. I didn’t look back at Grant, but I knew his eyes were on us.
It was cold out from under the blanket. “Go that way.” I pointed. “There are some rocks over there.” The waves sounded more perfect tonight than usual as we walked. The moonless sky made for a darker than normal night. I pointed out the familiar rock leading to our house.
“Am I going to get a spankin?” I joked. I should have kept my mouth shut with Grant and knew Zach was angry.
He sat me on one of the rocks and it was rough. I couldn’t sit here long. He stood close. “He pulls you in quick. It’s a love-hate relationship…pretty intense.”
I softly and slowly kissed his cheek whispering, “hate being the operative word there.”
“I can’t believe it is June and I’m shivering,” he complained, changing the subject.
“Oh. Like San Francisco is a heat wave in June.”
“It’s warmer than this.”
“Come here…I’ll warm you up,” I offered, holding my arms open and he moved in.
“Your arms can’t reach even half way around me.”
“Let’s go up to the house, “I suggested.
He shook his head. “No. I don’t want tonight to be over.”
I smiled. “It won’t be…come on.”
He backed up to me and we headed toward the house.
Chapter 6--Decisions
Dad was in his chair asleep with a baseball game on the tube and mom was in bed. We tiptoed through the living room and up the stairs. His bag was in Ryan’s room, and I led him in there unlocking the sliding glass door to the deck. I walked him across the deck to my sliding glass door.
“Stay,” I instructed, then went back through Ryan’s room and into mine. I smiled as I approached the door, unlocked it and slid it open. “Voila!”
“You seem like you’ve done this before,” his brows came together.
I shook my head. “Never.” I paused. “I know you’re cold. Me too. But my down comforter will keep us warm. Can we stay out here?”
He brushed my hair off my face. “We can be anywhere you want to be.”
“OK. You go back in there…I’m going to change.”
I scratched my head frustrated I hadn’t thought about him visiting this summer. I’d brought nothing remotely attractive to wear. The only items that mattered to me when I packed were his clothes that I’d held hostage over the past year. I quickly rummaged through my drawers till I found a tank and sweat pants. Crap. That was the best I could do. Bra…no bra…bra…no bra. No bra. I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair off my face then dabbed just a trace of perfume behind my ears. Ready. My comforter lay over my bed and I yanked it off and out onto the deck…hopping the whole way. He wasn’t there yet but my heart was already in overdrive. I stood, trying not to put weight on my ankle, and looked over the deck. The fire was still burning down on the beach and Ryan had rejoined the circle. Tide was inching closer.
I felt Zach’s arms slide around me from behind, and I shivered at his touch. His mouth was next to my ear. I rotated and he was in shorts and a long-sleeved t-shirt.
“You’re in a tank? You’re going to freeze,” he said rubbing up and down my arms.
“I live out on this deck. The wind, the waves…” I took a deep breath in. “Hold this.” I handed him the comforter and hopped to my bed grabbing a pillow then returned.
“I could have gotten that,” he said.
“You can help me now. Lay half of that on the deck.”
“This comforter?”
I nodded and he did. “Now…” I hopped toward it. “Lay here.” I crawled in and patted a spot for him. He joined me and I placed the pillow below our heads. “Now flop it over.” He threw the remaining half of the comforter over the top of us. “Perfect. That’s why I have a king-size comforter for a full-size bed,” I whispered.
“Sweet. Do you do this for all your guys?”
I punched him in the stomach. “You know there are no other guys. We tried that once, remember?”
“Let’s not talk about that either. I like that there has been no one else.”
I closed my eyes. “Close your eyes. Can you hear it? The beauty…the perfection?” I asked softly.
His hand caressed my face. “I can not only hear it, but I can see and feel the beauty.”
I smiled and wondered if he felt my facial muscles move.
The temperature under the comforter was gradually getting warmer and my body laying next to his created its own energy. He tickled my palms and brought my fingers to his mouth where he kissed each finger, then tucked my hand into his chest next to his heart. His pulse pounded vigorously against his chest with each beat and mine seemed to pace with his. He propped his head up with his elbow and stared down at me. The darkness was overwhelming, but I could see his face if he was just close enough. With one finger he traced across my brow, down my face and stopped at my throat where he pecked the skin several times. Then he slowly traced down my sternum, over my ribs till he found my belly button and circled it with his finger. My stomach quivered at his touch and he smiled at me.
“It’s nice to know some things don’t change,” he said.
I covered my eyes, embarrassed at my body’s lame
reaction to him. It had been that way from the beginning. The uncontrollable shaking…I didn’t understand it. Whether it was his hands or just a small breath blowing across my skin, I trembled. My body seemed to be a dormant volcano rumbling to life under his big hands…one of the things I loved most about him. The way his hands fit so perfectly in the arch of my back. I shivered.
“Cold?” he asked.
“A little,” I whispered and his mouth was on mine again. The hunger in his kiss was undeniable. Blood rushed through my veins as his breath became heavy. I knew he wanted me and it thrilled me to the bone. Every hair on my body stood on end as his hands roamed over my skin.
“Oh, Em,” he moaned.
“Hmm.”
“You. You are so beautiful,” he spoke softly.
I bit down on my lip as he kissed up my neck to my ear. I giggled when his breath tickled me.
I wanted him more than ever before. My body ached unbearably for his touch and I was afraid to tell him. After his probation was over a few months ago and we were free to be completely together, I chickened out. I couldn’t go through with it. He was patient, of course, but swore that if I ever asked him to be with me again that he wouldn’t hesitate. I hadn’t asked again…not yet. The words burned my tongue ready to come out. I was scared of so many things…would he leave me afterward, would he still love me, would it hurt…I’d never been with anyone, and next to him leaving me…the hurting issue scared me most. I’d been on the pill since January—an agreement between me and my folks.
Lastly, would I do it right…not that there was a right way…but Zach had experience, and I’m sure some were better than others, and I wanted to be the best and didn’t have a clue how to do that. I’d only seen a glimpse of a dirty movie once that Ryan had gotten his hands on and outside of some serious screaming, the girl didn’t do much.
“I love you,” he spoke sincerely…his eyes looking into mine.
I cupped his face in my hands and ran my thumb over his bottom lip. “I love you too. You make me so happy.”
“I’m happy too,” he said as his hand ran over the back of my sweats. When his hand came back up, it swept beneath my tank. My eyes widened as his fingers brushed over my breast bringing it to life and my eyes instinctively closed.
“Open your eyes,” he whispered as he ran his nose the length of my cheek.
Embarrassed, I opened them, but concentration was difficult as he traced circles on my right breast. They closed again.
“Open your eyes,” he pled a little more forcefully.
“Why?” I opened them, but they stayed about half-mast.
His mouth pecked the end of my nose, then my lips then each eyelid.
“Your eyes tell me so much. I can tell you feel good when I touch you.”
I nodded and felt blood creep into my cheeks, which was hard to believe when it felt like every drop of blood in my body was being pumped to other areas. He raised my tank and his mouth replaced his hand on my breast. The warmth of his mouth and the way he moved it made me squirm beneath him. My fingers raked through his hair. I wanted what he was doing so badly that I pressed his head into me. That’s when I felt his hand slide beneath the waistband of my sweats and it didn’t stop until…
Chapter 7—Zach
When my mouth was on her breast and she pulled my head in closer, I thought I was going to shoot a load right then and there. Jesus, this girl who had never been with a guy before, knew exactly what to do to drive one crazy. Out of all the girls I had ever been with, never did I care about one like Emma. I wanted to please her. I wanted to drive her insane with the feelings I knew I could bring upon her tiny body. I wanted her to know that I was a damn good lover and would make her one too.
I’d only touched her the one time at her house on spring break and knowing that no one else had ever been inside her made her mine in my eyes. Without a single reservation, I swept my hand down and into her sweats. The stiffening of her body confused me. I hesitated for only a moment, long enough that my lips found hers again. And when her little tongue delved into my mouth and her hips instinctively curved to meet my impatient hand, my finger slowly and carefully delved inside of her. My mouth muffled her sigh.
“Open your eyes,” I asked again softly.
Slowly, she moved her head from side to side. I think that was her way of saying no.
“Open your eyes, baby.”
This time, she buried her face in my chest and her breath blew over me. I smiled hearing her panting pace with the rhythm of my finger.
“Zach…” she whispered or at least I think she did.
“Baby, look at me,” I begged.
This time she did and the love and faith radiating from those blues yanked at every heartstring. In that moment, with her eyes still open, I brushed my thumb over the one spot that I knew would bring her eyes wide. And it did, but then they rolled slightly back and her breath caught in her throat. I pecked her nose then her lips, but she couldn’t form hers to meet mine.
“Zach…be with me.”
Desire overflowed from her eyes. When her little hand ran beneath my shorts and caressed me, there was nothing I wanted more. Nothing in my life mattered more than her and what she wanted from me. But I couldn’t do it…I had to say no.
Chapter 8—Rejection
I knew he’d say yes because he told me he would never deny me again. I couldn’t think of a better place to lose my virginity. Cannon Beach. The place I loved most in the world. The longing in my gut told me I needed him. Physically.
“Zach…be with me.”
I found him ready as I ran my hand beneath his shorts.
Hearing the long, slow, steady breath brought my eyes open. Concentrating on anything other than his finger inside of me was impossible. But when I looked at him, his brows gathered toward the center. Instinctively, I withdrew my hand from his shorts and stopped his hand, as hard as that was.
Both his hands immediately cradled my face.
“Em. Not tonight, ok?”
I knew it wasn’t physically possible for a chest to cave in but it felt like that was happening.
“What…why?” Don’t cry! I casually pulled my tank down and tried to sit upright. My chin quivered and I fought the tears with a nervous chuckle. “It’s ok. I’m ok. I’m ok.”
He shot upright and wrapped me in his arms before I could move away then whispered into my hair. “Em. Baby. Don’t. Listen to me, please. Hear me out.” He pulled me back against his chest and never broke his hold on me. “There is nothing I want more than to be with you. But in 36 hours, I have to get in my Jeep and drive six hours away from you. I know once we cross that line you will worry even more about us being apart. Once you give yourself to me, I never want to leave your side. I know I have to but I’m not sure I’m ready.”
His forehead rested on the back of my neck. “I sound like a little bitch right about now, eh?” he whispered.
Spinning around, I stared at him. “No,” I whispered.
Truth be told, I didn’t understand, but it was clear he was struggling with something. It was hard not to take it personally, him being with so many women but yet rejecting me.
“Zach?”
“What?”
“How often do you think you’ll come home in the fall?”
He shrugged as he wrapped the comforter around my shoulders again. “Well, it’s two hours, home. I imagine, every weekend. If that’s OK with you.”
The every weekend thing made me excited, but I hung on the ‘home’ comment. My mouth was open.
“What?” he asked brushing his hand over my cheek.
“You said ‘home.’ You said ‘it’s two hours home.’” I smiled and bit my lip.
He pursed his lips. “Home means, where you are. Don’t get that excited.” He dug his fingers in my side and I cackled. His hand covered my mouth to keep me quiet, then he twisted me around so I could see him.
“I love you,” he mouthed but no words came out.
Re
peating the gesture, he pulled me in to him.
“Do you think it’s OK to stay out here?” he asked.
I shrugged. “You mean all night?”
He nodded.
“I do it, sometimes. But I usually get woke up by dad when he heads to bed.” My cheek was on his chest and I dreaded him going one way and me the other. Just imagining lying in my own bed with him in Ryan’s room made me feel ill. Sunday would be excruciating. “Let’s get into the chair…that won’t look as…” I shrugged. “I don’t know what,” I giggled.
He was standing before I’d finished speaking and lifted me and the comforter to the chair then slid in behind. “I don’t want us to get in trouble.”
“I don’t think we will for sitting in a chair. Besides you’re eighteen…they can’t really tell you what you can or can’t do.”
“No, but you’re sixteen and they can you. I don’t want us to do something stupid.”
I nestled as deep as I could into his arms.
I’m not sure what time he carried me to my bed, but fatigue had taken control of any emotion available to fight him. He kissed my forehead as he laid me down and tucked the comforter around my body.
“Sleep tight.”
“Don’t leave,” I mumbled.
“I’ll be just on the other side of this wall. I promise.” I felt him sit on my mattress. “Close your eyes.” His finger drew down the bridge of my nose over and over again until I was out.
The next morning, the clock read 8:12 when I rolled out of bed. I got up quickly, worried I’d slept too late. After taking a quick shower, I pulled my hair into a ponytail and dabbed on some make-up. My ankle still hurt, but I could allow a little more weight on it this morning.
I hobbled out to the deck to peek in Ryan’s door. The sun was out and bright.
“Hey, sleepy head,” Zach yelled from down below.
I spun around and he and Ryan were tossing the football.
“Hey,” I hollered. “Do you have the sand castle stuff ready?”
Finally...One Summer (Just One of the Guys) Page 6