“Are you OK?” he whispered into my ear, and it was probably the twentieth time he’d asked.
I nodded as a tear trickled down my cheek. I’m not sure how he saw, but of course, he didn’t miss it.
“Emma? I hurt you.” It was as if he knew and wiped the tear with his thumb.
I struggled because it was supposed to be so beautiful. Not that it wasn’t, but awkward would be the best word to describe it. I wasn’t sure how to move or what noises to make, and I was afraid he’d never want to do it again, so I wouldn’t get better. The truth is…it did hurt…well…not hurt…but definitely uncomfortable…in the beginning.
I lifted my head and kissed his forehead; it was damp…hmm…salty…he was sweating.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really tried…”
“Zach.” I interrupted and placed two fingers over his mouth. “It’s fine. I don’t know…that there was a way around it.”
“I would never hurt you.” He kissed my palm.
“I know that.”
“I love you so much,” he said kissing my eyelids.
“I love you too.” Another tear escaped and that made me angry. I wasn’t sure what the tears were from…I didn’t feel like I was crying.
“Baby…talk to me. You’ve never been the silent crying type and I don’t know what to think. Are you regretting this?” I heard disappointment in his tone.
I shook my head. “No. No.” There was so much I wanted to ask. I wondered if he enjoyed it…if I did OK…I couldn’t bring up the other girls…that would kill the moment but I wanted to.
“What is it?”
“You’ve done that…before…” I stopped.
“I’ve never done that before. Now if you’re talking about sex, yes…I have.” His words were sincere.
“Well, I was wondering if that even came close to what it should be.”
His arms wrapped around my shoulders and he twisted me until I was on top of him. He gripped my head in his hands. “Emma. That was everything it should be. I’ve never…ever felt anything like that.” He took my hand and laid it across his chest. “I felt it here.”
I smiled. “Me too…I mean…I felt it other places too but…” My heart fluttered just talking about it.
He chuckled. “Was it that bad?”
“No. Bad isn’t the word I’d use. You know…you see it in movies and read in books how…you expect trumpets and I don’t know…” I laughed. “It’s stupid I know.”
“So if I hear you right, I didn’t live up to your expectations.”
“NO!” I pounded my fist onto his chest. “Just the opposite.”
“You’re worried if you met my expectations?” His voice got loud, and I pressed my index finger to his lips.
“Sshh.” I giggled.
“Emma. First of all…it will get better for you. That is, if you ever want to try it again.” He nudged me and I grinned. “Secondly, I’m not sure what my expectations were. I was focused on you and…I was even scared.” He laughed. “It exceeded my expectations. I don’t know how it couldn’t. For me…it was about just being with you.”
“You know…you’re perfect.”
“Perfect for you.” He kissed my nose. “Why don’t we get dressed?”
“I’m too cold to get out,” I whined.
He growled. “OK.” He sat up and leaned toward our feet grabbing my clothes. He held up my lace panties. “These…I will keep…so you can’t wear them when I’m not here.”
I giggled and jerked them from his finger. Once I slid those on, he tossed me my sweats after turning them from wrong side out. I watched as he slid his boxers and shorts on and pulled his shirt over his head.
Chapter 11—Red Dragon
After Zach left on Sunday, my spirits stayed high for the better part of the week. He was coming back on Friday and I was holding two items of his clothing hostage. He left me a pair of boxers against his better judgment and one of his Trojan sweatshirts. I hated USC…he loved it…but it was a compromise I was willing to make.
On Tuesday, I tried jogging and my ankle was too tender. I didn’t want to take the chance of rolling it again so I stayed off it and iced it at night.
Two days till he was back and nothing would have kept me off the beach tonight. My mood was too good. Grant was back in his chair along with Ryan, Austin and Seth. Four or five of Seth’s friends were there too. Every one was pretty friendly except for Grant.
“Emma. This is Spencer,” Seth said pointing at the new guy in the group. “Spencer’s goes to U of O.”
He was a hottie. Brown chin length hair held back by his ears. He looked older…I’d guess at least twenty and looked like a Calvin Klein underwear model.
“Hey,” I said and sat next to Ryan.
Seth leaned down next to my ear. “I don’t know the rest of these yahoos or I’d have introduced you. They came with Spence.”
I smiled.
Fog was rolling in from up the coast and getting thicker. I dreaded nights like these. The cliff toward Tillamook had already disappeared in the haze as the light from the lighthouse rotated in the gradual darkness. I checked out the rock in front of our house…it was about a hundred yards straight back. Within an hour it would be invisible. The air was already damp.
For the guys, the beer was going down like water tonight. I lost count after four. Growing up in Oregon, the tree-huggers are big on recycling, and it’s even taught in school…to be environmentally aware. Grant and Ryan both were conscious of saving any cans or bottles and putting them in our bin in the garage. The belching on the other hand was disgusting. What is this infatuation for guys? Loudest? Deepest? Longest? I didn’t get it.
I’d promised Zach I wouldn’t drink and I didn’t. Around 10:30, I was starting to doze when two girls walked up.
“Hey guys.”
I opened my tired eyes to see a brunette doing a finger wave. She was cute but a little heavy. Her waistband was folded over from the extra large muffin top hanging over her jeans. I didn’t get that either. It was so unattractive. And the heavier girls always wore the tight tops.
Regardless, all the guys perked up. I laughed under my breath.
The dirty-blonde haired girl held up a cigarette. “Got a light?”
We all hated smokers, so I figured she was out. One of the older college guys lit his lighter. Another smoker. I crinkled my nose. A dragon tattoo wound around his bicep as he leaned over her. Creepy.
“What’s your name?” One of the guys asked, and I was guessing the girls were too young for these boys.
“I’m Erin and this is Annie,” she took a long drag holding her breath.
Ryan casually turned leaning into me. “Why don’t you get out of here?”
His suggestion was meant to protect me and I glanced around not sure what his safeguard was from. I shot him a suspicious look.
He pinched his thumb and index finger together and placed it next to his lips like he was smoking…OH! Oh crap. The girls were smoking weed. I’d never actually seen it before. I glanced toward them and they’d passed it to one of the college boys. Seth passed and was hanging up his phone. The smell was…incense like. I wondered if it was OK to breathe.
“All right. I ordered a pepperoni and a hamburger. I’m going to grab ‘em and I’ll be right back.” Seth and Austin both headed out. Austin glanced back at me.
I waved at him and he flipped back around. “You leaving?” he asked.
I nodded.
He rolled his eyes. “Good. You don’t need to be around this shit. Don’t forget we have our day coming up.” He winked. “See you tomorrow,” he said, jogging to catch Seth and vanished in the fog.
“Man, where do you all take a piss around here?” Tattoo boy asked, holding his crotch.
“You find a rock,” Grant said laughing.
The guy looked around. “Which way would a rock be?” he asked clueless.
I stood folding up my chair. “There’s some this way.” I nodded my head u
p the beach. “I’m headin in, I’ll show you.”
“Thanks. I feel like an idiot, man.”
“Oh, don’t thank her,” Grant added. “She loves showing guys the beach, If you know what I mean.” He smiled and gave the guy an exaggerated wink.
I shot Grant an angry glare at the same time Ryan smacked him in the back of the head, which made me laugh. I refused to let Grant ruin my mood.
“I’m going in,” I whispered to Ryan and he nodded.
“You ready?” I asked the other guy.
“Yes, ma’am.”
I turned back to the circle to gauge where I was sitting then looked back toward the house. Walk straight.
“So, what’s your name?” he asked.
“Emma.” I said flatly making sure he realized I had no interest. “Yours?” Not that I cared.
“Paul.”
The fog was terrible. I could barely see my own hand in the darkness, but I could see the halo around the yellow lights by our house. The rocks were to the left. I wasn’t sure if tide was in. If it was…Paul would need to be careful because the rocks sat lower so at high tide, water washed in creating tide pools.
“Right over here,” I pointed and he followed. I didn’t like his closeness. I nearly ran into the rock and we both laughed. “There you go,” I said and stepped away turning my back to him. I heard him unzip and I covered my mouth, smiling. I’d spent my entire life around guys…they were so much easier to deal with than girls. No cattiness, no bitchiness, no competition. They were simple. I clicked with guys.
The sound of the urine stream stopped and I waited for him. Once we passed the rocks, he’d be able to see the light of the fire. Out of the blue, his hands slid around my waist and I spun around, laughing…assuming he’d run into me. But he hadn’t. His face was close.
“Excuse, me,” I said trying to pull away, but he held me firmly and pressed his body to mine. “Stop. I think you’ve got the wrong idea.” I still tried to be nice.
I was off the ground swirling till my back slammed against the rock, knocking the wind out of me. I gasped for air as his lips crushed mine suffocating me even more. What the hell? My head wedged alongside the rock and I couldn’t pull away. His tongue shot into my mouth and the rough skin tasted smoky…like cigarettes. I gagged as he shoved it deeper. I thought I was going to vomit. I bit down hard on his tongue and he jarred my body violently on the rock.
“Uuh,” I gurgled. “Please. Don’t.” I wasn’t sure if the words made it out.
“Oh, come on, baby. You know you want it.” He licked down my cheek to my neck. “Even the smart boy on the beach knew you wanted it.”
My heart skipped a beat, and I thought of Zach as the guy called me baby.
Chills shuddered through my body, and I frantically kicked my feet, aiming for his crotch, but only made contact with his thigh. My fingernails clawed at the red dragon on his arm as his other hand shot up my shirt and yanked at my bra. I punched at his face, and as he came in for another kiss, I twisted my neck sideways to escape his eager mouth, scraping my cheek and eye on the jagged rock.
“You’re hurting me,” I cried without tears.
“Touch me,” he ordered grabbing my hand and shoving it down. His pants were still unzipped and his body was ready for this encounter. I hit him hard in the direction of his crotch and he crouched for only a second.
“So…you like it rough, baby?” he asked slamming me down onto the sand this time and my neck snapped back. I felt dizzy…my head was spinning. Stars speckled next to his face.
“Stop calling me that. RYAN!” I screamed and his hand instantly shoved down over my mouth—smelling dirty…horrible. I knew the truth about my screams…they wouldn’t be heard over the crashing sound of the waves.
His forearm pushed down on my throat and it suddenly hit me that I could die. I’d never thought of death…at least not my own and if I had…this isn’t how I saw it happening. My heart raced and my breathing was labored due to his arm on my throat. His other hand untied my sweats.
“Please Paul. Please.” I literally squeaked out.
“See…I knew you’d come around, baby,” he said releasing my throat.
Baby. Baby…I wasn’t his baby. I tried to think of Zach, but I couldn’t picture him…I couldn’t hear him. I tried to think of what he’d do to this guy…that was easy…he’d kill him. As my legs thrashed trying to prevent what I knew was coming; he climbed on top of me. I struggled for the strength to fight, but he was so much bigger than me. I was stuck under his massive body…paralyzed in fear and by his size.
His hands forcefully yanked at my pants and the cold air hit my body. I started to cry. “RYAN!” I screamed again, and he grabbed my arms and shook me.
“Shut up,” he gritted.
When my head hit the ground, sand splashed across my face.
Suddenly, he was gone and I heard him yell. “Get off me!”
I was scared. Who else was there? I thought of his buddies on the beach. Then he grabbed me again and pulled me into him. I pounded his chest and realized I could kick now and I started kicking. “RYAN!” I screamed louder this time without his weight against my chest.
“EM!” He shouted my name and grabbed my wrists. “Emma. It’s OK. Stop, fighting. It’s OK.” His hand was rubbing my hair as he held my head. I wanted away from him. I didn’t care how nice he was trying to be. I shoved backward and his hands were unexpectedly latched onto my bottom jaw forcing me to look into his eyes. The familiarity of his face registered with my brain.
“Austin?” I cried and my hands trembled toward his face. Starting at his forehead, they rubbed all the way down till I was sure it was him. “ He…he…Where is he?” My voice quivered.
Austin was breathing hard. “Seth. He knocked him off of you.” He stared at me with an agonizing grimace on his face. “He may need help,” he said and started to move.
“NO!” I yelled. “NO, please don’t go. Don’t leave me.”
He collapsed back in the sand with arms around me. “OK. I’m not going anywhere.”
The pummeling of flesh echoed around the rocks accompanied by the grunting of whoever was hitting or being hit. I wasn’t sure. Disoriented, I brushed sand from my face as if that would make a difference. I found my breaths becoming shallow.
“You son of bitch.” I heard Seth’s voice, and as he said something else his voice became faint. Then the noise was gone.
Austin’s arms held me, but when he reached out touching my bare thigh, I jerked away. His hand shot up, palms facing me as if I was holding a weapon. “Em. I was just going to help with your sweats,” he explained his voice cracking.
My sweats? I glanced down and my sweats and underwear were down around my ankles and wet; my silent tears turned into sobs. I grabbed my waistband and jerked them up. Austin watched me, measuring my reactions.
“Em. I think we should call the police,” he said scooting closer. “Do you think you need to go to the hospital?”
I tried to process his words. Police? NO! “Where’s Ryan?”
Austin touched my face. “You’re bleeding. Your eye, your cheek.” It sounded painful for him to talk. “Ryan was gone when we got back with the pizza. He and Grant both. Em. Why were you with that guy?”
I glanced at Austin. “I don’t know.” My mind raced through what had happened right before. “He needed to pee. I was taking him to the rocks.” My voice was shaky as I struggled to find air. I fell to my knees and the sobs overtook me as I remembered. Austin was there in an instant, holding me. “I was being nice. I don’t know why…why…” I questioned.
“Emma. When we got back and Spencer told Seth that he was worried because you’d walked off with Paul, we weren’t sure why. Spencer told us he was a dick. But I swear to God, Seth and I didn’t know. God, I’m sorry.” He rocked me soothingly at first but it began to make me nauseated.
The vomit spewed out before I was completely out of his arms, but I missed him. My esophagus burned making b
reathing more difficult. I dug into my sweats for my inhaler then sat. Austin moved to my side once again.
“Em? Are you OK?” he asked breathless.
I nodded somewhat hypnotized. His hands cradled my face, and for the first time, our eyes met.
“Emma. I have to ask you.”
“What?” I moaned.
“Did he...hurt you?” It was hard for him to get the words out.
“Yes.”
He shook his head. “No, I mean hurt you. Sexually?”
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut trying to block the images that flooded my mind and managed to shake my head. “No, no, no, no, no,” I said.
Austin’s stare was an open mouthed one, like I was crazy.
“Should we call the police?”
Hadn’t I already answered that? “No. No.”
His hand was on my face again. “I think we should.”
“Austin…there was beer and pot and boys with girls and they’ll say I was asking for it.” Tears overcame me again. “I don’t want anyone to know. You can’t tell anyone. Please. Promise me you won’t tell. Promise. Promise.”
“EMMA!” Seth was there panting, resting his hands on his knees and behind him came Ryan and Grant. Seth’s face was bloody too.
My eyes widened as they neared me. How many others would know? I turned to Austin and shook my head. This wasn’t happening.
Ryan grabbed me, hurting my arms. “Em. What did he do?” He snarled scaring me. His eyes…like I’d never seen.
Seth tried to step between Ryan and me but Ryan shoved him backward. “Get back. You brought that asshole here.”
“I didn’t know him, man. He came with Spencer and I never would have let him go with Emma. I beat the living shit out of him,” Seth yelled.
I couldn’t take the yelling. I covered my ears and rocked myself now. Grant bent next to me. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t see the disgust in his eyes. His index finger gently touched my chin and pulled it toward him. His face was unavoidable and the tightness in my chest was unbearable. Our eyes met and tears pooled in his. He pulled me on to his lap. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered brokenly.
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