He flipped back over. “It didn’t used to be. All those times that we started and never finished. A little uncomfortable. But last week…it was amazing. I know it wasn’t for you…but I hope it will be.”
I sat on the corner of the bed. “So I have a lot to learn?” I teased.
He snatched me off the mattress and spun me onto my back. My legs folded over his. “No. We just need to practice, practice, practice,” he joked and tickled me till I couldn’t breathe as he pinned my arms.
Suddenly, his face hardened and his brow furrowed. I pressed my palms into the bed to sit up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked scared by the look on his face.
His jaw slowly clenched and his lip pulled into a snarl. “I…am going…to ask…this…one…time…and…one time only.” His breathing was strained.
“Zach, you’re scaring me?”
His eyes held a rage I’d never seen. Yes I had…Ryan two nights ago.
“Who…laid their hands on you?” His voice shook.
How did he know? I tried not to hesitate. “What are you talking about?” I asked with a confused tone.
“Emma. Don’t.” He pointed his finger at me. “Was it Grant? Is that why he’s feeling bad today…feeling like he needs to speak to me? He hurt you?” He tried to calm himself as his words escalated.
I flew off the bed. “NO! Grant would never hurt me. Why are you asking this?” I touched him, hoping to have a calming influence, and he flinched away. His nostrils flared.
He covered his face with his palms, then his hands unexpectedly clutched my wrists, yanking my arms straight. “What, Zach?”
“Look!” he gritted through clenched teeth.
My eyes glanced down at my extended arms. Oh my God. Were they my arms that he held? They were attached to my shoulders. Deep purple and black bruises lined my biceps in the shape of fingers. I cringed as I thought about the moment they were put there. I opened my mouth and nothing came out.
“Who…did it?”
I nervously laughed. “Hello…football. I already told you.”
“Bullshit! You’re lying. I might have bought the fucking rock story…but I’m not gullible enough to buy the two handprints on your arms. Now, who the hell grabbed you tight enough to bruise you?”
I was running out of lies and time. I panicked and glared at him. “I am so done with this. I have told you and told you.”
Suddenly, his hands were on my wrists again and he pulled me out of my room and down the stairs. “You’re going to re-twist my ankle, Zach. Where are we going?” He stopped in the living room and picked me up.
“To talk to the boys,” he informed me angrily.
Chapter 13—Loyalty
“Why? Ryan already told you.” I kicked my feet. “Let me down.”
“Stop!” He jolted my body. “You are acting like a spoiled brat.”
“Well, you’re acting like a psychotic lunatic. So what…I have a freakin bruise…big freaking deal.”
He was out the back door and the night had gotten cooler. It was cold in my tank. I prayed the boys were gone. His bare feet swished in the sand as his brisk pace continued. The fire still burned and it looked like the girls were gone. Seth saw us coming and said something to the group because they all turned around. Nice…way to act blasé. Zach sat me gently down.
“Who hurt her?” he snarled.
Ryan stood up touching Zach’s shoulder. “Dude? What are you talking about?”
Zach’s eyes bore into Grant, but he squared his body up with Ryan. “Don’t patronize me, man. I see what’s going on. Just tell me.”
Seth stood too. “Zach. Tell us what you’re talking about.”
Zach took a deep breath and my eyes jetted around the circle. I shook my head as slowly as possible so he wouldn’t see.
“Show them,” Zach ordered, watching Grant, ready to gauge his reaction. I extended my arms near the flames so they could see. As I bent forward, I nodded at Austin.
“Oh, shit, Em. Is that where I grabbed you?” He asked, and I sighed in relief.
Grant chewed on his cheek, then shoved his hands in his pocket and causally walked from the circle. Unbelievable. Jackass.
Zach shook his head and faced Ryan. “She’s your sister. I know you wouldn’t hurt her but are you sticking to this bullshit story too?”
“It’s what happened, man.”
Zach took a step back and his eyes rested on Seth, his only hope. Grant, not far from us, remained guiltily silent, Austin corroborated my story and Ryan sided with me.
Seth shrugged. “Sorry, Zach. That’s what happened.”
I closed my eyes, relieved.
“This is crazy. Did she ask you to lie? Is this some pact you guys made? Some one hurt her…Do you get that?” He kicked Grant’s lawn chair and it went flying.
Tears trickled down my cheeks; I flipped around and started walking back to the house. He was right…he knew exactly what had happened.
“I swear to God, mark my word, I will hurt whoever did this.”
My body trembled from his words, and the cold made it worse. I was near the house when he reached my side.
“Wait,” he said keeping pace with me.
“I can’t. I’m cold.” My voice shook.
He leaned in to pick me up.
“No.” I pushed his arms away and kept walking. Once inside the house, the warmth caused goose bumps to break out over my skin. I pouted going up the stairs. It wasn’t fair and I knew it, but I had to make him think I was angry for questioning me. It was all a sick twisted mind game at this point. He followed me into my room and shut the door behind him. I found the down comforter on the deck and wrapped myself in it. He joined me but leaned on the wood ledge of the deck looking out over the beach.
His profile in the soft moonlight was tense…his teeth still clenched. I wanted his questions…his hesitations… to go away. In my feeble attempt to protect him, I’d hurt him. My stomach churned with that thought. He couldn’t possibly understand the depth of my love. Nothing meant more to me than his happiness and safety. If I came clean and told him the truth, he’d want specifics. I didn’t have that to give. Then trying to protect me, he could get hurt. I had to stand my ground.
I slipped out from under the comforter and snuck over to him. I bent down going under his left arm trapping myself between his arms. He seemed indifferent to have me there; I didn’t like that. I hopped up on the ledge balancing my weight on the deck side but wobbling for a moment till his hands kept me safe. A breath hissed between his teeth as he caught me.
I stretched my legs out and around him capturing him between them, then brought him closer. I arched my body into his hoping for a response. His breathing escalated, but he didn’t touch me back outside of his hands keeping me from falling to my likely death.
I traced the letters across his shirt—G I A N T S—then slowly slid it up and over his head…kissing his chest and his abs. I think I heard a soft groan and I smiled. Maybe I was getting somewhere. My sexuality was a tool now. He had to be cold. I was. I tried not to shiver as I slid my hand along the waistband of his shorts, his eyes finally finding mine. They were unsure…cautious as he studied my face. With one arm wrapped around my waist holding me on the wood beam, his other hand moved toward my black eye. His fingertips lightly wisped over the injured skin and his eyes abandoned mine as his hand fell to his side. I knew where his thoughts went; I had to bring him back. In one quick movement, my hands ran through his hair then pulled his head into me forcing his lips to mine. He met me with resistance in the beginning, tugging away…keeping his kisses short and quick. My insides were stirring, but I understood his reluctance. I continued my battle, kissing his ear then down to the base of his throat. I noticed his breathing was growing deeper so I found his lips again. This time I parted my lips forcing him to do the same, and I whimpered when he complied. His hands moved to my cheeks now holding my face, his kiss growing hungrier as our tongues united. Finally, his body pressed
against mine until I teetered and began to fall backward. He snagged my wrist and tank catching me before I fell. I released an anxious breath. We shared expressions of shock, then he whisked me off the ledge in a quick swoop carrying me to the comforter. The soft material was cold to my skin when he gently laid me down, but his warm kiss radiated through my body. He lifted my left hand and kissed the finger that held the ring, then moved up my wrist to the finger-shaped bruises on my skin. He paused there kissing where the broken vessels had bled under my skin. I couldn’t let him get distracted.
My body arched into his and his body responded with pressure of its own. His kisses became eager, almost impatient. I broke for a breath, turning my head to the side and his mouth moved to my ear. I smiled as his breathing bordered on panting.
“Oh, baby.” His words were a rough whisper echoing in my ear.
I winced…the familiar word I used to love and now…I shrugged my shoulder blocking access to my ear. My reaction didn’t faze him as he moved to my throat then up to my other ear. His tongue touched my ear lobe.
“God, I want you.” His voice was rough and low.
This time I shoved him backward, desperate to see his face, which was confused by my response. I smiled at him and his long blinks mesmerized me as he brushed the hair away from my face.
“I…love you so much,” he said before kissing me again.
I took a deep breath trying to watch his face, but as his hands traveled over my body, the red dragon flickered behind my lids with every blink. No. Stop. I pinched my eyes as he kissed my abdomen. His hands traced along my waistband then slid my sweats over my hips. I shivered as the cold air hit me.
“You cold, baby?”
The hair on my neck stood as his words came out. I needed him off of me. Now. The red dragon was there again and the awful smell of smoke. I could taste it. Stop!
I couldn’t do this. “Get off,” I mumbled not sure if the words came out.
He pressed his mouth to mine and I couldn’t breathe. My legs were trapped beneath him…unable to move.
“Get off!” I screamed and shoved him with my hands. “Get off!”
I started to cry. He wasn’t moving and my feet were thrashing beneath him.
“Emma!” He gritted and shook my arms…shook them hard.
“RYAN!” I screamed.
“Emma!” He screamed back and his face came into focus.
He suddenly yanked me up, his eyes wild, his hands recklessly jerking up my sweats.
Tears streaked my cheeks. “Oh, Zach!” I cried throwing my arms around his neck. He held me tight. “I need you. Don’t leave. I can’t…” Short hysterical breaths echoed from my throat.
“I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, smoothing my hair.
“Don’t call me that anymore,” I begged.
“What?”
“Baby...don’t call me baby.” The tears wouldn’t stop, and I felt him putting the comforter over my shoulders.
“OK. I won’t.” He pushed my head against his chest and rocked me. I hated who I was and couldn’t bring myself to look at him, but the ocean was loud and helped block the thoughts that ricocheted inside my head. Zach twisted out from under the comforter.
“Don’t go,” I sputtered.
He kissed the top of my head. “Your folks are on the back porch. I need to get my shirt,” he whispered in my ear.
I reluctantly dropped his hand, wiping dry my tears. I had no more answers. A numbness like I’d never known settled over me as I watched him set up the lawn chair. He lifted me in the comforter and situated me between his legs.
“Emma?” I heard my mom’s voice. Wow…that was close.
“We’re out here,” Zach answered.
“You all in for the night?” She was near us now.
“Yes,” I said.
“She’s tired,” Zach added.
My mom chuckled. “She hasn’t come face to face with any rocks has she?”
My body stiffened.
Zach gave her a fake laugh. “Not on my watch.”
“Zach, I laid out some blankets in Ryan’s room.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Hendricks.”
“Good night.”
“Good night.” And she was gone.
The silence between us was as cold as the night air. I welcomed it. There were so many things to think through, but sadly no resolutions to my problems…none that I could live with. Talking was not in my best interest right now. After curling my body into a ball, I pretended to be sleeping…making my breaths deep and slow. I needed to arrange my thoughts before I could move forward.
“Hey, man.”
I heard Ryan’s voice. Crap.
“Hey.” Zach’s chest vibrated as he spoke.
“She asleep?” Ryan asked.
Zach must have nodded.
I couldn’t see, but wondered if Ryan went back in because the silence had returned.
“When I touched her tonight…she…uh…freaked the fuck out.”
The roaring of the waves was all I could hear. Ryan didn’t answer.
“OK Ryan…let’s say for argument’s sake that I know someone touched her…hurt her.” Zach’s voice was low and full of pain…I hoped I didn’t cry. “Just tell me who he was. Did she know him?”
“Look Zach, the guys wanted to know if you want to share rent on a small house in the fall? Apparently, where Seth moved in…it’s a duplex and the other side will be available in September. It’d be me, Grant, you and Josh? I still need to talk to mom and dad but wanted to throw it out there?”
I fought the urge to smile. The thought of him living with Ryan was perfect.
“Can I let you know?”
“Sure,” Ryan said.
I heard his footsteps.
“Ryan. I just want to protect her.”
“So do I, Zach. Just let it go,” Ryan said, and I heard the sliding door go shut.
It killed me to hear the insinuation in Zach’s words that he had failed me in some way when it was me who had failed him. I’d exposed myself to someone I didn’t know and become a…target. I refused to think of myself as a victim. I wasn’t a victim.
I unconsciously squirmed in his arms as I regretted my reaction to him touching me tonight. The thought of him hurting me was absurd, and that I made him think otherwise was gut wrenching. I had to make it up to him. I snuggled deeper into the pit of his arm and laid my arm over his chest.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you.” He kissed my hair. I didn’t realize how tired I was until my lids closed one last time.
Chapter 14—The Letter
I flew out of bed and straight to the shower. Zach beat me awake both times he was here last weekend and I wanted to be the first one showered and downstairs today. The hot water felt soothing to my sore, stiff body. After brushing my teeth, I tossed on my comfy sweats still ill-prepared for the conversation I knew would come today.
I flipped my hair through the back hole of the baseball cap and trotted down the stairs. Dad, Mom and Ryan were at the kitchen table.
“Good morning,” I said speaking in three octaves.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” Mom said tipping her tea cup to her lips.
The orange juice was sitting on the countertop and I poured a tumbler full. When I twisted around, my entire family stared at me. The smile on my face crumbled as Ryan’s eyes looked away unable to maintain eye contact. The look on my parent’s face was one of pity…shame…compassion. Bottom line…they felt sorry for me for some reason. I swallowed not sure what to say. It was obvious, Ryan had told them what had happened. The day flashed before my eyes—the police…detectives… interviews… nightmares. Blood rushed to my face as embarrassment swarmed through me. I had to try to talk them out of doing this.
“Emma. You’re obviously upset. Tell us what happened.”
I shot daggers at Ryan and he answered with a confused look. “Well apparently Ryan’s already taken care of
that,” I said angrily.
My dad turned to Ryan. “You said you didn’t know why?” Dad was frustrated.
Ryan held up his hands with a puzzled expression. “I didn’t tell them anything…I don’t know…”
“Wait. What are you all talking about?” I asked.
My mom stood and moved toward me with a white envelope in her hand. “About Zach, honey.”
I shrugged. “What about Zach?”
Her always comforting hand touched my back. “About him leaving. He left this note for your father and me but it just says…”
I froze. My lower jaw hung open.
“…Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks…thank you for having me and making me feel welcome…Emma and I have some things to work through…sorry my stay was cut short. Fondly, Zach… So, What happened?”
Ryan took the orange juice glass from my hand and I looked at him. His brow lowered and I could see in his eyes…he really didn’t know why. There was no point in asking. I sprinted to the front door, the cold air hitting me as I flung it open. His Jeep was gone. I walked back inside. My dad moved past me to shut the door.
Mom’s eyes were wide. “You didn’t know?”
Did I freaking look like I knew? Was my horror-struck face not enough to answer the question? I spotted the envelope in her hand.
“What is that?” I asked.
She shrugged. “It’s addressed to you and sealed.” She held it out.
My hands trembled as I reached for it and a tear came from my mother’s eye.
“Stop, Mom. Why are you crying?”
She covered her mouth trying to hold her words in.
“Just say it…you think he broke up with me.” Tears filled my eyes and the envelope was in my hand as I tore up the stairs.
I slammed my door and fell onto my bed throwing the baseball cap at the wall. I had not seen this coming. My heart felt like it was breaking through my chest. As I ripped open the envelope, my stomach knotted. I unfolded the paper and started to read.
Dear Em- I’m sorry. If you’re reading this then I know I’ve hurt you. Please forgive me. I had no choice but to leave after I put you to bed. Forgive me too for not believing the football story. I know you too well. I know for a fact that a guy has hurt you. Though I don’t like it, I can handle it as long as you are by my side. But trust is everything in a relationship and you don’t trust me right now. If you did, you’d tell me who hurt you and we’d deal with it together. In my heart, I don’t believe you cheated but I’m not sure why you’re hiding it either. I’ll be here when you get home if you want to talk. My love, Zach
Finally...One Summer (Just One of the Guys) Page 10