by Jahquel J.
“Why Samaj? You should be angry too. We thought we never had a dad and he’s alive and lives here. I want to meet him now!” she continued to scream.
Sighing, I wished it was that simple. Ghost had too much going on and me bombarding into his space with the twins would prove how selfish I really was. It wasn’t about me or them right now.
“Right now isn’t the right time, baby. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. You know that I would never hurt you guys on purpose.”
“Does he not want to meet us?” Somali stood up and put her hand on her little hip. Tears were coming down her face and I had caused them. That was what fucked me up the most. I was the one who brought hurt onto my babies.
“He does. Very much so, baby. He just lost someone really special to him and needs time. You will meet him soon,” I tried to grab her hand and she pulled away from me.
“Soon isn’t good enough,” she turned and went down the hall to her bedroom. I jumped when I heard her slam the door behind her.
“Ma don’t worry. She’ll come around. Somali is the biggest baby,” he laughed. Ghost had always been wise beyond his years. Now, years later his son was the same exact thing.
“You’re not mad?”
“Is he moving in with us?”
“Oh, no. We’re not together, baby.”
“I’m fine with it. That means I’m the man of the house. Will he buy the dirt bike I want?” he asked.
“Samaj!” I laughed.
“What? I gotta get something out of him,” he laughed and pressed play on the movie. I kissed him on the forehead before I got up.
“I love you, boy,” I told him as I walked down the hall.
“Love you too,” he replied, never taking his eyes off the movie. I went to knock on Somali’s door and tried the knob, she had locked it. “Somali, I love you mamas. Please talk to me.”
She never said anything. I went to walk away, and she spoke. “I love you, mom. I just don’t want to talk right now.”
“That’s fine, baby,” I sobbed. “That’s fine,” I sniffled and went into my bedroom. I climbed into my bed and held onto my pillow and prayed. It wasn’t something I did often, but I prayed hard that my babies didn’t resent me for any of the decisions I made with our lives.
7
Staten
Today was a day that I wished I never had to live. I wish shit was the opposite and it was me that everyone was burying today, instead of my niece. The day everything happened flashed back into my mind way too often. It was something I wished I could block out of my head. At night, I woke up in cold sweats because of the shit. Summer shouldn’t have been taken from us and whoever took her was going to pay with their life. Nobody was off limits and I was making sure of that shit. They made my family mourn the loss of one of our own and I was going to make sure their family mourned the loss of a few of them. My chest felt like a boulder was sitting right in the center of it. I stood on the steps of the funeral home and watched people file inside. My gun was tucked in the back of my Dolce and Gabana suit. I nodded my head at those who nodded at me.
“Hey, you should rest. You know your back gives you issues when you stand too long,” Chanel gently placed her hand on my back.
“Nah, I can endure back pain to make sure my niece has a beautiful service. It should have been me,” I added. I should have been in the coffin, not her. It should have been me being carried by my brothers, not Summer.
“You have to stop saying that and blaming yourself, Shaliq,” she told me what she always told me.
How did she expect me not to blame myself? It was my fault why my niece’s life was ended short. I should have been distracted and should have been paying attention. It was me who dropped the ball and because of it, it was my niece that lost her life. How could I be so stupid to be so reckless when I had two precious diamonds in my back seat? The shit hurt my soul to see my brother broken down the way he was. Ghost was just a shell of himself. I didn’t recognize the man that stood in front of me this morning. It was like a robot was controlling my brother. He did shit that he thought was expected of him. He would offer a smile, head nod or anything that he felt was expected of him. I knew this wasn’t my brother and I just wanted him back. Sadly, I knew he would never be the same man. Situations changed people and this entire situation changed my brother. I didn’t know if he would ever go back to being the same him that we all knew and loved.
“Go inside and hold my seat. I’m gonna stand out here for a few before coming in,” I told Chanel and sent her away when I saw Free and her twins walking up to the funeral home.
She hugged me and then stood there looking me over. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better. How are you?”
She sighed. “I’ve been better too. Babies, this is your un—”
“Free, I get what you’re trying to do, but this is selfish as fuck. He’s putting his daughter into the ground today. You think this is the best time for introductions? Go home, he doesn’t need to add this on.”
She looked hurt, but nodded her head. “I’m sorry. I just thought that it wo—”
“Sis, the love I have for you is still there, but right now isn’t the right time. What’s good?” I dapped her son and he dapped me back.
“What’s good?” he replied.
“How you doing, Princess?”
“Fine,” she replied.
“Sorry Staten,” she said and turned to head back to her truck. The twins followed behind her. I looked around before I went inside.
Light music was playing as everyone focused on the small pale pink casket at the front. It was opened and Summer had her long beautiful curls brushed out. She wore a Burberry dress with the matching shoes. Her favorite Paw Patrol doll was stuffed into her arms along with a few of her LOL dolls she had just received for Christmas. I took a seat behind Mirror, Rain, Shakira, Ghost and my mother. I held onto my mother’s shoulder and she placed her hand on top of mine. She had a silk cloth she used to occasionally wipe away the tears that fell from her cheek. Mirror wore a dark pair of sunglasses and kept lifting them to wipe her tears as well. She held Rain on her lap. Ghost was staring right ahead with a blank expression on his face. My mother held onto his hands. Shakira was weeping loudly. Her parents were in the same row as me and Chanel. Her mother kept leaning up to kiss her and tell her it was going to be alright.
I couldn’t stand Shakira for the shit she pulled with my brother. When everyone told me what went down between Ghost and Shakira, I hated that bitch. She should have been the one dead, not Summer. Still, she was a mother burying her youngest child. For the rest of her life she was going to have to live with the fact that her baby was dead. For that, I could feel empathy toward her. No one should have to bury their child and I couldn’t imagine the pain she and Ghost were going through. I was hurting bad as fuck, but I couldn’t imagine the type of pain the both of them were feeling with burying Summer.
As the pastor spoke, I zoned out thinking about Free and the twins. I understood she wanted to pay her respects, but now wasn’t the time for that. Ghost didn’t need any of the extra shit today. If she wanted to stop by his crib in a few days, that was cool. Right now, wasn’t that time and she needed to go. Everyone would be focused on the set of twins that looked like an older Rain and younger Ghost. The attention should have been on Summer and I was going to make sure of that shit. The pastor spoke from the heart and made my mother break down. The service was beautiful. Everyone stopped by the casket to kiss Summer one last time before we closed her casket forever. I sat and watched as Shakira walked with Rain up to the casket.
“Mommy, when is Summer going to stop play sleeping?” Rain asked and Shakira dropped her small hand from her and turned to her. She kneeled down and placed both her hands on her shoulders.
“She’s fucking dead, Rain! She’s never going to fucking wake up! My baby is fucking dead!” she screamed as she shook Rain who started crying.
Mirror jumped up and snatched Rain and l
eft the room with her. Ghost sat there and didn’t say anything. He was staring ahead while my mother walked over to Shakira. She hugged Shakira as she continued to break down on the floor. Her parents walked over and helped my mother help Shakira off the floor.
“You good, bro?” I tapped Ghost’s shoulder.
He nodded his head, but didn’t look my way. “I’m gonna make sure the limos are ready to take us to the cemetery,” he stood up, stepped around Shakira and bent down to kiss Summer on the lips. “Until we meet again, baby girl,” he told her and then left the funeral home.
The burial was emotional. I think we all broke down seeing her casket lowered into the ground. The pink roses we tossed on top made it that much more final. Ghost stood at the grave until everyone left. He held his pink rose in his hand before he kissed it and gently tossed it onto the casket. Chanel cried the entire burial and I had to hold onto her. I needed to be strong for my family, they needed me. Priest had to carry Kiss to the limo because she passed out. Everyone couldn’t take the fact that were burying a four-year-old princess that didn’t deserve to die.
Chanel pulled up to my mother’s house where the repast was. I didn’t feel like driving in the limo. I didn’t need to be around the crying and sniffling. Right now I needed to hold the family together and no one could afford for me to break down. My mother invited a few people, but her driveway was jam packed with people. I didn’t know what it was about people that loved to eat after a funeral. My appetite was gone the moment I got the call about niece passing. I barely ate and when I did, it was so I could avoid hearing Chanel’s mouth. I got out the car, opened Chanel’s door and we walked into my mother’s house. When I walked in, Liberty was talking to a lady while eating a piece of fried chicken. When she saw me, she excused herself and made her way over to me.
“Hey, how are you guys?” she greeted both me and Chanel at the same time. Chanel rolled her eyes and whispered that she was going to fix us some food. “Damn, I did something wrong to her?”
“Nah. She in her feelings about the ceremony.”
“Understandable. I didn’t come to the service because I can’t do death. Makes me think of my father,” she admitted.
“Come with me,” I nodded, and she followed me upstairs. We walked into my mother’s room and then went onto her balcony that was off her bedroom. “I just needed to breath and didn’t want to seem shitty leaving you there while you were talking,” I explained a I planted my hand onto the metal banister and looked out at the beach that was directly across the street from my mother’s house.
“You’re fine, Staten. I get how you feel. Funerals and repasts are suffocating. Who has the appetite after burying someone?” she sighed and sat on one of the chairs. It was then that I noticed her long slender legs in the black dress she wore. The heels and then her long legs had me drooling as I looked at her.
“I said the same shit. You heard from your sister?”
“Yeah, she called me and told me to come in her absence. Sorry, I told her that bringing the twins to the funeral wasn’t a good idea.”
“Her heart was in the right place. How you been?” I asked as I sat in the chair opposite from hers.
She looked out at the beach before she spoke. “I’ve been good. Working and trying to keep myself busy.”
“Busy is always good. I appreciate you for showing up.”
“I wasn’t going to come, but Free begged me. I thought Shakira was going to be here and considering the last time we were with each other, I didn’t think it was a good idea.”
“Her family is having their own. You know they like to load up on fucking pasta and meatballs,” I laughed.
Liberty laughed too. The sliding door opened, and Chanel stepped onto the balcony. “You don’t answer your cellphone? Why are you up here anyway?” she looked at Liberty and then me.
Chanel meant a lot to me, but since I had been shot she had been extra clingy. She had been staying at my house when I told her she didn’t need to. For a second, I just needed to be away from her and have some air.
“I’m talking to Liberty real quick. I’ll come down to eat my food in a bit,” I told her, and she rolled her eyes and left off the balcony.
“That woman does not like me,” Liberty chuckled. “I also know that you both are more than friends.”
“Nah, we’re just friends. Where you heard that from?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “I’ve heard some things.”
“Friends. We’re nothing more. Come on, let’s go grub,” I waved for her to follow me. We went back downstairs, and I stopped when I saw Messiah. She was kissing my mother on the cheek and saying her condolences. When she spotted me, she held her hand up for me not to move.
Messiah Garibaldi was a legend in Staten Island. Her family was the Garibaldi crime family. She met and married Rasheed and had two twin girls. She had done time and never snitched a word about anybody. Shorty did her time and came home and got right to business. Although she had been quiet, her daughters were stirring up quite some noise in her absence from the streets. Liberty stood by my side as Messiah walked over and embraced me.
“I’m sorry about your niece. Whoever is responsible needs to be held responsible,” she told me as she looked into my eyes.
“We’re working on it. Leads keep coming up blank. Trust, we’re working on finding out who is behind this.” Messiah looked off to the side of me, which is where Liberty was standing.
“You know something,” Messiah said to Liberty.
Liberty shook her head as she stared at Messiah. “What are you even talking about?” Liberty clutched her purse tighter.
Messiah turned her attention to me. “You want answers… talk to this one. Your brother and I go back years and knowing that someone has hurt him, has hurt me. Give me a name and it’s done,” she told me. “And I’m not taking no for an answer,” she made sure to add.
“Thank you for coming. How are the girls?”
“They’re good. Mariah out in Jersey running my trap out there with Maliah,” she informed me. “They step in when I need them here in Staten Island, but for the most part Ghost has been handling things here on the island.”
“He is.”
“Well, I see that becoming a problem if he doesn’t put his foot on some necks. I know shit has been crazy for your family lately, but I need somebody to take over and make sure shit is running.”
I had to admit, since everything had been going on, it had been Priest running things. He couldn’t run everything because he was one person. Both me and Ghost had been so mentally fucked up that the streets were the last thing on either of our minds. We were trying to get over the hurt of what happened. I can admit we dropped the ball and I knew it was a reason Messiah had showed up here today. She and Ghost had business together and if money was low, that meant her money was low too. She used to run Staten Island and sat back and allowed Ghost to do his thing. Messiah had New Jersey on lock and had her daughters running it. She had three daughters. Two of them were of age and the youngest was still in school. Neither of her daughters were to be fucked with.
“I’ll handle it.”
“No, I’ll handle it. Bring her with you to my home tomorrow,” she told me before she kissed me on the cheeks and walked away.
“Why am I going to her house tomorrow?”
“Tell me what you know, and you don’t have to,” I told her. It was crazy that Messiah picked up on Liberty knowing something that quick. Man, I was really off my game and I needed to shake back asap.
“Not here. Come by my apartment when you finish here,” she told me and walked to the front door. My mother stopped her, and she hugged her before she left. Ghost didn’t bother to attend the repast. He went back to locking himself in his mansion. I needed to talk with my brother and pull him out of this depression he was going to find himself in. We needed to band together and be there for my brother during this time. He couldn’t continue to shut us out, he needed us.
I pu
lled in front of Chanel’s crib and got out to open the door for her. She had an attitude and right now I didn’t give a shit to find out why. How were you getting an attitude on the day that I had to bury my niece? The shit didn’t make any sense to me and I wasn’t in the mood to argue about it now or when I went home later on, so it was the reason I dropped her off to her place.
“Are you messing with Liberty?” she fixed her mouth and asked.
I held the door opened and tossed my head back because I knew this shit was coming. Anytime I got serious with a woman or was entertaining it, she asked this question. However, this time I wasn’t thinking about any of that shit. I just wanted to know what Liberty knew. I guess I could blame myself for the behavior that Chanel displayed. I always put her before anyone else and that was what she was used to when it came to me.
“Nah, I’m not. Me and Liberty cool people, but nothing going on between the both of us.” It was the truth.
She unfolded her arms and stepped out the car. “Are you coming here or going back home?”
“Home.”
“Then come pick me up before you go home,” she demanded, and I nodded my head letting her know that I would. I wanted, nah I needed a moment alone and I couldn’t get that with Chanel. She worried about me constantly, so me having that moment alone was never going to happen.
She hugged me tightly and I kissed her on the forehead and watched her go into her apartment. I jumped in my whip and headed to the address that Liberty had sent me after she left my mom’s crib.
My mind went to Chanel and our baby that was in her stomach. She was so excited, and I wasn’t. All she spoke about was our baby and what we would do, how we would raise it and our lives together. I was grateful that she was able to get pregnant because we had been trying. Yet, I was nervous about everything that was going to be happening in our lives. Ghost just lost his daughter, so I had to admit that I was scared to bring children into this world. The life that I lived wasn’t for a woman or kids. My heart would break if something ever happened to Chanel or our baby. It was the reason why I worked so hard to keep Chanel out of my life. People knew we were friends, but no one knew anything else. We were trying to have a baby together. I made sure to tell her not to speak to her hoe ass friends about it. It wasn’t because I was trying to keep shit on the low, it was because I wanted to protect her at all cost. The streets didn’t give a fuck who they got, long as they got someone that meant the world to you.