by Jahquel J.
“Yo, you really violated,” he held the discolored jeans in his hands. I shrugged my shoulders. “This is why I be ignoring your ass. I can’t stand that crazy shit,” he went into my closet and pulled out some clothes he had here.
“And while you’re away, you fucking with other bitches too, right? Getting them pregnant,” I rolled my eyes so hard that I damn near went blind. “We had an agreement, you can fuck bitches to keep up your appearance, but no fucking babies!” I yelled and tossed the lamp that was right beside me on the table. It crashed at his feet and he came over to me and grabbed hold of my neck. Pinning me down on the chaise, he pushed his lips onto mine.
“Stop with that fucking crazy ass shit, Myla!” he said through gritted teeth. “I fucked up and I’m sorry you had to find out that way,” he released my neck and I laid there with this silly ass smile on my face.
“Don’t think you’re slick by trying to pin me down and choke me because you know I like that shit,” I stood up and fixed my hair.
He laughed and put on his sneakers. “You’re fucking crazy, yo. It’s why I fell in love with you. You’re gonna be my wife one day,” he promised, like he always did.
“Who’s the girl, Zoe?”
He sighed and sat down on the bed. “I fucked up, Myla.”
I sat down beside him and started messing with his hair. “What happened, baby?”
“You know that nigga Priest?”
“Uh huh.”
“I got his oldest niece pregnant,” he admitted, and I slapped the shit out of him. When you had a boyfriend and you started fighting him, it was cute because you knew you couldn’t beat him, and he always found a way to restrain you. With me and Zoe, we were two men and we would be in this bitch going blow for blow.
“She’s a fucking baby, Zoe! I met her… OMG! I sat in Justice’s kitchen with her and didn’t even know that was your baby she was carrying.”
“Man, you don’t think I fucking know that shit? She lied about her fucking age that night,” he revealed. Kiss didn’t look like she was seventeen, so I could believe him about that. Being that her fast ass was pregnant, I knew she had to be somewhere she had no business being to have met Zoe’s ass.
“Where the fuck did you meet her?”
“At this party in Arlington. I went to go meet up with my niggas and shorty was there. She said it was her nineteenth birthday, so I got her a small bottle and we chilled all night. She was with some white girl too, she look like her ass ain’t belong.”
“She goes to fucking private school, so that’s where the white girl is from. Priest knows about this?”
“Nah.”
“Okay, well you need to get the fuck out of my place. I can’t afford to be having Priest put bullet holes in my walls. That man is quiet, and he may have the name of one of the Lord’s followers, but he is the damn devil when someone fucks with him,” I explained and grabbed his shit up.
“Myla sit your ass down!” he barked, and I looked at him like he was insane. This wasn’t a joke, that nigga needed to be gone.
“I’m being serious, Zoe. I’m not trying to be involved in this shit,” I told him and stood there with my arms folded.
“Fuck them niggas. I’m not scared of none of them,” he beefed up his chest and pulled me into his arms. He bent down and kissed me on the lips.
Zoe and Zeek thought because Priest, Ghost and Staten were born and raised on Staten Island that they were no match for them because they were Brooklyn niggas. I wished people stopped sleeping on Staten Island like we were pussy. Ghost wasn’t shit to be messed with and even more now that his daughter had been murdered. Priest was a quiet lunatic, it was always the quiet ones you had to keep watch over. Then you had Staten, that nigga could be joking with you one second and stab you in the throat the next second. They all were different, yet all were deadly too.
“Baby, you need to go to him and tell him what happened. He’ll respect you more if it comes from you than finding out,” I tried to convince him.
Zoe was a hot head and always reacted before he thought things out. Instead of going to Priest and explaining what happened, he’d rather sit back and wait for war to erupt. Everyone was already walking on pins and needles because of Summer’s death. We all knew the worst hadn’t come and Ghost was going to start war on whoever killed his daughter. It was the reason my shop closed early now. The last thing I wanted was to be caught up in some shit while trying to secure the bag. Zoe continued to get dressed like none of what I said had mattered. I feared one day that I might lose him to the streets. It was one thing to be a thug and in the streets, yet another when you were reckless and didn’t think about the consequences before reacting. Each time he stepped outside my door, I worried that I would find out that he had gotten killed or arrested. Zoe had his wrongs, but he was the love of my life and I wanted to spend my entire life with him.
“Myla, fuck I look like going to talk to that nigga? His peoples the same ones that had those niggas run up on me… you forgot?”
“Whatever. You’re going to do what you want anyway. How are you going to be a part of this baby’s life?”
He shrugged. Zoe never had the answer and judging from the sonogram he had more than enough time to get his shit together. Instead, he floated by like he didn’t have a damn baby on the way. Zoe was twenty-five, and sometimes I felt like he thought he was still a teenager. The boy knew how to fuck the shit out of me, but when it came to shit he should have been doing as a grown man, he always dropped the ball. This baby was a reminder that I would never have Zoe to myself. I would always have to share him with someone else. He always mentioned how he wanted to marry me and have a life together, but we had been doing the same song and dance. Zoe would never come out the closet. I guess I should have been appreciative that he never disrespected me in public like some down low niggas did.
“Ma, I gotta go and handle some business. You work today?”
I sighed because I had taken the day off to spend with him and here he was running out into the streets. “No, I took the day off so we could spend it together.”
He walked over to me and kissed me on the lips. “I gotta make that money, baby. I’m trying to buy you a mansion out in Tottenville,” he promised like he always did.
Our dream was to buy a big ass house, get married and just live our life. The promise sounded good to him, but I knew it would never happen. The dream would happen, yet, it wouldn’t be with Zoe. I was going to buy a mansion and have a good life, even if I had to do it without him.
“I was missing you since you’ve been gone,” I told one of my favorite clients. She was the reason I had ended up meeting Zoe, so of course she was my favorite client.
“Girl, my brothers sent me to stay with my mom at our home upstate. I came back, I’m a grown ass woman and my hair needed to be done,” she smacked her lips as she continued to scroll through her phone.
“You know your brothers don’t play about you,” I continued to brush through her thick hair before I braided it back up.
Zareena spent thousands of dollars with me a month. She was one of my top paying clients. Both her brothers Zoe and Zeek had money and giving it to their little sister wasn’t anything to them. The girl changed her hair almost twice a week and any time she saw a new color wig she wanted. When she wanted to go natural, she would come to me to give her a silk press. Zareena didn’t know about me and Zoe’s relationship. I wished she did so I could vent to her about the shit her brother did to piss my ass off. A few times I caught myself slipping and almost said something about Zoe. Me and Zoe had late nights talks and he had told me that his family would never accept him if he came out the closet. I knew a lot of it had to do with him being in the streets. When was the last time you saw a gay thug running the block? It never happened. I knew plenty of thugs around Staten Island that were on the down low. None of them would ever come out the closet. They would rather die before they admitted that they loved dick.
“They’re so an
noying. I’m grown and they need to realize that I’m not a little girl anymore,” she rolled her eyes. “I have a date tonight and I’d be damn if I’m up upstate being bored,” she continued.
“Date? Oh shit… with who?” My clients were how I got a bunch of the tea around Staten Island. I knew shit that was going down before it even went down.
Zareena loved to run her mouth, brag and spill tea about everything. She was a couple years younger than me with a bunch of money at her disposal, so I understood. I spent most of my time telling her that the little thots she ran around with weren’t her real friends. Those hoes just wanted her life and since they couldn’t have it, they settled for being her friend.
“You know Staten? He’s a big deal around here,” she blushed as she scrolled through her phone. “Him!” she showed me a picture of Staten asleep while she took a selfie
“Oh yeah, I heard about him,” I acted like I didn’t know who Staten was.
“Well, he hit me up the other day and said he wanted to take me out to eat,” she smirked as she examined her nails. “Me and him didn’t end on good terms last time we were together, so I know he wanna make it up to me. His ass better had bought me a new purse or something,” she sighed.
“How you snag a nigga like him?” I questioned.
“Girl, I got my ways. I’m a fine ass bitch and any nigga would want to get with me. Staten was like a bee onto honey with me. He be trying to act like his ass don’t want me, but show up to my damn door.”
“Oh shit, you got him whipped like that? Well, let me go on and whip your hair into shape,” I focused onto braiding her hair so she could get out of my shop. I loved Zareena because she spent good money with me. Her cocky and conceited attitude was what always turned me off from her.
I continued to braid her hair as I thought about her brother. He hadn’t called since he left my house yesterday. The only reason I knew he was alive was because Zareena happened to be on the phone with him when she walked into my shop. This was the part I hated about being with Zoe. I shouldn’t have to find out he was fine through other people. I mean, how hard was it for you to call me and let me know you wouldn’t make it to my house, and you were safe? I spent my nights worried about if he was alright and his ass couldn’t give a damn.
“Damn, girl… you braiding my hair too tight,” Zareena grabbed the side of her head and yanked away from me.
“My bad, I was thinking about something,” I laughed and got back to work. The quicker I got her out of her the faster I could call Zoe and find out what the fuck was up with him.
I finished Zareena’s hair and she was in the mirror admiring the black curly unit I had installed. She was snapping pictures, flipping it around and doing the most like she always did. The shop’s door opened and two women that looked exactly alike walked inside. They had long black hair, skin the color of almond butter and body for days.
“Hey ladies, can I help you?”
One of them looked away and the other offered me her version of a smile. Either way, these ladies looked like they didn’t come to play. “Which one of you is Zareena?” The one with the curly hair asked.
“Who wants to know?” Zareena stopped messing with her hair long enough to hear someone ask for her.
“Staten sent us to bring you to his place,” the other one spoke. “You her or not?”
“I am, but I can drive.”
“What fun would that be?” The straight hair one pulled out a gun and pointed it at Zareena.
“Aye, what did I tell you about being trigger happy, Maliah?” an older woman said as she came out the back of my shop.
“Alright, what the fuck is going on right now? Who are you and why are you all in my shop? I don’t get down with that drama and shit around the island. I come and do hair and that’s it.”
The older woman looked at me and then turned to Zareena. “You need to come with me. And, nah… I’m not asking,” she added.
“Well, I’m not going with you bitches. My brothers will hav—” Zareena was so busy talking shit that she didn’t see the other twin come up behind her and bust her in the back of the head.
“Don’t know why we even listened to her annoying ass voice in the first place,” she said as she waved a big man over.
“How the fuck did you even get into my shop?” I questioned. They all seemed to be ignoring the hell out of me while I was trying to get my questions answered.
“All I’m saying is that we should have shot her… her voice is too damn annoying,” the one that was ready to shoot Zareena seconds ago said.
“You do good ass hair and we know that… if you want to keep doing good hair your ass will mind your business and act like this never happened, ight?”
“Bitch, you don’t even fucking know me to be coming at me like that… just cause you’re pretty doesn’t mean a damn thing,” I snapped. This bitch wasn’t going to come into my shop and act like she was the one running shit. It wasn’t going to happen now or ever. She would have to put a damn bullet into me before I allowed it to happen.
The older woman laughed as she took a seat in my chair. “I like you. What’s your name?” she said as she picked up the flat iron and used it to straighten a piece of her hair. “I’m Messiah… your name?”
“Myla.”
“Ah, we’re all M names,” she looked at the twins. “These are my daughters. Maliah and Mariah.”
“Lady, what does this have to do with me?”
“Your little friend here… she’s coming with me. Her brothers come sniffing around, you tell them about me or these two and I’ll come back here and slit your throat my damn self, okay?” she looked at the big ass diamond ring on her wedding finger. The bitch had the nerve to be married doing all of this.
“It’s not my business. Is she going to be alright?”
She stood up and headed to the door. “Aht, aht. You said it wasn’t your business, remember? It’s my business now, and we don’t know each other for you to be in my business,” she tossed her hair over her shoulder and left without another word. That big man carried Zareena out and the twins followed behind him. They left my shop without as much as another word. My heart was pounding, but the way that woman spoke let me know that she meant business.
9
Ghost
I sat in Summer’s bedroom and looked at all of her toys, clothes and even her favorite blanket. The plan was to bury her with it, but I couldn’t take having another piece of her lowered into the ground. My heart could only take so much and putting that blanket into the casket would have been the final thing that she loved, that I buried with her. The rocker in the corner had been my bed for the past few weeks. I didn’t leave the crib and didn’t invite anyone in. Food wasn’t an priority. When I woke up, I pissed and came back to this chair and rocked while I thought of all the memories we had made together. My heart went I thought of all the times I had chosen work over both Summer and Rain. They were supposed to come first, and I always put work ahead of them. Summer always got emotional when I had to go away for work. She would cry and call out for me from the front door. It always fucked with me a little bit, but now thinking about it made me feel like shit. My baby girl needed and wanted me, and I never thought to stop trying to secure the bag and spend time with my kids.
I rocked in the chair, holding her blanket and sipping on some of my most expensive cognac. On the window sill, I had my gun loaded and was getting nice enough before I could take my life. Rain didn’t need me as a father. She deserved so much better than me. Being around me would only bring harm to her, so it was best that she didn’t come around me. I had failed at protecting my own family and the shit ate me up every fucking day. When I went to sleep I thought about the shit and when I woke up the shit was still on my mind. A nigga couldn’t sleep without waking up in a cold sweat because I had a nightmare about Summer. It was the same dream almost every night. She was calling and screaming for me to save her and I couldn’t. She was sitting right in front of me
in the dream and I couldn’t grab or try to save my baby girl. The shit tore me up every time I was pulled out that nightmare.
Up until you became a parent you’re selfish. All you think about is yourself and no one else matters. The moment you become a parent is the day that you no longer matter. There’s someone who can’t survive this cruel world without you. You began to feel this feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’ll start envisioning if someone even thought about bringing harm to your child. You’ll stay up half the night checking their breathing and making sure they were good. Even when they’re old enough, you never stop worrying about your children. When they looked at you, they see the person who will go to the ends of the earth to protect them from harm. I had one job that meant more to me than anything and I failed. I failed at protecting my baby and for that, I couldn’t forgive myself. Rain didn’t need me. She would be better off without me in her life. I picked up the gun and cocked it back and held it to my head as tears fell down my cheeks. I missed my baby too fucking much. It felt like I was trying to live with only part of a heart inside of my chest and the shit was hurting. I just wanted my baby back, man. There’s no way to describe a parent having to put their child into the ground before them. Every day I just wanted to go to her grave, dig her up and bring her home. My baby needed to be here and not in a fucking ground. I pushed the gun to head harder and closed my eyes as the tears filled my face.
“G!” Priest yelled as he walked into the bedroom. “Man, this isn’t the way. Don’t do this,” his voice was shaky as he walked over to me slowly.
“Go home, Priest. Leave me the fuck alone. You try and live with one your nieces in the fucking ground!” I barked at him.
Couldn’t no one tell me they understood the pain that I was going through. You couldn’t tell me you knew what it felt like to kiss your daughter early in the morning and then find out that she had been shot later in the day. I was never going to hear her beg me to stay up late or ask for more food because Rain had ate one of her chicken nuggets. Those were things that I could never get back and the shit fucked with me every day. What made the shit worse was that I had no clue who the fuck was responsible for doing this to my baby.