by Hope Ramsay
He’d also had his share of emergencies, including Prince and Napoleon. And next week, the slate was filled with a number of the usual spays and neuters as well as a prophylactic stomach tack on a Great Dane and another femoral head ostectomy on a German Shepherd.
So it wasn’t the work that was driving him away from Magnolia Harbor. Quite the contrary, much to his surprise.
He shook his head. “No. The truth is I’ve enjoyed working at the clinic.”
“So it’s the same old thing as always?” Momma asked in a soft voice.
“I guess it is.”
Momma blew out a long sigh that telegraphed her frustration. But instead of remaining silent, she leaned forward in her chair, capturing his gaze. “Son, I’m only going to say this once, so you better listen. I left your daddy because we couldn’t get along when we lived together. But a part of me still loves the man; a part of me will always love him. He’s a hard man with a temper, but there is still a lot of good in him. And at the end of the day, he gave me three children that I love more than life itself.”
“Yeah, well…”
“You need to talk to him. He loves you just as much as I do. Maybe his love was a little hard on you coming up but it was still love. And I think you love him back. You know, sometimes the fighting gets the hottest where the love is the deepest.
“Son, he’s the one who taught you how to love baseball. And you may not remember this, but you’re the one who passed that down to your little sister. Don’t you remember the way you used to play catch with her in the yard? You were so much older, but you always made time for her. Where did you learn that, if not from your daddy?”
He squeezed his eyes shut. Yeah, he could remember times out at the old house where they all used to live. There had been a time when he loved to play catch with Daddy. But that was before Daddy started thinking he might make it to the major leagues. Before the catch became almost mandatory. Before the practices became a chore.
Before Daddy started throwing Noah’s achievements in Ethan’s face.
And none of that had changed. None of it.
Except that Ethan had won the game today. Maybe not fair and square, exactly. But somehow between Lia and Abby they had put in the fix. And they’d gotten Noah out of the jam he’d always found himself in. A jam he’d thought was totally unfixable.
“I need to go,” he said, standing up.
“Back to Charleston?”
“No. I think I’m going to go visit Duke,” he said. His voice was a little wobbly. It had been years since he’d visited that live oak in Daddy’s back yard that marked Duke’s resting place.
Chapter Twenty-Four
July days were long, and it was still light when Noah pulled his car up the gravel drive at Daddy’s place.
Daddy’s cruiser wasn’t in the drive, which was a good thing because he wasn’t sure he wanted to see Daddy right now. He’d come to visit Duke, so he tramped around to the back of the house through knee-high grass. Since when had Daddy stopped mowing the lawn or taking care of things around the house?
Noah practically needed a machete to get back to the old tree where he’d buried Duke. The tree was still there, covered in moss, its branches low enough for a boy to swing up into them. He did that now, the warm bark of the live oak rough against his palms as he climbed from branch to branch up to the spot that he’d once regarded as his crow’s nest. A boy could hide up there from the drama playing every night in the kitchen.
He settled back in the tree, remembering the good times and the bad. He’d played catch with Daddy in the backyard; Daddy had helped him build his soapbox derby car for Cub Scouts there too. And way back, he remembered Daddy reading him a story before bedtime.
But outweighing all of that were the bad times. The horrible arguments, the slamming doors, the terrible silence when Daddy went to his workshop, and Momma went to her bedroom. Things were better once Momma moved out.
Even if Ethan had decided not to move with them.
Tears filled his eyes. He’d felt guilty about that for a very long time. Why hadn’t Ethan wanted to go with Momma? Why hadn’t his brother seen that it was better in the house on Redbud Street?
He stayed up in the tree for a while, watching the sun sink down toward the horizon. He should get back to earth before he fell climbing down in the twilight.
His feet had just hit the ground when the sound of tires crunching on gravel met his ears. Well, hell. He wasn’t going to avoid Daddy after all. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe Momma was right. Maybe it was time for him to have it out with Daddy and be done with it.
But he didn’t make the first move. He waited, standing right near Duke’s unmarked grave. It didn’t take long before Daddy came out the back door. He was in uniform, but he’d lost the bullet-proof vest. His shirt was damp with sweat, and the fading summer light still flashed on his metal badge.
“Whatcha you doing here?” he asked.
Noah could have said “climbing the tree,” or “hanging with Duke.” But instead he said, “Waiting for you.”
Daddy crossed his arms over his chest, the body language clear. The wall between them had gotten pretty damn high over the years. “What is it you want to say to me?”
“I have a lot to say,” Noah said. “But I guess the most important thing is that I hate the way you throw me in Ethan’s face.”
“What?” Daddy frowned, as if this was not what he’d expected.
“I hate that you made me the good son.”
“You? The good son? Now that is genuinely funny, Noah.”
“What’s funny about it?”
He shrugged. “You weren’t the one who stayed when Molly moved out.”
Did that make Ethan the good son? Or just the stupid one?
“You were always telling Ethan to be like me,” he said. “Especially when it came to sports.”
“Well, the truth is, I wish he was more like you. He’s a mess.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what you’ve always told him. And he’s spent his entire life trying to be someone he isn’t. Maybe he should try to be himself.”
“Oh, God forbid.”
“This is stupid. I’m never going to make you understand. I’m going.” Noah took a couple of steps toward the driveway, but the grass seemed to catch at his legs and hold him back.
And then Daddy said, “Wait. Don’t go. We haven’t finished our talk.”
“I don’t want—”
“Look. About your brother. It’s true. I’ve been trying to whip Ethan into some kind of shape since he was two years old. And I’m sorry you hate me for that, but I don’t know what would have become of Ethan if I hadn’t ridden his ass. And I hate to think what would have become of him if I’d have just walked away and let him be himself.”
Daddy cast his gaze over the knee-high grass. “You can take this grass as an example. He’s been living in this house his whole life and never once lifted a finger to help out. I told him that, if he wanted to continue to live here rent free, he had to share in some of the chores. He promised me that he’d take care of the grass. And, as usual, I’m going to have to do it. He also promised to fix the porch railing, but that didn’t get done either. A year ago, I stopped fixing things, just to see if that would motivate him. It didn’t. Son, there are times I wish your brother had gone to live with your momma.”
“But—”
“No buts, Noah. You have a kind heart, and you’re motivated to succeed in life. Abby is too. But Ethan? Not so much. Of course I want more for him but I’ve failed. Now I’m carrying him. And I’ll be honest, I want to put that burden down.
“But the very last thing I want is for you to pick up that burden. I’m not stupid. I know what you and Abby cooked up today at the game. But fixing it so Ethan can win a softball game isn’t going to change Ethan.”
“You don’t know that.”
Daddy shook his head. “Yes, I do. And I truly admire you for caring about him. But somehow I don’t thin
k you came all the way out here to talk to me about Ethan. I think you’re mad as hell about what happened to Lia DiPalma today.”
“I am but—”
“Look, I’m sorry I arrested her. I had no reason to disbelieve Bud’s story. And frankly, I couldn’t believe that Kate was leaving him because he beat up her dog. That’s just not the Bud I know.” Daddy shook his head, telegraphing his disgust.
“He hit Kate too.”
Daddy nodded, his mouth thinning. And right then it occurred to Noah that Daddy had probably lost his best friend today. Everyone loved Bud Joyner, and everyone was having a hard time believing he’d abused his wife and dog. If Kate decided to press charges, Daddy would be the one who had to deal with this domestic situation. It wouldn’t be easy. That was one of the hard things about living in a small town. Sometimes people disappointed you.
Noah stood there for a solid minute, wanting to run, wanting to stay. Confused as hell while Daddy stared off into the woods behind the house, a sad look on his craggy face. The clacking of cicadas and the distant chirp of birds filled the silence between them.
And then Noah’s father took a deep breath and shifted his gaze, meeting Noah eye to eye. “I also owe you an apology for Duke,” he said in a gruff voice.
Something deep in Noah’s chest squeezed as he stood there remembering that horrible day. They’d taken two cars to the ball field because Momma and Daddy had a fight before the game and they weren’t speaking. And Daddy was flat-out furious at the end of the game because Noah’s team had lost and Noah had struck out three times. Daddy must have known he’d done it on purpose because of the ugly things Daddy had said to Momma right before they left.
Noah refused to drive back home with Daddy. He was afraid of him that afternoon. So he went with Momma, and they got home first. Noah ran to the front door, intent on hiding in his bedroom, and maybe locking the door so Daddy couldn’t get to him and tan his hide for what had happened.
He’d opened the front door in real hot hurry.
And Duke came bounding through it like he always did. It was usually okay because the house sat way back from the road. But on that day, Duke ran right in front of Daddy’s car as he came flying up the drive.
If Daddy had been angry before the accident, he’d gone into a rage afterward. Noah would never forget the way Daddy got out of the car and lit into him, calling him every horrible thing possible. Stupid, dumb, careless…and then he’d made him dig the hole and bury Duke all by himself.
Tears filled Noah’s eyes.
“I was cruel to you that day,” Daddy said. “And I’ve regretted it ever since. That moment was the last straw in my marriage to your mother. She left me a month later, right after Abby was born. And she told me she was doing it so she never had to hear me take my frustrations out on you kids again. I’ll never know why Ethan ran away from her or why that boy wanted to stay with me when everyone else was gone. That’s the thing about your brother”—Daddy’s voice shook—“He’s loyal. He loves me even if I don’t deserve it. And I love him, even though he’s a mess.”
Daddy took another long breath. “But I owe you an apology. Duke’s death was never your fault, son. I hit him because I was angry and I was driving too fast up the drive.”
“Yeah, well,” Noah said, his own voice trembling, “you wouldn’t have been angry if we’d won the game. Or if I hadn’t struck out.”
“What are you talking about? I was angry at your momma.”
“I know that. You called her a couple of really bad names that morning. And that’s why I struck out.”
“What?”
“I struck out on purpose. I did it to hurt you. You didn’t know?”
Daddy barked out a bitter laugh. “No. I thought you were just having a bad day. Which wasn’t a big surprise because all of us were having a bad day and it just ran off the rails.”
“Yeah, but maybe if I’d won that game, you might have lost your anger. I might have chosen to ride home with you. I might have—”
“Those are should haves and could haves, son. We all have regrets, but regret is not the same as responsibility. It was an accident that was caused first and foremost because of my anger. And I know that. And I’m asking for your forgiveness.”
Could he forgive his father? He honestly wasn’t sure. “I’ll have to think about it,” he said.
“Fair enough.” Daddy said. “I’d invite you in for a beer, but I gotta get going. I only stopped home to get a fresh shirt. I need to be on duty down at the public pier for the fireworks.”
Noah nodded. “Maybe some other time.” It surprised the hell out of him that he actually meant the words. Maybe he couldn’t quite forgive Daddy right now, but for the first time in a long time, he thought maybe he might be able to work on that.
* * *
Lia got back to Howland House at four in the afternoon and cried for a while and then fell asleep. When she woke up, the slice of sky in her garret window was turning purple. She staggered across the hall for a wet washcloth to press against her swollen eyes.
Make a note: crying yourself to sleep is dumb.
She returned to her room, trying to find the energy to go downstairs and join the party Ashley Scott was having for her guests out on the lawn. Howland House apparently had a prime view of the fireworks display. Ashley had the barbecue grill working overtime down there, and she had invited members of the Altar Guild as well.
If Lia was really determined to make Magnolia Harbor her home, she ought to take a shower, change her clothes, and go down there and face those people.
She settled back into her narrow bed, feeling a pang of loneliness. So what else was new? She’d been leading a lonely life for years and years. She’d grown a hard, thick callus around that emotion. But somehow Noah Cuthbert, along with Kate and Kerri and Jenna and all of the St. Pierre clan, had managed to file a little bit of that away.
Maybe she was topic number one on the local grapevine, but she would rise above all that. This thing with Bud Joyner would blow over, and she would endure, like she always did. Just like she’d endured that long year when Justin didn’t say a word.
And just like that, her loneliness expanded. If she was going to settle down and make a home here, maybe she could invite Justin for a visit. Maybe she could repair the damage. But it was like Micah said, she couldn’t just wait around for that to happen. She had to reach out. She had to ask for forgiveness. She had to be actively compassionate.
She picked up her cell phone and scrolled through her contacts. When was the last time she’d called her little brother? A year ago? More? Before he’d gone off to Korea. Was he still overseas?
She brought up his contact information and punched his cell number.
It rang three times, and his voice came over the line. “Lia?” he said.
“Yeah, it’s me. Happy Independence Day.”
“Wow. Where are you?” he asked.
“I’m in a little town in South Carolina called Magnolia Harbor. You?”
“I’m a drill instructor at Fort A.P. Hill these days. In Virginia.”
On the East Coast. Not far away. Damn. “I though you were still in Korea.”
“I thought you were still in California.”
Silence welled up between them for a long moment. “I’m not in the navy anymore,” she said.
“Really? Wow.”
“Yeah. I know…”
More silence.
“Hey,” Justin said, “funny thing, you calling today. Because I just got engaged.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Her name is Jenny.”
“When’s the wedding?”
“We were thinking October.”
“I’ll be there. I’ll text you my address, when I have one.”
Another long pause. “You don’t have an address?” he asked.
“I’m staying at a B&B at the moment. I’m still looking for a place.”
“Oh.” Was that relief in his voice?
“Hey, Justin, I need to say something to you that I should have said a long time ago.”
“Okay.” He sounded a little unsure.
“I’m really sorry about what happened between Mom and David. You know, when they broke up because my report card wasn’t good enough.”
“What?”
“You remember, don’t you?”
“I remember Mom dumping David but what are you talking about? What report card?”
“You don’t remember the fight they had over the report card?”
“No. I remember David being ticked off when he found out that Mom was sleeping around on him. That’s what I remember, Lia. I remember our batshit-crazy mom screwing our lives up over and over again. You had nothing to do with it. In fact…” His voice faded for a moment, and she could hear his breathing over the line. “Shit. I don’t know what would have happened to me without you. And I’m really sorry I haven’t done a better job of staying in touch. I guess whenever we’re together all we have are a lot of really crappy memories.”
“You didn’t talk to me for a whole year,” she whispered.
“I didn’t talk to anyone, Lia. I’m sorry. Did you think it was just you?”
“Yeah,” she said, her damn throat closing up again. She was not going to cry another tear.
“I wasn’t mad at you, big sis. I was furious at Mom. I still am.”
She pulled in a deep breath. “I am too. I’m so very angry at her. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.” The tears started again.
“I know,” he whispered.
She sniffled. “Hey, you know what?”
“What?”
“I’ve got a dog. His name is Prince.”
Justin laughed.
“And you have a girlfriend.”
“A fiancée,” he said, his joy coming through the line loud and clear.
“Yeah. Imagine that.”
“Um, look, I have to go. I’m at a party, and the fireworks are about to start. But I’m going to call you back, later, when I have a minute. And Jenny just waved me over and said she wants you to be a bridesmaid. Think you can put on a dress for me?”