by Sabrina York
“I’m going to tell you why,” her mother said. “Because I threatened to bring him down. I threatened him with a lawsuit that would not only cripple him but ruin his name in the modeling world forever if he ever spoke one word of your relationship to the press. And since he knew he was in the wrong and had the most to lose, he chose the high road.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you did that?” Her mother always talked about actions speaking louder and finding the right time to act. She was guessing that was the right time.
“There was no need. You modeled longer than you said you would. I knew you were burning out. Your father and I were trying to figure out a way to talk you into taking a break. When you found out what you did about Ricardo, we knew it was the last straw. That you found your way out.”
“I didn’t stop right then. I didn’t want anyone to think I was quitting and he was the reason,” she argued.
She had been heartbroken like she’d never thought she’d be. But the truth was, she knew long before she found out Ricardo was cheating that he wasn’t the one for her. That he didn’t see his future the same as she saw hers.
Then she realized that hurt was nothing like what she felt now that Chase and she weren’t talking. Now that she might have thrown away what she had with Chase.
“No. You finished up your contracts. You went on as if nothing was wrong and most believed you. Those that knew you better, understood what you were doing.”
“I walked away on my terms and I’ve been fine with it ever since. I’ve never had a regret with how it ended.”
“But you regretted your relationship with Ricardo?” her mother asked.
“No. He just opened my eyes to what I always feared. I let myself think I could have something that I shouldn’t have. I let him take something away from me and that is my fault.”
“What did he take away from you, Noelle?”
“My confidence. That no one wanted me for anything other than what I could bring to them. That I was a face and a body that made money for companies. For agents. Men wanted me so they could say they had me.”
They didn’t want a life with her. They didn’t want a family. They didn’t love her enough to put her first.
Chase wasn’t like that, hadn’t done that once, and yet she was the idiot that tossed it away. Now she knew how people could die from a broken heart. It felt like hers was being ripped out of her chest.
“You were with very few men,” her mother said softly. “I know you had your own life, but your father and I kept a pretty close eye on you.”
“Obviously closer than I knew. But you’re right. I’ve only had a handful of relationships. I’ve steered clear of them for the same damn reason I should have steered clear of Ricardo.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over that. You were looking to start your life again. You were looking to be normal. You have to understand that your life has never been normal and even if you want it to be, it won’t be what you think.”
“So I learned,” she said.
“You’re going to let this ruin what you found with Chase?” her mother asked, tilting her head. “That dream you always had as a little girl is gone?”
“What dream?” she asked her mother.
“Always playing house. Always being the little mother yourself. Wanting a calm stable family that you could say was your own.”
She had no clue her mother knew what she’d always wanted. Sure, she loved modeling as a teen, but it’d always been a means to an end for her.
“Like you said. I’ll never have normal.”
The tears were filling her eyes again, her throat tight and raw. She didn’t want to talk about this, just like she tried to hide all her hurt most of her life.
“I didn’t say you’ll never have it. I said it’s not what you think. There is a world of difference. Chase is a great guy. He didn’t deserve what you did. To not even give an explanation.”
“What I did?” she asked, looking up and narrowing her eyes. Her voice must have been louder than she thought because Calvin came trotting over and put his head on her lap. “He’s the one who said not to bother talking.”
“He’s probably hurt. You were the one telling him you needed time away to work again. You know as well as I do that you didn’t want to go anywhere.”
“I’ll travel again for work,” she argued, knuckling a tear that was escaping.
“Of course you will, but you plan everything out. You don’t make spontaneous decisions like that, even when your agent suggests it.”
Her mother was right. “So now what?”
“Don’t ask me. You know Chase better than I do. You have to figure out if there is a way around this or not. But if you really love him, if you really want to make it work, then you need to talk.”
“I didn’t say anything about love.”
“You didn’t need to. Your bloodshot eyes say enough.”
The dogs started barking when there was a knock at his door. He wasn’t in the mood for company, nor was he expecting anyone.
The last person he thought would be standing there was Noelle. Part of him wanted to leave her there, the other part wanted to open the door and pull her in, hold her tight and never let go.
His heart couldn’t take the second part, but he did open the door and prayed his eyes stayed dry and his anger remained hidden.
“Hi,” she said. “Sorry if I’m bothering you.”
“Not a problem,” he lied. “Come on in.”
“I won’t take up much of your time. I just think we need to clear the air.”
“You got your point across,” he said. His ego didn’t need another hit.
“I didn’t. I was wrong to say what I did.” She paused and looked around the room, then finally blurted out. “Something was published that day and it hit me hard. I took it out on you. I took it out on us. That was wrong of me.”
“You don’t think it didn’t bother me to read it?” He hadn’t meant to say that. To let her know he kept up on her.
“You saw it?” she asked, looking stunned.
Might as well be truthful. “Of course. I always read everything on you. I told you that once. Even though you’ve told me not to believe what I read, I still wanted to know anything published recently. I wanted to know if you had a showing coming up, or sold twenty more pieces. You never talk much about your work. I wanted to support you and it was the only way I could get information.”
“I just figured you would be bored with it. Or maybe self-conscious. I didn’t want you to think I was boasting or bragging.”
He snorted. “I never thought that. I admit it was uncomfortable at first, the success you’ve had in life, but I was proud of you. When you’re proud of someone, you support them. Or try to. Guess I didn’t try hard enough.”
“Stop it. Stop thinking you aren’t enough. That everything you do is wrong. Or that you messed up. That you had nothing but bad experiences with relationships in life and that no matter what you do it’s always wrong.”
He laughed. “Seriously. You’re a prime example of it right here. What did I do that was so wrong this time?”
“Nothing! It’s me,” she yelled. “I couldn’t bear that your name was being dragged through that. That all your hard work was going to have this black cloud on it because you were in a relationship with me. It kills me to know that everything you worked so hard for was being shown in a bad light now.”
“I wasn’t mad about that,” he shouted back. So much for keeping his anger hidden.
“Then what were you mad about?”
He took a deep breath. “First off. I was hurt. Hurt that I don’t know much about you. You’re so private. I read these things about you and I wonder. I try to find out who you really are and all you ever say is ‘don’t believe everything you read.’ But you never tell me more. It’s hard not to have doubts when I don’t know what is true or false.”
“You know me and that’s enough,” she said.
“Reall
y? I thought I knew you. The person I knew wouldn’t have tried to shield me from something without even talking about it first. The person I thought I knew would have realized that I was stronger than a gossip magazine.”
“That’s low,” she said, her eyes filling.
“The truth often is. And if you want to know what I was really hurt about, it was the story about you and Ricardo. I knew you were in a relationship. I knew you were in many of them. But I never questioned much. Then to find out he broke up with you and said you were trying to better yourself with him. At first, I thought it was a joke, but then I saw he’s a big name now. And I have to ask myself again what is true and what is false.”
“You want to know the truth? I dropped him. He was a lying cheating greedy piece of shit. But he had me fooled and that is my fault. I never corrected the press and neither did he. I found out today it’s because my mother threatened him with a lawsuit. He had more to lose. If I wasn’t speaking out, he wasn’t. Why he did now is beyond me. I’m sure my mother will find out.”
“Then what’s the big deal?” he asked.
“There isn’t one. He hurt me. He made me realize a weakness I had in myself and my greed to continue modeling when I told myself I wasn’t going to. I saw my biological clock ticking when I met him and I wanted something and I thought he would be the one. That he hadn’t been in the modeling world for long. He was discovered on the street. He was more down to earth. What I learned was he had greed bigger than anyone I ever came across.”
His jaw dropped. “That’s the first you’ve said a word about wanting a family.”
Was he completely wrong about her all along? Did he even know her like he thought he did? Why was this so hard?
“Because you don’t say things like that when you’re actively working as a model. That’s how you get passed up for jobs. No one wants to sign you and worry that you’re going to be missing time or that your body is going to change.”
“I don’t know what to think right now. If that was really what you wanted, then why break it off with me, unless it is me. Unless you can’t see that life with me. You’re not modeling anymore and yet you never said a word about settling down.”
“First off, I know better than to tell someone I’m not dating long that I want to settle down and have a family. What better way to scare a man off? That’s why I modeled so long. I want to be a mother and stay home and have this family in my mind I always read about or saw on TV. But I wanted to contribute to the household while doing it. I figured if I put all this money away, that would give me the freedom to do both. Second of all, I told you I didn’t want my past to reflect poorly on you. You’re too nice to be dragged into that world. I just never realized that that world might hold me back as much as it had.”
He supposed he understood the part about settling down. Any other woman who ever hinted at that early made his feet feel as if they were cemented in the Antarctic.
He chose to address her second statement instead. “That’s an excellent insult to my masculinity. I’m too nice and can’t handle mean words said about me. And for the record, I thought it was kind of funny when I saw my picture there with you. Even if it was a pretty crappy shot of me.”
She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “That was wrong of me to assume it, I know. I just didn’t want you to hate me. To look back and blame me for anything that might reflect poorly on your business.”
“I could never hate you.” He pulled her into his arms. He didn’t want to cave, but she was hurting as much as him, he could see it, and he realized that someone had to take that first step or they’d never get through this.
“So you did this for me?” She nodded and he continued, “Noelle, you’re the first woman I’ve fallen in love with. The first one that made me realize I could do something right. That we aren’t all perfect, but if we try hard enough things work out. Well, they should work out unless someone does something stupid like make assumptions before they can talk about it.”
She snorted. “My mother told me what I did was stupid too. But, speaking of assumptions. You’ve made plenty yourself.”
“I’ve been stupid about a lot of thoughts, but not necessarily assumptions. Like I said, you never talk much about yourself. I didn’t even know who you were until I searched you out on the internet. If you want me to know the truth about you, then you should tell me. Not let me guess or find out on my own and make those assumptions,” he said, his hand running up and down her back in a caress.
She laid her head on his shoulder. “You’re right. I should. I’m just so used to keeping to myself. And putting on this big front all the time so that I didn’t end up in the gossip magazines. I should have realized a long time ago it didn’t matter.”
“So can we get back to something else I said that you didn’t address?”
“What’s that?” she said, snuggling into his touch.
“I said I fell in love with you and you didn’t reply back. I can take it if you don’t feel the same way.”
She turned her head and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, Chase. I started to fall in love with you from the minute you talked me into bringing Calvin home with me. I didn’t know it then, it took me about a month, but when you said you didn’t want an intimate relationship with me until you knew more about me, then deep down, you were the one for me. I started to see that future and those dreams again with you. Then I got scared my past was setting me up to keep us both from finding happiness. I didn’t want you to think you’d be okay with it when you might not be.”
He put his hands on her cheeks and forced her to look him in the eye. “I wish you’d told me. From this day forward, talk to me. Don’t let me guess. Don’t let me assume. Just talk. I want to know that the woman I love respects me enough to share her deepest thoughts and feelings.”
She laughed. “My deepest thoughts and feelings? Then let’s go upstairs and I’ll show you. Like my mother always lectured me—actions speak louder than words.”
21
Epilogue
“Are you sure your mother isn’t going to be mad at me?” Chase asked when they were driving to her parents the day before Christmas.
“I told her. She was fine. And it’s from me not you. Well, from both of us, but still. She won’t be mad at me so she won’t be mad at you.”
“You couldn’t have pulled this off as fast if I didn’t make some calls.”
“That’s true,” she said, looking down in her lap. The French bulldog puppy was sound asleep, snoring away. She thought for sure that Calvin would have a problem with the attention, but he was fine.
“Not much longer until we’re there,” he said, when the puppy started to stretch, then settle back in.
“She’s so tiny,” she said, rubbing her hand on the puppy’s head.
“A smaller dog to begin with and she’s only ten weeks old. She is already a cuddler, so your father better be ready for her.”
“He will be,” she said. “Thanks. He’s going to love her.”
The next morning, everyone was up bright and early, with her mother and her cooking breakfast for the boys. The rest of her family would be over shortly and she couldn’t wait to introduce everyone. Her favorite people all around for her favorite holiday. Life couldn’t get any better in her eyes.
Chase and her father were outside with all the dogs, letting them run around the fenced-in yard. Her father was in love with his new puppy and still trying to figure out a name. It was a holiday like she always imagined. Like she always had growing up. Like the dream she secretly carried inside her heart.
This time was different though. This time she had someone special there just for her.
When her father and Chase came in with the dogs running behind them and the newest puppy in her father’s arms being cradled like a baby, she told them, “Breakfast will be done in a minute.”
Calvin heard “breakfast” and he came running, thinking it was his. That dog ate more than Snacks half the t
ime.
“What is on your collar?” she asked, squatting down. Calvin came trotting over. There was a red bow flashing back at her. Something sparkly drawing her eyes to it. “What the—?”
“It’s not a Christmas morning without a gift,” Chase said.
Her eyes started to well up, her fingers shaking as she untied the bow. It fell out of her hands and made a pinging sound on the floor.
“Nice, Noelle,” her father said.
Chase knelt down, picked it up the same time she did, then tugged it out of her hand and unwound it. “You know how I feel about you, Noelle. I know how you feel.”
“Yes,” she said, nodding her head rapidly.
“I haven’t asked yet,” he said, laughing.
“I was only agreeing with you.” She smiled and kissed him quickly. “But the answer to the question is yes too.”
“I never had a doubt. But I’m going to ask anyway. Will you marry me?”
“Yes again,” she said, holding her hand out. “Let me see my ring.”
He slid the ruby ring circled with diamonds on her finger. It looked like a ring out of a royal vault and she gasped.
“It took me a long time to figure out the perfect ring for you. But like you told me before, you were named after Christmas, so today seemed like the perfect day to do this. Why not go with red?”
“Why not indeed. It’s perfect. Just like you.”
“I can’t wait to start planning the wedding,” her mother said. “I’ve got all these ideas in my head.”
“Simple,” Noelle said. “I know where I want it. Where it needs to be.”
“Where is that?” Chase asked.
“You know,” she said wrapping her arms around his neck.
“The Mistletoe Inn?”
“Of course,” she said. “It’s where I knew I truly loved you. Where I felt a magic I never had before. Our wedding day is going to be magical as it is, but it’d be even better there. I just know it.”