by Sabrina York
She glanced at Tori’s feet. “Yowza! Will you look at those toes!”
Tori stood back to let her friend inside. “Careful you don’t step on them.”
Sasha was a tall blonde with a long attractive nose and aquiline eyes. She might have been a model except for her profound interest in biology and a burning desire to be on a team to research a cure for cancer. Working at a lab all day did nothing for a possible modelling career, but Sasha couldn’t have cared less. Approaching thirty like the rest of the gals Tori went to high school with, Sasha was still trying to save the world and that included helping Tori not turn into a hermit.
“To what do we owe the excitement of a walk and painted toenails all in one day?” Sasha made her way to the coffee pot, saw there was none left, and put the kettle on for tea, obviously intending to stay until the polish fully dried.
“The beautiful snow and the fact that it’ll all be melted by tonight, got me out there,” Tori said, pulling a banana bread loaf from her fridge. “I was reminded how beautiful life is and how… “She looked at her friend who stood with her mouth open staring at her. “Stop, will you?” Tori laughed and cut them each a thick slice of the bread she’d made yesterday.
“I’m happy,” Sasha said, pouring boiling water into their tea mugs. “Would now be a good time to ask if you said yes to Maddy?”
Tori shot her friend a reproachful look. “Don’t push your luck.”
They walked to the little living room beyond the kitchen counter and settled into the couch with mugs of tea. Tori did not want to rehash this conversation but felt like Sasha needed to know the whole truth. “I told Maddy to ask her sister to be Maid of Honor two months ago. She didn’t. Then, I told Maddy again to ask her sister last month. Please don’t tell me she hasn’t asked Hana.”
“She hasn’t asked Hana. She and Hana haven’t spoken in years.” Sasha tipped her head at Tori. “Beside that fact, she’s waiting for you to say yes. Don’t you talk to that girl every other day?”
She did talk to Maddy on the phone, probably more often than that, and she knew that Maddy was still campaigning to have Tori as her maid of honor but something in her held out hope that her best friend since kindergarten would break down and ask her sister, thereby letting Tori off the hook. “She knows I can’t go to a wedding. Not yet.”
“Do you ever think you’ll be able to attend a wedding, Tori? Like if Will and I end up saying “I do,” will you be there?” Sasha blew on her hot tea.
“Someday. But this one is too soon.”
“Nineteen months by the time she walks down the aisle.”
“Christmas Eve is inconvenient.” Tori was grasping at straws now.
“Are you joining your mother in Arizona.”
“No, but I like to be home for Christmas.”
“Here? By yourself?”
“It’s a destination wedding vacation at Mistletoe Lodge.”
“With private rooms where you can hide all week until the wedding.”
“There’ll be so many people.” Tori wanted to be able to stand up for her best friend, but she couldn’t imagine a world where she’d be perfectly OK to drive to Mistletoe Lodge in a matter of weeks and take part in a whole week of festivities. “Are you going for the week?”
“Yes. Will and I have had this planned since June,” Sasha said, excitedly. “And it’s only five days.”
“There’ll be a lot of couples there. It’ll be a nice getaway for you two.” Tori was trying to talk herself down from feeling like a failure.
“You could come for the rehearsal the night before and leave right after the wedding. Not even stay for the reception.” Sasha said this with such hope it almost broke Tori’s heart, almost as much as telling Maddy she couldn’t be a part of her wedding.
“We could medicate you, wheel you in, then wheel you out.” Sasha looked hopeful and Tori wondered how she could possibly think there might be a yes coming from Tori’s lips anytime soon.
“I went outside today. Let’s be satisfied with that.”
3
Matt Kingfisher was between doctoring gigs and feeling a little lost. When he’d decided to not go into regular practice after he finished his residency at Seattle General, he knew there’d be times like this where he wasn’t sure what path to take in medicine. But as a young man with Haida blood on his father’s side, he’d felt compelled to take the offered position to the Queen Charlotte Islands to work for a year in Queen Charlotte City. And what a year it had been.
He’d fallen in love with the remote islands north of Vancouver Island and south of the Alaskan panhandle. And, fallen in love with someone else. Only back one month, Matt wasn’t sure of his next life plan, but it had to involve someone—the dog he’d brought back from the Charlottes. Once a puppy cowering on the beach, Matt had taken him home to his crude cottage that first night and by the end of his year in the Charlottes Matt had a faithful companion in the form of a large black dog with soulful brown eyes. Diesel had become a favorite in the house-sized structure that served as the town’s hospital and although the dog was not allowed upstairs in the sterile rooms, he roamed freely in Matt’s office and exam rooms downstairs. This acceptance of his dog was something he greatly appreciated about the residents of Queen Charlotte City who were used to living with nature and the land.
After a year of living remotely, he landed back in Seattle with a large dog wondering how he thought he would navigate life in the city with a big, hairy companion. Matt was welcomed by his med school friend, Tom, who’d offered his spare room at his spacious apartment overlooking a park where Diesel loved to run off steam every morning and evening. The apartment’s location was terrific while Matt thought about what was next in life. He was downtown Seattle, on a side street that ended in the entrance to the large park and it was better than imposing himself on his parents who lived in a pristine house in the suburbs with his much younger brother who was allergic to dogs.
As the snow fell that morning, Matt wondered how long it would stay around. Snow was rare in Seattle and although he didn’t mind cold weather, he’d been thinking lately about warm weather. Specifically, the Caribbean. With a job interview later in the week, Matt wondered about the feasibility of heading off again, this time to the Bahamas, to lend his doctoring skills with a team of medical staff who’d be caring for victims of the latest hurricane. Winds had decimated the outer islands and although he wouldn’t be able to take Diesel, Matt was tempted to do his part to help the thousands of people left without proper medical care. Although he didn’t know the particulars of the mission, he’d find out today.
Tom said if Matt took the job, he’d care for Diesel while Matt was gone a few weeks. The timing had to work so Matt was back in town for his friend Clint’s wedding at Christmas. Having gone to college with Clint, Matt had always remained in touch with the one guy who fully understood his love of adventure. And science. Clint had gone on to become a paramedic and Matt had gone on to medical school, hoping to do something good in the world for people less fortunate than himself. There’d be no fancy office in a downtown Seattle high rise for him. He’d go where he was most needed and one day set up shop in a place much like the small town he grew up in on the other side of the Snoqualmie Pass, east of Seattle.
The Christmas Challenge was gaining popularity hourly and pretty much everyone who read the blog had committed to doing it. Tori had left it open-ended enough so everyone could fit under the self-help umbrella of challenging themselves this Christmas. Some Challengers were baking for the poor, some were working on making friends, others were simply working on not dreading what was sometimes the loneliest day of the year.
They were a week into the tasks Tori had listed and she was loving how everyone in the Challenge was not only making strides and posting their victories but helping each other. Some had formed buddy groups with similar goals and within those groups the women cheered each other on. More than once, Tori thought about signing on anonymously and registering
for the challenge. She could even join one of the groups, but if it ever got out that the leader with all the right answers was bordering on agoraphobia, she’d lose all credibility.
The best part of her day was seeing the steps her Elevators were taking to be the best version of themselves they could be. Although Tori was a psychologist, you didn’t need six years of college to identify what her goal would be if she registered for the challenge.
Being able to go out in public again, laugh, talk to strangers, meet new people and feel comfortable was what she wanted. Recently she had new interest in pulling herself out of the funk she’d fallen into. No longer happy to be eating pizza out of a cardboard box, exercising on her elliptical in her bedroom and socializing on the phone, Tori now had the feeling that she was going to burst out of this apartment eventually and get back into life. And, it all happened on the day it snowed.
For the last eighteen months, Tori hadn’t been completely without human interaction, but it was close. Clients came to her door every few days for sessions and for that, she put on jeans and brushed her hair, but too much time had been wasted doing nothing in the last year, time she’d never get back, she now realized. Reading the testimonials from her Challengers, Tori felt energized, buoyed up, and ready to make her own baby steps towards a goal. She might not reach her ultimate goal by Christmas, but if she kept working at it, she might be able to attend a Christmas party this year.
Last year had been a washout. She’d barely stopped crying by Christmas and people were still making jokes about the footage of her staring out the church door saying, “Where you going, Bob?” Not to her face. Online. She tried to not go on the internet, but that video was everywhere for months on end. Her mother had spent last Christmas at Tori’s apartment, sympathetic to Tori wanting quiet days in the safety of her own home. Her mom had returned to Mistletoe, Oregon in January thinking that Tori was on the mend. But that had been a false front Tori wore to keep her mother from worrying.
This year, Tori’s mother was spending the holidays in Arizona at her new boyfriend’s second home. Although Tori had been invited, she’d turned down the invitation saying she needed to stay local for Maddy’s wedding. She hadn’t wanted her mother to worry that her daughter couldn’t face the demands of going to a wedding, or know the truth of what the last year had been like. Tori’s older sister Kiki, who lived in California with her husband and two children planned to join her mother with the family for the holidays. For about two seconds in September, Tori had considered going too, but traveling and then seeing her sister happily married with children and her mother newly in love, was not something she wanted to subject herself to this year. Maybe next year.
So, she’d told her family she’d be at Maddy’s wedding and they understood completely. “It’s wonderful that you’ll be there for Maddy,” Kiki said on the phone when she heard the news. “I’m proud you can do this, Tor.” Kiki didn’t have any idea that Tori had barely been outside in months. Kiki had been too busy last month giving birth to a second child to notice that her sister hadn’t planned a trip to see the baby yet.
Recently, as part of the Challenge, Tori had promised to go out for coffee with Maddy and Sasha, somewhere close. The snow had melted the same day it fell and although Tori hadn’t gone outside since that day, she was determined to have a cup of coffee with her friends as part of this week’s challenge to up the ante of being brave.
After putting on a pair of stylish jeans and a pretty red sweater, Tori was basically ready for her first trip to a restaurant in over a year. The fact that it was a café still made the excursion count. The Challenge task she’d posted for today was to do something none of your friends expected, something that might make everyone happy, including yourself. When she wrote that task, Tori realized that with Maddy coming downtown for a dress fitting, she would offer to meet her best friend for coffee. That would be her contribution to secretly doing the Challenge. Sasha had to work but at the last minute, managed to get the hour off and promised she’d meet Tori at the café, at three p.m.
Tori felt more nervous walking along the street than she wanted to admit. The rain had returned, and people rushed past her, everyone needing to get somewhere fast. The good part about the rain was that Tori was able to wear the hood on her rain jacket without looking like she was hiding her face. She also held a big black umbrella over her head as she walked along feeling somewhat incognito for her first foray into the unknown. She was only going to the Human Bean, a coffee place three blocks from her apartment.
As she approached the Bean, she noticed that they were changing the window to a holiday theme that involved their peppermint chocolate latte. A young woman wearing a Human Bean T-shirt was taking down the display for Pumpkin Spice drinks to put up the Christmas cutouts for the lattes.
It was happening. Christmas was on its way and Tori’s stomach lurched to imagine how she was going to get through the days surrounding the loneliest day of the year. Maybe drinking those chocolate lattes. They looked pretty darned good.
Sasha swept up behind her with a “Hello, I’m here. Don’t everyone applaud,” as she took Tori’s arm and they walked together the last few steps to the Bean’s front door.
Inside, Maddy waved from the back corner and Tori wondered how early her friend had to get here to score the one private table in the back corner. “I’ll get drinks. You go sit,” Sasha said.
Maddy smiled and clapped her hands together as Tori wound her way through the tables. She looked already like the radiant bride. In grade school, they’d once made a pact to marry each other if they hadn’t found husbands by thirty. A smile escaped Tori’s lips at the thought. How horrible that they’d thought they needed to be attached to someone at that young age that even a best girlfriend would do. Maddy stood, her trench coat falling open to reveal she’d lost weight in the months since Tori had seen her.
“Are you Maddy or some supermodel version of her?” They hugged and Maddy kissed Tori’s hair behind her ear, holding her a little longer and little tighter than usual.
“I lost weight, but the big news is that you’re here.” Maddy had perfect, white teeth and gorgeous lips that smiled easily.
“Oh, is that really the big news? Then I’m sorry to be so newsworthy.” Tori sat in the chair with her back to the room, something that was much better than sitting where Maddy was and watching everyone, everyone seeing her. “You look fantastic and you aren’t even married yet.”
Maddy’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you for trying this today.”
Tori wanted to let her emotions take over and cry, but she held firm. “It’s not that bad. I haven’t panicked and reached for my meds yet.” Although Tori didn’t take meds to combat her anxiety, it had been suggested many times by her friends and the counselor who’d coached her through the most difficult time of her life. “No meds, but my heart is racing a little and my face feels hot,” she confessed.
Maddy reached across the table to take Tori’s hand. “Today’s task was to do something that would make your friends happy and I appreciate you making me the recipient of the task.”
Tori shrugged. “Sorry to make it a task to have coffee with you, Mad-Girl, but it’s not you, it’s the people and...”
“I know.”
Just then, Sasha arrived with two coffees and handed one to Tori that read “Superstar” on the side where her name would be written in sharpie.
“Cute,” Tori said taking off the top of the cup to cool it enough to drink sooner than midnight when it might otherwise cool off with the lid. “So far so good,” Tori said venturing at look towards the table being vacated next to them.
“How’s the dress fit?” Sasha asked, braving a sip of her steaming coffee.
“It has to be taken in again,” Maddy laughed. “I told the seamstress this was it. No more weight loss and if I did lose any more, I’d cinch the dress with a white satin belt.” Maddy sat tall. “I can’t believe I lost forty pounds! The dress is so gorgeous. I�
�m excited to wear it on the twenty-fourth, almost as excited as being Mrs. Clint Halley.”
They laughed and just as Tori picked up her cup for a sip of coffee, her elbow was nudged from behind and she dropped the paper cup to spill across their table.
Maddy stood to get out of the way, being in the line of fire, and Tori reached for the cup hoping to stop something from gushing across the table, but it was too late.
“I’m so sorry,” a deep voice came from directly behind Tori. “I’ll get a towel or something.”
Tori didn’t turn around. She knew someone had hit her arm and was now gone. She stood and grabbed napkins from the empty table’s dispenser. “Did it get you?” she asked Maddy.
“No, just some residual flying drops on my boots.” They looked to see Maddy was right. “Let’s move over here and let that man do the cleanup on his own, shall we?” Maddy took Tori’s arm and led them to the empty table. Tori took a seat that blocked out most of the room and Sasha sat beside her.
“Did he fall into you?” Maddy asked.
“He just nudged my elbow.” Tori said. “You were saying you love your dress more than Clint.” Tori joked. Her words sounded as shaky as she felt, the spill having thrown her off her already tentative game.
They talked about wedding plans until the café employee returned with the man and a mop. While the employee mopped and wiped, the man found his way to the front of Tori and tried to apologize. “Let me get you another one of those whatever it was. My briefcase slid and hit your arm, I think.”
Tori didn’t look up to him but for a second her attention was drawn to a carved amulet her wore around his neck. It peeked through an opening at the top of his coat, catching the light. “It’s fine.” If she’d still had a coffee, she would have taken a sip, but her coffee was in the mop now.