by Sabrina York
The woman today was the bride from the video.
Diesel laid his head on Matt’s shoe and looked up at him with those, “I love you the most” eyes. Leaving his dog for the last ten days had been hard but Tom had taken good care of him. But being away this time, gave Matt insight into what life might be like if he decided to continually do these benevolent trips. Without Diesel.
If he was going to lead this life of travel, he’d need a home base and a pretty good dog sitter. Still, leaving his buddy for long stretches wasn’t exactly the perfect life for either of them.
He could take the position offered by his friends in Cle Elum to join their practice and still be able to book himself out for these missions maybe once a year. That way, Diesel would have a great life in Matt’s hometown and they’d be close to hiking and lakes and snow.
Matt sat back, his hands behind his head folded and rubbed Diesel’s belly with his socked foot. “Would you like to live in a small town with me?”
Tori was booked into Mistletoe Lodge for four nights. She’d taken the plunge and told Maddy’s mother to include her in the reservation if there was still room.
“Oh, there is room for you, Tori. We have a single room with your name on it on the third floor at the end of the hall. It’s been set aside for you for months.” Third floor again. There was something comforting about being on the top floor at the far end.
Tori felt badly she’d put Maddy through the trauma of not knowing whether her best friend would even show up for the wedding. And whether or not Maddy’s feud with her sister had been entirely true, it sounded like Hanna was coming to the wedding and even decided to be a bridesmaid. This wedding week sounded like a big deal and Tori hoped that she’d be able to fade into the background because of that.
Lately, Tori had been working hard to get ready for the few days of heavy social activity at the wedding. In the last two weeks, she’d met Maddy for lunch, had her hair cut at a salon, had attended a small Christmas party at Sasha and Will’s and even volunteered at the local cat shelter one day because she’d felt guilty about not following her own task on week four.
The Cat shelter day had been the springboard for her to get outside, do things, see people, stop worrying about the past and move on to the future. She’d gone home and packed most of her sweatpants away, gotten out a jewelry box that she hadn’t dipped into for over a year and promised herself that there was no turning back now. She had three weeks until the Christmas wedding and was determined to not look like a shy wallflower at the reception. Not being a drinker, she wouldn’t be able to rely on champagne to loosen her tightly wound psyche, so she’d need some coping mechanisms when she got to the lodge and was faced with people. Deep breaths, refocusing, a pocket stone to rub, things like that might get her through. Having attended a small party at Sasha’s Tori had new confidence.
That Christmas party had been cocktails and appetizers with six of Will’s friends from the movie he was shooting. She hadn’t known any guests when she walked in late. But, by the time she left an hour later, she had mingled, eaten and smiled a lot, whether she wanted to or not. Just before she decided to walk the hall back to her own apartment, Sasha had rescued Tori from a man telling her all about his life as a filmmaker and a big player in the Hollywood scene. It was shortly after that, Tori left, saying an hour was a good amount of time for her and thank you for the invitation.
“Are you going home to blog about how brave you are now?” Sasha had said, walking her to the door.
“Pretty much,” Tori said.
And now, it was a few days before leaving for Mistletoe and Tori was feeling scared, worried, and regretful she’d said she would ever do this. Her suitcase lay on the bed without a thing in it. Tori sat in her bedroom chair staring at it. Was she really going to do this thing? And why had she agreed to go so many days in advance? Sasha had convinced Tori to drive with them and at the time, it seemed like the best idea. But now…
Maybe she could just fly in on the day of the wedding instead of going four days early. The wedding was in the late afternoon. Did she really think she’d take part in the festivities? Maddy said there would be tobogganing, cross country skiing, cookie baking, tree decorating, and every night was a different themed dinner. Tori planned to work from her room but when she realized that Maddy expected her to attend the events, she knew the week would be so much more than she could manage.
Tori stood, took a deep breath and recited something she counseled her patients to use. “One baby step at a time.” She’d pack party clothes along with snow stuff, and then see how she felt once she got there. Picking up her folded favorite jeans, Tori set them in the suitcase. Next, she went to her closet and grabbed her cashmere sweaters and a few festive tops. She folded everything and added them to the suitcase. Next, lingerie, socks, stockings, shoes and more pants and tops, including a T-shirt given to her by Sasha last year that read, “No Bad Days.”
This week’s challenge was to keep a journal of every time you felt scared but persevered and followed through, pushing past the fear. For every success, give yourself ten points and a pat on the back. Challengers had been posting scores all week and Tori was sure she’d racked up a few points herself. Everyone was supporting each other’s victories, lifting up each other and congratulating their challenge mates. For a brief time on Thursday, the hashtag ChristmasChallenge was trending in both Seattle and Los Angeles and Tori had been excited enough to dance around her apartment, singing.
The Challenge was basically running itself now with Tori posting once a week until the Christmas Day check in. She could manage everything from her single room at Mistletoe Lodge and on the twenty-fifth from her mom’s house. The more she thought about staying on in Mistletoe, the more she thought she might hunker down in her childhood house for a few peaceful days.
Although she was driving to Mistletoe with Sasha and Will, she’d fly home. Her ride was detouring Will’s family’s place for Christmas on the road home. Another reason for Tori to stay on until she felt like returning to the city.
When Tori finished packing almost everything but last minute add ins, she set the suitcase on the floor and felt sure she could manage this week without too much bravery needed. She would anticipate questions from people she hadn’t seen in a long time on how she’d gotten through the firestorm of the media this year, the comments from internet trolls and the publicity of being made a fool of. She’d give off her standard answer to thoughtless questions. “That’s behind me now. How are you?”
This week, Tori would take it one step at a time and if anything happened to make her run back to her lodge bedroom, she’d deal with it when the time came.
Scrunched in the backseat of Will’s Honda Civic, Tori wondered how three people needed so much stuff for a few days until Will told her he was the videographer for the wedding week and Sasha revealed she was bringing decorations for the tree they planned to decorate in the lodge main room.
The owner of Mistletoe Lodge was Clint’s uncle and had given them the place to use as a wedding present. Although the Lodge had been closed for two years because the uncle moved to Japan, Clint’s family had been preparing the grand old timber lodge for three months. According to Maddy, the place looked amazing. It was fully decorated for Christmas, the beds were made with crisp linens and fluffy comforters and the kitchen was ready for business. Clint had a big family who lived in the Mistletoe area and were readying the Lodge when Maddy arrived two weeks early to help.
When Will, Sasha and Tori pulled down the long, ploughed driveway, they saw that Mistletoe Lodge was fully decorated in outdoor Christmas lights and a sign over the grand front door that read, “Maddy & Clint’s Wedding.”
The snow, the lights, the lodge, everything added up to bring tears to Tori’s eyes. “How could I ever have missed this?” she whispered.
“Right?” Sasha answered. “Oh, look Tor!”
At the door to the lodge were cardboard cutouts of the happy couple propped up an
d welcoming everyone to the lodge. It was one of the touches that had Tori smiling. The other one was the back of a man walking into the lodge, his dark hair just touching his collar, his gait athletic and manly.
“Who’s that going in?” Tori asked.
“No idea,” Sasha said, “but I imagine there’ll be a lot of men our age seeing Clint was on the college crew team and he probably invited all those guys.”
Tori realized as they parked in the designated area that the likelihood of the coffee spiller being a friend of Clint’s was very slim. Still, she wondered, as she got her suitcase and half-dragged it to the Lodge’s front stairs, the intriguing man now long gone.
The room at the end of the third-floor hall was small with a twin bed, desk, and chair. It shared a bathroom with the room next door which Tori happened to know was occupied by her friend Zoe, one of the bridesmaids who were mostly the girls she and Maddy had known in college. Tori didn’t mind sharing a bathroom and, although small, her single room that overlooked the front door looked perfect for the next five days.
Tori had volunteered to bring her own linens, knowing Clint’s family was opening the lodge after two years, so the first thing she did after setting her suitcase by the desk at the window, was to make the bed with the soft sheets and down-filled comforter she’d brought from home. When the bed looked like her bed in Seattle, she pulled out her tape and hung inspirational posters. Just in case she needed reminding to “Hang in There,” or “Be the Person You Want to Be.” If she was going to put herself out there socially, Tori wanted her room to look homey. She’d even brought the little lamp from her bedside table.
When she heard Zoe next door, Tori opened the adjoining bathroom door and peeked her head into the next bedroom. “Hey, Girl.” Her instincts told her to make this conversation short, take a social breather after six hours in the car with Sasha and Will, but Zoe was one of her favorite friends and she didn’t want to appear rude.
“You made it!” Zoe hugged Tori and pointed to her suitcase, now spilled all over the floor. “My suitcase broke in the hall and this nice guy helped me carry it in.”
Looking towards the doorway, Tori saw him. The coffee spiller. He stood tall looking shocked to see Tori. “I’m seeing you everywhere,” he said in that velvety voice.
Tori wanted so badly to say something clever about him following her to another state, but the words wouldn’t come out. “Hi,” she said instead. “Are you here for the wedding?”
Zoe cut in. “Do you guys know each other?”
“We’ve met,” Tori said.
“I spilled her coffee once in Seattle. Another co-incidence running into you here. I’m Clint’s friend, Matt.” His hand reached first for Tori, then to Zoe.
Zoe thanked Matt for coming to her rescue in the hall, just now. “All my unmentionables spilling out into the family-friendly hall.”
A dog peeked his nose in past Matt’s knee and Tori startled.
“Are you scared of dogs?” Matt asked.
“Not at all but the last few miles here, we kept looking for a bear and my imagination just… I thought…”
Matt laughed and rubbed his black lab’s ears. “This is Diesel. He’s friendly. Maybe overly so.” Matt made a motion with his hand and Diesel sat at his owner’s feet. “I’m glad you’re OK with him because my room is across the hall and he’ll be there with me.”
“Can I pet him?” Tori asked. She’d grown up with both dogs and cats and missed having a pet.
“He’d love that.” Matt stepped aside while Tori greeted the friendly pooch out in the hall who tried to kiss her. “I hardly know you, Diesel. No smooches.” It was so much easier to talk to a dog than people.
Matt’s duffle bag was in the middle of the hall and when he turned to grab it, Diesel followed. “Think I’ll check out my room,” he said. “Diesel’s pretty quiet and used to new places but the squirrels outside have him all riled up so you might hear him bark.” Matt opened his door and Diesel wagged his thick tail.
“I doubt I’ll hear him,” Tori said. “See you later,” she said.
“Bye for now,” he said smiling and closing the door.
Tori stepped inside Zoe’s room and closed her door, her face full of excitement. “He’s handsome. No ring. Single room.” She took off her coat. “It’s like the single rooms are all down at this end of the hall.”
Tori groaned inwardly. She really didn’t want to be part of the single group at the wedding, especially if everyone was going to mingle and flirt. She just wanted to take her baby steps carefully forward, as slow as she wanted to go.
By the time she explained to Zoe that she was going to close the bathroom door between their rooms and work, Tori realized that she’d had her third conversation with a handsome man since she’d decided to come out of her shell.
And each conversation was with the same intriguing man.
6
The first evening at Mistletoe Lodge Tori considered staying in her room until the end of the planned dinner, claiming to have fallen asleep, but then Sasha knocked on the door at six.
“Why are you in your pajamas?” she asked, stepping inside the room. “It’s time for dinner.”
“I’m not that hungry.” Tori was feeling almost nauseous at the idea of entering a room full of people. She didn’t honestly think anyone would call her out as the woman in the video but imagining everyone staring at her left Tori with a ball of anxiety in her stomach.
“Get dressed. I’ll wait.” Sasha sat in the chair and looked at her phone.
Ten minutes later, Tori had brushed her hair, put a little makeup on, changed into jeans and a black sweater and was ready to go. “I wish I could wear a hood all week and just be anonymous.”
“I know but the room will be crowded. You won’t be noticed.” Sasha opened the door. Diesel stood in the hall wagging his tail at the sight of new friends.
“You all alone?” Tori asked the dog, then saw Matt’s door was open.
“Nope,” Matt called from inside the room. “I’m coming.”
Tori turned away quickly and started down the hall. “Let’s go, Sasha.” She wasn’t sure why she didn’t wait for Matt, but it seemed like too much social action. Also, walking into the party with Matt and his dog would mean all eyes going to them because of the dog.
She’d hoped to slip in the door undetected.
The dinner was to be in what used to be the restaurant of the old lodge, next to the big gathering place with the rock fireplace and comfy couches. Tonight’s theme dinner was pizza and salads with various cakes and cookies for dessert. Tori knew this because over the last few months, she’d been privy to all the plans through Maddy and although the bride was not supposed to worry about any of this, Maddy had chosen to have her hand in everything.
It turned out that Diesel and Matt caught up to them as they reached the bottom of the staircase and they all walked into the restaurant together. “Anybody else work up an appetite?” Matt asked the ladies.
“This mountain air has me famished,” Sasha answered.
“Diesel looks ready for floor scraps,” Tori said. The dog pulled on his leash as they entered the dining room. Tori tucked in behind Matt and Sasha, hoping if people looked over, she’d be hidden.
“I’m going to find Will,” Sasha said breaking off from them.
Tori didn’t particularly want to be stuck with a man she barely knew.
Then, it happened.
Someone with a booming voice called, “Where you going, Bob?” People laughed. Tori froze. They didn’t know what that phrase did to Tori. Her blood ran cold and her face went hot.
Matt turned quickly and seeing her face, led her out the door. He had a hold of her elbow as he carefully took her around the corner. She didn’t protest because she felt if she didn’t get away from the restaurant she’d start crying. Stopping in the shadows of the hall, Matt let go of her arm and looked straight in her face. “You look like you’re in shock. You OK?” he asked.
“How did you know to take me out of there?” she whispered.
Before Matt could answer, Tori sank to her haunches and hugged Diesel to her chest, tears pricking the backs of her eyes. “Do you know who I am?” Tori wasn’t sure if she wanted him to say yes or no.
Matt sank to the floor where she hugged Diesel. “I saw your face,” he said quietly. “Just after I saw him.”
It was possible they were talking about two different things. “You heard, ‘Where you..’”
She couldn’t even say the whole thing. It was a phrase that had even become a campaign slogan for a travel company. Let us tell you where Bob is going.
“I heard.”
He knew. Everyone knew. Why did she think people might not know who she is? She nodded.
The hall where they stood was quiet, the noise of the party too far off to make a noticeable noise. Diesel now lay on the floor, his head on Matt’s running shoe. Tori stood leaning against the wall, her arms folded across her chest and thought about going back to her room. “I heard someone say it and I just couldn’t breathe.”
“I’m so sorry.” Matt’s hand was on her shoulder and she wanted to shrug it off but didn’t.
“You go back to the party. I’m going upstairs to my room.”
“I feel like I should warn you about something.” Matt took a deep breath and Tori looked up at him. “You might not have seen, but Bob was in the room,” Matt said.
It felt like the air was sucked out of the space around Tori and her head went fuzzy. She hadn’t seen her fiance since he ran out the church door eighteen months ago. No one had mentioned his name to her. Not after she’d had several tearful conversations with Maddy, her mother, Sasha, and her counsellor. It had taken months to understand that Bob had run out on her with another woman, but what lasted longer was the humiliation of that catch phrase from the video of her standing at the church door watching Bob, jump in a strange car while she uttered, “Where you going, Bob?”