Tell Me You Love Me

by Julie Prestsater

  “So what did you take? I know it was a lot more than conversation. You two have been dancing around each other since you met, and now she’s finally free of that prick so you can act on it.”

  His words surprise me and anger me at the same time. “What?” I lean forward, my elbows resting on my knees. “You knew I had a thing for her and you didn’t tell me she was married?”

  He winces, looking as if he is the one who was caught doing something wrong. “Well,” he says, dragging the word out for a second. “We don’t really need to talk about that now.”

  I raise a brow. “Really? Who’s stalling now, bitch? You cut the crap. Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

  He takes a long pull of his beer, and then places the empty bottle on the table along with the others. “I wasn’t sure about how you felt, but I could tell Liz was different. Her face lit up when you showed up. I have never seen her glow the way she did after she met you. So, I just left it alone. I didn’t want you to act any differently if you knew she was married. I just thought she could use a little happiness in her life.” He pops the cap off a new beer and takes a drink. “Maybe I was secretly hoping she would dump her husband for you.”

  “He’s a real piece of work. I was a half second from beating his ass to a pulp when I met him.”

  Justin’s expression changes to that of shock. “You met Jackass Jace?”

  I nod. And then, I continue to tell him about the day I came upon Lizzy and her husband. I’m vague about what I heard him tell her—I can’t bring myself to repeat the words—although he isn’t surprised by it at all. Apparently, the guys have heard many unflattering stories about the douche. He reached over to pound it out when I told him I clocked the fool in the mouth. That asshole is lucky I held back.

  “Is that why you volunteered? To get away from Liz?” he asks.

  It’s my turn to down what’s left of my beer. I knew we’d get here eventually, but even three beers and a huge piece of beef later, I’m still not sure I’m up for this conversation.

  “Cough it up already.” He snaps a bottle cap at me, catching me in the center of my chest.

  “Kind of.” I scratch my head, embarrassed by my choice to flee when I heard the news rather than suck it up and stay. “The dude pissed me off royally and I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t find his ass and kill him. Plus, it was kind of a blow to the fucking ego to find out the girl I thought I was making some headway with was actually betrothed.”

  “Betrothed?” The bastard chuckles.

  “Whatever, it sounds less...” The right word doesn’t come to me, but marriage is supposed to be about love and it angers me to think Lizzy could have been in love with that dick.

  “Why didn’t you tell me what was going on? I would have told you she was getting a divorce. I would have done something.”

  What does he expect? I’d find out and then ask him to deliver a folded note to her asking if she’d go out with me. Complete with the little boxes at the bottom for her to check yes or no. “I should have called you, but I didn’t want to talk about it.”

  He sighs, blowing a shot of air from his mouth. “Now everything finally makes sense. All the vague stories Molly told me. Jace and Liz split up that very day. He left and never came back. Well, who looks like a chump now? You wasted months that you could have been with her.”

  Yeah, I may have wasted time, but now is all that matters. A smile starts to spread across my mouth.

  “What now?” Justin asks. “What happened when you ran into her?” He holds up his air quotes to emphasize my repeated words.

  Usually, I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I need some back up dammit. Someone to shed some light on what the hell I’m doing. So I tell him. I tell him everything that happened from the moment I spotted her on the trail to the moment I told her we should take it slow.

  “Slow? How much slower do you need to take it? You’ve been eyeballing her like she’s the last chip in the bowl for over a year and now you want to take it slow?”

  What the hell is up with his use of similes? Metaphors? Shit, I don’t remember that part of English class.

  “Because...I know I’m attracted to her. I know we get along well, but I really want to get to know her better.” I flick the bottle cap back at him. “I want to know everything about her, and that means we need to take it fucking slow.”

  He shakes his head at me, obviously not in agreement with my decision. “When did your dick invert itself into a fucking vagina? Grow a pair. She doesn’t want to take it slow. I’ve seen the way she looks at you...like you’re one of those models on one of their book covers.”

  Now, I’m laughing. He is too much. “Look we’re putting the brakes on whatever it is that’s happening between us. I haven’t even been home for twenty-four hours. I’ve been gone for months. I like her too much to jump into bed with her without knowing what this is.”

  Justin grins. He is silent for about ten seconds before he stands and nods his head in the direction of the house. “Good, Ry. Then you deserve her. Everything will work out just fine. I’ll be right back. Gonna grab us a few beers.” When he gets to the door, he turns toward me. “This time next year, I’m going to be your best man.”

  A year ago I might have kicked his ass for a comment like that. But now...I’ll take it. When I think of Lizzy, spending the rest of my life with only one woman doesn’t scare me at all, so long as that woman is her.

  My friend isn’t done talking apparently. After passing me a new beer, he sits down across from me and starts in again. This time, the vibe is more serious and I have the sudden urge to call it a day.

  “Have you been honest with her about what took you so long to come home?” he asks.

  “Yeah, I told her the fires were finally under control, and that my emotions were under control so I no longer feared cracking her ex in the nose.”

  “That’s not what I meant and you know it. I’m talking about why you didn’t come home the first time you planned to.”

  This isn’t where I thought the interrogation would go and I don’t like it.

  Sweat starts to bead up on my forehead, my upper lip. The alcohol does little to tamper down my anger at his line of questioning. “That’s old news,” I tell him. “Why would I tell her anything about that.”

  “What if she asks?”

  “Why would she?” Fuck. I don’t want to talk about this, but he doesn’t let up. “I’ll tell her the truth. I wasn’t ready.”

  “If things get serious, she needs to know. That’s part of being in a relationship with people like us, especially when we’re called away. It took you a long time to get over the number your ex pulled on you, and you need to trust Liz enough to be completely honest with her. You don’t want to have any doubts about her.”

  Thoughts of Lizzy and what she kept from me flood through my mind. My chest squeezes, an aching pain settling right in the center. “I trust her just fine, I just don’t see the need in drudging up the past. With her ex or mine.”

  “Then you haven’t gotten over it at all.”

  This conversation is over. Scraping the chair back, I stand to go back inside. “Forget this shit.” I start to walk away, mumbling under my breath, “How would you know?”

  Justin calls out from behind me, “I’ve been there, Ry. Don’t forget I lost Christine. If I had let her in and let her help me through my hard times, we would still be together. Instead, I shut her out and I lost her. You don’t want to go there. You need to be honest.”

  “My past and yours are so different. My ex and I broke up because she was lonely while I was away. She cheated on me over and over again, and I never suspected a thing. You and Christine broke up because you wouldn’t let her help you through the pain of losing that little kid in the fire. How can you even compare the two?”

  “It all comes down to trust, honesty, and communication. If I’d fostered those things with Christine, we’d still be together now. If you don’t have that with Liz, then what kind of re
al relationship will you have?”

  When Christine left after six years with Justin, it broke him. I wasn’t around at that time, but I heard my fair share of sob stories. I don’t want to go down that road.

  “Point taken,” I say. “I’ll handle it.”

  Lizzy and I have had plenty of miscommunication already. There’s no need to add to it. We need to start things off right, and that means that we both need to let our ghosts free and tell each other anything we have on our mind. Justin is right. What kind of relationship will we have if we don’t?

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Lizzy

  It’s been a long week of short but sweet phone calls and goofy texts. I don’t know why he hasn’t just come over, not that I’ve invited him. I was just hoping he might mention something. A date. Dinner. Movies. Anything really just to spend some time together. But, Ryan hasn’t offered a thing.

  Today will be the first time I’ll see him since he kissed me. Touching my fingers to my lips, I can almost feel him. So sweet and gentle, my stomach is still fluttering from the butterflies he put there.

  He is officially back on duty. Yesterday was his first day, so he won’t have free time until tomorrow, although I’m not sure when and if I will see him even then. Justin and the rest of the guys usually sleep and relax for a day or two after a shift before they head to their second jobs. I’m not sure what Ryan’s routine is.

  I guess he was right. Slow is good. We need to get to know each other...beyond hikes, tea, and reading to kids at the library.

  “Hello.” I hear a faint sound of Molly’s voice. “Earth to Liz,” she calls out, waving her hand in my face.

  “Oh shit. I’m sorry,” I tell the group. “What are we talking about?”

  “This is a book club, you know,” Rose says, a smile on her face.

  I laugh inside. “Like that means anything. We usually talk about the books for about five minutes before our ADD brains move on to something else.”

  “What was that?” Rose asks, this time she laughing aloud at her own joke. And so do the rest of the girls. “No seriously, we were talking about how much we loved the book and how much my students are going to love it.”

  I have to agree. Love Notes reminded me of Judy Blume’s Forever. It’s such a sweet story of teenage love. Well, maybe I liked it better, because I was so pissed at the chick in Forever when she started liking the other dude like he was interchangeable with her awesome boyfriend.

  Nodding my head, I add, “I loved it. I even started following the author on Facebook so I can get updates on her new releases.”

  “Good idea,” Rachel says, taking out her phone. “What was her last name again?”

  “Gunter. Heather Gunter,” Molly chimes in. “She has two other books. I bought them already.”

  “Good to know,” I say, trying to stay focused on my friends but slightly distracted by my impending meeting with Ryan. I’m dying to see him, but have no doubt this could be weird. I have no idea what I’m going to say, or how he’ll react when he sees me.

  “What are we reading next?” Rose asks. We all look at Molly. She usually finds us our next reads. She is a good author stalker and has a knack for searching out gems in the rough. Ones that may not hit the USA Today or New York Times best seller list, but probably should. She’s a major fan of indie books. I guess we all are. Nicholas Sparks has no shortage of readers. Why not spread the love to some lesser-known authors who create amazing reads. The ones we put on our very own FAB (Fucking Awesome Books) list.

  “We’re reading In His Arms by Taryn Plendl. Heather Gunter recommended it on FB. I just love how these women support each other. It reminds me of us.”

  “True story,” I say, holding up my water bottle in a mock cheers.

  “Hear that?” Molly says, holding her index finger to her lips.

  We all sit in silence, our ears perking up to the sound of boots hitting the pavement. It’s crazy, but I feel like I can pick out the sound of Ryan among the other guys. I’ve walked with him enough.

  “There’re my girls,” Justin says, his hands held up high in the air. “You all look great. It’s a nice day out.”

  It definitely is and I thanked the weather gods for cool temperatures. I had no desire to see Ryan for the first time since our kiss in a sweaty state. Although, nice weather or not, I’m starting to get a little clammy in the pits as the tip of his head comes into view.

  Justin holds his hand out to me for a quick pound. “What up, Liz?”

  I pound it out with him as the other guys start making their way toward us. Each of the guys mingle with the group, saying their hellos, but there is really only one firefighter who I’m dying to greet.

  When Ryan reaches me, I stand. I don’t know why, but I can’t just keep my ass in my seat.

  “Hey,” I tell him, the words hoarse in my throat.

  He gives me one of his comforting smiles. “Hey, beautiful,” he says, before leaning down to plant a quick peck on my cheek. My face heats up like a brick oven. He backs away, his eyes still locked to mine. “I missed you.”

  I reach out to him, placing my hand on his bicep. “I missed you, too.”

  Ryan reaches out to me, pulling me into his arms for a tight hug. “You know they’re watching us, right?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I whisper into his chest. “And I don’t care.”

  “That’s my girl,” he says. “Neither do I.” He kisses the top of my head, and pulls away from me again. “Do you have plans for Sunday?”

  Ignoring our friends, I shake my head, looking up at him and getting lost in his gorgeous eyes.

  He continues on like we haven’t just turned into a Breaking News segment on Channel 4. “How about a morning run up the trail? And then we can spend the rest of the day together? Maybe we can trespass for a little singing and dancing.”

  I let my head fall back as my laughter fills the air at the memory. “You were gone a long time, Ry. That spot is filled with homes now.”

  He shrugs. “We’ll find another spot.”

  “You ready?” Justin calls out. I almost forgot they were all there.

  “Yeah,” he answers, not taking his eyes off me. “I gotta go, Lizzy. I’ll text you later. And I’ll see you Sunday.”

  “Sounds good,” I tell him. Just when I think he’s going to turn and walk away, he bends down one last time and captures my mouth with one gentle peck on the lips.

  I don’t know what I expected from seeing Ryan again, but his sweet and warm greeting has surpassed it. This firefighter is starting one hell of a blaze in my heart. One that I hope he never wants to put out.

  There is silence while we watch the guys stomp away until they are out of sight. Silence that won’t hang around for long.

  “Well, fuck me raw,” Molly shouts. “That was hot.”

  Leave it to Molly to make my swoon-worthy kiss sound like a porn scene.

  Rose lets out a low whistle. “Wow. Just wow,” she says.

  “One: I second that wow. Two: I’m so happy for you. And three: we need all the details. Like yesterday,” Rachel says.

  A smile spreads across my lips and I’m certain I’m blushing. Why wouldn’t I be? A sexy hot firefighter, scratch that, my sexy hot firefighter just kissed me. Yes. That just happened. And yes, I could do backflips all the way home because I’m that excited.

  “Slow down there, ladies. If I could think clearly, I’d spill my guts. But right now, I’d like to enjoy this moment before I faint.” They all smile at me, wide-eyed and completely fascinated. “Give me a chance to recover and I promise I’ll answer all your burning questions. Just not today though.” My friends nod, looking just a tad disappointed. “But what I can tell you is this...,” I point in the direction of the men, “Ryan.” Just saying his name makes me all sorts of happy. “He. Is. Better-than-any-deliciously-sexy-hot-book-boyfriend. Awesome.”

  * * *

  Today’s story hour was a huge success. A local children’s book author stopped
in for a read aloud. She was animated and engaging. As she read, the kids inched closer and closer to her until they were almost completely in her lap. It was adorable. Parents purchased books to be signed for their kids, they took pictures, and everyone was grateful for the opportunity. I love days like this where you can see the excitement in the kids’ eyes, knowing today may have been the day that transforms them into lifelong readers.

  Just as I wrap up with the author, giving her a hug of appreciation and a little bag full of thank-you goodies, my friends show up for lunch. Molly texted earlier to tell me she would be bringing me a turkey wrap and an iced green tea, but I didn’t expect to see Rose and Rachel, too. What an awesome surprise.

  “Hey, ladies,” I tell them. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

  There’s a crease between Rachel’s brows. “Don’t get too excited, girlfriend. We just came for some gossip. Inquiring minds want to know about you and the long-lost firefighter.”

  While the girls weren’t completely satisfied with my cliff notes version, they did give me some breathing room. Molly knew how much I cared for Ryan and our plans to take it slow. But Rachel and Rose were completely surprised. More so by his affection, as if we’d spent more time together than I had suggested before. Giddy as I was, I wasn’t at all ready to share the details. Sure, they didn’t press me, but I knew they wouldn’t wait long.

  “Yeah, like did you get to handle his hose yet?” Molly asks, fluttering her own brows up and down.

  Rose’s eyes widen. “Oh my God, ladies. We’re in a library,” she whispers, looking around. “And we’re in the children’s section.”

  “Calm down, calm down,” I tell her. “Let’s take this inquisition into one of the soundproof study rooms.”

  I let my assistant know I’m taking my lunch and then the girls follow me to the research section and into an empty conference room.

  Molly closes the door behind her and holds up my tea. “You’re not getting one sip of this until we hear everything. And in great detail, of course.”

  “Sorry, my friends. You’re going to be grossly disappointed. I don’t have anything to tell. Other than, Ryan’s picking me up on Sunday and we’re spending the day together.”