He shakes the blanket loose of its folds and spreads it across one of the rocks. He jumps up on the boulder first, and then reaches out a hand to pull me up.
“For future reference, you don’t have to worry about blankets and such. I don’t mind getting a little dirty.” It dawns on me how that sounds and I start to laugh when I see Ryan’s eyes widen. “That didn’t come out the way I intended.”
“Good to know,” he says, with a chuckle.
He turns his body so he’s facing me. I do the same, crossing my legs in front of me.
“Now.” He takes a deep breath in and then exhales audibly. “Let’s talk.” He smiles and it wipes away any nervousness I may have had. “I need to apologize for—”
Placing my hand on his, I stop him right there. “No, Ryan. Me first.” It’s my turn to take in a long deep breath. He doesn’t say anything, giving me time to get things off my chest. “I need to apologize. When I called you and said I needed to tell you something, I meant it. Now, give me the chance to say what I’ve practiced in my head for the last several months.”
He nods, taking both of my hands in his, intertwining his fingers with mine.
“When I met you, I had no idea what was in store for us. It was like I was immediately drawn to you, when I shouldn’t have been. I knew better. While I wasn’t in a happy or healthy relationship, I was still married. But it was like there was this connection between us I couldn’t ignore. So many times, I wanted to tell you I was married, but I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” he asks, giving my hands a squeeze.
“Afraid of losing what we had. Afraid of losing the way you looked at me. Afraid of losing the way you made me feel by simply sitting down and having a cup of tea with you. You made me feel like I could have all the things I always wanted and wished for. You made me want those things again. I should have never let it get so out of control. But if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing other than the fact I hurt you. I’m sorry for that. But I’m not sorry for the way I feel. I’ll never be sorry for that.”
I stare right into Ryan’s eyes, not looking away. Even when a tear slides down my cheek, I still gaze into his hazel eyes, searching for forgiveness.
Unleashing one of my hands, he reaches up and brushes away my tears. Then, he slides his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me toward him until our lips meet. Gently, he places soft kisses on my mouth, along my jaw to that super sensitive spot just below my ear.
“I don’t ever want you to apologize for your feelings. I know I’m not sorry for the way I feel.” His words are whispered into my neck before he pulls back and sits up straight again. “My turn.” He smiles, then clears his throat. “I’d be lying to say I wasn’t hurt by finding out you were married. I was more than hurt, I felt completely destroyed. But that has to do with my past. Something I hadn’t shared with you before.” He looks down at our hands as he swipes his thumbs back and forth over the backs of my hands.
“A few years back, I was in a relationship. A long-term one I thought was going somewhere. I even considered leaving hotshots for her so we could take the next step. One weekend, I decided to surprise her with a visit and I found out she had been cheating on me. For over two years, she’d been cheating because she was lonely when I was away. I felt foolish for not knowing and I was more angry than hurt or disappointed, which was a real eye opener, because I realized that what we had wasn’t what I thought it was.” He takes another long breath. “But when I found out you were married, I felt betrayed all over again. Like I was reliving everything from my past and it had happened all over again. But with you, it was more than that. I was completely crushed. Angry, sad, you name it. I was one miserable son of a bitch.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, interrupting him, more tears falling from my eyes.
“As pissed as I was when I found out about that dick of a husband of yours, I couldn’t be too angry. You’re right. Everything would have changed from the moment I found out. Things would have been different. We wouldn’t have had the chance to get to know each other the way we did. I wouldn’t take back anything. Wouldn’t change a thing.” Again, he looks down at our hands. When he looks back up, he says, “Except leaving. I should have never left. I should have given you the chance to explain. I should have stayed back and fought for you. But I didn’t. I just left because in that moment, it reminded me of my ex and everything she kept from me. But, you’re nothing like her and what we had doesn’t even rate in comparison to what I have with you. I’m not telling you this to make you sad, or to get more apologies from you. I’m telling you because I want us to be honest with each other from here on out. Can you do that, Lizzy? Can you promise to be honest with me?”
Leaning forward on my knees, I stop when my face is mere inches from his. “Absolutely, Ryan. From here on out, nothing comes between us.” When my lips press against his, I can feel the smile in his kiss and I get choked up all over again.
This man is amazing. How would anyone cheat on this beautiful man? Was the girl blind? Stupid? Both? My inner insecurities wonder if she was beautiful, skinny... But surely what he said, about how crushed he was, indicates he feels more for me. I may be slimmer now, but the weight never leaves me in terms of how I see myself. Although, somehow, I can see how that might change in the future.
For the next hour or so, I sit between Ryan’s legs enjoying the quiet of the wilderness and the security of his arms around me. It’s like we both know when we’ve made peace with our past, because we both begin to stand up at the same time. He folds the blanket and shoves it into his backpack and we leave our spot, knowing full well we’ll be returning as often as we need or want to. I think the place will become our sanctuary.
When we get to the bottom of the trail, we start walking toward Ryan’s house. We’ve made plans to spend the day there. Is it possible to be thrilled and nervous at the same time? Outside of walking together, and singing together, what else have we done? Talk on the phone, text, quick hellos at The Lookout. That’s it. And now, we’re going to spend the day together.
Alone.
Hand in hand, Ryan and I swing our arms back and forth like goofy little kids. I woke up this morning knowing today was going to be special, but I had no idea we were going to have so much fun. It’s as if we’ve been together forever, just messing around and being playful with each other. While the jitters are definitely there, the connection I feel with Ryan is so natural.
“After you,” he says when he opens his front door. I lead the way into his house. It’s clean and it smells good, like pineapples and coconut. I noticed it earlier when we stopped by to leave my stuff.
“Your house smells like a piña colada,” I tell him, making a quick sweep of his home with my wondering eyes. A black leather loveseat is bookended by matching recliners. An impressive TV is mounted to a wall with what I’m assuming is a surround sound system sitting just below it.
“I had to get some candles to freshen up the place after being away so long.”
“Too long if you ask me.” I walk past him, grazing my index finger across his chest.
He snatches my hand as I begin to walk away and pulls me toward him. Smashing his body against mine, the temperature kicks up about ten degrees. His hands circle my waist. “Is that so?”
I’ve waited all day for this moment. Sure, I loved the sweet kisses he gently placed on my temple or the top of my head, but this? This is what I’ve been dreaming about for the last six months. The way his chest would feel against my breasts, the way his hands would feel against my back. The way his eyes would melt my insides with one stare of longing. This is what I would have killed for the last six months. And now the time has come.
“Absolutely,” I say, although a little more breathily than I expected. Lifting my arms, I curl my fingers around the base of his neck, feeling the prickles of his short hair against my palms. I inch my hands up, threading my fingers through longer strands on the sides of his head. I’ve
been dying to run my fingers through his gorgeous locks since I allowed myself to fantasize about him.
“What would you have done if I came back sooner?” he asks, never taking his eyes from mine.
A sly grin spreads across my lips as I raise a brow at him. “Just remember,” I say, tugging his face down to mine while I stand on tiptoe to meet him halfway, “you asked for it.”
With that, I press my lips to his and instantly feel my kiss reciprocated. His hands rise up my back, holding me tightly against him as our lips meld together causing a 911 level of heat. This man has a way of firing me up that no one ever has. Each kiss gets more and more intense until Ryan’s tongue slides against my lower lip and I yield to him. I welcome his invasion, allowing my tongue to slip and slide past his, tasting him and all he has to give.
Our hands explore each other’s bodies. Mine roam his chest, feeling his heart beating rapidly under his chiseled form until I reach around him and press my palms to his strong muscular back just as his right hand squeezes my ass.
A soft moan, a whimper, escapes my mouth as his knee pushes between my thighs and he sucks on my tongue. The pleasure rips through my body with every move. I can barely stay on my feet, Ryan’s kisses are so good and his touch is absolutely amazing.
He breaks the kiss, breathing long and heavily. “I should have asked for it a long time ago.”
“Tell me about it,” I say, pressing my lips to his again with a smile. “There’s only one problem.”
He pauses, a look of confusion in his expression.
“We’ve been hiking all day. We both need a shower.” I crinkle my nose at him.
Ryan’s eyes go wide and it dawns on me what’s on his mind.
“No, silly. We both need a shower, but not together.” A low chuckle erupts from us both. Ryan seems to be trying to play it cool, but I can see by his flared nostrils and dark eyes, among other things when I look south, he is still very much turned on. I probably made it worse by mentioning the shower. But, true to the gentleman he is, he holds back. I have a feeling I am going to like it very much when he doesn’t hold back though. The passion I see in his gaze makes me almost drip with need. All that sexy, hard male flesh...oh, shit. Stop Liz. Thank goodness I am not wearing one of those shirts that shows what is happening to my nipples at the thought of Ryan wet in the shower.
He shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “You go first,” he says, taking my hand and leading me down the hall. He shows me into his master bath. “I’d show you to the guest bathroom, but I think you’ll like this one better. This waterfall showerhead is amazing. You’ll never want to come out.”
A playful smile flashes on my face and I flutter my brows at him.
“Don’t even think about it. If you stay in here forever, I’ll just have to come in and get you.”
I grab my bag from his room, the one we left here earlier before our hike, and I walk into the bathroom. He waits as I turn to close the door, but before I do, I tell him, “I’ll have to remember that.” I’m sure I heard a quiet, “Fuck me,” from him as I closed the door. Poor man. That’s exactly what I plan after this shower.
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
Ryan
Knowing she is naked on the other side of the door does little to tame my raging hormones. I could have totally blown my shit in my pants with the way she was kissing me earlier. Throughout the day, I kissed her. Just little pecks on the cheek, a brush across her hair. I was dying to reach out and touch her, kiss her thoroughly without fear of scaring her off. If I would’ve known she was going to attack me the first chance she got, I would’ve thrown her down on the grass at The Lookout and had my way with her.
When Lizzy comes out of my bathroom in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top, a cloud of steam behind her, I have to stop myself from gathering her in my arms again for a second round of heat. She looks so fucking hot with her wet hair pooling at her shoulders, smiling at me with a look of pure happiness. It takes my breath away.
Now, I’m rushing through a shower, scrubbing my body as quick as I can so I can get back to her.
Speeding through my routine, I feel like such an ass, dropping my shampoo, getting my leg caught on my gym shorts, and almost toppling over. Slow down, Ry. She’ll be in your arms soon enough. You have the rest of the day, and night. Hell, you have the rest of your life. I like the thought of that.
Finally, I’ve brushed my teeth, my clothes are on, and I’m ready to get back to my girl. When I open the door to head back into my bedroom, I chuckle inside. I swear I have the worst luck. Lizzy is asleep. On my bed, curled up into a ball with her small hand poised under her cheek. She’s so peaceful and I don’t have the heart to wake her. Instead of standing over her, staring at her like a serial killer, I do what my heart tells me. After taking off my T-shirt, I climb onto my bed with her—about a foot away—facing her so she can be the last thing I see before I doze off, too.
* * *
I know she’s awake before I open my eyes. That sense you get when you feel someone staring at you. Yeah, alarms are going off in my head right now. She’s wide awake and she’s inspecting me like I’m the last piece of steak on Earth and she hasn’t had a meal in weeks. The thought of her teeth sinking into my skin causes my temperature to rise, along with a certain part of my body. A smile starts to curve on my lips.
“Ouch!” A soft pillow whacks me upside my head. Holding up my hand in defense, I open my eyes to get a look at my beautiful attacker. “What was that for?”
Lizzy sits up, her eyes wide with laughter. “Don’t try to play like you’re sleeping. I can just imagine what’s going on in that head of yours.” She nods at my pants. “Actually, I don’t have to imagine too hard. The proof is right there.”
Yanking the pillow from her hands, I place it in front of my shorts. The flimsy material obviously isn’t enough to hide my hard-on. Although, being called out like that and the one-sided pillow fight have kicked it down a notch.
There’s no hiding my smile though. As long as I’m with her, it won’t go away. I feel like a fucking clown who can’t control the happiness. “Oops.” That’s all I have. I can’t think of anything else to say.
She settles back down onto her side, gazing at me with a matching grin. “Sorry I fell asleep on you.” Her gaze drags across my bare chest, and by the look in her eyes, I sense she likes what she sees.
I wrinkle my nose at her. “No worries. At the risk of sounding like a creeper, I kind of liked it. You look so crazy beautiful when you’re sleeping. So peaceful.”
Her cheeks flush a soft shade of pink as she lowers her eyes.
“You’re always crazy beautiful. Always have been.” I tuck my index finger under her chin and tip it up so I can look her in the eyes. “I was drawn to you since the day I met you.”
Lizzy shies away again. “You’re funny.”
It breaks my heart she doesn’t believe me. How can she not know that she is ridiculously pretty and so fucking adorable I can hardly stand it?
“Why am I funny?” I ask.
“You just are.” When she looks up at me again, I arch a brow, questioning her. She continues, “When we met, I was huge. A big girl. Nothing beautiful about that.”
“Lizzy, I’d never lie to you. One...you were not huge. Two...you were not a big girl. And three...you were and still are the most beautiful women I have ever seen.”
“Ryan, I’d never lie to you either. I was a big girl. It took me half a year to get my ass semi in shape and healthy. I was a size sixteen when you met me. I’m a twelve now. I feel good, but I still have a long way to go. My BMI says—”
I cut her off right there. “Lizzy, you need to understand how the BMI works. It’s a starting point. Not the end all. Who gives a shit what it says? According to my BMI, I’d be considered overweight. Do I look overweight to you?”
Again, her stare rakes across my body. She raises a brow at me, appearing amused by my question.
“There are many factors to cons
ider. How you look? How you feel in your clothes? Your cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar. So much more than just your BMI. You look amazing, Lizzy. I’d be a fool if I didn’t notice how much you’ve toned up and how far you’ve come on the Hill of Death. You’re running that damn thing now. You should be proud of yourself. But don’t for one second think your pants size defines you. You’re so much more than that to me.”
She presses a brief peck to my lips. “Well, thank you. But just so you know, you don’t have to sugar-coat things for me. I’m not made of glass. I can handle it. I’ve always loved how honest we can be with each other. No need to ruin it.” I raise a brow in question, again, so she adds, “Well, except for the whole I-was-married thing.”
“Oh, yeah. That. No big deal.” Reaching out to her, I thread my fingers through her hair, loving how we are lying here face to face in my bed talking about things that might make others uncomfortable. “Honey,” I say, my throat tightening, “I don’t know what your ex said or did to you to make you think you’re not the most beautiful woman in the world, but I’m about to undo it all.”
“When I saw you that first day, your wicked smile,” I say, tracing my finger along her bottom lip, “your gorgeous red locks.” I take a strand of her hair and tap it on her nose. “And this,” I slide my hand down her side until I grasp her ass, cupping the soft round flesh in my palm, “this ass of yours had my heart racing and my dick twitching with want.”
Her eyes widen at that truth.
“Oh yes, Lizzy. I wanted you. I wanted you something fierce. You were crazy beautiful then and you’re crazy beautiful now, nothing has changed. Except you’re a little smaller than before. But, you didn’t need to lose a pound. You were perfect the way you were. In fact, I miss your soft curves. I miss that full ass of yours.” I toss the pillow aside and then reach back to get my fill of her behind, scooping her up and pulling her closer to me, until our bodies are flush up against each other. “Although, this,” I pat her rear, “will do just fine.”
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