by Virna DePaul
She frowned. “I never thought of it that way.”
“Have you tried to get her some professional help? Maybe she needs an incentive to leave the house. No matter how luxurious her home is she’s still a prisoner in it, and she has to know that.”
“She saw a few therapists after my father died. It hasn’t really helped.” She cleared her throat. “What about you? What was your dad like?”
Before he could stop them, he felt his mental shields go up. “I already told you, he was great.” He hadn’t meant to sound so short with her. She’d just shared something huge about her mom, so it was only natural she’d be curious about his parents, but he just didn’t want to go there.
“Oh. What about your mom? Is she still alive?”
“No,” he clipped.
She placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry. I saw the picture of you and your mom inside your cabin. She was beautiful. What was she like?”
His entire body stiffened and he suspected his expression closed off even more. “I don’t want to talk about my mom.”
She withdrew her hand. Bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—”
He shook his head, then whistled for Bella. Without looking at her, he said, “Sorry. But I need to get her fed and watered.”
“Right,” Kat said, the hurt evident in her voice.
Luke sighed then looked at her. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he didn’t want to go down the road she was leading him down. Hell, she didn’t even really know him, so it didn’t make sense to share something so painful with her. As Bella trotted toward them, he tried to explain. “Look, Kat, I really like you. But it’s a little early to be baring our hearts to one another.”
Kat’s mouth fell open. “Too early since we’ve only known each other a short time? Or too early because all I am to you is a woman you slept with?”
Luke frowned. “That’s not what I meant.”
“No?” she said.
“No,” he snapped. “But if you think I’m a touchy-feely guy who’s going to pour his guts out to you about something as personal as my parents’ deaths, you’re wrong.”
She physically retreated from him. Took several steps back even as she lifted her chin and planted her fists on her hips. “That’s fine. But sharing my body with someone generally means pouring our guts out is the natural next step. If you’re not open to that, maybe spending additional time together would be a mistake.”
He wanted to close the distance she’d put between them. Kiss her until she forgot what they were arguing about. But he knew he didn’t have that right. “Maybe you’re right, Kat. Like I said, I have Bella to tend to. Good night.”
Chapter Eleven
As Luke made his way into his cabin and went inside, closing the door softly behind him, Kat stared at him open mouthed. Confused and hurt, she made her way to her own place. Then she threw up her hands. “Are you kidding me?”
Kat spoke the words to her empty living room. Her emotions swung rapidly between anger and confusion.
Men were not like women. She knew that. She got it. But Luke had done a complete one-eighty out there on their walk. He’d gone from compassionate, fun and sexy guy to rude and angry jerk.
If he hadn’t wanted to talk about his father and mother, she could understand that. Talking about her parents was difficult, too, but she’d honestly believed that he cared about her and that she could trust him enough to share a bit about herself. That what they’d shared together had meant something meaningful to him.
Her anger deflated.
That was how she’d felt, but they’d really just met. She shouldn’t be angry with him for not wanting to open up to her. Just because he thought she was “special” didn’t mean he wanted anything more than sex from her.
On the other hand, she’d spoken the truth before he’d left. His behavior just now was a pretty good sign that things had gone as far as they should between them.
She bit her lip and turned in a slow circle. The cabin seemed too small, and too confining. She could see the bed from where she stood, the rumpled covers and the messy sheets.
Sex with Luke had been everything she had imagined it would be. Of course, just as she’d been trying to tell herself before they’d gone on their walk, that didn’t mean they were committing to one another or that she suddenly had carte blanche to pry into his life. But she hadn’t counted on him suddenly clamming up and running away over a simple question, nor had she counted on her intense and sudden attraction making her so vulnerable, or chatty about her life.
Kat swore a few times, went to the kitchen, and found the glasses of wine she’d poured earlier. She took only a few sips before abandoning the wine to pace.
What was he doing right now? She missed him already, and he’d barely left. It was crazy, the way he made her feel for him.
It was obvious she’d fallen for him in a big way. That she trusted him. That she wanted to be more to him than a physical outlet. But it was equally as obvious he didn’t feel the same way she did.
She sighed, grabbed a thin blanket off the end of the sofa, wrapped it around herself to protect her body from the chill settling over the night and headed outside to drink her wine and think.
* * *
Luke cursed under his breath even as he kept his gaze on Kat as she walked into her own cabin. His jaw worked under tense muscles. He got Bella inside, fed and watered, and then he sat on the couch, his face in his hands.
What the hell was going on with him? They’d had amazing sex. They’d been talking, and just enjoying their walk. She was opening herself up to him, sharing about her family, and then, as soon as she’d asked him about his mother, he’d freaked.
And all because she expected him to open up about himself. Of course that’s what she’d expected. Even if they hadn’t fucked, that was what normal human beings did. It would hurt to go there, yes, but even more than that, sharing something so private was a little hard to do considering he was deceiving her. Any details he shared about himself would merely highlight every lie he’d led her to believe—including the fact that he was a cop.
He was scared.
Scared of how out of control his feelings for Kat had gotten in such a short time.
He was used to being in charge. He was used to having the answers. He was always the solution, never the problem. It was why he did what he did.
But from the moment he’d met her, Kat had defied all expectations.
After seeing her at Hang Tough Café, he’d convinced himself she’d be a bratty careless woman who loved fame and money. He’d expected her to be shallow, and half-crazy like most celebrities.
Instead, she was intelligent, warm, kind, and genuine. She was as erotic as he had imagined but she was also sweet. She asked questions. Too many questions.
Even if she did forgive him for lying to her, what was going to happen once they were back in the real world? Sure, she talked about giving up Hollywood to go back to school, but what were the chances of that? She would always be the famous movie star and he would always be the bodyguard wanting to keep her safe. What if they couldn’t reconcile those two things?
Taking a deep breath, he walked to the window and saw that she was now sitting outside, on her porch, her back to his cabin. She was wrapped in a thin blanket, her feet on the rail.
She might as well tack a sign on the door that said kill me if you want to. But from her defeated posture, he got the real message loud and clear.
He’d hurt her by closing up. And that was the last thing he’d wanted to do.
He headed out, closing the door of his own cabin behind him. At the base of her porch, he stopped. “You shouldn’t be out here alone.” His words were quiet but they carried.
Her body stiffened. “I don’t need you telling me where to be, or where I shouldn’t be.”
He stepped up onto the porch and moved in front of her. “I’m just trying to help you.”
Kat drew the blanket around herself, her pale fingers c
lutching it against her chest. “Well, don’t. I didn’t come here to be ordered around and made to feel like I’m helpless and too stupid to take care of myself. Go away.”
Annoyance hit at her brusque order. He clenched his fists, then turned away. But he didn’t walk away. He took a deep breath and was about to turn back around when she said, “Wait. I’m sorry.”
She sighed, letting the blanket slide down over her shoulders. “It really hurt when you just closed up and walked away. I know it probably shouldn’t have but it did.”
Luke turned. Her face showed stark truth. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kat. I just don’t share well. Especially about my parents.”
“Neither do I.”
And yet she had shared with him. She’d told him about her mother, something she’d thus far managed to keep a secret. He considered that.
Kat leaned forward. Her hair shone in the moonlight. Her profile, flawless and lovely, made his heart beat faster. “I care about you, Luke. If you don’t feel comfortable opening up with me then don’t, but don’t not do it out of habit. Don’t cut me to the bone just to keep from talking about it because that is not fair.”
He stared at her. Thought about the handful of people he’d truly trusted in his life enough to discuss his feelings with. And realized he wanted to talk to Kat. She was right—he’d been holding back because it was what he was used to, because he was used to protecting himself from the pain. Maybe sharing that pain with her was the best way to let it go. “My dad died in the line of duty,” he said, surprising himself at the words coming out of his mouth. “It was hard and painful. His partner let him down.”
“I’m so sorry, Luke.”
He nodded. “They answered a domestic abuse call and separated the parties. My dad interviewed the wife while his partner was supposed to interview the husband. His partner took a break and went outside to smoke a cigarette, leaving the husband unattended for a minute. It was just that stupid. The guy had hidden a gun and got to it. Got to my dad. Dad’s partner should have been there. He wasn’t. Dad was shot because his partner wasn’t there to protect him.”
Kat cried out. “Oh baby, I’m so so sorry.”
He closed his eyes, and before he knew it, she’d risen from her chair and pulled him close. Automatically, his arms went around her, and he relished her closeness. The warmth and scent of her. The way he could feel her heartbeat against his own.
She pulled back slightly so she could look into his eyes. “How old were you?”
This was where he usually hit the panic and eject button. Hard.
Her luminous eyes were fastened to his and he saw something in her expression he had never seen before. Empathy. Not pity, not a need to hear the gory details. Just empathy.
Of course she had empathy. She’d lost her parents too. Her mother was still living, in a fashion, but the life she led was extremely limited. He swallowed hard. “I was twelve. My mom didn’t deal with it well. That’s an understatement. She literally gave up on life. Withered away. She was only a ghost of the woman she’d been. Five years ago, she died one night while driving home. Single car collision. There’s no evidence that it was deliberate but in our hearts, my sister and I know she just didn’t want to live another day without Dad.”
“Luke,” she whispered. He swallowed hard and this time he pulled her in close. Needing to hold on to something. Needing to hold on to her. She gave him what he needed, murmuring sweet sounds of comfort and rubbing his back until he was able to push the bad memories and grief to a familiar place that always ached but was manageable.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you go back there, if only for one second.”
“It’s okay. You were right. It’s what’s inside me. It’s always inside me. Hiding it doesn’t make it go away.”
When he pulled back, he saw the tears in her eyes. Leaning forward, he kissed them away. “It’s okay, angel. I mean it. It felt good to share with you. Knowing you care, it eases the pain a little. But what about you? I see the pain inside you. About your mom. But about your dad, too. What happened to him?”
Her eyes flooded with tears again, and the way her face crumpled nearly broke his heart. “My dad was a politician. We had bodyguards but they weren’t enough. He was killed, and so was his bodyguard. My mother was seriously wounded and I almost lost her too.”
“Fuck. I’m so sorry.” He hugged her. Tried to give her the same comfort that she’d given him. Yet part of him was focused on what she’d revealed about her father’s bodyguard and how it influenced her actions. He felt guilty because of it, but he couldn’t ignore it either. “And now you don’t trust bodyguards?”
She laughed but the sound was flat, humorless. “It’s not that I don’t trust all bodyguards, though I already told you about the one who abandoned me to get drunk. It’s just…I think they provide a false sense of security. And I don’t like thinking that anyone might die because of me.”
“But that’s a chance bodyguards willingly take on, Kat. It’s their job to protect others, and if they’re trained, if they’re good, most of the time they succeed.”
“I’m sure they do. But I don’t want to live like that. I shouldn’t have to live in fear. I shouldn’t need a man to watch over me every moment of the day. It’s not right. It fosters dependence. Weakness. I don’t want to be weak or depend on anyone else. I’m sorry to say this, but if your father hadn’t depended on his partner for backup…”
Damn it, hoisted with his own petard, he thought. “My dad’s partner let him down. There’s always a risk of that happening. You just have to trust the right person, the one born to protect others. The one truly committed to protecting you.”
She just pulled away and shrugged, as if conceding his point and dismissing it all at the same time.
She must have sensed his frustration because she threw up her hands. “I’m sorry. I guess I don’t like giving up control. Maybe it’s as simple as that.”
“You gave up control to me in bed.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“Well for one thing, here, in this place, it’s just the two of us. Out there, there are too many unknowns. Good cops, bad cops. Competent bodyguards, incompetent ones. Fans who love you, and fans who become stalkers.”
“Which makes the notion that you can control things every minute of every day without help when you need it even more ridiculous.”
“Maybe. But I can count on myself. I know my weaknesses and strengths. I know me.”
“Then listen to yourself. Don’t let your pride or your fear of relying on others get in the way.”
“What do you mean?”
“Yes, you hired a bodyguard that let you down. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again. You don’t trust your instincts.”
“I do!”
“Kat, you knew you should have walked away from those men by the boat. Why didn’t you?”
* * *
Kat stared at Luke silently, dumbfounded by his accusation and yes, a little afraid what he was saying was true. “I told you. I thought it would be fine. That they’d catcall but let me pass.”
“Is that what your instincts told you, or what you convinced yourself because you couldn’t stand the thought of them impinging on your freedom?”
“Maybe it was both. Yes, part of it was pride and not wanting to give in and wanting to prove I can live a normal life. If I start giving in to fear, there’s no telling how far I’ll take it. Look what’s happened to my mother!”
“I get that. But you’re not your mother. Something terrible happened to you less than a week ago, but you haven’t locked yourself inside and thrown away the key.”
“But I did. I came here and did exactly that for three days straight.”
“So why are you still here? Why, at a time when you’ve been threatened and almost run off the road, would you leave all safety behind by potentially exposing yourself to even more danger.”
“I got away from dan
ger. I’m hiding from danger!”
“Maybe at first you were hiding. But since then—you said it yourself, you’re trying to be normal. To prove you can be. That’s why you’re here, Kat, and I played into that fantasy last night and it worked out fine. You had a great time even though I was there with you. How would that have changed if I’d been a bodyguard?”
She narrowed her eyes. “I thought we were on a date. A normal date. Maybe I was wrong.”
“Kat, you’re not normal. You never will be, certainly not as long as you stay in acting. So what do you want? To be truly normal? To blend into obscurity? Or to continue acting, only feel safe enough that you can actually enjoy the freedom that you want so badly?”
God, he was asking hard questions and she didn’t have the answers. On the one hand, she loved acting. She was good at it. But being in a career that required constant security seemed plain wrong. Look what happened to her father…
He took her hands in his. “What kind of life do you want to have, Kat?”
“I don’t know,” she said honestly. It was such a huge question, one that made her head hurt. “Can we not talk about that right now?”
“You’ll need to answer the questions sometime.”
“But not now. Right now, I want something different.” Determined to change the subject, she hooked her arms around his neck and plastered her body to his. He sucked in a breath and automatically dropped his hands to her waist.
“Distracting me with sex, Ms. Bailey?”
“Not just sex,” she said. “I want to spend time with you. Talking to you. Touching you. Just being with you. I know our time together here is limited, that eventually I’ll have to answer those questions you were asking, but for now… Can we just be together?”
His gaze flitted to her mouth. “Let’s start now.” His hands ran up her back, his fingers pressing into the high knobs of her spine. Her pelvis tilted upward and met his. His hardness pressed against her body, awakening more lust.
He moved slowly, his body dipping and swaying. Hers followed. Soon they were dancing together on her deck, wrapped in each other’s arms. His scent filled her nose, and his chest, broad and strong, flattened her breasts. Her nipples brushed against his shirt, gently abraded by the fabric of her thin top. The chill of the night crept over their limbs but they were too heated to notice.