by t. h. snyder
I was young and stupid and I let him walk out of my life. Time passed, our distance grew, and we no longer associated with each other. In high school, our crowds started to shift. Hank went one way and I went another. Maybe it was his dad passing away our junior year, maybe it was that he had no direction. All I knew was that something was different and being strangers toward one another turned out to be the best for us both.
Graduation came and went, we all did our own things. Hank, Trenton, and Mike stayed back in Brooklyn, finding jobs, and training at the Cage, but I wanted something more than my home town could give me. I wanted to leave and become something greater, but all I could do is mask the hurt, the loss, and the one I’d never have. Since then, I’ve been a loner, never allowing myself to attach or fall for another guy. I found friendships with men when I needed them and stayed connected to my two best friends, Mike and Trenton. It was all I needed to get by.
Now all these years later here we are…together again. Being with Hank in the back alley next to Benny’s, so many emotions came to the surface. For a brief moment I allowed my walls to crumble for the one man I’ve always wanted. There isn’t a doubt in my mind we have a physical connection, our bodies long to be against the other. It’s the emotional attachment I worry won’t be there for long.
Is this just a quick fling for him?
Is he really willing to give up what he’s fought so hard to achieve?
Is everything I’ve ever wanted sitting right here next to me?
With my thoughts scattered in a million different directions, I rest my head back against the seat and close my eyes. For a brief second, I feel the cab of Hank’s truck begin to spin. Shit, how much did I have to drink? Taking in a few steady breaths, I attempt to control the waves of motion my body feels.
The truck comes to a stop and the sound of Hank’s door shutting brings me back to the moment. Pulling my hair away from my face and off to my shoulder, I open my eyes to watch as he rounds the front of his truck. My gaze follows his tall, strong frame as he walks up to my door. The clicking sound of it opening, his warm hand touching mine…it’s all too much.
“Come on, Taryn, let’s get inside,” he says with a smooth and sultry tone to his voice.
Nodding, I give him a smile and step down out of the truck. As my feet hit the ground, he pulls me in close to him and wraps my arms up around his neck. Nuzzling his face against mine, I feel as though my legs could give out at any moment. I can feel the warmth of his body penetrating through our clothing and the thoughts of where this night could go begin to consume me.
Can we really do this?
Can we really make us work?
Can things really change this fast, after everything we put each other through?
He lifts my chin with his finger and softly touches my lips with his own. Even though I’m scared to death of what may be, I can’t resist this man. At least not right now when his body is pressed up against mine and his breath is lingering along my neck. Allowing myself to fall into the moment, I let go of my doubts and take advantage of everything he’s willing to give me.
Running my fingers through his dark hair, I pull his face toward mine. As we stare into each other’s eyes, I see into the soul of the man I’ve always wanted.
Hank breaks my trance, crashing his mouth to mine. Urgency fills the void between us and a longing of passion takes over. I slowly open my mouth and trail my tongue along the seam of his lips. A moan leaves his throat as his hands find the curve of my ass with a tight squeeze. My panties instantly combust at the feel of his erection pushing against my now aching core. While our mouths connect, our tongues mingling to a dance of their own, my hands run the length of his muscular back. As the intensity of our kiss ignites, I can barely stand the need for more. His hands touching me through my clothes just aren’t enough. I need to finally have him all to myself, no barriers.
Pulling away slightly from our kiss, our breaths are heavy, our chests rising and falling, and our bodies trembling with want and desire.
“Take me inside, Hank, please,” I beg.
Kissing my lips one last time, he turns and grabs my hand to follow him. I feel like I’m floating on air, barely noticing that my feet are touching the ground as we walk toward his apartment. With each stride, I can feel the wetness building up in my panties. The anticipation is killing me.
As we approach the front door to his apartment, he reaches his arm around my waist and pulls me in closer to his body. Without words our eyes tell one another exactly what we want, what we need. He unlocks the door and begins to move through the lobby, guiding me toward the elevator and with his hand on the small of my back guiding me into the awaiting open doors.
I take a step inside and watch as he follows, pushing the button to take us upstairs. The air within the small space seems nonexistent, the sexual tension consuming us both. Once the elevator stops, he intertwines our fingers and leads me toward his place. My eyes scan the walls and doors surrounding us, my heart going pitter patter as we near the one place I never thought I’d wind up tonight.
Time seems to be ticking away like an eternity. I want to rush this moment, get inside, and run my hands and lips over his body. My eyes follow his every move, watching as he takes the key, entering it into the lock, and turning the knob. At this very second my senses are heightened, my nerves a mess and my adrenaline spiking at an all time high level.
His arm wraps around my waist as he pulls me into the apartment. Kicking the door shut with his foot, he lifts me up against the door and slams his lips against mine. My legs instinctively lift and cling to his hips, my core feeling his growing erection through the layers of clothing.
God, I want him so badly I can taste it.
“Taryn, you have no idea how long I…”
“Shhh,” I reply before kissing him again with all that I have.
Grinding myself against him, I try to get the friction my body desperately craves. His hands lift my arms above my head, his mouth trailing smooth kisses along my neck. The heat of his breath is driving me insane; I don’t know how much longer I can take this before I explode.
“Hank…please,” I whisper against his ear.
“Please what, Taryn, tell me what you want.”
“You! All I want is you.”
He lets go of my hands, allowing them to fall to my sides as my body slides down the door. Grabbing at my side, he pulls me from the door and we begin to move through the darkened apartment to a room along the back wall.
Walking toward the large bed in the corner of the room, my mouth goes dry as panic starts to set in. Realizing what’s about to take place hits me hard. As much as I want him, my mind is starting to go into overdrive with what is really happening.
Touching my lips with my finger tips, I can still feel and taste him. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but I fear this is all happening too fast. I’ve been with other men before, had my share of regretful hook ups, but with Hank I need things to be different. Is it too late to walk away, take our time, and allow time to slow down? I don’t want anything we do to be rushed or done just because the desire is there. Stepping to my side, he pulls me into him, looking deeply into my eyes. Worry begins to fill my soul and doubts that this is wrong continue to creep up my nerves.
This has to stop now, too many feelings that this shouldn’t happen are overwhelming me in this moment. I never want to regret a thing I do with him and right now, I’m just not sure. I have to listen to my heart and mind and ignore the aching I feel.
“I can’t…we can’t, Hank,” I muster out in a whisper.
“What’s wrong, what did I do?” he asks placing his hands on either side of my face.
Shaking my head I close my eyes, trying to hold back the tears pricking my lids.
“Taryn, please, baby, talk to me. What happened?” he asks in a pleading tone.
Opening my eyes, I look up to him as the lights from the street cascade an aura around his frame.
“I
want you so bad. I want us, but this isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. I’m scared, afraid that things are happening too fast. Everything about you screams for me to take this plunge, but there’s too much that’s standing in our way. I’m so sorry, Hank.”
The tears I was holding back fall from my eyes. Telling him no is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Pulling me into his chest, I wrap my arms around his waist. Silence fills the room while I let myself take in everything about him. No matter if my decision was wrong, I know in my mind I can’t go through with this knowing it could destroy his relationship with Mike and Trenton.
“You’re right. We should take a step back and slow things down. Tonight was the first time I’ve ever shared my feelings with the one girl who has always held my heart. I want you, Taryn, more than you know, but for tonight we take things slow. I’ve waited for you for years; I’ll wait an eternity for you to be mine.”
It’s as if he’s read my mind, he knows the thoughts and concerns racing through me. Nodding against his warmth, I continue to let the tears fall.
“I’m so scared, Hank, I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want tonight to be a mistake we’ll regret forever. I can’t have you giving up so much for just one night.”
“You’re not just a fling, Taryn, I’m in this with you. I’m willing to do what I have to do so that we can be together. It’s my fight to worry about, not yours.”
He pulls me away from him, running the pads of his thumbs along my cheeks to wipe away the tears.
“Come here,” he says while guiding me down onto the bed.
Following his direction, I curl myself upon the bed and wrap myself up in his pillow, his blanket, and his scent.
“Tomorrow is another day. We’ll talk then and see where we go from there.”
“What about Mike and Trenton, they’ll know I’m here.”
“Let me handle them, nothing happened here tonight. There’s nothing to explain…yet.”
Chapter 2
“Mike, you do realize that the more you stare at her, the less likely the chances of her coming over here will increase,” Trenton says with a laugh.
While peeling away at the label from his empty bottle of beer, he turns his head and gives me a look. Not just any look, but one he’s given me more times than I’d like to remember. Without him saying a word, I know what he’s thinking.
Give up already you stupid asshole, she hasn’t wanted you in the past and she’s not interested in you now…lay off or back the hell off for good.
He’s said these words to me before, not just because he wants a chance at Taryn, but because he sees how she effects me. Just having her back home, it changes the way I act, the way I see myself, and fucking hell…even the way I sleep. She consumes my thoughts day and night, yet there’s nothing I can do about ‘cause I’m too damn chicken shit to fess up. As much as I want, no need to tell her, I still haven’t.
“Shut up, asshole, I wasn’t staring at her, just taking in how packed this place is tonight.”
His browns raise and a smirk forms on his lips.
“I’m serious, I’ve never seen this place so full of people. Is this the first time this band has played here? If so, Benny should really consider bringing them back,” I continue, trying my damnedest to pull out of his accusation.
“Yeah, okay, buddy, keep telling yourself that, whatever helps you sleep at night,” he remarks before getting up from the table and walking away.
Looking toward him with fire in my eyes, a knot begins to build in my chest. Was I really staring…at her. Shit, I was. I can’t help myself. Every time she’s near, I’m drawn to her. I need to be near her, with her. She soothes me and takes away the anxiety I deal with on a daily basis. Even if I’m not in immediate contact with her, there’s still something about her presence that puts my mind at ease.
Jesus Christ, this woman has turned me into an absolute nut case.
Trenton constantly being on my case about it doesn’t help matters either. As I try to ignore his comment, I find my fingers tapping along to the sounds of Rebel Urge. In need of quick distraction, I focus on the sounds of the guitar and rhythm of the drums. This band is pretty damn good.
As the song ends, I pull my thoughts away from the lyrics and attempt to focus back on reality. Allowing my eyes to roam the large bar room, I see the back of Trenton’s head as he meets up with some of the guys from the Cage. Guilt runs through my veins since getting busted staring at Taryn. He’s a prick for noticing and calling me out on it. I know just as well as he does how important Taryn is to the both of us. It’s only a matter of time before one of us gets to her and tells her what we’ve always been thinking. I just need to make sure I’m the one she wants, needs, and chooses to start a forever with.
Even though we’ve both been pursuing her over the years, it’s never come between our friendship. I think in the back of our minds we know how we feel about her, he on the other hand is more willing to sleep around to fight what he really wants. Well, hell with that, no matter how many quick lays I can find, she’s the only one that will ever fill the void in my heart. She’s it for me and she needs to know…now just to tell her. Looking back to the bar, where she’s been standing, her space is now replaced by a few other patrons. Running my gaze down both sides of the bar, she’s nowhere in sight.
Where the hell did she go?
I haven’t seen her since Hank ran up to the bar to get another drink. My eyes were so focused on her and now…she’s gone. In a split second of a distraction, I’ve lost sight of her. I’m like a goddamn love sick puppy in need of my forever home…she’s seriously killing me slowly. As I get up from the table, I walk through the crowd my thoughts scattered. There’s so many people in here it’s hard to tell who is who. Skewering the bodies within the large space, I attempt to find my blonde haired beauty. Benny’s is filled with the sounds of the band, people shouting over the noise of the rapid beating drum and my mind screaming for me to find Taryn.
My eyes rake over the tops of people’s heads, familiar faces and the darkness forced by the lowly dim lights of the bar room. I need to find her. We really need to talk. I’ve been waiting, not so patiently, for the right moment to talk to her. Ever since that day at her parent’s house, it’s been eating me inside to finally break down my walls and tell her how I really feel. Seeing her everyday and not letting her know what’s been pent up inside, it’s driving me insane. Just a moment, that’s all it will take. It’s all I need to start building on the rest of our lives.
Getting her alone is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It’s rare that the two of us are ever alone anymore, someone is always around or we’re just too busy. I hate that thought; being too busy was never an issue we faced before. Somehow, somewhere we always found time for each other, but now it’s next to impossible. There’s just not enough time in the day, or hell, not enough time for her to fit me into her day. Since she’s been back in Brooklyn, she’s either working or training at the Cage. Between her hectic routine, me training, and having to work more hours the right moment is never available.
Brushing past a few strangers, I make my way up toward the bar. My eyes catch sight of Traci and Jamie, two of the girls that work at the Cage. I squeeze my body in between the girls as I resume my search. Waiting for the bartender to look my way, a warm hand lightly touches my shoulder. Long fingernails run the length of my arm ‘til finger tips linger against mine. A chill runs through my body and goose bumps form along my arms. My head turns to see Traci looking at me, her eyes filled with lust and desire.
What the…is she wasted or high? Either way I’ve never seen her look at me like she is right now.
A few moments, which feel like hours, pass by with both of us staring back at each other. The moment begins to get heated as I move my gaze from her eyes to her lips and down the curves of her body.
“Hey, Mike,” she says with a sexy smile.
My eyes snap back to hers, yet I’m not q
uite sure what’s happening right now. This is the chick from the Cage, one of the girls that helps Birch with the new clients and making sure things run smoothly. I don’t know that we’ve ever really talked at length before. When I’m there, I’m there to train not chat up the employees. Removing my hand from hers, I lean up against the bar. Her hand moves up to my lower back and I instantly swing back around to face her.
The look on her face is honestly unsettling to me. It’s not that a woman has never come on to me before, I just never expected it from her. Rather than be a dick, I nod my head to acknowledge her presence. Attempting to put an end to this awkward exchange of eye fucking, I take a step back looking down the bar, signaling for the bartender to bring me another beer.
Once I have his attention, I rest my arms on the bar and scan the room again looking for Taryn.
“Hey, Traci, have you seen Taryn around?” I ask, continuing to look for my girl.
Her hands move to rest on her hips as a look of disappointment spreads across her face. She shakes her head and quickly turns her gaze from mine. Her brow becomes furrowed and sadness pours from her being. A pang of guilt hits me hard in the chest as I take a closer look at her.
Soft brown hair sweeps across her forehead, bright blue eyes staring off into space, and lips that are perfectly shaped are formed in a pout. I can only imagine how those plump lips would feel against mine or around my….As soon as my thoughts begin to drift into uncharted territory another vision of blonde female takes its place. Thoughts of Taryn’s blonde hair cascading down her back, her brown eyes hypnotizing me as she smiles and her lips…damn those lips and how I want them against my own.