“Joan Jett does not have a funny name. You two are crazy. I’m going to call her Joan.”
“So you like kids?” Robbie asked.
A strange prickle went up Jared’s spine, and he took a good look at Robbie. The kid wasn’t just quiet, he was nervous. The look in his eyes said his generic question wasn’t that generic at all.
“Yeah,” Jared assured him, but tried to keep his voice light. “Especially the ones that kick my ass in Halo. Which reminds me, you owe me a rematch.”
Robbie grinned, his demeanor relaxing into the kid Jared recognized. Jared glanced past him to Jen, who was watching the exchange closely. She gave Jared a slight nod.
“You could come over one night and play,” Robbie said. “We can order pizza again.”
“That’s sounds like fun,” Jared agreed. “But I work nights now. I don’t get off until after the dinner service and it’s pretty late. Maybe a Saturday morning?”
“Yeah.”
“Or you could play now,” Jen said, walking over to take Presley. “It’s time to feed her.”
Jared reluctantly handed the baby over. “Now works for me.”
Robbie lit up, and within a few minutes they were sprawled out on the sofa and only looked up when Jen set cookies on the coffee table.
“I thought maybe it was me,” Robbie said, munching on a cookie and savoring his latest victory. “That maybe you didn’t like kids and now that I’m living with my mom you didn’t want to come around anymore.”
The unintentional sucker punch stopped Jared cold. “That’s not true. Your mom and me…”
“I know,” Robbie sighed cutting him off. “It’s complicated.”
Jared couldn’t help the smile, something dead flickering to life inside of him when he realized Robbie must have asked Madlyn the same question.
“She smiled when you were around. Now she’s sad,” Robbie continued, grabbing another cookie and answering questions Jared never would’ve asked in a million years. “She tries to hide it, but I can still tell. Are you coming to Uncle Stefan’s birthday party? Maybe you could talk to her then?”
Hope sparked hard and fast before he could stop it. If she’d told Robbie things were complicated, that meant she hadn’t told him that she and Jared were over or denied that they’d been together. Or worse, that Jared was just a friend.
“I wouldn’t miss it,” he promised, his heart skipping a beat when Robbie smiled. “But I can’t come till later. You’ll have to stall her.”
“I can do that,” Robbie grinned. “And I think Joan’s a great name.”
“You two are not calling her Joan,” Jen warned from the kitchen, but they just laughed.
Madlyn sat on the park bench, waiting for Jen and Stefan to arrive with Robbie. It was strange being back in New Orleans. The summer had been wonderful. She’d spent a lot of time on the beach in Hawaii making plans for their return. She’d never dreamed of having a clean slate, and it had been overwhelming trying to decide what was next.
A familiar shadow passed over her, and she went very still. For one horrifying moment, she thought she was dreaming. The possibility that the last few months had been a dream, her grandfather was still alive, and Robbie was still out of her reach, crushed in on her. She didn’t want to wake up.
“I think this is the bench,” a cheerful voice said as Jen sat down next to her.
Startled, she looked up, surprise giving way to relief when Jen smiled with her. She had the stroller, but Presley was sleeping against her chest in a pink baby sling. Stefan and Robbie were running up behind her with Rogan and Zachary.
“Hey, Mom!” Robbie waved at her, but didn’t run to hug her before their informal tag football game started. He stopped having to hug her anytime he saw her, and while she missed the affection, she knew it meant he was more secure in his place with her. That he knew he was home to stay.
Jen sat next to her and eased Presley out of the sling before handing the baby and a bottle to Madlyn without being asked. Holding Presley was always a precious gift for Madlyn, who had never held her own child as a newborn. Presley sucked down the bottle at record speed without once opening her eyes. She was destined to be the most spoiled little girl in the world, but none of them could help themselves. She was such a sweet baby, and they were all desperately in love with her. Madlyn especially because holding Jen’s child was another dream she’d never contemplated.
“This is definitely the bench,” Jen said again, settling back to watch the boys and sip a bottled water.
“What bench?” Madlyn asked.
“The bench where I first saw Robert kiss you. I was so happy because I was so sure we would be sisters.”
Madlyn glanced around and recognized the area. Her blood chilled. It was the bench from her dreams. She hadn’t even noticed. She glanced at Jen quickly and reminded herself she wasn’t dreaming. “You may be right.”
“I think so.” Jen looked straight ahead as she spoke. “When I dream about Robert, it’s always on this bench. And it’s always a day like today. Blue skies, a nice breeze. Everything fresh and green. I know it’s silly, but it always feels like I’ve—”
“—spent time with him?”
Jen’s smile faded. “You, too?”
Madlyn nodded.
“On this bench?”
“Yes,” Madlyn admitted, the hairs on her arms rising painfully. “But I haven’t in a while.”
“Not since the Judge’s funeral?”
“A little before that.”
“You don’t think…I mean…they have to be dreams. Don’t they?”
Madlyn sighed, smiling to herself as they all tackled Stefan. “I asked him once, but he said it was New Orleans, so anything’s possible.”
“That sounds like him.” Jen shivered. “We’re not dreaming right now. This is real.”
“Yes,” Madlyn agreed, knowing it was true. “This is real.”
Presley started fussing, and Madlyn handed her back to Jen so she could burp her.
“We probably shouldn’t tell Stefan about the dreams,” Jen added, patting Presley’s back.
“I agree.” Madlyn watched Stefan try to intercept the ball Rogan was throwing Robbie. He missed because he was still exhausted from the race, but he was still all smiles and laughs these days. No hint of ice anywhere as he grinned at both of them and waved. “There’s no reason to upset him. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.”
“Can I tell you something else and then we can drop this sad subject?”
“Sure.”
“I remember everything now. Especially how much my brother loved you. He would want you to be happy,” Jen said. “He wouldn’t want you to be alone.”
“I’m not alone,” Madlyn assured her, nodding towards the boy playing ball. “For the first time in a very long time, I’m not alone.”
Jen started to say something else but changed her mind. “Okay, but you have to come tonight. Robbie and I made Stefan a dark chocolate birthday cake, and he promises he’ll eat a piece. I swear it’s the best one I’ve ever made. I still can’t believe he’s thirty.”
“We’re getting old,” Madlyn laughed, the sensation not quite as unfamiliar as it used to be.
“So you’ll come? Jared’s working. It will be later if he comes by at all.”
Madlyn went very still, but Presley burped, and it was the most adorable burp despite sounding like she’d drunk three beers instead of a bottle.
“Just like her daddy,” Jen laughed. “Please say you’ll come.”
“Yes, we’ll be there,” she relented, fresh pain scraping through her.
It wasn’t like she’d successfully avoided Jared since they’d returned to New Orleans. She’d seen him at a music festival when they’d first come back. And he hadn’t been alone. She’d run to get something from her car and had spotted him and stopped short, recognizing him despite his longer hair.
She’d died where she stood. The girl standing next to him had been almost a
s tall, long tanned legs in short shorts, straight column of rich brown hair past her shoulders. For a split second, she’d thought it was Jen, then he’d slid his arm around the girl’s waist with a familiarity that burned Madlyn alive.
He’d met someone.
She’d left the festival and spent the night on the bedroom floor, wishing that she could cry so it would stop hurting.
But it wouldn’t stop hurting.
And it still hurt just thinking about it.
She accepted that it was never going to stop because she was never going to get over him. She reminded herself that she didn’t deserve him, but that didn’t seem to matter anymore. She wanted to die every time she remembered his arm going around that other girl. She wanted to grab that girl by her beautiful hair and rip it all out at the roots.
But then she remembered her son, and the joy of having him with her was the only thing keeping her human.
Madlyn spent most of the birthday party on edge. She knew Jared was at work, but she still expected him to walk in at any minute. As soon as she caught Robbie yawning, she made her move to leave, but Robbie didn’t want to go. He insisted he wanted to watch the end of the movie. And then he needed cake to take home. It took forever for him to find one of his shoes. Then he had to go back for something he forgot. But the time she had him settled into the back seat of her new kid-friendly vehicle, she heard another car door slam.
And she knew she’s been set up.
Robbie just grinned at her and jumped back out of the car. “Jared!” he called, and she didn’t have to turn to hear him running down the driveway.
She braced herself when she heard him speaking to Robbie. Then she heard the girl laughing, and Madlyn’s blood ran cold. She shook it off. There was no reason she couldn’t get through this. Just say hello, and don’t murder his date. How hard could it be?
She forced herself to turn, and it felt like acid hitting her face. Momentarily blinded, she could still see him standing in the shadows of the driveway, his arm casually around the girl she’d seen with him at the music festival.
But he wasn’t looking at Robbie or the girl. He was looking straight at her, and he’d seen her reaction. Even in the shadows, she could see the dawning comprehension on his face and the humiliation made her want to run and never stop running. But she couldn’t move. Or breathe. Or do anything except wait for his next move.
“Robbie, will you take Courtney inside,” he said, but he didn’t take his eyes off Madlyn. That stare kept her glued to the spot.
“Do you think there’s any cake left?” the girl asked Robbie, sounding way too eager to leave.
They chatted all the way back into the house, and as soon the back door shut behind them, Madlyn realized how very deeply she had screwed up.
The man who started towards her bore no resemblance to the man she’d pushed away all those months ago. No, this guy was scary, and he was dragging her to the carriage house before she could stop him. She tripped, but he just kept going, and once inside, he shoved her against the door and pinned her there with six feet of unleashed anger.
“Tell me this is better.” He slammed both palms against the door on either side of her head, and she jerked in response. “Say it. I want to hear it again. This is better.”
He tilted his head, bringing that sinful mouth in close to hers. “Say it’s better.”
“Yes, it’s better,” she gasped out, the universe disappearing until the only thing left was the sound of his voice and his heat on her skin.
“You are such a fucking liar, aren’t you?”
She nodded, biting her lip to keep back tears. “Yes.”
“This is not better, is it?” he demanded, then his voice broke. “This is hell.”
“J-Jare—”
“Don’t. Just don’t.”
He kissed her, his mouth trembling against hers as he hesitated. Knowing she would die if he pulled away now, she kissed him. He growled, and then he was in her mouth, filling her up again. Pulling her out of the deep freeze she’d been living in for months.
She devoured him right back, sliding her hands up his chest to his neck.
“Tell me you don’t want this.” He spoke without stopping the kiss. “Tell me to go back to her and I will.”
Sobs tore through her chest. “No. No.”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he asked. “You don’t want me. You think it’s better this way.”
Her knees buckled, and she almost slid down the wall as he swallowed more of her sobs. She tore her mouth away and buried her head against his shoulder, trying to get as close to him as she could. She tightened her arms around his neck.
“It’s not better,” she whispered against his neck. “It’s hell.”
He pulled her back up so he could see her face. “Tell me one true thing, Madlyn. Make me believe it.”
He sounded so desperate, his expression on the verge of madness.
She smiled at him, her vision swimming. “I’m in love with you.”
His expression crashed into something unrecognizable. “What?” he whispered, his voice ragged with pain. She knew he hadn’t expected her to say that.
“I’m in love with you,” she repeated, watching him dissolve in front of her.
“But, Robert…you…” His voice broke, and she caught his face in her hands, forcing him to look her in the eye.
“I loved him. I will always love him. But I’m in love with you,” she smiled, blinking back tears that made it hard to speak. She cleared her throat. “It’s hard to explain, but it doesn’t mean I loved him less or that I love you less. But it’s different. When I lost him, I thought I was going to die, but I didn’t. I survived. But without you, I’m dying a little more each day, and I don’t even want to live.”
His kissed and whispered against her mouth at the same time. “I thought I’d lost you. I’ve been going out of mind.”
Her hand went into his hair, and she sighed at the silky feel of it slipping through her fingers.
“I’ll cut it tomorrow.” His tongue skimmed along her bottom lip.
“I love your hair; it’s perfect.” She nipped at him, missing the loop she’d loved to play with.
“It’s a pain in the ass. I have a bandana on ninety percent of the time and I forget…”
She covered his mouth with her fingers. “Shave your head. I don’t care. Just don’t leave me again.”
He nodded, his eyes misting over right before he kissed her again.
“Even if I tell you to,” she said between kisses.
“Try and make me leave.”
He kissed her again, pushing back against the wall. His mouth trailed down her throat, waking her again, breathing life back into her. Making her feel everything at once. Distracting her from the fingers that undid her jeans. He dropped to his knees dragging her jeans and the black lace underneath with him.
“Wait,” she gasped, then moaned when he didn’t.
Her head went back against the wall, her fingers tightening in his hair as his mouth found the aching core of her. She whimpered as he teased her, the light swirl of his tongue torturing her while he slid one hand down her leg, lifting her foot so the jeans fell away, then shouldering his way under her leg and opening her wide.
He raised his head, grinning up at her. “You’re going to have to be quiet.”
She chuckled, heat flushing through her as she swirled down into the fantasy with him, but unable to stop the yelp when he worked hard fingers inside her while she bit her lip and pressed her head back again. “We shouldn’t be doing this,” she whispered, injecting a slightly fearful tone to her voice. “This is a bad idea.”
“But you’re a bad girl.” He added his thumb, circling her clit, tormenting her as he continued to spin his magic. “A very bad girl.”
“Yes,” she groaned, moving her hips, trying to get him to touch her in just the right spot.
But he wouldn’t. Instead, he teased her, easing up on the pressure as she turned liquid in h
is hands. “Do you want to be a good girl?”
“Yes, please.”
“That’s it. Good girls say ‘please.’”
“Please.”
“Are you begging me?”
“Yes.”
“What are you begging me for? Tell me.”
“Harder, please,” she gasped, as his fingers turned ruthless, and everything inside her curled up tight. She was right there, so close she could taste the release, when he eased up and replaced his hand with his mouth.
His mouth was hot, sweet torture as he licked slowly, then used his tongue to take her to new levels of sensation. She couldn’t feel the rest of her body, only his mouth on her flesh and the shimmering curls that sizzled along her nerve endings. The world fell away, and she floated, but he held her back, keeping her just out of reach until she lost all sense of time, herself, and nothing else existed but him.
It was like a tsunami as it built inside her. All of her drifted away, out to sea, floating safely in peace and heat before the wall roared up at her, and all she could see was water, and she knew it would consume her, destroy her, but she had nowhere to go. There was no way to get away from it, and when it hit it was worse than she imagined.
A wave of pure electricity crested through her. The pleasure so pure and sharp she disappeared, blinked right of existence.
It was a long time before she could move. She came back to herself, staring up at starving hazel eyes. They were lying on the workout mat in the middle of Stefan’s gym, but she was past caring.
“You with me?” he whispered, his voice like gravel against her skin, rough in all the right places.
She nodded, forced her legs to part for him where he waited, ready to go but not unless she was fully engaged.
Then he groaned. “Fuck.”
Her eyes flew open, and she caught the flash of anger on his face. Immediately back on her guard, she pushed up on her arms. “What?”
“I don’t have a condom,” he admitted, sitting back from her. “But it’s cool we can…”
“I won’t get pregnant,” she said, about to explain that she never took chances with birth control, then she remembered the girl he’d brought with him. It was like ice water sluicing over her in the middle of winter. “Wait,” she whispered. “You brought a date but not a condom?”
The Fall of the Red Queen (Self Made Men...Southern Style Book 3) Page 24