by Jack Crosby
Mission: Yo Ho, Yo Ho
There was a lot of anger behind their feral growls as the bastards tried to run us down. Too bad the poor idiots didn’t realize being clustered up in a large group didn’t allow for them to fire on us without hitting each other. It also made it a lot easier for me to start picking them off with my own gun.
First thing was first though. “Heart of the Oracle!” No reason not to use the skills I was given. “Oracle’s Outlaw!”
The newfound clarity I had between the skill and the goggles I picked up at the start of this dungeon was amazing. It was like my enemies were focused in high definition, LED quality. And my trigger finger was improved. I was firing off shots like I hadn’t been able to do before. In just a few seconds, three pirates were dead on the ground with blood leaking out of bullet holes to the head.
To my right, the flame enhanced Nemesis sword was making mincemeat out of the pirates dumb enough to come close enough to fight Zoe. Limbs and other body parts were falling to the ground in a fiery, bloody mess. It was like watching poetry in motion.
As we thinned the crowd from a dozen or so to five, these pirates were smart enough to back away and spread out. Zoe and I took cover as their pistols began raining bolts down upon us. It was my turn to finish the job. It took a few seconds, but I was able to start noticing a pattern to the attacks. With that in mind, I made my move.
As soon as I knew their shots were up, I popped up and put two pirates down almost simultaneously, bolts blowing their brains out from perfect shots between the eyes. I got back under cover just in time as the remaining three pirates took potshots at me.
Zoe slapped me on the back. “You’re really getting good at the whole ranged shooter gimmick.”
I did really feel pretty damn comfortable in my role. Even though my job class was Sentinel, I was a gunslinger at heart. Well, the knife had saved me already, so maybe I was a little bit of a Sentinel. With a wry grin, it was time to put more pirates down and I relished the moment.
Three more shots and the zone was clear. I blew the smoke off the barrel and put the Nemesis gun away. “Aww man, I thought I would’ve leveled up after that.”
“Don’t get greedy, Vector. Those pirates were just the lower level variety. You’ll level up soon enough as we encounter more of them.”
Encountering more pirates, that didn’t sound like a lot of fun. Still, I picked up the loot. There wasn’t a lot and I scrapped most of it for credits. I did a quick check and I had quite a few credits built up. I was eager to get back to a city or something so I could finally buy stuff. With this room cleared, there was only one way to go, the same way the pirates came.
The next tunnel weaved around. Unlike the last one, this one was booby-trapped. I tripped the first one by accident, mainly because I forgot about the traps. Fortunately, Zoe saw the spikes coming from the ground before I did and yanked me forward, out of danger. I wiped the sweat off my brow. “Whoa, that was a bit close, wasn’t it?”
“Shit, go figure these assholes would have traps ready for visitors.”
We were a lot more careful after that. It took some remembering on my part; I eventually figured out the pattern and successfully navigated the path. When we exited into the next open area, a small cavern with pillars at different points, I sighed a bit of relief. “That was the only tunnel like that.”
Zoe looked relieved as well. “How many more of these obscure, dark tunnels do we have to go through?”
We’d gone through two so far, so I was ninety-nine percent sure we were at the halfway point. “I think just two more after this.” Then something hit me… this was the lair to the underground sub-boss. “Shit, double shit.”
“What’s double shit?”
The earth shook. “This cavern is on top of a raid viper king’s lair…”
“Double shit.”
Right on time, the angry maw of the raid viper king broke through the ground and snapped out at us. Unlike a regular raid viper, the king’s fangs dripped poison. As the acidic drops hit the ground, it hissed and ate away the rock. Under things that fucking suck, this was high on the list.
“How do we kill a raid viper king?!” she asked me. That was an excellent question. “I don’t want to die here, Vector!”
There was only one way to win this fight. You had to collapse the cavern on the king. “We need to make it to the far end of the room, knocking down as many of the pillars as we can. We need to bring the roof down.”
She looked at me like I was insane. “What if we don’t make it?”
“There’s no ‘not making it’ and we’re not going to die. I promise you.” I hoped I could cash that check. “C’mon, let’s go!”
We booked it just as Mr. King’s mouth burst through the rocks we were hiding behind. Running as fast as we could, we hit the pillar at the far west side of the cavern. Once there, Zoe did all the work, breaking it with the Nemesis sword. And just as before, we were on the move again at the right time, missing an acid bath by just seconds.
There were three left. The northernmost pillar was closest to the exit, so I figured we would save that one for last. The best path was to go south, east, and then hit the north one. As long as we could that was, the raid viper king may have had other intentions.
As if it knew which direction we’d go next, it cut us off on our southwardly journey, sending us scattering to the east. It was a last second change in the plan, one that saved us from becoming greasy acid stains on the cavern floor. We kept running, getting to the pillar just as the king’s head did too. I jumped one way and Zoe the other. The king’s head couldn’t make up for the direction change and rammed the pillar. It crumbled all around him, but separated Zoe and me.
I was on the south side, so without thinking, I made my run towards the far pillar. Fatigue was starting to set in, so I just had to slide the last few feet to get in behind it. Leaning up against it, I was hoping I had just a spare few minutes to catch my breath. Nope.
The raid viper king smashed through pillar number three in his quest to either eat me or kill me. I wasn’t really one hundred percent sure what his motivation was. Hell, I don’t think he knew what his motivation was. I rolled away and saw Zoe waving frantically at the far end of the room for me to get there. It was a bit of a sprint, especially all things considered.
“Heart of the Oracle!”
The skill surrounded me and I took off in a mad dash towards the end. I’ll never be confused with a world class athlete, though I’d like to think I was a bit fast. The raid viper king whipped his head around and began his pursuit. There wouldn’t be much time, so I made one last decision. “Zoe, bring it down!”
Her eyes got really wide. “You’ll never make it if I do that,” she yelled back.
Yes I would. I tucked my head and pushed my legs even harder. “Just do it!”
I wasn’t sure if she would until I heard the Nemesis sword hit the rock. She was chopping over and over again as Mr. King was closing in on me. Then the rock gave way and the roof went with it. Pieces and large chunks fell all around me and a nice sized one dropped right on the raid viper king’s head. With just a tiny bit to go, I jumped, reaching out for Zoe’s arm. Our hands met and with one final pull, she brought me to safety.
We tumbled down the corridor as the previous room was closed off. “Never do that again, Vector.”
“I don’t plan on it.”
Skill: Crash and Dash
The rest of the underground tunnel was quiet. We knew a big time showdown with Abraham Helsing was coming up soon, so the respite was nice. Besides, I was still shaking a bit from the raid viper king nearly making lunch out of me, so I needed a few minutes of normalcy. Well as normal as it can get when you’re living a video game.
We reached the end of the underground sanctuary and that’s when I dropped the bad news. “So, this lets out pretty much smack dab in the middle of their territory. We’re going to have to be careful upon leaving.”
Zoe rolled her ey
es, not saying anything in the process. I pushed the rock exit door open slowly, craning my head around the corner to see if there were any pirates. The only thing I saw was the Alpha Star shining bright in the sky. Hadn’t seen it in some time and it gave us clear visibility. We were lucky. “The coast is clear.”
The two of us snuck out quickly and made a mad dash over to the western cliffs. That side provided a bit more cover than the more exposed eastern side. Along the way, I took in their makeshift hideout; it looked just as it did in the game. Wrecked vehicles were everywhere and buildings made of scrap metal and junk were oddly laid out in the curved valley. It looked like a shanty town of sorts.
Once we were safe, a few pirates exited what I assumed was one of the many bars in the area. They were stammering about something as they stumbled here and there. I was tempted to put them down and make sure they’d never be a bother, but that might bring out even more of the drunks and we didn’t need that.
Once they were out of view, I pointed to the largest building in the area. That was Helsing’s palace of sorts. In order to get the proper key codes to get out of here, we’d need to sneak in and grab them. I knew a confrontation with the pirate lord was inevitable, I just hoped the game hadn’t changed that much and it was still out in the open area towards the back of their town, not in the shitty house.
In the middle of our next gambit from cover to cover, two more pirates appeared; where they came from I didn’t know. I thought we were screwed, but they were too busy arguing about a game of Taret it seemed. Using the distraction, Zoe and I broke course and retreated behind a few dumpsters until the coast was clear again. That was too close.
We had to improvise a bit since we were off course now. Zoe, who was better at this stuff than I was, took the lead and I quickly kept the pace. In no time flat, with her taking control, we made it to the backside of the pirate lord’s house. There was no clear entrance, so we had to do something a bit on the gross side. I pointed down to a grate on the ground and she gave this revolting look. I pushed her away and took my dagger to the loose screws holding it in place. It fell, making some noise, so I pushed her in before anyone came back to check.
Man, the video game doesn’t give you the true aromatic experience that living through the play through did. The smells of the sewer was so nauseous that I felt like vomiting a few times. Fortunately, we didn’t have too far to go to get to the ladder that took us to the grog cellar. If I had a skill that increased my speed, I would’ve used it right there and then. Unfortunately, I could only go as fast as I normally could.
Once we broke through the wooden door and vacated the sewer, even the overwhelming scent of fermented ale was a breath of fresh air. There was a lot of commotion going on above us, maybe a pirate party? The noise was welcome though, as Zoe and I could talk and not worry about being heard.
She went right to it. “Where in this foul place are the key codes we’ll need?”
“They are in Helsing’s room, naturally.” I recalled my experience in this particular dungeon. “Top floor, second room to the right, I believe.”
Getting up there was going to be an issue. This party seemed strangely out of place and I couldn’t help but think this was another glitch that freewill had introduced into the game. The house was supposed to be quiet, abandoned even. Now it was full of pirates, probably with the toughest son of a bitch in the game lurking around nearby. This was going to take some finesse and skill.
Or bull in a china shop type smash and dash. Zoe armed herself with the Nemesis sword and took to the stairs. I didn’t even have time to tell her what a terrible idea this was. This woman was going to get me killed! And after I saved her ass in the caverns!
There was no time like the present to follow her foolish crusade onwards and upwards, so I too armed myself and scampered after her. I was at least able to yell, “The stairs leading up are to the right,” before we entered the fray on the other side of the first level door. Sure enough, as soon as she blasted through, about thirty pirates stopped drinking and arguing to look at us. Oh damn…
With a passion that might kill a man, “You fuckers better get out of my way before I turn you to ash!”
As she demanded their obedience, I did a quick look to see where Helsing was, as he was target number one. Surprisingly, he wasn’t seen, which meant he wasn’t here. He was a head taller than even the tallest pirate in the game.
The pirates parted like the Red Sea. Not a single one argued with the woman carrying the flaming, black sword. Who could blame them? I tried my best not to get into any confrontations with her, either. Still, I pushed her to hurry up; as I was sure the grog and ale they were drinking would eventually wear off. That or Helsing would show his ugly face and beat the ever living shit out of us. Neither was a desirable outcome.
We quickly ascended the staircase and found Helsing’s room. He wasn’t here either. In the corner, on a small writer’s desk was an old style computer with a green screen. Good thing my hacking skills were up to par, as time was still of the essence. I pulled up to it and started typing away, fast and furious.
“What are you doing?”
“Not now, lady.” I was trying to concentrate and break through his passwords. When I got the right combination, “Eureka!”
“Is that good?”
I just shook my head yes and kept digging. I knew he kept the codes on a special file, and judging by the age of this machine, it would be somewhere deep. I entered in command after command, bringing up different prompts. This was like trying to get through a maze or something. In the actual game, this mini game had been more like a puzzle, lining up the different pieces of code until it broke. I actually had to manually do it here.
When the document I was looking for pulled up, I scrambled to find a pen and paper on his desk. I found a rough piece of parchment and a lump of charcoal. It would have to do. I wrote down the code, A Pirate’s Life for Me, and closed everything out. We were ready to go.
Then a loud, booming voice came from below us. “You fools let them go upstairs?” Random gun shots and death screams filled the air. “Idiots!” More screams. “Fucking idiots!”
Helsing was here and it sounded like he was on his own personal tirade. There was no way we were going to exit the same way we came this time. Loud, fast footsteps told me he was coming up here and in a hurry. “Zoe, we need to jump.” I shot out the glass from the only window in the room. “We need to go, now!”
She didn’t look all the concerned until the door was kicked down. Abraham Helsing was at least seven feet tall and built like an elephant. On his shoulders was his signature rail gun, the kind you normally see mounted on a turret. His face was red, like a wild berserker ready to pounce. It was at this moment Zoe realized why we needed to jump.
As I was already running, she was right on my tail, and the two of us leapt down to the middle of the shanty town below. We tumbled hard, all the while, Helsing’s head was screaming at us from the top of his complex. “I will find you and I will fucking kill you!”
“Well, isn’t he a gem?”
I’m glad she found this funny; I did not.
Boss: Brick Wall
Have you ever seen a giant pirate lord leap out of a tall building and give chase like it was his only mission in life? I hadn’t either until that moment. I had to give him credit for both power and balance, because I knew just how much of both it took to make that jump; considering Zoe and I had just pulled off the same feat. Unfortunately it wasn’t the time to be impressed as he was now on our tails and Abraham Helsing was catching up rather quickly.
This boss battle was inevitable, he was moving too fast for us to make it to the exit point before he caught up with us, so it was more about finding the optimal spot to stage our stand against him. Zoe saw something that caught her eye and she jumped without warning to the top of a brick wall in the back part of the pirate’s territory. I knew I couldn’t make the same leap, but she motioned for me to stay. So I turned around,
just in time to see the pirate lord huffing and puffing with murderous intent. I think a good old fashioned ‘fuck’ was earned in this spot.
He pointed his rail gun at me. “This be the time you’d beg for your life, fuckwad.”
“Sorry, I don’t beg. That’s something a dog like you should do.”
The words just slipped out, my short fuse getting the best of me. The last thing I wanted to do was provoke this mountain of a man even more. Then he did something unexpected, he laughed. “Ahh, a cockroach with a spine. Good, good, I grow bored of slaughtering those who don’t fight back.”
There was going to be fighting back, it was just a matter of how to do it. In the game, Helsing’s weak point was the back of his neck. He had a large scar there from a previous battle. Once you hit the scar, he fell over, paralyzed with pain for a few moments and you could unload on his exposed head. Hopefully this was exactly like I remembered in the game.
He lowered the rail gun directly at me. My guess is he’d forgotten about Zoe. So, with me as the distraction, I started running around the area in a circle. Helsing, knowing the battle had begun, started firing off blast after blast, trying to get me. The rail gun was impressive, but in a smaller arena like this, it wasn’t a practical choice.
As I made my way around to his blind spot, I tried to get off a shot to his neck, but the angle was really bad. Not wanting to give away the plan just yet, I held off. I continued my circle back to the starting point and looked up at Zoe perched on the wall. Considering we picked up sign language skills on the Doom Train, I signed as best I could ‘attack scar on neck.’ Due to the constant need to move, I wasn’t sure if the message had been received.