by Ally James
He smothered a grin at the frustration in her voice. Apparently Sara had closed her down, and she wasn’t happy about it. He’d always been a private person, and he liked that Sara was as well. “Possibly because it’s none of your business, Melanie,” he said pleasantly. She’d fallen a few steps behind him, but he didn’t miss her gasp.
“We—we’re all friends, Gabe. We watch out for each other. Don’t you think you should tell the rest of us when you have a visitor staying with you? What if I’d called the police, thinking she was a burglar?”
He’d had it. He was sick and damned tired of these games with her. The gloves were coming off, and she wasn’t going to like it. When he reached the next streetlight, he stopped, pivoting to face her. She was momentarily startled, then wary. “Let’s cut the shit, shall we? You couldn’t care less about any of that. What you’re outraged over is that a woman is living with me and you know nothing about her or our relationship. And guess what? You’re not going to, because I don’t owe you or anyone else here an explanation for what I do, or who I do it with.”
She held out a placating hand, knowing she’d overplayed her hand. “Gabe—I didn’t mean—”
But it was far too late for that. This talk was long overdue. He tried to avoid conflict, but in his line of work, he knew how to push emotion and sentiment to the side and focus on the task at hand. “What we had is over. You’ve mistaken politeness for permission to meddle. And that is my fault for leaving any room for doubt. So let me be very clear, Melanie. I do not have feelings for you. Nothing is going to happen between us again. We are neighbors—and that’s it. I’m not playing these games with you, nor will you attempt to do it with Sara. Truthfully, I’ve never trusted you, and I certainly don’t now. Do you understand me?”
She averted her eyes, but he still saw the anger there. “I apologize for overstepping,” she said stiffly. He half expected a show of fake tears, but she was either too startled or too pissed over what he’d said to fake it.
They resumed walking in silence. Even Trouble was subdued, as if sensing the tension in the air. She’ll probably run us over with her car. When they reached Old Man Jenkins’s place, she went directly to her vehicle. “Drive safely,” he said in way of good-bye. She tossed a hand up that was more in line with giving him the finger than a wave. He didn’t care, though. He’d been the bad guy more times than he could count in his career, and he’d long ago learned not to lose sleep over it. He was never an asshole without it being warranted. If someone did right by him, he’d do everything in his power for them in return. But he absolutely loathed people who said one thing but did another. The pretenders of the world were toxic and would contaminate everything around them if left unchecked.
As he made his way back home, he couldn’t help wondering if he’d escaped one deceitful person only to end up falling for another. But unlike Melanie, Sara had a power over him that no one else ever had. If he gave her a chance, would his heart survive the blow or would this one be a mortal wound?
Chapter Twenty
Tense. If asked, it was how Sara would have described the evening after Gabe returned. She had no idea what had occurred, but it couldn’t have been good. She had been startled to literally run into the other woman when she was out exploring the neighborhood with Trouble. At first, she had seemed so friendly, but it hadn’t been long before Sara sensed something amiss. Melanie hadn’t come right out and said it, but she alluded to the fact that she’d been intimate with Gabe. “Extremely close,” was the way she’d described their relationship. Yet when he’d found her there, he hadn’t looked thrilled. Quite the opposite. He had mentioned dating a neighbor, but said it ended before he deployed. She knew it had to be her. It was clear that Melanie wanted him back, which put Sara in an awkward position. Should she come right out and ask him about her? Their relationship was undefined at best and downright shaky, but didn’t she have a right to know? Was that one of the reasons he’d been so standoffish last night? What if he’d slept with Melanie after he returned home? It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility, considering how angry he was when he left North Carolina. And she knew he didn’t expect her to come to Alaska. Heck, she never seriously thought it would happen either. Yet here I am. Now what?
She offered to make him something for dinner while she tried to work up the courage to talk to him about Melanie, but he declined. Instead of spending time with her, he used the excuse of showering and didn’t return for nearly two hours. Realistically she knew he was tired from a long day at work. Plus, he was used to living alone and not having to entertain anyone. But . . . they’d spent all their free time together happily for the last seven months. Was it wrong of her to expect at least a little of that to continue? Otherwise, why extend the invitation? Would it have been any different if not for his surprise visit to her? Chloe had mentioned more than once that they had only gotten the best parts of each other’s personality. Was she seeing the other side now?
When Trouble’s tail began wagging, she looked up to see him standing a few feet away. He’d changed into jeans and a flannel shirt. Wow. Gabe in uniform was hot, but this casual version was seriously sexy. Mmm, and that cologne. He smells delicious. Roll your tongue back in, girl. Poor Trouble, she was practically petting the dog’s fur off as she attempted to keep herself from drooling over the object of her affection. It was hard, though, because he had the dark, brooding thing down. And it was so effortless. “I’ll light the fireplace. I prefer wood, but with all the snow here, gas is more practical,” he said quietly as he pulled the safety screen over it. The room felt instantly cozier with the flames dancing brightly.
“That’s great,” she murmured. “Oh, I saved you some of the tomato basil soup I had for dinner. I know you like grilled cheese sandwiches, so I made you one of those as well. I mean—if you’re hungry. Why don’t you have a seat and relax while I go heat up everything.” He appeared almost shocked by her statement.
“I—thank you. That sounds really good. I can get it, though, Sara. You’re a guest, not my maid.” He winced as soon as the words were out, obviously remembering the comments she’d made about Nicole and Chris taking advantage of her kindness. “I didn’t mean that the way it came out. I’m just . . . not used to people doing things for me.”
“Melanie mentioned cooking for you. I think that was why she was here. Something about confirming your plans.” She wanted to kick herself for mentioning the other woman without having figured out exactly what to say. His expression told her he wasn’t happy with her comments, and the last thing she wanted to do tonight was cause more tension. Way to go, big mouth. It had been jealousy pure and simple. She longed for an explanation, but was too afraid to question him. I would have asked him anything a month ago. She hated the distance between them now. She felt as if she’d lost her best friend, and in his place, there was a reserved stranger who only looked like Gabe.
He took a seat in the recliner across from her and picked up the television remote from the table. He’s ignoring me? She stood, figuring she’d give him a little space while she fixed his plate. She was almost to the kitchen when he said so quietly, she almost missed it, “I won’t be seeing Melanie socially. I can’t tell you what to do, Sara, but I will say that she’s not a trustworthy person. And she’s jealous of you, so I would exercise caution if you cross paths again.”
When she glanced back, he was staring at the television, but she knew he was aware of her scrutiny. She also understood that, for now, she needed to let this go. Gabe was ruled by logic, not emotion. Having this type of discussion was something most men would avoid, but for Gabe, it was pointless. He saw things in a certain light, and to continue asking intrusive questions would only irritate him. If Melanie showed up again and Sara thought it was a problem, then she would revisit the issue with him. “I appreciate the warning,” she replied.
Their stilted conversation that evening set the tone for the rest of the week. He was g
one when she woke up every morning, and she spent the day exploring his property, inside and out. She had dinner ready when he came home in the evening, and they usually ate in front of the fire. He seemed to want to avoid the intimacy of the kitchen, which she understood. He always complimented her on whatever she’d prepared and thanked her for doing it. Then he cleaned the kitchen and brought her a cup of coffee in the living room. She’d been surprised to discover the first time that he’d been so observant of the way she added extra cream and sugar to hers. That small thing had gotten her through those first days. But by Friday, she’d begun to think it was time to consider returning home. Christmas was only a few weeks away. In all the excitement, she’d actually lost sight of one of her favorite times of the year. And she seemed no closer to bridging the gap with Gabe. Instead of the rapport they’d once shared, they had settled into a polite friendship. One where you said “please” and “thank you” but didn’t joke around, nor share any secrets. Instead, their dialogue was limited to “good morning,” “good evening,” “how did you sleep,” “how are you,” and “how was your day.” After that, they talked about Trouble and, of course, the weather. It was like a wash, rinse, and repeat. It wasn’t that it was necessarily bad, and if not for what she’d had with him, she might have been content. But she couldn’t help remembering how they’d once covered so many varied topics and laughed so much. After the initial awkwardness, it had been so natural. But now, she had no clue how to break past the barriers he’d erected, and truthfully, she didn’t have enough confidence to do any of the radical things Chloe suggested. Most all of them consisted of her dropping all her clothing and letting him take it from there. But what if he didn’t? Chloe had assured her that he wouldn’t turn her down, but Gabe wasn’t like other men. He was different—which was one of the main reasons she was attracted to him.
“I think it was a mistake to come here,” she admitted to Chloe that afternoon. “Neither Chris, nor my mom, are taking my calls, and I haven’t talked to Kaylee since I’ve been here. I turned my world upside down because I have feelings for Gabe and I thought he felt the same. Yet nothing is changing, Chloe. And if I try to talk about anything personal, he changes the subject. It’s like he throws up a roadblock at the very hint that our conversation might become anything other than generic chitchat. Honestly, I can’t see that getting any better. Don’t bother encouraging me to seduce him either. Trust me, I’m so far out of my element in that area that it would be a joke. I’d likely either trip and knock myself unconscious, or elbow him in the crotch. Sadly, those are the better outcomes.”
“My mom has visited Joan a couple of times, and she says everything is fine. Your mom is watching Kaylee when they need her and seems to be enjoying it. Although I’m sure she would never admit that to you. And you know my mom would not sugarcoat it if things were going badly. So don’t worry about them. When Chris pulls his head out of his ass, he’ll see that it’s the best for all of you.”
Sara didn’t want to admit it to her cousin, or even to herself, but she was having moments of regret. Her life hadn’t been exciting, but it had suited her. There were some daily irritations, but there was also laughter, and people who needed her. Gabe didn’t appear to care if she was there or not. In fact, how long would it take him to notice if she left? She felt like it would be a relief to him if he found her gone. “I think Gabe regrets buying me the ticket,” she admitted on a sigh. “He’s too nice to say it, but I don’t believe he’s . . . attracted to me. I mean, I realize I hurt him in North Carolina, and he probably has doubts about my sincerity. But . . . he’s so blank when he looks at me. And if you could see the neighbor that he was dating before his deployment, you’d know that I’m not his type. She’s tiny. Like zero body fat. She probably works out for hours a day. And she dresses so trendy. I felt frumpy next to her.”
“Oh, come on, you know men can separate their feelings from the women they bang,” Chloe inserted. “He’s probably had sex with a lot of different types of women.”
“So not helping,” Sara muttered. “Let’s just look at the facts. I’ve been in his house for almost a week, day and night. Wouldn’t you think he would have at least found some excuse to touch me? Yet he goes out of his way not to. Our fingers bumped when I was handing him a cup last night and he couldn’t jerk away fast enough.” She reached up to wipe a tear away, feeling emotional as she gave voice to her fears. “He doesn’t want me here. I—need to go home. But—I don’t really have a home anymore. I gave it all up because I thought we had something. I want to be angry at him for leading me on, but I was right there with him. I could have pulled the plug at any time, but I didn’t. It felt so good—belonging to someone. Being cared about. The possibility of a future that didn’t involve me being on the outside looking in at other people’s happiness.”
“Sara,” Chloe whispered, sounding as if she were in tears as well.
“You tried to tell me that it was too good to be true, but I didn’t want to listen. Yeah, I had reservations. I was afraid to believe in it—but somewhere in my heart, I thought it could happen. I let myself fall in love with a man I’d never met in person. I’ve read about it working out for other people, and I believed it could for me as well. But he doesn’t want me, and I’m just embarrassing myself by remaining here, because really, why would he pick me, when he could have anyone he wanted?”
Sara heard a sigh on the other end. “I’m beginning to regret encouraging you to do this,” Chloe admitted. “I still believe that you needed to break free of the rut you were in, but hell, so do I. It just seemed like this was your shot at everything we all dream of finding in life. But if it’s doing nothing but making you doubt yourself more, then screw it, North Carolina is waiting. You can stay with me for as long as you like.”
She was touched . . . and relieved at her cousin’s offer. It gave her some sense of security amid all the turmoil she was feeling. She was also a little embarrassed to have poured out her innermost thoughts and insecurities. It wasn’t something she usually admitted in such detail. “Thanks, Chloe, that means a lot to me. You know, he doesn’t even have a Christmas tree. Somehow that makes it even more depressing. And I didn’t think that was possible.” Sara laughed, running a hand through her hair. “That was random, geez. Listen, I need to get off before he gets home. I’ll call you later on, okay?”
She ended the call after promising Chloe she’d be in touch soon. She wanted nothing more than to lie on the sofa and have an epic pity party, but she didn’t want him to find her like that. So she got up and walked to the bathroom to compose herself and hide the evidence of her tears. She hoped she could also find the strength she needed to talk to him—to tell him good-bye, because in her heart, she knew she was out of options.
* * *
• • •
Gabe stood frozen in the kitchen. Bastard. He felt like a complete and utter bastard. He’d come home a little early, since training ended ahead of schedule. He had also used the kitchen entrance, instead of going around front. With Trouble no longer being confined, it didn’t really matter which door he used. He was a few steps from the living room when he heard her talking. At first he’d been afraid that Melanie had dropped by again. But a glance around the corner showed that it was Sara on the phone. Not wanting to intrude, he silently returned to get a drink until she was finished. Yet the close proximity meant that he could hear some of her end of the conversation, and even though he knew it was wrong, he couldn’t move when he heard his name. I turned my world upside down because I have feelings for Gabe and I thought he felt the same. The anguish in her words tore at his heart. This was a very private moment, and unbeknownst to her, he was eavesdropping on it. He’s too nice to say it, but I don’t believe he’s attracted to me. I let myself fall in love with a man I’d never met in person.
He knew she was talking to her cousin, since she called her by name. He could only imagine what the other woman was saying about him. N
othing you don’t deserve. She ended the call abruptly, and he stepped out of sight and prayed she didn’t come in his direction. A moment later, it sounded like the bathroom door had closed, and he sagged back against the wall. She blamed herself for everything, yet he knew differently. He had been angry and hurt over the confusion when he visited, but that wasn’t the real reason he’d been so distant. Coward. There was no way to sugarcoat it. He panicked when she showed up, and it had nothing to do with her physical appearance. If anything, she was even more beautiful to him now than the first time he’d laid eyes on her. Her personality, her mannerisms, her quirks. He could go on and on. He discovered a different thing each day about her that captivated him. And ironically, the stuff he liked the most was what drove him away. He’d fallen for her in Iraq, and he was even more smitten now, and it terrified him.
It wasn’t that he thought she was too weak for the military way of life, although he wondered how she’d deal with the isolation it could bring. He also thought there was a strong possibility that he would have a very hard time leaving her behind. If you don’t get your shit together, you won’t have to worry about that. You’ll lose her.
But how? He could handle hundreds of soldiers without breaking a sweat. He’d dodged enemy fire, for God’s sake, and had returned to do it again and again. Yet matters of the heart were a mystery to him. He broke out in a cold sweat just considering all the things that could go wrong. He doesn’t even have a Christmas tree. It didn’t seem like much, but it was a starting point. He always felt better with a plan of action. She’d been trapped here alone, without a vehicle, for a week. With only his pitiful company in the evenings. And what entertainment had he provided? She claimed to like The Walking Dead, but watching an entire season wasn’t exactly romantic. Plus, he always took the chair, while she sat on the sofa with his dog. Well, actually, Trouble adored her so much, he couldn’t claim total ownership of the dog these days.