“Yes, I know I should, Emmie, but I don’t want him to think I’m some crazy woman who is beginning to stalk him or anything like that. That’s why I’m keeping my distance most of the time.”
“How will that help when you only have two weeks there?”
Good question, Ashley thought as she stirred her lemonade. She stared in the direction of a couple walking along the shore, holding hands and stealing kisses. She could recall days when she and Devon had done that same thing. She turned her attention back to Emmie’s question when the couple stole another kiss. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.”
“Hey, don’t start getting overwhelmed, Ash. Just think about it. The man you love and who you thought was dead is really alive. The fact that he’s lost his memory is nothing more than a little inconvenience.”
A little inconvenience? “Oh, I think it’s more than that, Emmie.”
“What I mean is that it’s nothing that will defeat you, right? You’ve decided that regardless of whether Devon remembers you or not, you intend to be around.”
Yes, that had been her decision, but how could she accomplish that if Devon didn’t give her any indication that he wanted her around? Granted, he was nice to her this morning, but that was all. Was she expecting too much too soon?
“You know what I think you should do, Ash?”
“No. What do you think I should do?”
“Go ahead and make plans to stay beyond the two weeks.”
Ashley lifted a brow. “And how am I supposed to do that? Have you forgotten I have work to return to?”
“No, but you and I know that you can work from anywhere. I suggest you check out places in town to remain the entire summer. And just so he won’t think he has anything to do with your decision, let word get out now of what you plan to do. So if things start heating up between the two of you, he won’t suspect your hanging in town has anything to do with him since you would have made the decision beforehand.”
Ashley gave Emmie’s idea some thought and then she thought of a big issue she might face. Her mother. “Mom almost flipped when I told her I was leaving town for two weeks without telling her where I was going. How do you think she’ll handle it if I decide to stay here the entire summer? If I told her where I was she might show up unexpectedly. Can you imagine how she would handle it if she came and saw Devon? I can’t let that happen, Emmie.”
“Okay, I agree. But weren’t your parents returning to Kansas most of the summer anyway to check on their property there?”
“Yes.”
“Then tell her you’re traveling this summer, living various places. It won’t be one hundred percent true but close enough.”
“Hmm, let me give it some thought. I’ll let you know what I decide.”
A short while later Ashley left the beach to return to the inn. When she got halfway across the boardwalk she realized she truly liked this place. And she definitely liked how the boardwalk connected Shelby by the Sea to the beach. She’d noticed how the evening lanterns were timed to come on at dusk to light a path to the beach. Last night she had sat on the boardwalk steps for hours to stare out at the ocean and think.
Returning to the inn, she smiled when she met Vashti coming out of her office. “Hi, Vashti.”
“Enjoy the beach?” Vashti asked her, returning her smile.
“Yes. It cheered me up some.” When she had returned to the inn from the café, she’d told Vashti she was a little disappointed Ray hadn’t at least joined her for a cup of coffee.
“I’m glad.”
Emmie’s suggestion then came back to Ashley’s mind. “There’s an idea my friend came up with that I’d like to run by you. Do you have time to talk after I take a shower and freshen up a bit?”
“Sure. I’ll see you then.”
* * *
“DID YOU WANT to see me because you woke up again feeling a date meant something to you, Ray?” Dr. Martin asked, leaning back in his office chair.
“No,” Ray said, shaking his head. “It’s something else entirely.”
“Oh? Tell me about it.”
One of the things Ray liked about Dr. Martin, in addition to his calming air, was his willingness to listen before giving his thoughts on any given situation. And he was a patient man. The first time Ray had come to him, Ray had been filled with a lot of negative emotions and frustrations. Over the months of therapy it had taken to release them all, Dr. Martin had not once made Ray feel less of a man or human for what he was going through.
“I saved a woman’s life.”
That blunt statement had Dr. Martin straightening up in his chair. “When?”
“Two days ago.”
“What happened?”
Ray provided details and Dr. Martin said, “My goodness, the woman was lucky you were where you were and acted quickly.”
“I had seen her before the accident, when she was walking around the marina. I thought she was pretty.”
“Nothing wrong with that, Ray. You are a man, after all.”
“Yes, but things have gotten worse,” Ray said.
Dr. Martin raised a brow. “Worse? In what way?”
“No woman has filled my mind the way she has. In a way she’s taken over it. I think of her all the time. Last night I even dreamed about her. I saw her this morning when she was having breakfast at the same café I was and I couldn’t stop looking at her.”
“Like I said, Ray, you’re a man. Sooner or later it was bound to happen. I told you that. It’s like the law of gravity. You can’t avoid letting nature take its course.”
“I don’t want it to take any course. I’ve always been able to control my attraction to a woman, so why can’t I do so this time?”
“Only you can answer that. I guess I’m wondering why such a thing is bothering you so. Just because you’re attracted to her doesn’t mean you have to act on it.”
He met Dr. Martin’s stare. “But that’s just it—I want to act on it. You don’t know how hard it was not to slide in the booth beside her and converse with her. Find out everything about her. Ask her out.”
“There’s no reason you can’t.”
“There is a reason. You know my history.”
“I know the history you’ve formulated in your mind about yourself. You think you’re a married man.”
“Yes, and I’ve told you why I think it. But lately I’ve been thinking other things. Things I’ve never given much thought to before.”
“Such as?”
“What if the reason my wife hasn’t found me is because she doesn’t want to find me? What if I was a prick of a husband? Someone she would have wanted out of her life anyway. What if she’s married again and has gotten on with her life? What if I never get my memory back?”
Dr. Martin didn’t say anything for a minute and then said, “Those are questions I can’t answer, but then, neither can you. Sounds to me you’re reaching deep into your inner self, the self you’re not even sure about, to come up with reasons why it might be acceptable to pursue this woman without any guilt, when in actuality the only guilt you’d face is what you put on yourself. If you are married and get your memory back, and you discover your wife, who thought you dead or missing, has someone else in her life, would you fault her for not waiting? Do you think she should have held on to a possible belief—no matter how small—that you would return?”
He thought about Dr. Martin’s question. Then he answered, “No.”
“Then why are you? Why are you holding yourself to a marriage you have no memory of?”
“Because one day my memory might return. Then I could have deep feelings for two women.”
“I think you’ll only truly love one. Keep in mind, when and if you get your memory back, you won’t forget the present and just remember the past. Even if there’s a time when you discover your true identity, you
would have been a man who’d lived two lives. Your old and new. Your before and after. What you’re trying hard to do, Ray, is deny there is a new and an after.”
“I don’t think I’m doing that.”
“Think about it for a second. You’ve done everything to try to move on. You’ve moved to a new town and have taken on a new job, which probably isn’t the occupation you did in your previous life. You’ve moved on. However, when it comes to the opposite sex, you’ve stood still to the point where you’ve refused to even date.”
“I don’t want to ever hurt anyone. I don’t want any woman to get involved with me knowing they won’t have a future.”
Dr. Martin nodded. “Then be up-front with them if you detect things are getting serious. Trust them enough to let them know your situation. I know you have your circle of friends you feel comfortable with and only they know your past. Would it be so bad to slowly let others in? Others you feel you can trust?”
Ray didn’t say anything for a minute. Then Dr. Martin added, “About this woman, the one whose life you saved, the one you can’t seem to forget. Maybe you need to get to know her and find out why she, of all women, can push your buttons? What is there about her that is drawing you in?”
Ray gave the doctor a wary glance. “She’s pretty.”
Dr. Martin chuckled. “I’m sure there is more about her than a pretty face, Ray. Just remember,” he said, “at some point you will have to move on in all aspects of your life and not just in some.”
* * *
“I THINK YOU staying in Catalina Cove for the summer would be a wonderful idea,” Vashti said, smiling.
“You do?”
“Yes. You don’t come across as the type of woman to give up easily. But just remember what Dr. Riggins said about retrograde amnesia. There’s a fifty-fifty chance of the memory returning.”
“I remember but I believe I have a chance again with my husband, even as Ray Sullivan. This morning when he stood beside my table, I felt something. I’m convinced we felt something. I’m even more convinced he’s trying to fight it and I refuse to let him.”
“I don’t blame you.”
Ashley smiled, glad Vashti agreed. “You once mentioned you had a friend in town who is a Realtor. Is there any way I can talk to her about finding me a nice rental? It doesn’t have to be too big but I want it close to the marina and in a somewhat secluded area.”
“Why secluded?”
“Because Ray comes across as a private person who wouldn’t want the entire town in his business.”
Vashti nodded. “You do have a point. My best friend’s name is Bryce Witherspoon, and I’ll make sure the two of you connect today.”
Ashley drew in a deep breath, happy with her decision. “Thanks, and there’s something else I need to do.”
“What?”
“Reschedule my time with Ray’s Tours.”
CHAPTER TEN
“I THINK IT’S wonderful that you’ve decided to spend the entire summer in Catalina Cove, Ash. While you’re there, if you happen to meet someone who might interest me, please send them my way. I could always use some more FWM time.”
A couple of days later, Ashley rolled her eyes as she strolled along the boardwalk while talking to Suzanne. Would her friend ever think about anything other than “fun with men” time when it came to the opposite sex? “Whatever, Suzanne.” They talked a little while longer before Ashley said, “I will chat with you later. Bye.” She clicked off the phone then dropped it into her cross-body purse.
Regardless of what had nearly happened to her in this area of the pier, she’d decided this was one of her favorite parts of town. It had nothing to do with the numerous shops on one side of the boardwalk with the ocean on the other; it was just the atmosphere. It was so relaxing. No one seemed in a hurry to get anyplace. That was why she’d taken her time to shop and had several bags to show for it. When she deliberately ran into Ray later, he wouldn’t know anything had been preplanned.
She couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if in the interim his memories returned. He would know immediately that she had misled him and hadn’t been totally up-front about who she was. Would he see that as deception on her part or would he understand she’d been desperate enough to want to do things this way? She wanted to think if that happened Devon would know her enough to believe she’d done what she thought was best for them.
She appreciated Kaegan telling her what time Ray’s workday usually ended and what path he took to get to his truck. Unless he changed his MO, he would have to walk by the area where she was. She knew that although more than anything Sawyer and Kaegan wanted Ray’s memory to return, they didn’t want to participate in anything that might be perceived as being disloyal to Ray. That meant there was only so much information they would give her. She understood the two men’s position.
Vashti, on the other hand, was all in. She wanted Ray to do more than regain his memory. She wanted him to fall madly in love with his wife all over again and thought nothing could be more romantic than for him to do so. She appreciated Vashti’s positive attitude.
Ashley had met with Vashti’s best friend, Bryce Witherspoon, who’d told her about a rental place that had come on the market just that week. It sounded like the place Ashley was looking for and Bryce would be picking her up from Shelby tomorrow to take her to see it.
Ashley finally reached her spot in front of the huge bronze statue of Jean Lafitte erected in front of an eatery called Lafitte Seafood House. Then she pretended to be studying the huge menu posted beside the statue while shifting the shopping bags containing gifts for her three best friends to her other arm.
She refused to think that being here was a manipulative move on her part. As far as she was concerned, she was in a fight for her life. If Ray didn’t remember her one way, then she was determined he would remember her in another. She refused to sit back and wait for a miracle to happen. She was determined to execute her own miracles.
“Need help carrying those bags, ma’am?”
She glanced over her shoulder to see the man who came to stand by her. He was nice looking, but she was certain he, like the other two men who’d asked the same thing before him, noticed she was wearing her wedding ring. And it wasn’t something dainty that could easily be missed. Devon had made sure she had a ring on her finger that could be seen. She was certain Ray had seen it as well but hadn’t questioned her about the missing Mr. Ryan. When he did, she would follow Dr. Riggins’s advice and be honest with Ray. If he eventually put two and two together, then there was nothing she could do about it.
“No, thanks. I got this,” she said.
“You’re sure? I’ll be glad to assist you.”
“Thanks. I’m positive.”
Ashley was grateful he nodded and moved on. She checked her watch again and figured Devon—Ray—should be walking by within the next few minutes. He might ignore her and keep walking, he might speak and keep walking, or he might be like those other gents and offer to carry her bags. Honestly, she didn’t think he would do the latter, but she was hoping he would at least stop and hold a conversation, no matter how short. Any amount of time spent in her husband’s presence was worth it to her.
Suddenly, the hand holding her shopping bags began to tremble and she knew without moving an inch that Ray was in the vicinity, possibly walking her way. Her profile was to him but there was no reason he wouldn’t recognize her. Would he stop? She hoped, wished, prayed that he would.
Her heart began pounding and a rush of heat seemed to overtake her on what was already a hot day. But she was determined to keep her cool even if things didn’t work out the way she wanted.
The powerful sound of a pair of fisherman’s boots seemed to echo across the wooden planks and she fought back a smile at the familiar heavy noise Devon’s boots would make. The man couldn’t tiptoe even if he tried.
“Ashley?”
She said a silent prayer of thanks before turning around, and there he stood, Devon Ryan, aka Ray Sullivan, looking as handsome as ever and automatically arousing her like only he could do. She forced her face from breaking into too bright a smile. Instead she gave him what she hoped was a surprised smile. “Hey, Ray.”
She couldn’t ignore the shiver that passed through her when he came near. Nor could she ignore the feeling of total and complete love when she looked into his face. She fought back the urge to race to him and throw herself in his arms and tell him of that love and to cry out her relief at seeing him again and knowing she truly hadn’t lost him. Ashley knew she couldn’t do any of those things. The stakes were too high for her to make any mistakes now.
“I see you’ve been shopping,” he said, looking at her with a smile. She felt that smile all the way to her toes. His smile had always had an effect on her and nothing had changed.
“Yes, my three girlfriends who sent me here for my birthday. I thought the least I could do was make sure I pick them up souvenirs.”
“Yes, that’s the least you can do. And now it appears you’re about to enjoy dinner.”
“Yes,” she said, breaking eye contact with him to look back at the menu. “They have so many entrées to choose from.” She looked back at him. It was hard keeping her eyes off him. “Have you eaten here before?” she asked him.
“Yes, several times,” he said, in a deep, husky voice that was sexier than she remembered. Now it had a sort of rough tenor to it that had the ability to make certain parts of her quiver. “They serve good food.”
“Then what do you suggest?” she asked, breaking eye contact with him to glance at the posted menu again.
“Their lobster definitely, but then, people come from miles around just for their crab cakes.”
“And I love crab cakes,” she said excitedly, turning back to him. Devon used to be able to read her like a book. She was glad Ray didn’t seem capable of it.
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