by Eva Ashwood
“Hey, Gray? You alright in there, man?”
It’s Declan. And I’d bet anything he’s not alone.
I exchange a look with Gray as he sits up. His hands push through his tousled brown hair, and he seems to war with himself. I wonder if it’s because he’s worried what will happen if he lets the two of them in. I still don’t quite know where I stand with any of them, except that the bitter animosity between me and Gray seems to be fading.
But I can’t forget the tension that seemed to splinter their group apart in the couple weeks after I kissed Elias at that party. Things seem like they’ve gone back to mostly normal since then, but I can’t quite figure out how I feel about Declan and Elias finding us here on our own.
Gray looks at me.
“I’ll put on pants?” I offer with a shrug.
A faint smirk tugs at his lips, and he leans over to press a kiss to my lips— brief, but no less full of heat than any of our previous kisses.
I smile into it as he pulls away, and we both pull on some semblance of clothing before Gray goes to answer the door. I amble into the living room and sit on the couch, waiting as the door swings open.
I was right. Elias is with Declan, and he lifts his chin at Gray as the two of them step inside.
“You never answered our messages, so we figured we’d swing by and—”
Elias pauses, his gaze catching on me. Surprise flashes across his face, then realization. I’m not sure exactly what it is he’s realized, but his eyes linger on mine before looking back to Gray.
“We, uh, interrupting?”
“No,” Gray says smoothly, walking over to take a seat on the couch next to me. His arm goes around my shoulders, and Declan and Elias both track the movement. “Sophie got called in to speak to Dean Wells this morning. He tried to expel her.”
“What?” Elias blurts out, crossing the room quickly with Declan hot on his heels. “That’s fucking bullshit.”
“Yeah.” Gray snorts. “It is. I reminded him that since my parents funded that scholarship in Beth’s memory, maybe we should have a say in whether the scholarship recipient gets to stay or not.”
The reaction from Declan and Elias at those words is even more pronounced than when they walked in and saw me on Gray’s couch. I remember Gray saying that he wouldn’t allow even his two best friends to talk about his sister, and my heart clenches.
How long has it been since they’ve heard him say her name?
“Um…” Declan seems momentarily lost for words, his gaze flicking from me to Gray and back again. Then he shakes his head. “Good. That’s good. So he dropped it?”
“Yeah.”
“Great.” Elias grins. “Now we just need to find some way to get Cliff’s ass thrown out of here, and we’ll be golden.”
“I fucking wish,” Gray growls. “His dad has so many people in his pocket that Cliff’s basically untouchable.”
I remember Max saying something to that effect too, and anger churns in my gut. I’m fucking lucky I didn’t just get kicked out of school—meanwhile, Cliff can get away with whatever bullshit he wants.
As if he’s sensed the change in me, Gray tugs me a little closer to his side, leaning his head over to press a kiss to my hair. “Don’t worry about it, Sparrow. We’ll take care of him.”
“You sound like a fucking mobster, you know that?” I poke him in the side, weirded out by how much I like his easy display of affection—and also by the not-so-subtle glances Declan and Elias keep shooting us.
“You want me to whack him for you?” Gray jokes, his chuckle vibrating in his chest.
“Ah, I dunno. I think Blue could probably handle that herself,” Elias puts in with a grin. His light brown eyes gleam with amusement when I glance over at him, and a little ripple of relief moves through me.
I have no idea what I’m doing with Gray, or what all of this means.
I’m not stupid enough to think that one afternoon of confessing our fucked up feelings and past heartbreaks is going to magically make everything better. Shit is still… complicated between us, and I have no way of knowing if how things are now is the way they’ll stay. Gray has flip-flopped between hot and cold on me for an entire semester, and there’s nothing stopping him from doing it again.
But I’m glad to see Elias smiling at me. He and Declan are both still watching me and Gray like hawks, but I don’t sense the same bitter tension I noticed between them after the football game and afterparty.
And I’m glad.
Because the truth is, I like all of these men. Way more than I ever meant to let myself like them. I don’t know what it means that I’ve kissed all three of them, or that each of these men has penetrated the armor around my heart in some way.
Hell, I can barely handle the way I feel for any one of them individually, let alone contemplate how I feel about all of them.
I do feel something. But right now, I’m going to just let that be.
I’m not gonna poke it with a stick or run from it. I’m not gonna fight it or work my heart into knots trying to understand it.
One damn thing at a time, Soph.
Tugging my phone out of my pocket, I tap the button on the side. “Fuck. I better go. My next class starts in half an hour.”
Gray makes no move to release me, and I don’t push out of his hold. I don’t want to.
Elias wrinkles his nose, glancing down at his watch. “Yeah. Mine does too. I should go.” Then he grins, glancing up at me from beneath thick lashes. “Or…”
“Or what?”
“Or we could celebrate the fact that you’re still a Hawthorne student.”
“By blowing off class?”
His grin widens. “I understand it sounds counterintuitive. But you only have, what? Three more classes left today? Isn’t it better just to ditch the whole day and start with a clean slate tomorrow?”
Declan chuckles, rolling his eyes.
I chew my lip. Dean Wells’ lecture about maintaining my academic standing echoes in my mind, but honestly, I have been maintaining my grades pretty well. Just because I’m a broke foster kid, that doesn’t make me an idiot—or a slacker.
Besides, we’ll all have to buckle down and study for finals soon anyway. I can afford to take one day off.
“Sure,” I say, pretending my heart doesn’t give a little squeeze at the excitement that blooms across Elias’s face.
“Fuck yeah.” He rubs his hands together. “Beach?”
“A little cold for swimming, isn’t it?” Declan grumbles.
“Dude, if you ruin my chance to see Blue in a bikini, you and I are gonna have words outside,” Elias shoots back, shooting him a mock-serious look.
Declan rolls his eyes. “You’re such an idiot.”
Their easy banter and Elias’s flirtatious grin remind me of how things were the very first day I met them. Before everything went to shit. Before Gray’s grief turned them all against me. It’s like a picture of what could’ve been—what could still be, maybe, if we let it happen—and it draws a smile to my face.
The beach is a forty-five minute drive from Hawthorne, and we take Gray’s car.
It’s the first time I’ve driven anywhere in months, and I try to play it cool as I run my fingers appreciatively over the soft leather seats, but I’m obviously not subtle enough. Gray totally catches me feeling up his car, and the look he shoots me is both amused and heated.
A flush works its way up my neck as my pussy clenches. I’m still a little sore from earlier, but goddamn, I can imagine him fucking me in this car—or on this car—and the cascade of images that rush through my mind sends my temperature soaring.
I swear he growls under his breath as he guns the engine, and I bite my lip to hide my smile.
Now that some of the antagonistic energy between us has faded, it’s just left more room for the sexual tension that bubbles between us to take its place.
The guys all threw on trunks before we left the men’s dorm, and I have on a bikini with je
ans and a tee over it. None of the men bothered to put on shirts though, and when I glance over my shoulder, I’m treated to a delicious view of Declan’s many tattoos.
My quick glance turns into a lingering stare as I soak up the ink decorating his sculpted body, and when my gaze finally makes it to his face, I find him watching me with smoldering dark eyes.
“They’re nice pieces,” I say, ignoring the way my voice comes out scratchier than I meant for it to. “Beautiful ink.”
“You’ll have to show me yours sometime.” His half-smile makes warmth fill my belly.
He’s seen them already. My tattoos. Hell, half the school has already seen pretty much every inch of me.
But I like the way he says the words—as if he wants to look when he can take his time looking. Not a stolen glance, but a slow perusal.
Gray’s gaze darts from the road to the rearview mirror, and I can’t interpret the expression on his face. I remember the possessive heat that filled his voice the day I kissed Declan in my dorm, and I wonder what would happen if I crawled between the seats and kissed his friend again.
I don’t do it, because I’m not entirely sure Gray wouldn’t crash the car.
But I can’t deny I kind of want to.
Declan was right. It’s way too fucking cold to get in the water.
But we don’t let that stop us, wading in up to our knees as the chilly ocean bites at our toes. It’s sunny and clear, and the breeze is warm on my face as I wade in a little deeper.
Elias is splashing at Declan, trying to goad him deeper into the water, and I’m laughing at the two of them when a pair of strong arms wrap around me from behind. I know who it is immediately, and not just because I can see the other two Sinners. Gray’s spicy bourbon scent mingles with the salt-soaked air tickling my nostrils, and the heat of his body at my back is like a furnace.
I sink back against him, enjoying the feel of my bare skin against his. It hasn’t been that long since we fell asleep naked in each other’s arms, but I missed it anyway.
And that should probably scare me a lot more than it does.
“What do you think? Better than class?” he asks, his breath ghosting over my ear.
I give a low chuckle. “I’m gonna say, hell yes.”
“Good.” He threads his fingers through mine, carefully avoiding the small cuts and bruises that mar my knuckles. Then he shifts behind me, dropping his head to press a kiss to the tattoo on my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here, Sparrow.”
Goose bumps flutter over my skin as my nipples pebble despite the warmth in the air. My gaze catches on Elias and Declan again as they both turn to look at me and Gray.
I have no idea what this thing between all of us is.
I have no idea what the future holds.
Still…
“I’m glad too.”
28
I dip my brush in a dark purple paint, then sweep it in a wide arc over the canvas in front of me, letting it blend with the blues and grays that I’ve already laid down.
It took more time than I liked, but my ability to paint—to draw comfort from art—has slowly returned. In between studying like a madwoman for finals, I’ve rediscovered my painting mojo. Over the past few days, I’ve spent every spare second I can find in front of a canvas.
My chest still aches painfully when I think of the portrait of Jared that was destroyed. I haven’t tried to do another portrait of him, partly because I’m afraid the sharpness of my memories might be fading with time. If I try to draw him and can’t quite remember the angle of his jaw or the shape of his eyes, I think it might break my heart.
In general, I’m not trying to recreate any pieces that were lost when my room was trashed. I’m just making new pieces, letting my mind and creativity go wherever it wants.
I lay a few more brushstrokes on the canvas, dabbing in some darker shadows in one corner before adding a few more streaks of purple. It’s taken on a shape similar to the yawning black hallway I remember from my dreams, although I haven’t had a dream I remember for a few weeks now. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. The images are still lodged in my brain—fuzzy and indistinct, but there.
As I dip my brush back in the paint, my vision darkens at the edges and a wave of dizziness washes over me. I drop the brush on my palette and press one hand to the wall nearby, breathing deep through my nose.
Fuck.
I sort of hoped I’d be done with this bullshit now that things have settled down a little in my life.
The past couple weeks have been… nice.
The peace between the Sinners and me has started to seem less like a temporary truce and more like the beginnings of something real. Something good.
Max, as overprotective as she is, has even come around on the guys—especially after hearing about what Gray did for me the day I almost got expelled. All five of us have been spending more time together, and when the fierce sexual tension between me and Gray boils over into toe-curling sex, neither one of us runs away as soon as it’s over anymore.
I’m not quite sure what to do about the desire that still burns hot and bright between me and Declan, or between me and Elias, for that matter. I feel like I’m gonna have to say something—do something—soon, before the tension snaps like a rubber band pulled too tight.
But if I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the men to go back to hating me and fucking with me, there’s no indication of it on the horizon.
Setting my palette down, I rest my forehead against the cool plaster of the wall, waiting for the dizziness to pass. It begins to clear after a few more breaths, and I blink my eyes open slowly before pressing away from the wall and making my way to the couch.
My phone buzzes as I sink down onto the cushions, and a smile tugs at my lips as I glance at the screen.
I swipe to answer and raise it to my ear. “What do you want? I’m very busy making amazing pieces of art.”
“Good.” Gray’s voice is a satisfied growl, and even over the phone, it manages to travel directly to my clit. “When do I get to see them?”
“I dunno.” I stretch out sideways on the couch, letting the last of the dizziness fade from my system. “After finals?”
“That’s five days from now.”
“Yeah. Just think how excited you’ll be to see them by then.”
“I’m thinking about how excited I’ll be to tear your clothes off.”
I bite my lip, grinning up at the ceiling. “You can do that first.”
He makes a low humming noise in his throat. “I’ve never wanted finals to be over so damn bad.”
Heat pools in my belly, and I find myself nodding in agreement. “We’re close. You ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” There’s a pause, then he says, “There’s a party on Friday to celebrate the end of the semester. Come with me.”
I groan. “You know my track record at Hawthorne parties isn’t great, right?”
“What are you saying, Sparrow? Are you planning to strip naked at this party too?”
“No.” I snort. “I think my stripping days are behind me, thanks.”
“Good.” His voice drops a little lower. “Fuck, the minute I realized what you were doing, I started getting hard. By the time you kicked off those sexy black panties, I thought I would fucking die. Part of me wanted to murder every wide-eyed asshole in the room just for looking at you.”
“And the other part?” I ask, tugging my bottom lip between my teeth.
“The other part of me wanted to bend you over and fuck you in front of all of them. To eat your hot little cunt until you screamed my name so loud everyone in the goddamn house heard you.”
My entire lower half throbs, and I press my legs together, trying to ease a little of the ache between my thighs. “Jesus. You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”
His chuckle is dark as sin. “No more than you’re trying to kill me, Sparrow. Friday?”
“Friday,” I agree.
We ha
ng up, and I say a silent little prayer that the week will fly by.
I know I’ll see Gray and the other two men plenty in between now and then, but I’m actually getting excited for the winter break. I want to spend some time with them without having to worry about classes or studying or anything Hawthorne-related.
Cliff’s face still sports fading bruises, and although he hasn’t said a word to me since he returned to campus after his attempted assault, he and the other Saints shoot baleful glares in my direction from time to time. Caitlin, too, seems to hate me more than ever—probably because the whole campus knows by now that Gray and I are regularly sleeping together.
I try not to let the assholes and haters get to me, but the truth is, I’m ready for a break from it all.
And as it turns out, my prayer is answered. The week is so crammed full of tests and last-minute studying that it whips by in a blur. Before I know it, I’m walking out of my last final, feeling like a thousand pound weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Look at that. I made it through my first semester of college. And held my own at an elite, fancy-ass private school, no less.
A little swell of pride fills my chest, and Max bumps my shoulder with hers as we walk across campus toward our dorms, like she knows what I’m thinking.
“We did it.” She grins at me, her hazel eyes shining.
“Yup.” I grin back. “You going to the party tonight.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Yeah. But more to the point, are you? I thought you swore off Hawthorne parties.”
I shrug. “Well, I figured I’d give it one more try.”
“Uh huh. And the prospect of getting boned by Gray Eastwood afterward has absolutely no bearing on your decision.”
Shooting her a scandalized look, I purse my lips. “First of all, I can get boned by Gray Eastwood anytime I want—”
“—much to Caitlin’s annoyance,” she fills in helpfully.
I chuckle, then add, “Don’t expect me to become a regular social butterfly, but just this once, I figured, why not?”
“That’s the spirit. You want a ride over?”