Sin,
Salvation,
and
Serenity
Hoppily Ever After series
Book 1
by
Barbra Campbell
Copyright © 2020 Barbra Campbell
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction.
Cover design by Hans Campbell
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https://BarbraCampbell.com
Dedicated to all of my college friends who let study groups detour into philosophical conversations about morals and how to implement them.
Sometimes agreeing to disagree was the wisest thing to do!
Chapter 1
Eli
Decked out in dress pants, button-up shirts, and ties, my son Carson and I slid into the wooden pew next to my parents. The hard seat that would be mine for the next hour was a reminder that serving a higher power would not always be comfortable. Luckily Carson was five and only had to stay for a few minutes before being whisked away to Sunday school, then he’d rejoin us for a few minutes at the end of the service.
Not where I wanted to be on a Sunday morning, or how I wanted to be dressed. Eleven years before, when I’d left for college, I’d thought I secured Sunday morning as me time, which generally meant sleeping in. A small rebellion.
But after trying to get back on my feet for the last year, I couldn’t waste any more time and had to accept help from my parents. The catch? Their assistance came with the requirement I return to church. Their church.
I’d accepted. It wouldn’t have been right to force Carson to suffer any further for the mistakes the adults around him had made. He’d already lost a mother since she’d decided that role wasn’t for her. And since I was dedicated to Carson, it meant she left me, too.
Letting her go had been harder than the wooden pew beneath me. At first anyway, but after thinking about it, letting her walk away from us was a blessing. Not that it eased the pain for Carson and me.
Five-year-olds had a different comprehension of life though, and despite the heavy burden of stress his mom caused, he still remembered the good times. I wrapped my arm around him, grateful we were moving on.
Above the ramblings of the congregation, the click of the choir room door drew my attention. My head jerked to the left while the line of choir members filed in. Pretending to be interested in the assortment of dedicated armchair vocalists assuming their positions, I waited.
There was one reason I could tolerate sitting through the dated teachings my parents embraced, aside from help with Carson. That reason was about to appear, and my useless adrenaline rush had my body ready for something that wasn’t going to happen.
Serenity would come in last and take her position in the back left. Long dark hair, big brown eyes, and an extra wide smile. I wanted to lick her silky skin and taste her sweet cream, listening to her moan the entire time. Probably not what my parents were hoping I’d find at church.
The other men in the congregation must have been more pious than human because they managed not to stare at the breathtakingly gorgeous soprano. Either that or their wives had caught them drooling and they’d been given a sharp elbow to the ribs and a reminder of how much abstinence sucked.
Even though she was only college-aged, nineteen from what I’d gathered, I couldn’t force my thoughts to behave. And didn’t really want to. She renewed a side of me I’d given up when I devoted my life to my son, and I was starting to wonder if it didn’t have to be all or none.
Serenity’s gaze flitted to mine as she’d done multiple times the three weeks prior.
She always kept her chin up and acted confident, but each time we locked eyes, she shifted her focus to the pastor. It wasn’t my intention to make her nervous, but I couldn’t stop myself from taking advantage of every second I was in her presence to memorize her features, her expressions, and the natural beauty that emanated from her.
I lived for those Sunday morning stolen moments.
Her sweet nature, genuine friendliness with everyone in the congregation, and something more abstract, had touched me so deeply I’d been afraid to approach her. Like we had a connection. The kind of connection I feared would bring me to my knees in more ways than one.
Was I ready to worship a woman again? How would Carson react to me dating? Would my parents renege on their offer to help with Carson if I dated a young, innocent woman? How much would one wrong move upend my life, again?
I was barely getting re-established after my disastrous marriage. Stability had to be my priority.
The organ boomed to life and Serenity drew in a breath as she closed her eyes. The same ritual that sent naughty thoughts racing through my mind every time she did it. Her parted lips and closed eyes sustained the belief I could love again even when I reminded myself those feelings weren’t love.
Directing my sights away from her, I survived another service without any of the elders reminding me to pay attention. And in my parents’ church, they definitely handed out reminders.
Outside of Sunday services, Serenity had led several sessions of Carson’s Tuesday Troopers church program. She’d also been the one to stop the other kids from teasing Carson about not having a mom in our ‘til death do us part’ church. One misstep and I could risk messing up my son’s relationship with her which I truly valued. But, his incessant ramblings about how great Miss Serenity was, and the torture of being entranced by her once a week had finally broken me.
Weakness derailed my efforts to resist my attraction. I was going to say hi after church. A greeting in itself wasn’t wrong, but it might break the dam that was holding back all the fantasies I’d had about her.
I planned on talking to her at the potluck luncheon the lady’s group always hosted. I might even pay her a compliment. A calculated risk since I was worried about a simple greeting, but her voice rose above all others in the choir making me consider putting a note in the suggestion box to ask all other choir members to resign. I’d keep my verbal comment simpler.
Every piece of information I could get on her fed my soul. I could practically feel tiny pieces of my heart being put back in place every time I saw her.
We’d probably sat through services together before I’d left for college but she would have been too young for me to notice. She wasn’t a child anymore.
And if my body didn’t burst into Halleluiah Chorus every time I saw her, I might have weighed our age gap more heavily. Beautiful women didn’t normally have such an impact on me. I noticed them for sure, some parts of me paying more attention than others, but Serenity called to my entire being. Of course, I might have said my ex-wife had the same kind of effect on me at one time, not a good sign, but something was different with Serenity.
I hung off to the side of the multi-purpose area to scan the room and guard the exit.
Choir members mingled with everyone else, yet no sign of Serenity.
Carson ran off with his friends and I remembered the simple days before I started questioning the beliefs I’d been spoon fed. Real world experiences had taught me that mortals weren’t rewarded for adhering to strict teachings.
I mulled over the fliers on the bulletin board so it wouldn’t appear strange for me to distance myself: prayer circles, bible study groups, missions, work opportunities… And Serenity. The goddess offered babysitting. Why had no one mentioned that to me? No doubt my parents had informed everyone of our arrangement. They babysat and I gave God another chance. After all, God hadn’t given up on me.
Staring at Serenity’s phone number overrode the normal souring that developed in my stomach every time I remembered my parents’ words. I gl
anced upward and a thank you ran through my mind. If the big guy wanted to keep nudging me closer to Serenity, who was I to reject his wishes?
I tore one of the slips with her number off the bottom of the flier and mentally cringed. I didn’t need a babysitter. Was I going to ask her out? She was a God-fearing college student with her righteous future ahead of her. Not the kind of girl who would understand my series of digressions.
Girl. I’d mentally referred to her as a girl. Barely a woman, except for the devilish body she’d been granted. I palmed the tiny strip of paper and drew a deep breath. Throw it away.
Warmth drew up behind me, enveloping me in a sense of rightness.
“Hi,” the angelic voice said. Without a doubt, it was her. No one had a lyrical voice like Serenity.
I turned and greeted her, offering a handshake, in part to be polite, in part to put a barrier between us so I wouldn’t dive in to find out if her full lips would part and welcome my tongue.
Chapter 2
Serenity
I had approximately five minutes after church ended to socialize, and four of those had already passed. My stomach knotted. I’d lied to my parents, telling them I was delivering the Word to a friend. My first sin.
The truth was I was heading to work, on a Sunday. Second sin.
As the Easter Bunny, no less. The third sin, and probably the worst if my parents ever found out.
They’d see it as sacrilege. Their beloved daughter acting as the symbol of all things unholy, at least where Easter was concerned. They’d never forgive me for elevating the heathen adaptation of our celebration. And handing out little chocolate bunnies would promote candy eating which promoted cavities. There was no redemption. But, I had to make money after losing my college scholarship.
On my way to the door, I saw Eli standing alone at the bulletin board and my heart fluttered.
He was older, sexy, and divorced. That made him something of a taboo icon for me. Technically our teachings didn’t advocate divorce but Eli had grown up in our church and his parents had hoped that bringing him back would help him sort out the problems he’d faced.
As far as I’d heard, his problems had been his ex-wife and the fact that she left him after they had a baby. I wasn’t sure how that meant he was at fault. A curiosity I’d added to the mental list of things I began to question over the last couple of years.
Another curiosity was that in my year away at college, I’d learned there was a huge gray area in relationships. Apparently sexual intimacy didn’t have to be saved for marriage. I’d never had a serious boyfriend so it hadn’t been an issue.
Then Eli walked into our church.
No one had ever looked at me the way Eli did, like he wanted to devour me soul first. And worse, the way my body heated, the throbbing between my legs, and the sense of urgency that overtook me… I reveled in it.
In high school I’d become aware that not everyone lived by the strict teachings of our church, even some of our own members took liberties. Thus introducing me to the world of ideals versus reality. I grappled with the middle ground between being virtuous and being a sinner.
So while Eli may have sinned by getting a divorce, he didn’t deserve to be banished from love forever, did he? I honestly had no idea if that was logic speaking or if it was me trying to convince myself I had a chance with him.
After three weeks of grappling with resistance, I was going to face my dilemma head on. He was standing alone by the exit. A simple introduction and welcome, albeit a little late, then I’d leave. An obvious next step after losing myself in his gaze week after week.
“Hi,” I said as I approached from behind.
A pause gave me a second to notice the flier Eli was standing in front of. Mine. His hand lowered. One of the strips with my phone number was missing. Had he taken it?
I stared at his fisted hand as he turned.
His other hand extended for a handshake.
Hellfire raced through my body at our contact. Strong, commanding, and inviting, like I was meant to be held by him. Feelings that had never been awakened roared through me. My breaths grew so heavy even I noticed my chest heaving.
But it tickled me to see Eli noticed too in the split second his eyes dropped to my chest. He didn’t stare like he did from the pew, it was a quick glance. Being up close made him nervous. I liked making him nervous.
What was happening to me? Was this what had caused my college friends to explore sexuality? I suddenly felt bad for judging them. More curiosities I would attempt to understand.
Eli swayed to the side when Carson plowed into his leg.
I thanked the Lord for offering an escape from the grips of lust.
An elderly couple from the Revitalizing Committee also showed up to save me.
“Hello, Serenity, Eli, Carson” Mrs. Davis said, nodding to each of us. She was God’s mortal backup.
We returned the greetings and I hoped she didn’t have much to say. My intent had only been to introduce myself to Eli and welcome him back to the congregation, then get to work on time. The less I had to lie about why I needed to leave, the better.
“The Revitalizing Committee’s searching for strong-minded young adults to come up with ways we can attract more young people to the church. You two would be perfect. Get together, brainstorm, and get back to me.” She wasn’t asking.
Had she recruited anyone else? My racing pulse had me wondering if it would be wise to spend time alone with Eli.
Panic crossed his face. “I’m not who you’re looking for.”
My heart sank as if he was rejecting me instead of a committee assignment. I had to get a grip.
Mrs. Davis wasn’t taking no for an answer. “I’m aware of your past. You’ve challenged our teachings. This committee will give you a constructive outlet to have your ideas heard. Plus, you’re well below the average age of our congregation. Something we need to fix.”
“You’re right, Mrs. Davis. We’ll be happy to help.” I wasn’t sure where my insistence came from but apparently, I’d made up my mind.
Eli gaped at me. Carson had disappeared. And I was going to be late if I didn’t get going. “You have my number.” I pointed to his hand. “Call me, Eli.”
The entire drive to the mall in the nearby town, I second-guessed myself. Was I making a foolish advance? But, the more I thought about it, the more eager I was to meet with him.
I’d have to figure out how to stop my body’s reaction when he was near. Was it appropriate to say a prayer to keep my panties dry? I admonished myself for even thinking it while heading to the changing room to put on my bunny costume. Even if sex didn’t have to be reserved for marriage, shouldn’t it at least be reserved for people in a relationship?
The saving grace was our church didn’t do confession, so I didn’t have to admit any part of my sins out loud. It was probably a sin to be grateful for that. Everything was a sin according to our church.
Being raised in a small town, my life had been insulated. Going to college had been a different story. A lot of good friends lived by looser values.
Yet when I considered their lives and their families, there was no damnation. They had successful, thriving lives full of happiness and apparent godliness. Daily curiosities had filled my mind while I’d been at college.
That’s where I’d run into trouble.
Confusion had racked my beliefs to the point I couldn’t focus. College had been like free falling from the safety of an airplane into the ocean. No safety net. No quick death. I struggled to find the surface and breathe on a daily basis. But every time I thought I found air, another wave crashed over me, drowning my beliefs.
And an overriding complication… I was simply overwhelmed. I became disenchanted with my Early Education degree when I realized that what I truly wanted was to raise kids not just educate them. And I struggled to keep my grades high enough to retain my scholarship.
That’s why I was living at home again. I’d switched to online classes and w
as doing what I could to pay for them, including playing Easter Bunny. There were definitely worse bunnies I could have decided to be. I pulled my paw-gloves on.
I’d justified it by acknowledging my employment wouldn’t affect whether or not people took pictures with the bunny. An attempt to make use of the middle ground I’d discovered. And, the hours fit my full schedule.
Every little bit of income helped. Although I’d been raised to believe a woman’s role was in the home, education was a safeguard since not all women ended up married.
The ‘either or’ scenario had always seemed simple until I found the man I wanted to spend my life with. I wanted to devote all of my energy to raising his son and making more of our own. But he’d been absent from the church, had been rumored to drink alcohol, and had gotten a divorce, things my parents had been quick to point out. Who was I to think I could offer him a second chance? My values were in chaos.
For at least a little longer, the security of my parents’ rules could be a warm blanket straight out of the dryer. Only I’d found a loose thread. And I was tangling it around my finger, considering yanking it.
Chapter 3
Eli
Serenity’s phone number taunted me from my bedside table while I got ready for church on another Sunday morning. The Revitalization Committee had given me the perfect excuse to call, but with work and family occupying my time, I hadn’t picked up the phone. Those were my scapegoats anyway.
And they should have bought me time to try to figure out why I couldn’t calm myself around her.
I’d tried to get her out of my system, but nightly jerk-off sessions didn’t help. Might have been making matters worse. I was bewitched by Serenity. Not how I normally explained my attraction to women, but this was different, and bewitched was appropriate.
Heading to church, I planned on catching her after the service. I was entranced by her as always, watching her try to hide smiles when she caught me looking. But when she rushed out before lunch again, my hopes were dashed, or relieved. I wasn’t sure.
Sin, Salvation, and Serenity Page 1