He tugged her closer, wrapping his arms around her. “That’s right. And I keep my promises, don’t I?”
She hugged him around the waist. “Yeah, you do.”
This time, silence filled the cab, but the air had changed. “Grace?”
“Yes.”
“You ready to get on the road again?”
Heartbeat after heartbeat pounded by until she said, “I am now.”
Another heartbeat, and they released each other. Before he could move, she covered his hand with hers. “I didn’t mean to hurt you last night.”
“It’s okay.” He lowered his gaze. “I’m fine.”
Grace palmed his cheek. “Tell me what happened with Hannah.”
He lifted his gaze to hers. “Mind if I get us back on the road first?”
“No. And you don’t have to tell me.”
“Aw, I don’t think it matters now.” He slipped across the seat, put the truck in drive, and pulled onto the road. His heart was thundering in his chest. “You know how we met.”
“You were still in the rodeo.”
“Right. Things were really great while I was on the circuit. Not to gloat, but I was what you’d call a celebrity in the rodeo crowd. Hannah loved it because my limelight included her. Everyone told me that’s why she was with me.”
“Like Quincy?”
“Him, my friends in the rodeo, everyone who knew me. I just didn’t want to believe them. Things were so good, and I thought they just didn’t see what I saw. That she loved me.”
“When did things get bad?”
“It was a couple of months after I left the rodeo. I don’t know if she was trying or if I was still excusing little things she did. Little digs, forgetting dates I had planned, or running late when she was out with girlfriends. I found out later that it wasn’t girlfriends she was out with. I found a text from her dad’s new business partner.”
Grace moved closer. “I bet that was hard.”
“I tried everything. I loved her, but it was one-sided. Our last big fight, she told me marrying me was the single worst mistake she’d ever made.”
“Jackson.”
He shrugged and said, “I think I held onto her so tight because I wanted to be loved. I know Quincy loves me, but being young, it felt like pity. Like, ‘Poor Jackson. I have to love him because his dad left.’ I wanted to be wanted and not have it feel like someone felt sorry for me.” The words had poured out like a waterfall. He’d thought them for a while, but he’d never said them out loud. It made them real and took what was left of his heart and broke it into an infinite number of uncollectible pieces.
His chest tightened like someone had put him in a press. He hurt deeper than he’d ever hurt. Wanting to be loved and finding out you weren’t. You never were. That you’d been used and cast aside.
“Do you still feel like that?”
It was a question that took the rest of his air because the answer was one he didn’t want to tell Grace. “I don’t know.”
They reached the town, and he cleared his throat. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “We made it to town. The hardware store isn’t far.”
Grace stayed quiet until he parked. When he put his hand on the door handle, she scooted across the bench and stopped him. He kept his gaze trained on the floorboard. The last thing he wanted to see was pity, especially from her.
She touched his cheek, bringing his gaze to hers. “Jackson, if you’re thinking I feel sorry for you, I don’t. You wanted to be loved. Everyone wants that. We pick a person, put our trust in them, and, sometimes, it’s the wrong person. That’s doesn’t mean we aren’t worthy of being loved. It means that when we finally find the right person, the love is sweeter because we know what imitation feels like.”
He was speechless, but he’d found he was like that a lot with Grace. Nothing she ever said or did was predictable. “You never cease to surprise me.”
She circled her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Someone’s going to love you one day, Jackson, and they’ll be lucky to be loved by you in return.”
“You think so?” All he could do was wonder if it could be her. He wrapped his arms around her, loving the feel of her body against his.
“I know so.”
He closed his eyes as he buried his face in her neck. She knew just what to say and when. When to hold him and make things that seemed to choke the air from him float away. How did she know just what to do and when?
She pulled back, a smile playing on her face. “Okay, no more sad eyes today, Mr. Bellamy. We have a day planned, so let’s have some fun.”
That’s right. They could have some fun today. Tomorrow, he’d take her camping, and it’d be just the two of them. If he kissed her out there, with no one around, he’d know for sure if she was pretending or not.
“Yes, ma’am.” Jackson opened the door and let his feet hit the pavement as he slid off the seat.
She climbed out of the truck behind him. “Maybe we can get some paint samples while we’re here. Kill two birds with one stone.”
“We can do that.”
“I know you said you’d defer to me, but you need to have a say too. They’re your walls.”
He grinned. “Yeah, but you’re my designer. That’s why you’re staying with me, right?”
“Yep.” Her voice sounded a little off, but when he glanced at her, she had her famous heart-melting smile on. “That’s exactly why I’m staying.”
It took work to keep the disappointment from showing on his face. He’d been teasing her, but she’d answered so quickly. Maybe he’d misread the situation. They were alone in the truck when she held him. He’d felt the shift in the air. Was it just him?
What was he going to do if she rejected him? Should he risk it? His chest tightened. He wasn’t so sure now. Suddenly, he wasn’t looking forward to the camping trip much at all.
Chapter 21
The smell of hamburgers and chicken-fried steak permeated the restaurant Grace and Jackson had picked. It was one of four places in the town and the only one that was sit-down. At the moment, Grace had her elbow on the table with her head in her hand as she drew letters in her ketchup with a fry.
He’d confirmed what she’d been thinking. She was just his designer, and that’s the only reason he was letting her stay. Hearing it had crushed her, but she didn’t let it show. She’d pasted on her best smile and went with it. If that’s all she was, then what was the point in letting him know how it affected her.
“Is your lunch okay?” asked Jackson.
She lifted her head and nodded. They’d spent more time at the hardware store than originally planned because it took longer to look through the paint. So, it was more like late lunch. “Yeah, but I think they used too much sage on the fish. It tasted funny. How’s yours?”
“It’s good. Better than cold sandwiches.”
Grace laughed. “True. And no Hannah to boot.”
“Now that’s what I call a good meal.”
“You think she was the one who told the pastor we were wanting to get married?”
He shrugged. “The pastor didn’t recognize her when she came to the table, but I still suspected so, until right after we told Uncle Quincy we were going through with the wedding. I’m assuming you didn’t hear him mumble that he knew siccing the pastor on us would work.” He shook his head. “That reminds me. I need to have a long man-to-man discussion with him about intruding into my life.”
“You’re kidding me. No wonder he gave his blessing so quickly. Has he done something before?”
“Put me on a dating website.”
Grace’s mouth dropped open. “He didn’t.”
“Sure did. Even got the woman to come to his garage and told her what he was doing.”
“She went along with it?”
He nodded. “Felt sorry for me, so she figured why not.”
“Is that what she said?”
“Word for word.”
“Unbelievable.”
“In fact, I thought you were a set up too,” Jackson said.
Grace gasped. “You did?”
“Yep, but I’m glad you weren’t.” Jackson leaned back with his arm across the top of the booth. “How about you? Got any pesky buttinskies?”
“My sisters can be. A few months after Bret died, they thought I should be getting out there again. They flew into Houston, and I just thought they were visiting. One night we were supposed to be going to dinner, just the three of us, but when I arrived, there was a guy with them. All of a sudden, they had plans and left me alone with him.”
“Did you like him?”
Grace would never forget that night. Her sisters had only come to Houston to set her up. He’d been the friend or brother of their mom’s client. It was a boring night filled with laughing at bad jokes. She’d never been more thankful for a date to end.
“He was nice enough but dull as a hundred-year-old butter knife.”
He chuckled. “That’s bad.”
“I swear he was related to Charlie Brown’s teacher. His voice nearly put me to sleep. Although, he was still more exciting than the holidays with my family.”
“How did your family take it when you told them you were staying here?”
“I sent them a text.”
His eyebrows knitted together. “And they didn’t have anything to say about it?”
“No, well, other than ‘Are you sure you want to do that?’ to which I replied, ‘Yep.’ That was all I got.”
“Why don’t you move back to Corpus? I mean, you don’t have to be close to family to be near them. That way if there’s trouble, someone’s there to help you out.”
Grace shrugged. “I can take care of myself.” Didn’t mean she wanted to all the time. If she thought they’d actually be there for her, she’d move back in a heartbeat. They wouldn’t be, so she stayed where she was because it was familiar.
“I think you can too.”
“Have you dated since Hannah?”
He shook his head. “A few times, but there wasn’t anything there. I’m a one date wonder.”
Grace giggled. “Better than me. I haven’t dated anyone. Mr. Boring doesn’t count.”
Silence hung between them a moment, and then Jackson asked, “You want to start on those horse lessons later tonight?”
“Sure.”
He shot her a heart-melting half-grin. “Have you always wanted to learn?”
“Yeah, Bret and I were going to go on a trail ride, but he decided he needed to concentrate on his running. He wanted to run a marathon later that year and needed to train for it.”
“And he couldn’t have done that after?”
“Oh, you know, it was important to him, so I told him it was no big deal. He said he’d make it up to me, but we just never had time.”
They never had time to do a lot of the things she wanted to do. Bret’s wants had overshadowed her own. She was the one who was difficult, so her line of thought was that she needed to compensate for it.
“He did that a lot, didn’t he?”
She blinked. “Why would you say that?”
“I can see it in your eyes.”
“It was fine. It wasn’t like anything was all that important.”
“Okay.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. Who was Jackson to be judging her relationship? He’d picked a woman only interested in him because of his career. At least Bret didn’t willingly leave her. They’d had their fair share of troubles, but they’d worked them out. Of course, it was always to Bret’s benefit. Why was that? And why was it bugging her so much all of a sudden?
“Are you ready to go?” Jackson asked.
“Yep.” Her tone was clipped. At the moment, she couldn’t figure out who she was angrier with, Bret or Jackson. And she didn’t even know why she was angry with Jackson. She just knew she was.
Jackson threw a few bills onto the table, but she picked one up, replacing it with one of her own, and handed it to him. “I can pay my own way.”
“Are you mad at me?”
Yes, but she wasn’t about to tell him that, especially when she couldn’t explain it. “No. Let’s go.”
As she stood, he did too, touching her arm. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset. I’m just ready to go. We have work to do at the house, horse riding lessons, and a camping trip. We don’t have time to kill. Taking today put us behind, and going camping tomorrow will put us even further behind.”
He held up his hands. “Fine. I want to get back too.” His tone held an edge to it now too.
“Great,” she said, brushing past him to the front door.
Jackson caught up with her and held the door for her. They walked in silence to the truck, and the tension between them seemed to settle like a solid wall. And she didn’t care. She was tired, hurt, and confused.
Normally, she’d be about to blow her top, but not today. She was keeping her cool, no matter what. He didn’t need to know the trouble she and Bret were having before he died. Or that she felt guilty about it. Jackson didn’t need to know diddly-squat.
When the truck finally coasted to a stop in front of the house, Grace nearly threw herself out of it. She couldn’t wait to get away from Jackson, and she didn’t want his horse lesson either. She stopped at the hood of the truck. “I changed my mind. I don’t want a horse lesson tonight.”
“Why?”
“I just don’t,” she snapped.
His neck turned pink. “Fine. I didn’t want to teach you anyway. You’d have probably fallen off.”
Like a cork popping off champagne, her temper hit its peak, and whatever little reasoning she had left leaked out of her brain. “And you would have stunk as a teacher.”
“Fine!”
“Fine!” She yelled and stalked to the house. “And you can get your own water from now on too.” She opened the door and slammed it behind her.
Hannah appeared at the top of the steps.
Ugh. She was still there. “Are you still here?” Grace asked, her anger now directed at Hannah.
“Trouble in lover’s paradise?”
Grace shot her a glare. “Nope. I’ve got to pee really bad.” She stomped up the stairs and disappeared into his room before Hannah could say another word.
She shut the door behind her and seethed. Jackson and his stupid questions. What business was it of his? So what if she didn’t have the perfect relationship. He didn’t either. Obviously. Only, his questions had been the ones she’d been asking herself lately. Tears pricked her eyes, and she furiously wiped them away as she began pacing.
Why was she so mad at Jackson anyway? He hadn’t done anything wrong. They were just questions. If she was honest, she’d even admit they were innocent. He didn’t know about the fight. About Bret storming out and taking a jog that morning. Jackson didn’t know Bret’s death was her fault for being so hotheaded.
Grace sank onto the bed and let the tears gush down her cheeks. For the past eight months, she’d held in her hurt like she was a lockbox. It’d been her way of holding onto Bret’s memory and served as punishment for pushing him away that day. What had changed? Why was it pouring out now?
The reason floated in her head like a banner being pulled behind a plane. She’d gone and fallen in love with Jackson, but he only saw her as his designer. Why had she let herself think it could be more? Because she was stupid, and she’d fix it tonight.
When she got done crying, she was going to tell Hannah the truth. She was done pretending. There was no way she could give up on the house, but her relationship with Jackson would be purely platonic from now until she left.
That’d be the cure for everything. No more of his cute smiles, sweet compliments, or mind-blowing kisses. Just as long as she didn’t have to get too close to Jackson anymore. Her heart would mend, and she’d be fine, right? She’d survived after Bret. Why did this time have to be any different?
Chapter 22
Jackson marched alongside the house to the barn. He was so mad that it felt like he was going to melt. One minute they were having a nice lunch, and the next, Grace was as hot as July asphalt. All he’d done was ask a couple of questions. Then wham!
When he got to the barn, he went to the pasture and caught Maple. She was his easiest horse, and she’d been the one he’d planned for Grace to ride. He walked her into the barn and got her saddled. Once they were clear of the barn, he mounted her and took off at a trot. He needed a minute to cool off, and the campsite seemed as good a place as any.
What had made her so mad at him? Jackson thought back to his questions. Her hackles got raised right after he said something about Bret getting his way. She’d brushed it off, but her tone had changed. Now that he thought about it, her whole demeanor had shifted right then.
It had bothered her that Bret got his way, and she didn’t want to say so. But why? Wasn’t that part of a relationship? Recognizing each other’s strengths and weaknesses so you could balance each other out? Only, it sounded like Grace did most of the giving.
Maybe that’s what upset her. Realizing that she was the one doing all the giving, and now that he was gone, she couldn’t work it out. That would have to be hard. Evaluating your relationship after and realizing that maybe it wasn’t as great as you remember it being.
Not that he was one to judge. He’d picked the wrong person from the get-go. At least Grace could look back and take comfort in knowing that it had started for the right reasons. He wished he could do that, but looking back, all he could see was mistake after mistake.
The faint sound of water brought him out of his thoughts, and he slowed Maple to a walk. He’d been so lost in thought, he’d ridden all the way without even paying attention.
“Good girl, Maple. Thanks for watching out for me.”
She whinnied and bounced her head up and down.
“Yeah, I know. I need to stop being so distracted when we ride, huh?”
Maple bounced her head again. He dismounted, and she walked next to him. If he did decide trail rides and overnight camping was something he wanted to do, Maple would not be part of the lineup.
The Cowboy's Fake Marriage Page 15