by Layla Nash
Deirdre walked up to the tree but didn’t touch it, then kicked off her shoes so she could sink bare feet into the earth around the tree. Her head tilted back and she held her arms up and out, power arcing off her hands in bright flashes. Nick held his breath and forced himself to stay there, a few feet behind her, even though the wolf knew better and wanted to run as far and as fast as they could manage. He couldn’t let Lacey see him flinch.
They waited until Deirdre lowered her arms, and the static slowly dissipated. The night felt even darker without those bright flashes. Nick blinked repeatedly, trying to get rid of the spots in his vision, and folded his arms over his chest as he faced the witch. “Well?”
“This is his touchstone to the Betwixt,” she said, and picked up her shoes. She walked over to a small stone bench in the garden, and started to brush off her feet. “This will do nicely. I can use it to find him, and to return him. But she’s right—the tree is dying. The ErlKing weakens on the other side. It might be someone there draining his power, or it might be something here. It’s too hard to say until we have him back in this world.”
“He’s dying?” Meadow went forward to the tree and pressed her hands against the bark. “He can’t be dying. We have to get him out.”
“We will,” Rafe said, and shot a dark look at Nick.
As if it was his fucking fault. Nick bristled, already at the end of his rope after a long-ass day. “Why do you think I called the witch?”
Deirdre glanced between them and checked her watch. “I will excuse myself before the animals take over. Tomorrow night, then. Midnight. I will meet you back here, hopefully with one or two of my colleagues. Try not to break anything or spill any blood around here.”
Without looking at any of them, she walked back into the house and disappeared into the foyer. The sound of the front door closing reached them, and Ruby frowned at Nick. “What the hell is her problem?”
“Witches think we’re more animal than people,” he said. “The fact that she agreed to help at all is a small miracle. I can’t begrudge her her prejudices. The witches have good reason not to trust us.”
“How do we know she’s not going to sell us out?” Ruby folded her arms over her chest.
“We don’t,” Lacey said. She practically glowed in the moonlight. “Except that the other witches refused to help us at all, and this one extracted all kinds of favors. She loses more than we do by getting outed.”
“We’ll see,” Rafe said. He stuck close to his mate, and Nick hated them both in a sudden surge of rage.
Meadow relied on Rafe; she needed him. It was just Nick’s stupid fucking luck that his own mate didn’t want anything to do with him. The wolf clawed at his control, a hot second away from taking over, and Nick headed for the back gate. He needed to run. He could deal with the car later.
Ruby called after him but Nick just waved a hand over his shoulder. “Later.”
He waited until the shadows swallowed him up before he changed and bolted, heading for the darkest parts of the city to work off some of that anger. He might as well start getting used to hunting alone again.
Chapter Thirty-one
Lacey
We left the house, though Rafe and Ruby remained behind on the sidewalk with Meadow. I walked through the city alone with my thoughts, scrolling inevitably through all the things Nick and I said to each other. He just didn’t understand what it took to manage the family, the cackle. Nick went through life as a loner, maybe looking out for his sister but not answering to anyone else. He didn’t know the weight of responsibility. I couldn’t walk away from the family. I couldn’t.
I paused in the shadows across the street from the house, staring at the dark windows and imagining the plotting that went on behind those walls. Maybe someone already planned to attack me, to dethrone me, possibly kill me. I knew that Cass had to still have supporters there, regardless of whether some thought her way of seizing power was too underhanded. Hyenas weren’t known for going with the frontal assault. Normally we worked in the shadows.
I shook my head and thought about going in, but I couldn’t un-stick my feet from the pavement. Until Cal died, I hadn’t wanted any of it. My goal had been to run as fast as I could, to start a new life far away. With Mother’s death, somehow her mistakes all came to rest on my shoulders. I rubbed my forehead. None of it really mattered after I lost Cal, though. There wasn’t a future without him.
Except now there was Nick.
Nick, who’d actually made me laugh. Who put up with my bullshit and didn’t back down when I challenged him. I could almost imagine a life far away—in Europe, like Cal and I had planned, or maybe traveling through Asia or Africa or anywhere that wasn’t a city. Nick’s complete lack of attachments made it easy for him to just get up and leave a place, particularly since his sister was happily mated to one of the bears. Nick didn’t have to worry about family and responsibilities and bills and ...
I rubbed my upper arms, shivering a little with a sudden chill. He could have that, if he chose to have it. He could have formed his own pack. Nick’s personality certainty suited an alpha. Yet he hadn’t. He hadn’t felt the compulsion to bend others to his will, to control a group and take on their worries as his own. Why? Why walk away from that kind of power and obligation?
I wondered if he knew the answer, if I were to ask him. If he would answer, even if he knew.
My head hurt. I wanted and didn’t want to be the hyena queen at the same time. I was the only one who could see the pack through to safety, but after the events of the last week or two, it was clear they didn’t necessarily want me to be the one to tell them what to do. Otherwise the rebellion would not have happened.
Well, maybe I could give them what they wanted. Maybe I could set the cackle up as well as I could, then I could peacefully transfer power to someone else. It had never happened before in the history of the cackle, but there had to be a first time for everything. If I could set up a different way of selecting a hyena queen, instead of just fighting to the death, then maybe that would be enough to leave a legacy behind.
My chest still ached, though, and not just because of all the impossible futures I had to discard. I’d not only slept with Nick, but we’d cuddled afterward. I fell asleep next to him, and was comforted by the rhythm of his breathing. It felt like a massive betrayal, as if I’d stomped on Cal’s grave and spit on all the love we’d shared. Who the hell was I to move on?
My hands shook as I pulled out my cell phone and texted Cal’s old number, knowing that his brother would pick up. I need to talk to you. Can we meet tomorrow?
I put the phone away so I wouldn’t have to stare at the screen and pray that he responded, and shoved my hands in my pockets as I headed for the den.
Harrison still hadn’t responded by the time I checked on everyone inside, and made sure that Savannah was still doing okay. She looked terrible, but her sister slept next to her to make sure she would have whatever she needed when she woke. Guilt squeezed my throat. Sav wouldn’t have been in the position to get beaten to shit by Cassidy if she hadn’t supported me. She made her own choices, of course, but that didn’t make it any easier to walk away when the breath still rasped through her nose like she was on death’s door.
I didn’t sleep well.
When I woke, I saw a message from Harrison, giving me a time and a place—just an hour away, at a small cafe in the neutral zone between the hyena territory and the jackals’ part of the city. I didn’t know what I was going to say, or even why I wanted to meet him. To ask permission, maybe? To have someone condemn me for moving on, when I should have still been crying for Cal? What kind of coldhearted bitch was I to just go on living after my mate died? It shouldn’t have even been possible.
I gave orders for everyone to go about their business, and if I heard any whispers of discontent, then everyone would go back into lockdown. More than one of my former friends winced when my gaze landed on them, and I felt another layer of ice congeal around my hea
rt. Just great. Every day I became more and more like my mother, with no one to trust or hear the truth from. I gritted my teeth and headed into the city, hoping the sun would eventually warm me up.
There were no messages from the witch or Nick or even Rafe, and I wondered what we would do if the witch wasn’t successful in freeing Smith. Maybe it wouldn’t really matter whether I stayed in the city or not. If we couldn’t free Smith, I’d never be able to take apart what remained of BadCreek. The djinn would remain captive forever. I made a face and pulled open the door to the cafe. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t leave either of them behind.
Harrison occupied a table in the back, two cups of coffee already waiting alongside a plate full of pastries. He rose when I approached, and even though I hesitated, uncertain whether I should offer to shake his hand, he hugged me. His face, and the similarities to his younger brother, took my breath away. I closed my eyes for a moment and inhaled the semi-familiar cologne, comforted a little by the memories, and felt tears prickle my eyes.
“Mom says hello,” he said, though he blinked as I withdrew and had to wipe at my cheeks. Harrison’s expression tightened, as if he didn’t know what to do or say, and my heart sank.
“Thanks,” I said, clearing my throat a couple of times. “Please send her my regards. And thank you for meeting me here. I’m sorry for the short notice.”
“Any time. How are you? We were surprised to hear you’d been killed and ousted from the alpha spot, and a little less surprised to hear you’d actually survived and returned to take the throne.”
I tried to smile and mostly failed. “Just as surprised as I was, I expect. There was a misunderstanding with my second-in-command.”
“It’s fixed?”
“Yes.” I exhaled and fiddled with the coffee, adding cream and sugar. “Maybe only temporarily.”
“Oh?” His eyebrows rose a hair, and for a long moment, we just looked at each other.
I covered my face and struggled to keep my voice steady. “I’m sorry I called you, Harrison, but I need to talk to someone and I don’t know who else to turn to. I’m sorry to drag you into this.”
He leaned back in his chair, one shoulder lifting in a shrug. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to help you, Lacey. What’s going on?”
There wasn’t an easy way to start the conversation, to admit I’d cheated on the memory of his little brother. And I didn’t know what I expected him to say. He was another alpha, leader of the jackals, and I was the hyena queen. I should have been strong enough to say I didn’t need help, that I could figure it out on my own. And yet... I wasn’t strong enough to figure it out on my own. And I was starting to think I didn’t want to figure it out on my own. That hadn’t worked for me over the past year, so maybe it was time to ask for help.
I cleared my throat and tried to find a way to start, and instead chickened out and drank more coffee, eating a pastry after I’d gulped half of it and scalded my throat.
Harrison’s lanky frame collapsed in on itself as he moved to rest his elbows on the table, studying the pile of sugary confections as he murmured, “Whatever it is, Lacey, just say it. We’re not…leaders right now. We’re friends.”
Friends. I missed him and Zadie with a sudden, all-consuming ache in my chest. They would have searched for me when I disappeared, if they thought there was a chance I lived. It wasn’t even a question in my mind as I looked at him and saw only Cal. They would have looked if only to honor his memory and his love for me.
The thought made my throat close and my vision blur. I wasn’t strong enough for this. I really, really wasn’t. I’d been faking it for so long I’d almost convinced myself. “I just…I don’t know what to do.”
“About the—your family?” Harrison’s eyebrows drew together, his quizzical head tilt a heart-wrenching reminder of Cal.
“About them, about—someone else. About a lot of things.” It felt wrong to describe Nick as “someone else,” but I didn’t have any better words for him.
A hint of understanding dawned on his face, and Harrison began to nod. “Ah. I wondered when it would happen.”
“When what would happen?”
“Someone else.” Harrison took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair and setting it all askew. “It’s been a year.”
My heart thumped against my ribs and my mouth went completely dry. Even sipping coffee didn’t help. “I don’t know how it happened. It shouldn’t have happened. I feel like I should…should—”
“Suffer forever?” He smiled, but it was tired and sad more than amused. “Lacey, you can’t mourn Cal forever. None of us want that. He wouldn’t want that.”
“But he was my mate,” I whispered, every syllable as painful as broken glass dragging along my throat. “How can I possibly look at someone else? His death killed a part of me. It’s not…that’s it. There’s nothing else.”
Harrison’s forehead wrinkled as he looked at me. “Cal wasn’t your mate.”
He might as well have just told me the sun rose in the west, or Earth had six moons, or someday I would be president. I stared at him as the room spun around me. “What?”
His eyebrows rose higher. “Cal wasn’t your mate. You weren’t his, at least. His mate is a jackal.”
“But—“ Words wouldn’t form correctly as a storm whirled through my head. “That’s…What? How?”
“They knew they were mates,” Harrison said slowly, as if he chose his words with care and regretted saying every one of them. “For a while. But he…he loved you so much he only wanted you.”
I shook my head. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible. No one could resist their mate. Once someone found their mate, that was it—they couldn’t have eyes for anyone else. “It must have been a mistake.”
“It wasn’t,” he said gently, breaking bad news to me. “Believe me, Lacey, it wasn’t a mistake. He knew, she knew—they even talked about what to do. He was so crazy in love with you that he couldn’t imagine not being with you. She eventually agreed. But she still felt it when he died.”
I hadn’t thought it would be possible to feel worse about Cal’s death, but that did it. I’d lost him, after I stole him from his mate. That poor woman. A sob started to work its way up my throat and I couldn’t stop shaking my head, gripping the table to keep from flying apart into a thousand broken pieces. “I can’t—”
“It’s not your fault,” Harrison said. He reached across the table and grabbed my hands, squeezing my fingers with his. “Stop blaming yourself, Lacey. I can see it on your face. He didn’t want you to know. It was his decision, but she agreed. So. Imagine how much he loved you, how much he treasured you, to do something like that. Lacey, there aren’t words for what he felt for you.”
The tears escaped and burned my cheeks, and I had to hold onto him as my shoulders slumped and I gave in and released a gut-wrenching sob. Part of me rather clinically observed a public coffee shop hadn’t been the best place to have this particular conversation, but the rest of me didn’t care. I knew Cal loved me, but for him to reject his mate and be with me instead... Harrison was right. There weren’t words for it, other than insanity.
“I don’t know who this someone else is for you, and part of me doesn’t want to know who he is. But Cal would want you to be happy, Lacey. I know he would.”
I tried to get control of myself but failed, sob after sob rolling through me until I collapsed forward against the table. I almost knocked over the coffee and flattened the pastries, but Harrison moved to the chair next to me instead of across the table and helped keep me from making more of a fool of myself.
“Lacey,” he said quietly, pulling me against his side so his arm could go around my shoulders. “If you found your mate, he would want you to love that man as much as you loved Cal. He’d want someone to take care of you and make sure you didn’t wallow in grief for the rest of your life, or slave away at your job until it killed you. Cal wanted you to live. He wanted you to live and do everythi
ng you two planned to do.”
I held onto him. “It just feels so…so wrong.”
“I know. It isn’t easy. I felt like a traitor the first time I laughed after he died.” Harrison sighed, leaning his head against mine. “Zadie felt the same way. We planned a birthday party for someone and it felt even worse. But life has to move on. We have to keep living. He’d be furious if we all stayed exactly as we were, bitter and sad over losing him. Cal would kick my ass, and he’d sure as hell kick yours, if he knew we’d taken this long to start getting back to normal. So you don’t need my permission to find your ‘someone else’ or enjoy a new start with him. We’ll all support that.”
It felt like Cal was there with us. As much as I didn’t want to listen to Harrison, as much as I wanted to remain in the uneasy comfort of grief, part of me knew he was right. My Cal wouldn’t have wanted me to be miserable the rest of my life, and he wouldn’t have wanted me to sacrifice myself for the hyenas. He would want—
I cried myself out eventually, and Harrison remained where he was until I finally sat up and tried to wipe away the tears. I shook my head. “I can’t believe we weren’t mates. I thought…it felt so...”
“We don’t know that much about how mates work,” he said quietly. “So maybe the stars were crossed and you and Cal were supposed to be mates, but the universe sneezed and things didn’t line up quite right.”
“The universe sneezed?” I managed at least half of a smile. “That’s the technical explanation?”
Harrison leaned his head against mine and found the other half of the smile. “It’s hard to say. There are some mysteries that are meant to remain mysteries, I think.”
The silence stretched as we both stared at nothing, and my thoughts tangled themselves around Cal and everything we’d planned. All the plans I’d made for my life disappeared with Cal, but maybe it was time for a new plan. A new adventure. New opportunities and a new horizon, like Cal had said when he asked me to marry him. It hurt to breathe for a moment, and I could only whisper as I released the treacherous words into the open. “You really think he wouldn’t mind me being with someone else?”