Just at that moment, she noticed Shani hurrying over, holding a cup of tea out in front of her in each hand trying to concentrate on not spilling them as she made her way through the bustling people. ‘Here you go,’ she said as soon as she reached Bea. ‘Sorry I was so long. There’s some sort of problem near the entrance, but I’ve no idea what and it’s too sodding cold to go and find out.’
Bea blew on her tea and peered through the people in front of her. Absorbed by what was happening, she took a sip of the hot drink, the shock of it scalding her mouth, causing her to swallow it the wrong way, which nearly choked her.
‘Arrgh,’ she spluttered, coughing and frantically fighting for breath. Shani took her cup from her and slapped her heavily on the back several times.
‘Oh dear, do be careful,’ Leilani mocked. ‘We wouldn’t want you to choke now, would we?’
Bea turned and gasped for air in the face of her nemesis. ‘Leilani,’ she rasped, her throat raw from all the coughing. ‘I’m sure Luke could do with your help somewhere?’
‘Actually it’s your help I need right now,’ he shouted, striding up to her stall and pointing at Bea. Leilani glared at him.
‘Mine? What for?’ Bea asked, still attempting to clear her throat. Luke didn’t look very happy, she noted. In fact, he looked furious. She wasn’t so sure she wanted to know the answer.
‘Is that your Mazda on the road?’
‘The blue one?’ she asked.
‘Yes, the dusty one, parked in front of the sign saying ‘No Parking’.’
Bea grimaced and nodded. ‘Ah, yes?’
‘Good. Keys handy?’
‘Yes.’ She didn’t try to fathom what exactly was going on.
‘Right. Come with me,’ he said, his tone not allowing for argument. He took hold of Bea’s hand and pulled her through the crowd of nosy women trying to see what was going on.
‘You’re going now?’ Leilani shouted. Bea turned to see her head about all the others, the fury on her face obvious and knew that if looks could kill a person, she wouldn’t even have time to say good-bye.
‘Yes, right now.’ He pulled Bea out of the hall and across the lawn, pushing his way through the throng of people and over to her car.
‘Where are we going?’ she asked, fumbling with the ignition, relieved to finally manage to start the car at her second attempt.
‘St Catherine’s Lifeboat Station. Hurry, I should be there by now.’
‘Really?’ Bea glanced at him, and then putting her foot down, narrowly missed a hire car.
‘Indicating might be a good idea next time,’ he said, his voice softening. ‘And thanks, by the way.’
Bea shrugged, breathless from the unexpected excitement of what was happening. ‘No problem,’ she said, finally getting onto the road and putting her foot down on the accelerator. ‘What’s the urgency?’
‘Didn’t you hear that loud bang a few moments ago?’
‘Yes,’ she said, feeling a little foolish that maybe she should know what was going on.
‘That’s the boom letting the crew know there’s a shout, or a call out. Someone’s in trouble, and if people parked where they should do,’ he pointedly cleared his throat, then smiled at her, ‘I wouldn’t have been blocked in at the fayre.’
‘Ahh,’ said Bea, realising he meant her. ‘Sorry about that.’
‘Turn here,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean you, either. If you’d have parked where you should have done, I would never have got to the station in time to join the crew.’
‘You’re a member of the crew? Aren’t you nervous?’ she asked, wondering how many other things she didn’t know about this man.
‘No. Once the adrenaline kicks in, which is pretty much as soon as the alarm is sounded, I don’t feel anything, but the need to get out there, and get to the job.’
‘I suppose whenever that bang is sounded whoever is on duty must have to get to the station as quickly as possible?’
‘Yes. The first ones to arrive that make up the crew for the lifeboat, launch her, and then any others who get there later wait to see if they’re going to be needed.’
‘How brave,’ she said, turning to glance at him.
He shook his head. ‘There are far braver men than me. I’m just doing something that matters to me.’
Within minutes they reached the lifeboat station. Bea could see men running inside from hastily parked cars. She stopped and Luke immediately leapt out. ‘Thanks for the lift,’ he said, before racing towards the building and disappearing inside. Bea decided to wait and see them launch. Within moments huge wooden doors were pulled back and a converted tractor pushed the boat down a huge concrete slipway and onto the beach, smashing straight into the waves, engines already roaring and the crew kitted up inside. Bea gasped, impressed with their actions. She had never experienced anything quite so dramatic before.
She thought she spotted Luke, but couldn’t be too sure, then stepping out of her car to get a better view, she watched them disappearing into the distance. The vessel turned left and Bea wondered if they were going towards the Ecrehous.
‘Blimey,’ said Shani when Bea arrived back at the stall to find them packing up the last few jars. ‘You never told us he was in the RNLI.’
‘I didn’t know,’ Bea said, hoping Luke wouldn’t get into any difficulties wherever he was.
‘Who’d have thought he would be a secret hero?’ Shani nudged Bea with her elbow.
‘I can’t say it surprises me,’ Paul said. ‘Let’s get out of here before the Amazon reappears and gives you a slap for running off with her man.’
‘I was hardly running away with him,’ Bea said, helping them pack up and thinking that chance would be a fine thing.
Shani’s mother thanked them for all their ‘admirable effort’. ‘Quick, let’s make our getaway before she finds anything else for us to do,’ Paul laughed as they hurried over to Bea’s car. Bea rested two jars of jam on the roof as she unlocked her car door.
‘I still can’t get over Luke being a real-life hero,’ Paul said. ‘Here, give those to me.’
Shani quickly snatched them off the roof. ‘No chance. These are mine and Bea’s; you said you didn’t want one. Too late now.’
Bea watched as Shani held the two jars high above Paul’s head so he couldn’t reach them. She took a breath to speak, but was distracted by the way Shani’s sweatshirt pulled against her stomach.
Bea’s mind was in turmoil. How had she not noticed? Why hadn’t Shani said anything to her? For once she was relieved that the others chatted continuously all the way to their homes. Bea dropped Mel off and then Paul at the shopping precinct, eventually arriving back at The Brae.
‘Come on, let’s get inside,’ she said to Shani, barely able to contain herself.
As soon as they were in the kitchen, Bea turned to her friend. ‘I can’t believe you’re pregnant and you never said anything.’
Shani’s mouth dropped open, then her face slowly reddened. ‘How do you know?’
‘Seriously?’ Bea stared at her friend’s rounded stomach. How had she not noticed it before now, it was hardly a molehill? ‘Harry?’ Shani nodded. ‘How far along are you?’ Shani didn’t answer, but sat down with her head in her hands. ‘Shani, when’s the baby due?’
The doorbell rang as they stared at each other in silence. ‘Bloody hell, what’s going on in here?’ Paul laughed. ‘You two look like crap.’
‘I thought you were going straight to meet Guy?’ Bea said, wishing she’d been left alone with Shani at least until she’d found out about the baby.
‘I was, but I wanted to bring you these,’ he said holding out a brown paper bag. ‘And tell you that I’d just bumped into one of trainers from the gym.’ He looked from Bea to Shani, eyes shining with excitement. ‘You’ll never guess what’s happened.’ He shrugged when neither of them spoke. ‘The vice squad came to the studio this early this morning.’ He waved his hands in the air. ‘I must have had my phone switched off, which won’t go down
well with the owners, but it was my day off. Anyway, they got the receptionist to let them in so they could search the lockers and everything. I wonder what they were looking for?’
‘Did they find anything?’ Shani asked quietly.
‘No, thankfully, but it’s a little odd, don’t you think?’ He sighed deeply, his arms outstretched. ‘Hey,’ he said, his immaculate eyebrows knitting together in curiosity. ‘Have I missed something?’
Bea looked at Shani and then back at him. ‘She’s pregnant.’
Paul dropped the bag onto the table before pulling out a chair and sitting down in silence. ‘And she didn’t tell us?’
Bea squeezed Paul’s shoulder. If she was upset at Shani for not confiding in them, how bad must he feel? ‘How did I not notice this?’ He shook his head slowly. ‘Shan?’
‘So, was that business about Harry needing a scan all crap?’
Shani nodded and pulled something from the depths of her bag. ‘Here, I can see you’re both practically holding your breaths,’ she said, holding out a piece of paper towards them. ‘It’s a copy of the scan of the baby.’ She pointed to the black and white image.
‘I can’t believe it.’ Paul murmured, snatching the picture from her fingers and studying it for a moment.
‘Do you hate me, Bea?’ Shani looked at Bea for the first time.
The pleading in her eyes made Bea well up. She walked round the table and gave her a hug from behind. ‘Don’t be stupid, of course I don’t hate you.’ She hesitated, then couldn’t stop herself from adding. ‘I am disappointed, though.’
‘I was dreading that,’ Shani said, wiping her eyes with a tissue. ‘I’m pregnant with a baby I didn’t plan, or originally want, and you lost the one you wanted so badly.’
Bea shook her head angrily. ‘That’s not why I’m disappointed. I can’t believe you kept this from me.’ She noticed Paul’s confused expression. ‘Us,’ she said, correcting herself. ‘Why did you keep something this important to yourself and why didn’t you tell us what was going on when be asked you about this before?’
Shani shrugged. ‘You have all the crap going on with the man who left you soon after your miscarriage and he,’ she said pointing at Paul, ‘is in love with someone for the first time since being heartbroken. I thought you both had enough happening.’
‘And?’ Paul didn’t sound convinced. Neither am I, decided Bea.
‘I discovered Harry was married and then I really didn’t know how to tell you.’
‘Idiot,’ said Paul, squeezing her hand for a moment before squinting at the picture of the scan. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t make this out. Will one of you please explain what exactly I’m looking at?’
Bea sat down and took Shani’s hands in hers. She couldn’t stand seeing her friend in such turmoil. Shani was always so open with them both, or so Bea had always believed. She must have been very worried about upsetting them if she managed to keep something this monumental to herself. ‘It was devastating when I lost my baby,’ she said quietly. ‘And I admit that I do find it difficult to come to terms with my miscarriage and dealing with the date when my baby was due, but that doesn’t stop me being thrilled for you.’ She touched Shani’s arm. ‘You’re going to be a lovely mum; you know that, don’t you?’ Bea smiled at her, attempting to reassure her. ‘I’ll be fine, whatever you choose to do. You having a baby will be something we can all look forward to. Something good we can enjoy. I can’t believe you’ve gone through this by yourself.’ She took a deep breath. What must Shani have been going through these past few months?
‘What about Harry?’ Paul asked. ‘What did he have to say about the baby?’
‘When I told him I was pregnant, when we went for that scan, it was after the appointment that Harry told me he was back with his wife.’
Paul groaned. ‘Bastard.’
‘I still hadn’t quite believed his partner about him being married until that point, so to hear Harry calmly tell me about her was a bit much to take in.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ Bea said, wishing she could confront Harry and give him hell for what he’d done to her friend. ‘We’re here for you, whatever happens, Shani.’
Paul glanced at the kitchen clock. ‘Damn, I only popped in on my way to see Guy. You don’t mind if I race off, do you? He starts work soon and I need to see him about something before then.’ He bent down and kissed Shani on the cheek. ‘Don’t fret about this. Sod Harry, you’ve got us two and we’ll be all the support you need.’
‘We’ll catch up with you later,’ Bea said. ‘Shani and I can carry on chatting.’ She waited for him to give Shani a quick hug and reassure her once again. Bea had an idea, but waited for Paul to close the door behind him before speaking. ‘Can you stay at the flat with a baby, do you know?’
‘I don’t think so. That was another thing I knew I’d have to discuss with Paul.’
‘You have already offered to do this and the baby doesn’t make any difference.
‘Really?’ Shani narrowed her eyes. ‘Are you sure it wouldn’t be too much? I did love it when I stayed here. Too much, probably.’
‘I can’t have you going to some tiny bedsit when I’m rattling around by myself here. Let’s face it, Shan, I have six bedrooms and only use one for me, and another as an office, which I only use to keep track of the work on the house. It’s the perfect solution, surely?’
‘But I wouldn’t be able to pay you much as I won’t be working for a few months.’ Shani moved a cushion behind her in an effort to try and get more comfortable.
‘I’ve thought about that and to be honest every little will help. It’ll also be company. I didn’t realise how lonely I would get living in this place all by myself with just Flea to talk to. The only problem I can see us having is with Paul. He’s going to be upset to be losing you as a flatmate. It’s going to be bad enough for him not having you every day at work, without you moving out, too.’
‘I know,’ Shani said, thoughtfully stroking her round bump. ‘How on earth am I going to tell him?’
‘I’m not sure. Maybe I could ask him to move in here, too?’ she said. They all got along well together and another person helping towards the mortgage would be a great help. ‘I do think moving in here will be the best way forward for you and the baby, though.’
‘Yes, but what if it’s one of those ones that cries all night long?’ Shani asked.
‘Then you’ll just have to have one of the rooms at the back of the house,’ Bea teased. ‘I’m joking,’ she said, patting Shani’s bony knee when she looked concerned.
‘I’d love to live here. I can’t think of anywhere else I would rather be. I’m not sure if Paul will move here too, but there’s no harm in asking him. What about finances? How are we going to sort out paying for things?’ She held a hand up to stop Bea interrupting. ‘I’m not moving in here without paying my way. You can’t afford it, and it’s against my principles.’
‘Fine, at least we’ve agreed you should move in here. That’s a start.’
It mattered to her that Paul didn’t feel excluded, so to ask him too would be perfect. She could tell Shani didn’t want to pass up her offer, and Shani had already raved about living here in the countryside with the lawns, orchard and areas of the garden, so pretty and private. Bea suspected her friend would love the idea of parking her baby’s pram in the fresh air in her garden, especially knowing it would be safe there.
‘Do you know,’ Shani said eventually, ‘even Harry’s lack of interest in our baby can’t dampen my mood now I know I don’t have to start traipsing the streets finding somewhere suitable to live.’
‘I think we both need a cup of tea,’ laughed Bea. She picked up the brown paper bag Paul had left behind. ‘Here, we’ll need plates, too.’
Shani opened the bag to reveal the spongy cakes. ‘Jersey Wonders, perfect.’
‘Yes, I thought you’d say that,’ Bea said, concentrating on keeping the tone of her voice cheerful. ‘Full of fat and sugar, and perfect
for celebrating baby news, not that he knew that when he bought them. Mmm, these are still warm.’
Nineteen
March – Darkest Days
Bea struggled to decipher her aunt’s handwriting in the notebook. Why had she ever thought she could stand a chance of keeping up with her aunt’s good work? She was already finding it impossible to manage it.
She picked up a brown bag of snapdragon seeds and carefully opened the twisted top, trying not to lose the precious seeds her aunt had collected from her garden the previous year. Taking a small container, Bea dipped it into the tub of peat she’d collected from the bins outside and went to pour it into the little pots, accidentally knocking over the brown bag and scattering the seeds all over the shed floor. She threw down the pot and burst into tears of frustration.
Why was she bothering with all this? Simon was right, Aunt Annabel wouldn’t be here to see any of it and no one else was interested in the damn garden. She sat down on the old wooden stool and sobbed.
‘This bloody house,’ she groaned. Maybe Simon was right and she should simply sell it and move on. She didn’t have any fight left in her. But, even though she was currently overwhelmed by everything she’d lost – her aunt, her marriage, and her baby – she knew she couldn’t lose this house, too. And anyway, where would Shani and her baby go if she actually did sell up? How could she have got things so wrong?
When had her happy marriage become a sham? She’d always thought Simon so perfect, now she was hard pushed to even try and recall why she’d fallen for him in the first place. Had she ever been in love with the real Simon, or had she imagined he’d possessed those qualities she thought she saw in him? Mel had once accused her of marrying Simon so quickly because she was too desperate to create the happy family she’d been excluded from when her mum had died. She’d laughed at Mel then, but maybe, Bea mused, her half-sister had actually been right.
She blew her nose on a crumpled tissue and went back into the house. Though it was early, she opened a bottle of rosé and lit a fire, then sat back into the huge overstuffed sofa in the darkness of the drawing room with only Flea and a box of tissues for comfort. The soothing golden glow of the fire for once did nothing to improve her mood. She started on her way to get hideously drunk. She was in love with a completely unsuitable man who could end up causing her to lose her job and if she wasn’t extremely careful, her freedom, too. What the hell was she playing at, and why was everything so complicated?
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