Jon knew he wouldn’t say any such thing. But he finished his eggs, gave Lisa a kiss good-bye, and left for the bus that would take him to the hospital.
Miranda seemed very happy to see him. “I thought after our fight you wouldn’t come,” she said. “The baby’s due any day now.” She laughed. “I’ve got to be the only girl looking forward to labor. But I want to see Alex so much. And Mom. I want to see her holding the baby. Her first grandchild, Jon. Do you know how much that’s going to mean to her?”
“Mom’s dead,” Jon said. “She died.”
“What?” Miranda said. “What do you mean? How can she be dead? You just saw her. You told me you saw her, Jon. You said she was fine. What are you talking about?”
The image of Mom’s dead body washed over him. What she’d looked like, how the guard had spoken so easily about killing her. Miranda would never know. Matt wouldn’t, either. That memory was his alone.
“Jon!” Miranda cried. “Tell me!”
“I’m sorry,” Jon said. “It came out wrong.”
“You mean she isn’t dead?” Miranda asked. “It’s someone else? Is she sick? What, Jon? Tell me.”
“Mom was killed,” Jon said. “Day before yesterday. Alex called that night after work because he was worried about her; she wasn’t home. So I went to White Birch yesterday, to her school. The principal told me what happened. Guards went into Mom’s classroom. Someone decided the grubber kids should go to work in Sexton. A lot of grubs died over the weekend. Lisa’s been going crazy trying to get replacements.”
“I don’t care about Lisa!” Miranda shouted. “What happened to Mom?”
“She put up a fight,” Jon said. “They shot her.”
“I don’t believe it,” Miranda said. “Did you see her?”
“I saw her,” Jon said. “It’s true, Miranda. I’m sorry.”
“NO!” Miranda screamed. “NO!”
A nurse ran into the room. “What’s going on here?” she asked.
“I just told her her mother died,” Jon said. Our mother, he thought.
“She doesn’t need a mother,” the nurse said. “We’re taking good care of her. She’s going to have a fine, strong baby. Now, get out, whoever you are, and leave us alone.”
Jon had no desire to be there, but he knew how wrong the nurse was. Miranda needed Mom. They all needed Mom.
Miranda was crying hysterically, and the nurse was trying to quiet her. “I told you to leave,” the nurse said. “Get out before I call the guards.”
“Miranda, I’m sorry,” Jon said as he left the room. He didn’t know if she heard him.
He understood now why Lisa had insisted he take care of Gabe. All he wanted was Gabe’s love and Sarah’s comfort. That was all he wanted, and all he had left.
Saturday, July 11
“In here,” Dr. Goldman said to Alex, who was walking behind him, carrying two large suitcases.
“What are those?” Jon asked.
“Props,” Dr. Goldman replied. “A way of getting Alex in here. Is your stepmother around?”
“She’s at work,” Jon said. “Where’s Sarah?”
“Home,” Dr. Goldman said. “Studying. Something she hasn’t done for a week now. Who else is here, Jon?”
“No one,” Jon said. “Carrie took Gabe to the market. They left a few minutes ago.”
“Good,” Dr. Goldman said. “Jon, why don’t you take Alex someplace people can’t see you. I’ll stay here, in case someone shows up.”
“Upstairs,” Jon said. He led Alex to his bedroom.
“This is nice,” Alex said, looking around the room Jon took for granted. “Someday Miranda and I will have a house like this.”
“It’s okay,” Jon said. “The Goldmans’ house is a lot nicer. Most of my friends’ houses are. Lisa has a good job, but she’s not important.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Alex said. “Where will Miranda be sleeping?”
“Downstairs, I guess,” Jon said. “There’s a little bedroom by the kitchen. Val used to sleep there. Alex, what is this? How did Dr. Goldman get you here?”
“He asked for me to be his driver,” Alex said. “So they sent me. We went to the hospital first, but they wouldn’t let me in. He saw Miranda and says she was all right. Subdued, he said. Very sad. But physically all right. May I sit down?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jon said. “Sure. Take the chair.” He sat on the bed.
“I went to the school and saw Laura,” Alex said. “Lisa said you’d seen her, that there was no mistake, but I had to see it for myself. What did you tell Miranda? Not everything, I hope.”
“Just that Mom was shot,” Jon said. “Protecting her students.”
“Thank you,” Alex said. “I think that’s what we should tell Matt, also. I’m sorry you had to see her like that, Jon. I’m sorry you heard the whole story.”
Jon looked at Alex. He’d never really liked him. Alex had been Julie’s overprotective brother, and then for reasons no one understood, Miranda had fallen in love with him, and Alex became family.
Dad and Lisa loved Alex, Jon reminded himself. But they’d loved Julie more. If it weren’t for Miranda, Alex would have drifted away from them years ago.
“It’s not easy to talk, is it?” Alex said. “We have history, but it’s fragmented. We’re family, but we’re strangers. Acquaintances. If Julie had lived, it would have been different.”
“Or if you’d stayed in Texas,” Jon said.
“Yeah,” Alex said. “That, too.”
Jon wanted to confront him, force him to admit the truth about Miranda and Julie. But to his own surprise, he said, “Thursday, after I saw Mom, I met one of the guards who killed her.” He hadn’t told anyone that, hadn’t intended to tell anyone. It was his shame, his nightmare. But now he was sharing it with Alex.
“That must have been very hard,” Alex said.
“The thing was, I liked him,” Jon said. “He was a ballplayer. We talked baseball. How can that be, Alex? How can someone that evil be . . . I don’t know . . . normal? Likable? Is it me? Am I that bad?”
“You’re not bad,” Alex said. “There’s nothing bad about you.”
“You don’t know the things I’ve done,” Jon said.
“No,” Alex said. “I don’t. But we both know what Miranda did.”
Jon stared at him.
“Carlos told me what you talked about,” Alex said. “Carlos is pretty smart in his own way. He realized about ten seconds after you left that you hadn’t known about Miranda and Julie. Knowing Carlos, he didn’t make it pretty.”
“He said Miranda drugged Julie with sleeping pills,” Jon said. “Then she smothered her to death.”
“That’s what Miranda told me,” Alex replied. “She wouldn’t lie about it.”
“She’s been lying about it for years,” Jon said. “I didn’t know. I bet Mom didn’t know, or Dad, or Matt. You didn’t know at first, either, did you? Miranda told you right before we got to Sexton. That’s why you went to Texas.”
Alex nodded. “Miranda said she’d tell your folks if I wanted her to, but I said no. I told Carlos, and that was it until Carlos told you. I assume you haven’t told Miranda that you know?”
Jon shook his head. “I hated her,” he said. “For killing Julie and for not telling me. I’ve felt like Julie dying was all my fault, but it wasn’t. It was Miranda’s.”
“It was all our faults,” Alex said. “Certainly mine. Mine more than anyone else’s. I’d told Miranda about the pills, how to use them. My sister Bri had died alone, as alone as a person could be. Julie and I found her. I couldn’t protect either of them. But I swore Julie wouldn’t die that way, that she would never suffer the way Bri had.”
“Miranda didn’t have to do it,” Jon said.
“She was afraid I was dead,” Alex said. “She did what she knew I would have done. Then I came back and she was afraid of how I’d react if I knew the truth. If I hadn’t pressed her so hard to marry me, she woul
d have kept it to herself. But she felt she couldn’t marry me if I didn’t know.”
“And you left her,” Jon said. “As soon as you heard.”
“I was going to go to Texas anyway,” Alex said. “I had to tell Carlos about Julie. I thought I’d go to Texas, tell Carlos, and kill myself.”
“But you didn’t,” Jon said. “You told Carlos and came back and married Miranda.”
Alex nodded. “I told Carlos what Miranda had done. He asked if I would have done it if I’d been there. I said I hoped I would’ve had the courage to. Carlos laughed. He said I never would’ve had the courage. It was amazing that Miranda wanted anything to do with me, and if I had half a brain, which he doubted, I’d go back and marry her and let her get me through life, since I obviously couldn’t do it on my own. All of which was true. That night I realized I couldn’t kill myself. I couldn’t do it to Miranda. I felt an enormous guilt about Julie, but so did Miranda, and she’d had the courage to be with Julie to the very end so that Julie wouldn’t die alone. If I killed myself, Miranda would feel she’d killed me by telling me the truth. And I loved Miranda. How could I do that to her when she had done so much for me?”
“So you went back and married her,” Jon said. “Happy ending.”
“You can hate her,” Alex said. “You can hate me. Maybe you hate yourself, and you need to hate us, too. I don’t know. What I do know is you don’t have a lot, Jon. Yeah, you have a nice bedroom in a nice house, and you have a half brother and a stepmother, and they both love you. Sarah’s nice and you have her until you screw it up and lose her. What else do you have, Jon? No parents. Julie’s dead. You see Matt twice a year if you’re lucky. You want to cut Miranda and me out of your life? Is that going to make you feel better?”
Jon sat absolutely still.
Alex glanced at the clock. “I have to get going,” he said. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about Laura, how much she meant to me, but there’s something else. Miranda and I will be leaving as soon as the baby’s born. Don’t tell anyone, especially not Lisa. I know she wants Miranda here, but it’s not going to happen. Miranda and I made the decision after Carlos told us he’d lost the money. Laura told us to go, that she’d stay in White Birch as long as you were in Sexton. So this isn’t because of her death, and it has nothing to do with you or how you feel about Miranda and me. It’s what’s best for us and the baby. We’ll make it to Matt’s somehow, and he’ll get us to that town he told us about. You can come, too, anytime you want. You’ll always have a home with us. We’re family. Like it or not, you’re stuck with us.”
Jon stood up with him. To his surprise, Alex embraced him.
“You take care,” Alex said. “You’re my brother, Jon, and I love you.”
Jon listened as Alex walked downstairs and apologized to Dr. Goldman for taking so long. He heard the door close and the car drive away.
Only then, only when he knew with absolute certainty that he was alone, did Jon begin to cry, four years of grief and anger and guilt flowing out of him. But even as he cried, he knew that when the tears stopped, the grief and anger and guilt would still remain. Like it or not, they were family.
Sunday, July 12
After church Jon was asked by most of the people he knew why he hadn’t been to Zachary’s or Tyler’s funerals.
He told them the truth, that his mother had died. After four years of deaths no one asked how or when. They simply heard the answer, said they were sorry, and moved on.
Lisa had just come downstairs from putting Gabe to bed for his nap when the doorbell rang. Jon was surprised, but Lisa didn’t seem to be. She opened the door and let a girl in.
“This is Ruby,” she said to Jon. “Ruby, I understand you didn’t know better, but from now on use the back door.”
“Yes ma’am,” Ruby said.
Jon stared at her. She was a kid: two, three years younger than him. Even if Lisa hadn’t told her about the back door, Jon would have known she was a grub.
“Ruby, this is Mr. Jon,” Lisa said. “My stepson. He lives here. My son, Gabe, is upstairs napping. You’ll meet him later. He’s only three, so you don’t have to call him Mr. Gabe.”
“Yes ma’am,” Ruby said. She gave Jon a shy smile. He didn’t smile back.
“Carrie is no longer working for us,” Lisa declared. “She’ll be going to a new family tomorrow. Ruby is our domestic now. She’ll be doing all the work until Miranda comes, and then Miranda will help her.”
“Lisa, I have to talk to you,” Jon said. “Alone.”
“All right,” Lisa said. “Ruby, put your bag in your bedroom, the little room next to the kitchen. Yes, down the hallway. After you unpack, I’ll show you around the house, tell you what you’ll be doing. Tonight I’ll help you cook supper, but after that you’ll be expected to do it on your own.”
“Yes ma’am,” Ruby said. “Thank you, ma’am.” She left the room, carrying her little bag with her.
“I don’t understand,” Jon whispered angrily. “Where’s Carrie? What’s going on?”
“Jon, please,” Lisa said. “You think I like this? I was told another family, a more important one, needed a nursemaid, and it would set a good example if I let them have Carrie. I said that would leave me with no help until Miranda had her baby, that someone had to be here to take care of Gabe and clean the house.”
“And this is what they sent you?” Jon asked. “How old is she?”
“I don’t know,” Lisa said. “Fifteen maybe. She’s one of the high school kids from White Birch.”
“The ones Mom died for?” Jon shouted.
“Quiet,” Lisa said. “Yes, the ones she died for, if you want to put it that way. What was my alternative? Quit my job? Well, then we’re out of Sexton and Ruby would be working for a family here regardless. I need you to help me on this, Jon. Ruby’s had less than a week of training. I don’t want you cleaning floors for her, but try to be nice. Spend as much time as you can with Gabe. This is going to be hardest on him, losing Val and Carrie both. All right? Make the best of a bad situation. That’s all I’m asking.”
“This makes me sick,” Jon said.
“Fine,” Lisa said. “Be sick. Things are bad, Jon. Just don’t make them worse.”
Monday, July 13
Jon hadn’t looked forward to school, but it was better than staying home and trying to avoid Ruby. Gabe was used to Carrie being gone on Sundays, but Jon didn’t relish being there when he found Ruby in her place.
He sat down for lunch with Sarah, and Luke and Ryan joined them. Jon wasn’t sure how Sarah was going to react to Ryan’s presence, but she was nice to him, letting him tease her a little bit and teasing him in return. Jon even found himself laughing. He hadn’t known he still could.
The sound of laughter greeted him when he got home. The house was a mess, but Gabe and Ruby were having a fine time running around the house, playing tag. First Gabe ran up to Ruby, poked her with his finger, and yelled, “Tag!” Then he ran away, and Ruby made a big deal of trying to catch up to him. When she finally did, she poked him back, yelling “Tag!” even louder than Gabe.
“Play!” Gabe screamed at Jon.
“Do you know the rules, Mr. Jon?” Ruby asked.
“I think I can figure them out,” Jon said. He promptly poked her with his finger, and yelled, “Tag!”
Then Gabe ran over to him, and the game progressed. Jon didn’t think Gabe would ever agree to stop, and Ruby didn’t seem to care. But Lisa, Jon knew, wouldn’t be happy with things the way they were.
“Ruby, you need to start cleaning,” Jon said. “Have you done anything today?”
“I tried, Mr. Jon,” Ruby said. “Honest, I did. But little Gaby here needed some fun.”
“Ruby’s my best friend,” Gabe said. “We played all day. Tag, Ruby!”
“Did he have his nap?” Jon asked.
“Was he supposed to?” Ruby asked. “Seems to me he’s doing just fine without one.”
“He takes a nap eve
ry day at one o’clock,” Jon said.
“I’ll make sure of that tomorrow, Mr. Jon,” Ruby said. “You want something to eat? Your kitchen kinda scares me, but Gaby here can help.”
“Ruby let me cook my lunch,” Gabe said. “I put the honey on my bread all by myself.”
“Ruby, honey is only for special occasions,” Jon said.
“Today was a special occasion, Mr. Jon,” Ruby said. “I didn’t even know they still made honey. Haven’t seen any in so long. We sure did enjoy it, didn’t we, Gaby?”
Jon knew he should have scolded Ruby for eating the honey. But if Lisa hadn’t bothered to explain what food was for family and what food was for domestics, he wasn’t about to.
Instead he looked at Gabe, who was glowing with happiness. “Let’s play some more,” Jon said. “Tag, Gabe! Bet you can’t catch me!”
Tuesday, July 14
Jon was standing at his window, staring at the faint outline of the moon, when Ruby walked in.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, painfully aware that he had nothing but pajama bottoms on.
“I can’t sleep in that room,” Ruby said. She was wearing a cotton nightgown, flimsy enough that Jon could see the outline of her body. “It’s so quiet. Can I sit down, Mr. Jon?”
Jon nodded, expecting her to sit on the chair. Instead she crawled into his bed, her knees propped up, her head resting against his pillow.
“I get so lonely down there,” she said. “All alone and all you folks up here. I’d love to sleep with little Gaby, but Mrs. Evans says that’s where the new grubber girl will stay. She says I should like it, having my own room, but I never was so alone. Always had lots of people to share my room with me.”
“Are you from White Birch, Ruby?” Jon asked. “Did you always live there?”
“No, Mr. Jon, I did not,” Ruby said. “We worked a chicken farm back in West Virginia, but they stopped bringing us food, so we ate all the chickens and had to get going. We tried for Oklahoma, since Momma has family there, but then Daddy heard there was work in Tennessee. He and Momma work in the greenhouses. Me and my sisters live with them and Mrs. Duncan’s daughters. Mrs. Duncan’s a domestic, same as me now, so she’s only in the apartment on weekends. We’re all in the room together, me and my sisters and the two Duncan girls.”
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