by Addison Jane
Noah looks to me and something shifts in his face. Remorse? Apprehension? Concern? I’m not sure, but he quickly looks back away.
“Yes! Mission was a failure, boss. I’ll have a report on your desk by the morning.”
Mom straightens her back in her chair, her mouth forms a tight thin line. Her hands ball into tight fists and her nostrils flare as she breathes out of her nose.
“Sorry boss, I was intercepted. Will fill you in once this briefing’s over.”
She slams her open palm onto the table sending a thud through the room. I furrow my brows as I watch Mom obviously worked up over the mission failure. Whatever it is, it must be important. And Noah is definitely hurt by whatever happened.
“How injured are you?” I ask.
“You can fill me in on the briefing, Noah. Let’s go now, I need to know what happened. This briefing on Cavaleri can wait. We will reconvene again Monday at thirteen hundred. Get some rest. Especially you Kace, I need you more alert. Noah, my office.”
Mom stands up, her chair almost falls over as she pushes it back with force. She strides out of the room with Noah, who’s limping behind her.
I take a deep breath rubbing the back of my neck and look around at the rest of my crew. “What do you make of that?” I ask.
“Not up to us to ask questions,” Axel replies.
“Fuck that! I say we ask Noah as soon as he comes out of the briefing,” Luca replies.
“For once I’m with Luca,” Eli answers.
Tanner rests her hands on the table leaning forward and sighing. “I really want to know what’s going on, too. But guys, you know the rules… if they don’t tell you, don’t ask.”
Blair shrugs. “Tanner’s right! And fuck, if I wanna know what the hell could hurt Noah like that. But I don’t know if I’m willing to risk my job over it.”
Eli groans as Luca rolls his eyes.
“You bunch of pussies,” Luca quips.
“I’ll try and talk to Noah. One on one. I’ll also try talking with boss. See if I can be read into a Loft briefing. Maybe then I can understand a bit more what’s happening around us. I’m not happy that one of us is being sent out there without the rest of us knowing, or without us for protection. In the meantime, we should all go home and get some rest.”
“You gonna be okay going home?” Luca asks.
“Why wouldn’t he be okay at home?” Tanner asks.
I glare at Luca and tense up waiting for him, Axel, or Eli to say something.
Luca talks first. “Because he’s banging his neighbor and she’s becoming a stage five clinger. If he goes home now, she might be there, and he might not get any of that much-needed sleep boss was telling him about.”
Tanner and Blair smile as Axel and Eli both fold their arms in a show of annoyance.
“Kace, my man, finally stepping out of the world of abstinence and getting some,” Blair says.
I roll my eyes and leer at Luca who’s smirking maniacally.
“It’s not even like that, it’s complicated—”
“Oh shit! You like her?” Tanner asks.
“Okay, we are not talking about my relationship status, thank you people.”
“Awww, this was just getting interesting,” Tanner taunts with a bright smile.
“Okay, go home everyone,” I demand.
“Spoilsport,” Luca says slapping my back as everyone heads for the door.
Luca pulls on my arm, making me stop as we wait for everyone to leave. I look at him raising an eyebrow. He looks around making absolutely sure everyone is gone then slumps his shoulders. “Do you want to stay at my place?”
I smile because for all his shortcomings he really is a good friend. “I’m good. Don’t worry. I’m gonna stay in my apartment. I’m not gonna go see her. I’ll give her the space she needs to process.”
He exhales and shakes his head. “Let’s just hope that process doesn’t involve going to the papers and selling our identities.”
I chuckle. “That’s not her. I know her well enough to know that.”
“You better hope so, Kace, or we’ll be assassinated by this time tomorrow.”
I nod once. “Noted.”
Screw work.
I called in sick this morning, half because I hadn’t had any sleep over the weekend, half because I was scared that if Steven said anything to provoke me today that I would snap and have to wave goodbye to my job.
Even now as I sit on my couch staring aimlessly at the television, my eyes flick back and forth to the door. I can’t figure out if I’m waiting for Kace to come to me or whether my mind is telling me that I need to go to him.
No. I told him to stay away, and like the fucking loyal guy that he is, he’s obeying my wishes.
I clutch the couch cushion in my hands, holding it securely to my stomach. I wish he’d ignore what I told him. I wish he would barge through the damn door, pick me up and crush me to his chest. I close my eyes and think about the soft touch of his lips on my skin, and how no matter how scared I was, how he’d soothed me with such a simple gesture.
Kace is hard, serious, sometimes scary, but when he touches me it’s gentle, like he thinks I’m fragile and need to be cradled carefully.
“Damn it,” I swear in frustration.
I need out.
I need to go somewhere, anywhere. Should I go to Molly’s? Or maybe I should just hit a bar, drink myself into oblivion and forget everything that’s happened over the last few weeks.
I gather my handbag, tossing it over my shoulder and rushing out the door. When I hit the street, I keep walking until I find a cab and order him to take me downtown.
My body relaxes as I sit in the back seat, staring out the window and watching the world rush by. This isn’t how things were meant to be. I was finally in a place where I could see my future, I knew exactly where I was heading, and I was working hard to get there. But now…
Now the course has changed.
Kace muscled his way in and I can’t tell what’s right and what’s wrong. His demeanor and secretive ways have me stepping away, but whenever I catch a break in the façade, I’m pulled right back in. I know there’s something deeper to Kace, he’s more than he portrays, and it’s that that keeps me coming back, searching for a flash or a glimpse of the man I know that’s underneath.
The man I know he could be if he just let a little light in.
The darkness is a scary place when you walk it alone, I don’t care how tough or strong you think you are. As much as Kace scares me, I feel this overwhelming need to protect him. From what? I’m not even sure.
Maybe from himself?
I sigh, my eyes looking up out of the cab’s window just in time to see a familiar building and the shape of a figure I recognize. I don’t know why, but I yell at the driver to stop. He slams on the breaks and pulls to the curb, a look of annoyance on his face as I pay him and dive out.
My feet carry me through the front doors, the woman at reception gives a soft but confused smile as I wave and hurry past her. No one questions me as I step into the rehab room. They know me here, but they still eye me curiously as I walk through alone, instead of with a dog at my side.
Max’s hard form is silhouetted in the window, and a smile creeps onto my face as I approach him.
“Have you even moved since I was last here?” I question, dragging a seat over for myself.
His eyes flick to mine then down to the floor as if he too is expecting Beau to be with me. “You the window police?” He scoffs, looking away again.
“You always so sarcastic?”
“You always so nosy?” he shoots back, causing me to grin. “No dog today?”
I turn my gaze to the window, my shoulders slumping. I’m not sure what gave me the urge to come in here. I take a deep breath, wondering if I should just walk away rather than dump my problems on a man who obviously is still struggling with his own demons.
“Sorry, I should go.” I move to stand, but his sharp voice has me d
ropping straight back onto the seat with a thump.
“Sit the fuck down,” he snaps. When I’m seated again, he turns to look at me, facing me fully. “Talk.”
I take a deep breath. “I’m scared,” I admit, surprising myself. I feel a familiar burn in my throat. “I’m scared, and I’m confused. I don’t know what to do.”
He doesn’t speak, his eyes urging me to continue.
I inhale deeply through my nose. “How can one moment change your life forever?” Max’s eyes flick down to his leg and I gasp. “God, I’m an idiot. I’m sorry, you don’t need this.”
He grabs my arm, once again stopping me from moving. His hand holds me tight, not enough to hurt me but enough to keep me still.
“You’re right, I don’t need this. But it’s obvious you do, so talk kid.” There’s pain in his voice like I haven’t heard before and unconsciously, I place my hand over his and squeeze.
“He shared some of himself with me,” I whisper, guilt creeping up my throat. “And I ran.”
Max slowly released me, shaking his head. I knew he was disappointed, all that talk about trust and give and take that we’d had, and I’d thrown everything back in Kace’s face.
“I was scared,” I try to reason.
“I’m sure he was too.” Max shrugs.
The muscles in my body tighten, and suddenly I know he’s right. If Kace was telling the truth, he put his life on the line just because he felt he owed me an explanation. He didn’t owe me anything. But like a child, I’d forced him to do something he should have never had to do.
“You care about him?” Max asks, surprising me.
I sit silently for a minute, considering his question. How did I feel when I thought about him getting hurt? Sick, nervous, every part of me prayed that he’d be okay. I remember the hell in his eyes when he described who he was, living inside the darkness so that the others could have the light. Doing the dirty work so that people he didn’t know, people he’d never met could live their lives in peace.
I don’t want that for him, my heart aches to pull him out and give him the happiness that he deserves.
“Yes,” I answer, my voice strong. “I care about him.”
“Then you need to give.” I frown, turning my body to face Max. He sighs. “Trust is give and take, kid. You hear anything I said to you? He gave you something, shared his shit with you. If he’s going to trust you, you need to give something back.”
“I don’t…” I shake my head, “…I don’t really have any secrets to share.”
Max snorts out a laugh. “Kid, we all have secrets.” His hand grips the arm of his wheelchair tightly.
A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. “You got secrets, Max?” I see him roll his eyes and my smile grows. “I’m not a natural blonde,” I whisper, nudging him with my elbow. “Your turn.”
“You’re a pain in my ass,” he responds without looking at me.
I screw up my nose. “That’s a horrible secret.”
“Get lost, kid.”
I soften and smile. “Thanks, Max.”
“Yeah,” I hear him grumble as I stand and head for the door while pulling my cell from my pocket. His number is still there from when I called him in panic from a few nights before. I take a deep breath as I hit dial and press the phone to my ear.
“Speak,” his harsh tone snaps and I cringe.
“Hey…” I say softly.
Silence meets me for a few seconds. “Lily?”
I nod and then begin to smile, realizing he can’t see me. “Yeah…” I clear my throat, pushing my shoulders back. “…can we talk?”
I clutch my handbag against me as I knock on his apartment door.
Scratching and whining on the other side has me smiling and when the door swings open, Daisy rushes out to greet me, weaving around my legs like she’s doing the slalom.
I giggle and crouch down, scratching behind her ears. “Hey, pretty girl.”
“I was just about to say the same thing.” Kace’s voice sends a shiver down my spine, and I inhale deeply as my eyes lift, moving up his body until I reach his face.
“Hey,” I answer as he steps back, holding the door open for me and gesturing for me to come inside.
Daisy nuzzles at my hand as I push to my feet, offering Kace a small smile in thanks before he closes the door behind us. My eyes wander, and I can’t decide if I should take a seat or stand. Kace makes the decision for me when he leans against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.
“I didn’t expect to hear from you.” His eyes are hard, slightly narrowed as though he’s waiting for some ulterior motive to my visit.
My voice seems to be lost for a moment as I contemplate how to talk to him, how to explain what I’m feeling.
“When I was in the eleventh grade, I cheated on my biology test.” The words come out so quickly that I don’t even know if he can understand them.
“Excuse me?” he asks, one eyebrow raised.
I clear my throat. “When I was—”
“I heard you the first time. I’m just not sure why you’re telling me this?” His voice holds a whisper of amusement now as I stand shyly in the middle of his small living room, confessing my sins.
“I always knew I wanted to be a veterinarian. Some kids struggle to decide what they want to be in the future but I always knew,” I explain, pacing slightly and avoiding eye contact. “Biology stressed me out. I was okay at it, but I was scared that if I failed the exam that that would be the end of my dreams of working with animals. So I cheated.” I can feel myself slowly moving closer to him, the magnetism something I can’t fight even if I wanted to.
“Lily…”
I shake my head, not wanting him to interrupt until I’m done. I look up, my eyes glistening. “You shared part of yourself with me…” His eyes harden immediately, and his muscles tighten, stretching against the firm fitting white shirt he’s wearing. “I want to show you that you can trust me by sharing something about me with you.”
A stunning smile comes across his face, and he scratches at the stubble on his chin with his thumb. “You cheated on a test?” His amusement is now clearly evident.
I fold my arms across my chest defensively. “You have no idea. I could have lost everything I was working so hard for if I’d been caught, because of one stupid mistake. My whole future down the drain.”
He nods. “I get that.”
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. He does get it. My secret might mean nothing now, a little piece of my past. But Kace, he risked the future and the lives of him and his men by sharing what he did with me. And all because he wanted to honor a promise he’d made.
“It’s something I’ve kept to myself for a long time, something that no one else knows,” I tell him, looking him square in the eye.
He pushes off the wall and walks forward, circling around me and studying me.
“I’m still not sure how I feel about all of this… if it is true,” I tell him, my eyes following his body as he moves around me like a predator, sending sparks through my body as he steps in closer.
“Oh, it’s true,” he growls, the deep tone rumbling through me.
My voice turns to a soft whisper. “I’m scared, Kace. I’m scared of what you can do… what you have done.” My eyes look up, following him as he moves past, my eyes meeting his steely gaze. “But I’m not scared of you.”
I catch the movement, his eyes widening in shock before the mask can cover it. It gives me confidence, and I pull my shoulders back. “I’m being torn to pieces, part of me wants to run and forget everything you’ve ever said to me. But the other part of me knows I can’t.”
His breathing is becoming heavier with every word I speak blowing at my hair and tickling my skin and with every second that passes my body becomes more electric, more attuned to his.
“I just needed you to know… you can trust me.” With those words, I find myself moving.
Kace’s hands are on me, spinning my body to f
ace him.
I take a step backward and he advances on me, his eyes burning, lighting me on fire. He meets me step for step until my back hits the wall with a thud. His lips crash with mine and my hands instantly reach out for him, grasping at his shirt. His fingers run up my side as he devours me, tracing the dip of my waist until he reaches the swell of my breasts.
When he breaks away, I gasp as though he was the source of my oxygen and I was scared I’d suffocate without him. His lips move to my jaw and his free hand grasps my ass, his fingers kneading at it almost painfully—possessively.
I pull at his shirt, grasping it so tightly I can feel the stitching pull. My head falls back against the wall as he moves lower, his stubble scratching at the sensitive skin.
“Kace,” I whisper breathlessly.
“You know what the best part is?” he mutters against my neck as his thumb brushes across my now hardened nipple. I grind my hips forward, my body unable to fight the pleasure building inside me. I can feel him smiling now as he tortures me. “The best part is you coming in here and telling me this shit, so fucking innocent, so fucking untainted.”
He’s right.
My secret’s nothing compared to his.
It’s not a threat to national security.
It’s not going to get people killed.
But it is mine, and mine only to tell.
And I’ve chosen to share that with him.
I grab his face with both of my hands drawing it back up, desperately needing his lips on mine, feeling like I can’t breathe without him.
He complies willingly, kissing me back with matching enthusiasm and need. “Lily,” he rumbles before thrusting his tongue into my mouth again.
I suck on it, sulking when he draws it away.
A squeal shoots from my mouth as he picks me up. Hands palming my ass cheeks as he carries me across the room to his sofa, which might I add, is annoyingly nicer than mine.
“Just so you know,” he murmurs, before dumping me on my back and settling in between my legs. “You can trust me, too.”
I laugh, and Kace flashes me a grin that makes me melt. “Good to know.”
He dips his head, his mouth moving down between my breasts. My lips fall open and unconsciously I lift my chest, encouraging him to continue. His hands grasp the top of my tank top and bra at the same time, ripping it down exposing my nipples to the air. They’re already pebbled in delight and anticipation. Kace takes one between his teeth, eliciting a loud moan from my mouth.