Then he’d spend the rest of his life missing her and kicking himself for losing the only woman he wanted.
He drove through the Dark Forest at warp speed, adrenaline crackling through his muscles, and emerged into the open plain on the other side just before noon. He’d had to stop on the way for one simple, but important, errand. This time he intended to get everything right.
He spotted the long train at the border crossing from quite a distance away. Luckily the road ran almost directly across the tracks near the village, so he pulled onto the verge and jumped out. Bright morning sun shone off the dark blue-and-gold surface of the cars and turned each window into a mirror. Which car was Andi in? And would she even talk to him after how he’d behaved at their last meeting? Every cell in his body, every nerve pulsed with the desperate need to see her and make things right.
The train was an old one, with individual compartments seating about six people each. The first three he peered into contained no familiar face, but in the fourth, opposite two older women in wool berets, sat a pale-faced and anxious-looking Andi.
He grasped the cool handle and inhaled. She looked up as he pushed the door open and he heard her gasp.
“I can’t live without you, Andi.”
He hadn’t planned what to say. He’d done too much planning lately. “I really do love you.” He prayed that the truth would ring through in words that now sounded hollow from overuse. “I didn’t realize it myself. I’ve never known love before. I was raised to think with my head and not my heart. I spent so much time convincing myself I wanted to marry you because it was a sensible decision, because our marriage would be good for Ruthenia. The truth is that now my desire to keep you has nothing to do with Ruthenia. I want you for myself and I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life without you.”
Tears welled in her eyes for a moment and his heart clutched.
The two women opposite her suddenly rose, grabbing their carryalls, and hurried toward the door where he stood. “Please excuse us,” one puttered in Ruthenian. He’d forgotten they were there. He stood aside to let them pass, eyes fixed on Andi.
She hadn’t moved an inch, but color rose to her pale cheeks.
Hope flared in his chest. “I admit that our engagement began for the wrong reasons. I’m ashamed about that.” Guilt stung him. “All I knew was that I enjoyed your company, and that once I kissed you…” He blew out a breath. “Once I kissed you, nothing was ever the same again.”
He saw her swallow, fighting back tears that made her blue eyes glisten.
He ached to take her in his arms and kiss away her tears. The few inches between them seemed an agonizing gulf. “I need you, Andi.”
Her lips didn’t flinch. Her silence hurt him, but she hadn’t told him to go. There was still hope.
He reached into his pocket and drew out the item he’d picked up on the way here. The simple ring, the one she’d chosen in the shop that morning.
He knelt on the floor of the train car and pulled the ring from the box. “Andi, I know this is the ring you wanted. I made you get the other one because it was showier. I realize I was making decisions for you and trying to turn you into someone you don’t want to be. I’d like to go right back to the beginning and start over.”
She hesitated for a moment, eyes fixed on the ring.
His heart clenched. She’d already told him that she didn’t want to be his wife. She didn’t want a life of royal duty and an existence in the public eye. But that wasn’t all he offered. How could he make her see that despite all the trappings of royalty, he was just a man? A man who loved and needed her with every fiber of his being.
“Andi, right now I wish I wasn’t a king.” It took effort to stop his hands from reaching out to her. “That I could promise you an ordinary life, in a comfortable house in some American suburb, where our children could attend the local school and play in Little League. The truth is I can’t. I’m already married to Ruthenia and that’s my destiny. I can’t turn away from it any more than I could turn back the river flowing through the mountains.”
He saw her throat move as she swallowed. Her hands shifted slightly, clutching at each other through her black gloves. How he longed to take them in his own hands.
“But I need you, too, Andi. Not because you can help me run the country or the palace, but because you’re the woman I want to share my life with. That I need to share my life with.”
Emotion flickered across her lovely face and made hope spark inside him. “I do love you, Andi. I love you with all my heart and soul, with parts of me that I never knew existed. I tried to ignore the new tender feelings starting inside me because they scared me. It was easier to talk myself into using practical reasons to keep you. To convince myself I was still in full control of my emotions, that I didn’t truly need you, or anyone else.” He drew in a ragged breath. “But I do need you.”
He paused, emotions streaming through his brain and mind. How hard it was to put into words things that he could only understand at gut level. “I didn’t know until now that I’ve been living a half life, devoid of emotion and even of true joy. In your arms I’ve found happiness I never knew existed.”
He blinked, embarrassed by his frank confession. “I know you no longer believe me when I tell you I love you.” He shook his head. “I don’t blame you. Those words have lost their power. They’ve been used too many times. I don’t know how to express what I truly feel except to say that my life is empty and hollow without you. Please don’t leave me, Andi.”
Andi blinked, eyelashes thick with tears. The raw emotion in his voice stunned her. He was always so calm, so controlled, so in charge of every situation. Right now she could sense that every word he said was true.
No guile, no charm, no winning ways—just a heartfelt plea that shook her to her core.
She hadn’t dared to utter a single word until now, and when she opened her mouth, the painful truth emerged. “I love you, Jake. I’ve always loved you.” Why hide anything now? “I’ve loved you almost since the first day I came to work for you. You’re kind and fair and thoughtful, and tough and strong when you need to be. I’ve admired you every day and dreamed about you every night.”
Putting her thoughts into words took effort, but it was a relief to finally get them off her chest. “So you see, when my memories—and the resulting inhibitions—were erased, I fell so easily into the kind of relationship I’ve always dreamed of. I’m sure it was frightening to know that someone you’ve worked so closely with for years had those kind of feelings.”
She shivered slightly. “I didn’t want you to ever find out. That’s one of the main reasons I wanted to leave. It was all wrong from the start.”
“But it’s not wrong.” Jake kept his gaze fixed on hers. “I was wrong to take advantage of you, but we’re meant to be together. I don’t want a ceremonial wife or an assistant. I want someone who’ll remind me I’ve never been up the mountain, and who’ll take me there. I don’t want someone who’ll take good minutes on my life, I want someone to live it with me and make it fuller and richer than I ever imagined.”
Unable to hold still any longer, Andi reached out to him and clasped his hands. He was still holding the ring, the pretty, simple diamond she’d liked, and the fact that he’d brought it touched her deeply. “I was already cursing myself for leaving you—and Ruthenia. I felt like I was leaving a big chunk of my heart behind.” She hesitated and drew in a breath. “I don’t want to leave you behind.”
“Then don’t. I’ll come with you. Ruthenia can get along without me for a while.” He rose from the floor and sat on the seat beside her. “We should visit your parents. It seems only right that I should ask them for your hand in marriage.” A twinkle of humor brightened his eyes. “And maybe I’ll have better luck with them.”
He held up the ring between finger and thumb. “Though it would be nice to put this ring somewhere safe, like your finger, so it doesn’t get lost while we’re traveling.”
&n
bsp; The ring blurred as Andi’s eyes filled with tears. She pulled off her gloves and held out her bare hands, which trembled. “I will marry you, Jake.” Her voice cracked and a violent shudder rocked her as the cool metal slid over her finger. The act felt far more powerful and meaningful than the first time, when she didn’t even know who she was. “I do want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Now that Jake had poured out his feelings, everything felt different. She no longer had any doubt that he loved her as much as she loved him. Sun poured in through the large railcar window, and the world outside seemed bright with promise. “I love the idea of going to see my family. They’ll be thrilled to meet you. If this train ever gets moving again, that is.”
Jake grinned. “Let’s see what we can do about that. But, first things first.” He slid his arm around her back and pulled her close. Andi’s eyes slid shut as their lips met and she kissed him with all the pent-up passion and emotion she’d planned to lock away for the rest of her life. Relief and joy flooded through her and her heart exploded with happiness at the feel of his strong arms around her. When they finally pulled apart, blinking in the sun, she had a strange sensation of her life starting afresh from this moment.
“I love you, Jake.” At last she could say it out loud without a hint of embarrassment or doubt. She’d waited years for this moment and it was sweeter than she’d ever dreamed.
“Not as much as I love you.” Jake’s eyes sparkled.
“You’re so competitive.”
“So are you.” He grinned. “One more reason why we’re perfect for each other.” Then he pulled out his phone. “Now, let’s see if we can get this train moving.”
Epilogue
“Of course you need an assistant.” Jake leaned in and kissed Andi’s neck.
Piles of envelopes and résumés covered her desk. The prospect of going through them seemed more than daunting. “But we already have a full staff. And three nannies.”
“You need someone just for you.” He eased his thumbs down her spine. “So you can come up with a crazy plan for the weekend, and put her to work making it happen while you and I go for a stroll on the mountain.”
“That’s too decadent.”
“It’s an important part of any monarch’s job to be decadent.”
Andi laughed. “Says who?”
“The paparazzi. They don’t want to cover a bunch of dull worker bees.”
“True.” She giggled. “They did have fun taking those ridiculous shots of me sailing when I was eight months pregnant.”
“See? You’re helping people earn their livelihood. And what about the tourists? They want glamour and excitement, romance and majesty, not a queen who licks her own envelopes.”
“I can think of better things to lick.” She raised a brow.
“Now that you put it that way, I think I’ll cancel this afternoon’s meeting on foreign policy.”
“Don’t you dare.” She shot him a fierce glare. “Just save your energy for later.” She stroked a finger over his strong hand, where it rested on her desk.
“Have I ever run out of energy?” He growled the question in her ear.
“Never. Now I know where our son gets it from.” Little Lucas was a tireless eighteen-month-old bundle of energy. They’d managed with just two nannies until he learned to walk; after that, three—plus Andi—were required to keep up with him.
A joyful shriek outside the door alerted her that his morning nap must be over. Jake dodged to the side as little Lucas barreled into the room, blond curls bouncing. “Mama, read me a story!”
“Of course, sweetie.”
“See? You need an assistant so you have someone to read through all these résumés for you while you read Lucas a story.” Jake chuckled.
“You’re hired.” She winked and gathered Lucas into her arms. “Lucas and I have an appointment with Thomas the Tank Engine.”
“And James the Red Engine.” Lucas’s serious face reminded her so much of Jake’s sometimes, despite the pudgy dimpled cheeks.
“This sounds like a very important meeting. Perhaps I should attend, too.”
“Most definitely. Foreign policy can wait. Tell them Ruthenia just wants to be friends with everyone.” Andi swept Lucas up in her arms as she stood.
“A very sensible approach. We’ll just have a big party with cupcakes and tell everyone to play nicely.” Jake squeezed Lucas’s little hand.
“Chocolate cupcakes, ’kay, Daddy?”
“Hmm. Not sure. We might have to put a committee together to discuss the finer details.”
“How ’bout rainbow sprinkles?” Lucas’s bright blue eyes stared at his dad.
“If rainbow sprinkles are involved I’ll just have to issue an executive order.”
Lucas clapped his chubby hands together.
Andi shrugged. “I do like to be surrounded by men who can make important decisions without a lot of fuss. Really takes the pressure off. Where’s the book?”
Lucas pointed at his nanny Claire, who stood in the doorway with a stack of paperbacks and a freshly made snack on a plate.
“Let’s head for the garden.” Andi moved to the door. “Claire, can you call ahead and have some blankets spread on the lawn? And maybe bring out Lucas’s trike and stick horse.” She tickled under his chin and he giggled. Then she glanced up at Jake. “See? I am getting better at not doing everything myself.”
“Your efforts are admirable. And much needed since you’ll soon be in the third trimester and Lucas isn’t getting lighter.” He picked his son up and held him in his arms. Lucas clapped both chubby palms against his cheeks and laughed aloud. “What if his sister has as much energy as he does?”
“Then we’ll need six nannies. If we keep having kids there will be zero unemployment in Ruthenia.”
Lucas arched his back, signaling his desire to be free on his fast-moving feet. Jake put him gently down and they both watched as Lucas tore off down the corridor with Claire running after him. “How do people manage a toddler without a nanny while they’re pregnant?” Already she could get a little short of breath climbing stairs without carrying anyone.
“I don’t know. I always had a nanny.” He winked.
“It’s amazingly easy to get used to being spoiled rotten. Where’s my dish of peeled grapes?”
They both laughed. They knew they worked hard, for much longer hours than most people. Andi had come to enjoy the routine round of entertaining. It felt good to bring people into their home and make them feel welcome. As the host she took special pleasure in making sure everyone had a good time, quite different than when she simply had to make sure the events ran smoothly.
Her parents had fallen in love with both Ruthenia and Jake. With her father newly retired and her mom only working during the school year, they’d allowed Jake and Andi to give them a quaint house right in the town as a “vacation home,” insisting they wanted to visit regularly without being on top of the couple.
Andi’s sister and her husband flew in for the wedding, and their little daughter was a flower girl in the majestic old town church where they said their vows. They now also came to visit regularly, and the sound of little Lucy’s childish laughter bouncing off the palace walls had urged Andi and Jake into parenthood.
Since Lucas was born the palace no longer felt like a place of business where people slept, but was fully a family home, where people also worked.
The difference was subtle, but transformative. Jake slid his arms around her waist. “Would you like me to carry you downstairs, Your Majesty?”
“That won’t be necessary.” She wriggled against him, enjoying the flash of heat that always sparked between them when they touched. “But you can kiss me.”
His lips met hers and her eyes slid closed. She could always lose herself in his kiss. She’d dreamed of it so long and come so close to never tasting him again. Her fingers played over the muscle of his chest through his tailored shirt.
She pulled back, lips humming w
ith desire. “Hold that thought. I have a story to read and you have to bring about peace in our time. I’ll see you tonight.”
“And every night.” His soft glance was loaded with suggestion.
She glanced down at her hand, where the simple diamond ring she’d first chosen sparkled behind her engraved wedding band. A smile crept over her mouth. “For the rest of our lives.”
ISBN: 978-1-4592-0564-2
AT HIS MAJESTY’S CONVENIENCE
Copyright © 2011 by Jennifer Lewis
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*The Hardcastle Progeny
†Royal Rebels
At His Majesty's Convenience Page 16