Finally he looked up. “I know I should be in control, but my mind goes blank. Without Kimmy to stimulate action, it’s easy to sit in a chair and stare at TV programs I don’t care about or read a book that my heart isn’t in.”
“Maybe you’re reading the wrong book.” She hoped it sounded lighthearted, but he didn’t laugh and she wanted to apologize. “Seriously, Doug. Look around. What do people do? Get involved in church activities. I’m sure they have programs that need volunteers. Most organizations do. Become a Big Brother. Have you thought about that?”
He shook his head. “I don’t have much to offer kids. You see how I stumble around with Kimmy. If it weren’t for you, I’d be telling her to read a book or do her puzzles, about the same as her mother does.”
“That’s not true. And since she’s been here, you’ve discovered all kinds of good activities for kids. What about the train museum for a boy? Don’t they let kids get inside during the train festival? And this Playscape. Boys would like this. Take a boy to a sporting event. Most kids would love that.”
His eyes searched hers. “You have the ideas.”
“So would you if you didn’t doubt yourself.” She laid her hand on his. “Doug, you’ve set your mind on being a failure. I don’t know why, and I’m not sure you know either, but it’s not really who you are. I see your delight with Kimmy. Yes, she’s your niece, but a boy who needs a male friend can be a delight, too. You can teach him how to catch a ball, how to play croquet or badminton. Those are things you can purchase in most toy stores. Or get yourself a dog. They can be the best company and they’re faithful.”
Her voice had betrayed her. From his expression, he’d caught her tone on the faithful comment, an emphasis she’d hoped to control. Her mind shot to Rema’s surprise visit and the discussion they’d had on faithfulness.
“Uncle Doug, did you see me?” Kimmy’s voice severed their silence.
“We saw you on the big slide.” He nodded.
Kimmy’s face made it clear she meant something else. “Not that. I walked on the swinging bridge and I climbed on the caterpillar.” She pointed away from the wooden structure. “Over there.”
Doug glanced at her, surprise on his face. “I didn’t see you over there.”
Nina hadn’t seen a thing but Doug’s expression as they talked. He shorted himself so much when it came to children. His confidence at work seemed opposite to his uncertainty with children. The discrepancy aroused questions, but those would have to wait.
Doug rose. “Are you ready to go?”
“If you come and see me on the caterpillar.” She beckoned him to follow.
Nina stood and treaded along the path to the freestanding metal structure with the look of a crawling caterpillar, its back humped as it moved forward. Kimmy straddled the red metal tail and used the rungs to work her way up the high hump, then wiggled around to climb down the hump before she grasped the final rung to reach the insect’s bright blue head and yellow antennae.
They applauded as she grinned and lifted her hand as if she’d conquered Mount Everest. “Good job, Kimmy.” Doug reached her side and helped her jump from the metal structure.
Nina slipped her arm around Kimmy. “If I were littler, I’d climb it, too.”
“You can do it.” Kimmy’s eyes brightened, and Nina, wishing she’d not offered the suggestion, shook her head.
“No. You’re too good.”
Perfect response. Kimmy gave an agreeing nod and skipped along beside them as they wended their way back to the car.
Nina’s spirit lifted, then sank as Roseanne’s news struck her again. One day Kimmy would be back with her mother, a wonderful gift really. But for Doug and her, it would change the course of their lives. Did it have to? Couldn’t they continue to be friends and enjoy each other’s company? Doug had made no overtures for anything beyond friendship. Even holding her hand earlier had been out of concern that she might fall again. That was all it had been.
The recollection of his firm grip revived the warm feeling she’d experienced, a sense of security she’d had only rarely in her life when she was young and her father took her places. The loss of a relationship with Doug would be another loss even greater than her divorce. Before marriage, Todd had seemed to be a kind man. He had a good job and had been generous, but the intimacy she’d expected from their marriage had faded quickly. It died after she’d lost the second child. Died as quickly as their marriage.
Doug faltered at the car and gave her a questioning look. She smiled back, unwilling to talk about Kimmy returning to her mother’s home and what that meant to them. She would wait and see. That’s all she could do.
Chapter Six
Doug stood in Roseanne’s doorway while Kimmy stood beside him, studying her mother, who seemed to be asleep. Her transfer had occurred sooner than he expected, and he struggled with pangs of selfish sorrow. Soon Roseanne would be home. He’d always adored Kimmy, but since she’d been with him so long, he’d grown even fonder of her, far more than he anticipated.
Roseanne stirred and lifted her head. A smile parted her lips, and she opened her arms as Kimmy darted to her bedside. He stayed back, allowing mother and daughter to share the special moment. A month had passed since they had been together. Roseanne had been in pain and didn’t want Kimmy to see her during that time. Though they had spoken on the phone, it could never replace being together.
When Roseanne noticed him, she beckoned him inside the room. “Why are you standing back like a stranger.?” She grinned, her arm wrapped around Kimmy as she leaned half-prone on the mattress, her feet dangling toward the floor.
He sauntered closer. “It’s called bonding.”
She tilted her head. “You’re right.” She shook her head. “As always, big brother.”
“And don’t forget it.” He grasped the arm of the chair and moved it closer. Then he lifted Kimmy and set her on the edge of the bed. As soon as he did, she leaned her cheek against Roseanne’s chest.
“I’ve had fun with Uncle Doug, Mommy, but I miss you, too.” She turned her head to face her mom.
“I’m glad you’re having fun. I would be sad if you had a terrible time.” She petted Kimmy’s cheek. “But I missed you, too.”
“You were sick.” Kimmy lifted her head and kissed her mother’s cheek.
“Very, and you wouldn’t have wanted to see me whining.”
Kimmy giggled. “Did you really whine?”
“Sometimes.” Her eyes shifted to his. “But Uncle Doug will only have to put up with you for a few more weeks. I want to be home by Christmas. Maybe sooner.”
“Really?” Kimmy’s eyes sparkled as brightly as her smile. “But can we go to see Uncle Doug before Christmas, because I want to make Christmas ornaments.”
“Ornaments?” Roseanne drew her head back as if questioning. Kimmy giggled at her curiosity, and she rattled on about making the decorations.
His mind sailed back to Nina and the plans she’d made for the Christmas pinecones. His chest ached not only for his plans but for Nina, who had admitted that her life had been solitary, too, before she’d moved to Lilac Circle—perhaps since her husband left her.
Again the question haunted him. Why? Why had her marriage failed?
While Kimmy and Roseanne talked, he glanced around, looking for flowers or a stack of cards, anything that might have let Roseanne know she was missed. He didn’t see much, but the drawer in her stand held get well cards. Flowers seemed a simple gift and they would last after he and Kimmy had gone.
“While you two talk—” he rose “—I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back shortly.”
Although Roseanne gave him a questioning look, he escaped. He hurried down to the lobby, found the gift store and headed for the floral arrangements behind the window. He spotted one in a white vase filled with color
ful flowers in reds, yellow and orange shades. They reminded him of the trees beginning to color. Soon they would be in full autumn hues like fire. He purchased the flowers and a box of chocolate mints. Roseanne liked those.
When he returned, Kimmy had stretched out beside her, and the first thing he heard was something about Nina. He faltered, wishing he could stand outside the door and listen like an eavesdropper. Instead he strode in with the bouquet.
A smile lit Roseanne’s face. “I wondered where you were sneaking to.”
“Sneaking? I said I was going for a walk. I did.” He set the flowers on her stand and placed the chocolate mints beside it. “Something for your sweet tooth.”
“Doug, you remembered.” She raised on her elbow and reached over to grab the box. Before taking her own, she offered one to him, which he declined, and one to Kimmy, bubbling with enthusiasm as she accepted it.
Roseanne popped one in her mouth and arched her eyebrow. “Kimmy was telling me how much fun you both have with Nina.”
He released a breath. “I’m not sure I would call it fun, but it’s pleasant.”
Kimmy rolled over and jammed her fist into her waist. “Uncle Doug, you do too have fun. You laugh a lot when Nina’s with us, and you smile more than ever.”
He managed not to wince at her honesty. “I’m being amiable.”
“What?” Kimmy gave him one of her looks. “You’re being fun and nice. You like Nina, don’t you?”
“Yes, I like Nina.” A lot, but he avoided admitting it even to himself. “She’s very nice, and she really likes you, Kimmy.”
“She really likes you, Uncle Doug. She told me.”
He wanted to control his surprise, but he felt his jaw drop so it was too late. “I’d better stop going for walks. All kinds of things happen.”
Roseanne shook her head. “Doug, I’ve said it over and over. Life is out there waiting to happen. Don’t lose something or someone that could make a huge difference in your life.”
Though Nina filled his thoughts, Kimmy also fit the description. He kept his mouth shut. “I’ll heed your warning, sis.”
Kimmy gave him a bigger frown, probably lost in the meaning of heed.
A sound behind him gave him pause. Before he turned, Roseanne acknowledged the visitor. “That time already?” She shook her head. “More therapy. It never ends.”
“But it’s what’s needed for you to go home and be on your own again.” He rose and shifted back his chair. “Kimmy, I think our visit has to end so your mom can have her therapy.”
Kimmy slipped from the bed. “I want you to get better, Mommy, so you try hard to walk and stuff, okay?”
Roseanne pulled her closer and kissed her. “Okay, and it won’t be long. Since I’m closer, you can come and visit me again.”
“I will. Uncle Doug said we can come more often.”
“And bring Nina. I’d like to meet her.”
“Okay!” She bounded from the bed her face beaming. “I’ll tell her you want to meet her, okay?”
“Okay.” Roseanne gave a wave as they moved out of the way for the empty wheelchair. With one more goodbye, he steered Kimmy into the corridor, longing to ask her how much she told Roseanne. Instead, he let well enough alone. Maybe later he could think of a subtle way to ask. Kimmy was too smart for her age.
* * *
A nippy breeze penetrated Nina’s jacket as she treaded along the sidewalk to El’s. She hadn’t talked to him in a couple of weeks, and when she pulled the batch of cookies from the oven, he broke through her thoughts. She’d decided to make Snickerdoodles with the wonderful texture that cream of tartar seemed to add. She’d sneaked one herself.
Approaching El’s home without him in the yard looked strange, but the weather had curtailed that. Indian summer had taken a vacation. El’s car was in the driveway near the garage so she was reassured that he was home. She climbed the porch steps and rang the bell. In a moment he answered with a smile so bright it warmed her.
“How nice.” He pushed open the door. “And I see you’re bearing a gift.” His eyes twinkled as they did when he suspected she’d brought him a sweet treat.
She handed him the bag and followed him inside, but when she saw the dining room, her pulse skipped and she drew back. “Birdie.” She moved forward, following El’s beckoning. “How nice to see you.”
She grinned, and seeing Birdie smile was a bigger surprise. “El and I are just visiting. It’s too cold to do much outside.”
Nina agreed and sank into the chair beside her.
“El, bring Nina a cup of coffee.” Birdie turned to face her. “Or do you prefer tea?”
“Either is fine, but—”
“Coffee with cream. It’s on the table.” El ambled into the room carrying a mug, the steam rising, and a plate of the cookies. “Now, this is a nice addition, Birdie.”
Birdie eyed the treat and accepted the plate. She took one and passed it to Nina.
“I already had one at home.” Nina set the plate close to El, noticing some crumbs on his lips so she was assured he’d already tried them. “I was thinking about the weather on the way here. I hope it warms up for the wedding or at least it’s a sunny day.”
“No matter what the weather, Angie and Rick will have sunshine in their hearts.” El gave her a wink.
“You’re right.” Her wedding had filled her mind and heart with joy and hope for an amazing future. But as marriage did sometimes, her sunshine turned to gloom.
“Angie said you were invited, too.” He grasped another cookie and took a bite.
“Yes, I was surprised.”
He frowned, and then seemed to understand. “New to the neighborhood, but when Angie connects with someone, she’s a faithful friend. I’ve noticed that. She’s been good to me.”
“Me, too.” Birdie shook her head. “And I didn’t deserve it.”
El waved his hand through the air. “Birdie, everyone deserves friendship. You made a few mistakes, but now you let your personality break free from that negativity.” He rested his hand on her shoulder. “When I told Angie you were my date for the wedding, she was happy. Really happy. I saw it on her face.”
Nina guessed Angie had set that one up, too.
“You’re not going alone, are you, Nina?” El’s eyes glinted.
She suspected he already knew the answer, and she grinned. “You know I’m not.”
“Last I heard you were going alone, but I’d hoped—”
“You hoped Angie’s meddling would work, and it did.”
His expression gave him away. “And I’m glad, Nina.”
“Angie loves to play matchmaker, but I’d already considered asking Doug.” Surprised at her admission, she swallowed and decided to hush up. She trusted El, but Birdie had been the street gossip, which still left her uncertain.
Birdie gave a nod. “You two have become good friends and I see that little girl—what’s her name—is fond of you.”
“Kimmy. I’m fond of her, too. She and Doug are visiting her mother today. She’s been transferred to a rehabilitation facility that’s much closer, and she should be home soon.”
“In time for Christmas. That’s wonderful.” El faltered as a frown appeared. “But that means both you and Doug will miss her.”
“Very much. I feel selfish that I want something to happen so Kimmy stays, and I feel terrible when it enters my mind.”
“Oh, the Lord understands what emotions love can bring out of us, Nina. Don’t fret. He forgives before we ask. God is love and He made us in His image.”
Her admission lightened her, and her shoulders straightened. “Thank you, El. I forget so many things about God’s blessings.”
“We all fall short of God’s commandments and desires for us. I’m sure that’s why He gave us the forgive
ness that comes through Jesus.”
Forgiveness brought up another topic she’d had in mind when she brought the cookies over, but today she eyed Birdie and hesitated.
“Nina, you have something else on your mind, don’t you?”
El’s uncanny ability threw her off balance for a moment. “Speaking of forgiveness, I do have a situation that’s troubling me.” Though Birdie listened, she told him about her mother and stepfather’s Thanksgiving visit. “It puts a damper on being thankful, El, and that shames me but it’s true. Mother has always been critical. Even if something is nice, she adds a but to the sentence. It ruins the compliment or the noncommittal reaction to something.”
“Are you thankful for things not related to your mother?” A look in his eyes signaled he’d cornered her.
“You know I am. I’m grateful for meeting my new neighbors and for people like you and Angie who brought me out of myself and into the warmth of new relationships.”
“And what about Doug? And Kimmy?”
Her chest exploded with emotion. “Yes, I am very grateful for Doug’s friendship and the joy of meeting Kimmy. She’s changed my attitude and my life in a way.” Her admission shone on her face like a neon advertisement.
“In what way, Nina?” El’s forehead crinkled. “Did you have a bad attitude toward children?”
“No. Not at all. I can’t—” Unable to go on, she swallowed her words and closed her eyes, willing away the tears that had come without warning.
“Dearest Nina, we are friends who care about you. Please let us help if we can, and if not us, the Lord has promised to take your burdens from you. ‘My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’ Those are Jesus’s words.”
“I’m trying to remember those things, El. I’m trying, but sometimes...”
“Sometimes it’s good to say it and then pack it away. You said that you can’t—”
He lifted his brows, waiting for her to finish, but the words tangled in her head. When she could stand the silence no longer, she admitted what she could. “I’ve learned I can never have a child.”
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