“Ornaments.” Kimmy’s voice rattled the windows. She pulled herself upward and slipped her feet to the floor. “Can I help?” She eyed him, her pleading expression returned. “Can I, Uncle Doug?”
“For a while.” He turned to Nina, sending her a subtle grin. “Is the kitchen table best?”
She nodded. “It’s safer there, but you’ll want to cover it with newspaper. I have glue and glitter.”
She made them sound like weapons, and he laughed. He clasped the stack of papers he’d been looking through and headed for the kitchen. By the time he’d protected the table, Kimmy had arrived and anchored herself to a chair. Nina opened the bag and emptied out numerous pinecones along with a bottle of glue and containers of red, green and gold glitter. She reached in again and pulled out a spool of red velvet ribbon.
He stood back listening to Nina explain the process and almost had the urge to give it a try himself. Instead, he contained his eagerness and watched. His heart lifted, seeing Kimmy’s excitement as she painted glue along the pinecone scales, filled a plastic bag with glitter and shook it until the pinecone sparkled with gold.
“Now, let this dry while we do another.” Nina brushed on the tacky glue and Kimmy selected another color—this time, red. When she pulled it out, she turned to Nina. “Can I drop it into the gold, too?”
Nina told her yes and spread out the pinecones across the table to dry. After Nina had emptied the bag of pinecones, she put a lid on the glue and poured the unused glitter into the containers. “This can dry for a few hours, and then I can hot glue the top and we can add ribbons or beads for decoration and for hangers.” She leaned back. “What do you think, Kimmy?”
Her eyes sparkling with life, she opened them even wider. “I love to make these, Nina. Thank you. They will be pretty on the Christmas tree.” As if struck by an idea, she turned to face him. “Uncle Doug, are you going to have a Christmas tree?”
“I am, but I have to buy it.”
“Can I help?” Her enthusiasm nearly knocked her from the chair.
“I don’t think so this year, Kimmy. I want to get it soon, but you can help hang the pinecones.”
Her disappointment eased with his offer. “Okay, but I won’t have any at home.”
Nina slipped Kimmy’s hand in hers. “We can divide these up and you can pick your favorite ones. How’s that?”
“I love you, Nina.” She opened her arms, and he swallowed, seeing tears in Nina’s eyes.
“I love you, too.” She leaned into Kimmy’s embrace and his heart swelled.
Kimmy released Nina’s neck and turned to him again. “When are you buying the tree?”
He shrugged. He’d envisioned Nina joining him, but someone had to stay behind to be with Kimmy. His enthusiasm waned, wishing he could find a solution, but none came. “I’ll need someone to stay with you when I go so I’ll have to work that out.”
“I can stay with her.” Nina’s eyes captured his.
“I know, but—” He managed to keep his wish to himself. “I may take you up on that.”
Kimmy was all for it, but he eased away. Maybe, he could... What?
The obvious answer was he could go alone. He hoped this would be the last time he picked out a Christmas tree alone. It was the kind of thing people did with their family, and he finally knew how much he wanted a family.
Chapter Fourteen
Snow drifted to the ground and tipped the tree limbs and evergreens as Nina left the doctor’s office, unsure where things stood. He’d explained similarities in diagnosis causing miscarriages and infertility and he’d mentioned a growth. Though it had panicked her, he’d told her not to worry. She still didn’t understand fully, but he sounded hopeful, with some reservations.
Maybe she should be hopeful, too, but she didn’t need to hear his uncertainties. She had prayed for good news. He’d told her that good news was possible from the tests he’d scheduled for her.
Every moment of the exam and his comments brought Doug to mind. He needed to be a father. His life would be incomplete without that blessing. And though she badly wanted children, she had lived without the hope. She could handle it, but Doug? He claimed he could. Though he would try, she feared resentment would eventually destroy their relationship.
With her heart the weight of a wrecking ball, she brushed snow off her shoes and slipped into her car to head home, where Rema had volunteered to sit with Kimmy. Rema had proven a good friend to her and Doug with her willingness to care for Kimmy when they had to be in the office. The responsibility of caring for Kimmy had given Nina a taste of motherhood. Amidst the difficulties, joy permeated every moment, whether good or bad. Her love for Kimmy had grown beyond her imagination, and proved that if she became a mother, her life would be full.
As she pulled into the driveway, her tires leaving an imprint in the deepening snow, her cell phone’s ringtone sounded. She shifted to Park and pulled the phone from her bag. Doug’s face smiled at her from the screen as she hit Talk. “Why am I so honored?” She smiled at the photo.
“I’ve arranged someone to sit with Kimmy tonight after dinner so we can pick out our trees. Does that work for you?”
The trees. She’d assumed he would buy his without her. “Who did you get?”
“Rema volunteered. She’s been great, hasn’t she?”
She winced. She’d been great far more than he knew. “She has, Doug.
“How’s Kimmy doing?”
Caught again. “You’ll never guess that I just pulled into the driveway. I had to run an errand and Rema’s sitting with her.”
“She is? Maybe asking her wasn’t a good idea. I just talked to her a couple hours ago.”
“I’ll ask her again and call you if it’s a problem.”
He’d accepted her solution and they disconnected, but the call left her with a pile of guilt. An errand? A doctor’s appointment might be called an errand, but it left her feeling dishonest.
Facing the possibility of a good or bad diagnosis burdened her, and until she knew one way or the other, she wanted to avoid a discussion. In her mind, talking about it would only create more stress and confusion. She leaned back, watching the flakes glide through the air and land on her windshield. When she could no longer see outside, she opened the door and stepped into the white carpet of cold, as icy as her spirit had become.
Lord, give me hope.
She trudged onto her porch, plastering a pleasant look on her face. Rema was too discerning. She captured the image of selecting a Christmas tree with Doug. Her heart lightened as she opened the door.
* * *
Bundled in her warmest jacket, scarf and gloves, Nina eyed the tree lot from Doug’s car, the heater and seat warmer making her cozy. Outside the snow continued to drift and she glanced at her boots, hoping they were high enough to keep out the icy flakes.
He pulled into the lot and turned off the motor. “Ready?” He sent her a coy grin. “I chose a day we may be buried in a snowbank.”
“Adventure is good.” She stepped into the snow as the cold penetrated the leather.
Doug held out his hand, and she grasped it, following him into the rows of trees. In the dusk, the trees were lighted by strands of overhead lights reflecting off the diamond flakes resting on the branches. Douglas fir, balsam, blue spruce. They studied the trees, estimating height and structure for open spots to hang the ornaments.
Near the back of the lot, a tree caught her interest and when she slowed, Doug did the same.
“Now, that’s a beauty.” Doug shifted around the tree. “It’s great on all sides. I can put it in the picture window with no problem.”
She studied the branches, each growing smaller to the top of the tree with open spaces to hang the ornaments. “Perfect.”
He gazed at her, snow landing on his lashes, and her pulse skip
ped.
She lifted her finger to brush away the flakes, but he captured it with a kiss that warmed her hand. “Doug, this is the best Christmas I’ve had in...forever.”
He drew her closer, his foggy breath whispering past her. “It’s mine, too, Nina.”
The look in his eyes melted the ice chilling her body, and when his lips touched hers, it sent rays of sun to her heart. She yielded again to his kiss, longing for blessings to make her able to announce her love to the heavens.
The rustle of trees eased them apart as a man strode between branches. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
Their eyes met and the glow of love they’d experienced had been exactly what she was looking for.
Doug eased away and pointed to their selection. “What is this?”
“A good choice. The balsam fir is our most popular. Short needles and strong branches with spaces for different-size ornaments. It has a long life in your home and the strongest scent of any Christmas tree.”
“We’re convinced.” Doug grinned. “We’ll take this one.”
The man dragged it away for them, but Doug faltered. “What about you? Did you want to pick out a tree?”
“I’ve thought about that, Doug, but I’m spending most of my time at your house, and I have a small artificial tree that I think will work for this year. But if you need ornaments, I have more than I need so I can share.”
His questioning look faded. “If you’re sure.”
“Positive, and if you’d like to buy more lights or ornaments, we can make a quick stop on the way home.”
“Maybe we will.”
He slipped his hand into hers as they returned to the front of the lot. The overhead lights glittered in the snowdrifts like a fairyland of glitter and gleam, matching the glow of her heart.
* * *
Four days later, Doug carried the tree from the garage to the living room, set it into the tree stand and placed it in the center of the picture window. Kimmy bounced around the living room like the seven-year-old she’d been for the past months before her illness. When Kimmy had begun to recover, it bolstered everyone’s holiday spirit. Kimmy’s temperature was near normal, and though the doctor advised another week of rest and fluids, he’d given her permission to spend more time being active.
Doug had wrestled with his emotional attachment to her and had accepted that she would return home that evening after the tree trimming since her mother was now off her crutches. He was grateful that she could be there to help decorate and make the occasion special.
As soon as he’d strung the white lights, which had been Nina’s request, Kimmy darted to her room and carried in the box filled with glittery pinecones. “Can we put the ornaments on the tree now?”
Doug shook his head. “Can we wait for Nina? She’ll be here soon, and then we can all enjoy the fun.”
Though she thought a moment, she agreed that they should wait for Nina.
The wait was short. Nina arrived carrying a small box just as he’d finished fetching the new ornaments he and Nina had purchased and the box of older ones he’d used in years past.
She stomped snow from her feet onto the doormat and handed him the box. “Here’s some more ornaments if you need them. I have plenty on my tree.”
He accepted the box and put them beside the others while she removed her coat and hung it in the closet.
“Let’s decorate.” Kimmy had latched on to Nina and tugged her to the box of pinecone ornaments.
Nina gave her a hug. “Let’s keep those for last so they get the best spots.”
Kimmy’s eyes brightened. “Okay.” She gazed at the other boxes. “Which ones go on now?”
Doug shook his head and chuckled. “Let’s get organized after we turn on some Christmas music and I make us some hot chocolate.”
“Yummy.” Kimmy skipped her way to the kitchen as Doug followed.
Nina stayed behind and soon he heard Christmas music drifting through the doorway. She appeared shortly after with a demure grin. “I love the TV station with music for the holiday season.”
“Me, too.” He slipped his arm around her shoulders as the teakettle whistled. He reached into the cabinet and pulled down the chocolate mix, spooned the powder into mugs and poured in the water. In moments the fragrance of chocolate filled the air, and they moved back into the living room with their drinks.
Moving around the tree to the strains of Christmas favorites, he and Nina wove gold garland through the branches, and they all selected ornaments to hang on the tree. Kimmy worked her way around the lower branches while he reached the tall ones, and Nina hung them wherever she found spaces.
When dusk turned to darkness, the tree became heavy with decorations. He snapped on the tree lights, and the room glowed as sunny as their spirits.
“Can we now?” Kimmy stood close to the tree, holding the smaller box of decorated pinecones.
Nina cozied up to her and looked into the box. “We have about twenty of them so let’s put half aside for the tree at your mom’s house. What do you say?”
A frown slipped to her face. “But what about your house?”
Her chest warmed. “But you made them, Kimmy.”
“We made them.” Without letting her respond, Kimmy counted out the ornaments in three piles but paused holding the last two. “I need one more.”
“My tree is small so give Uncle Doug one more and your mom one more. That will make me very happy.”
Her eyes widened. “It will?”
“It will.” She drew Kimmy into her arms and gave her a bear hug.
With the decision made, the seven glittery pinecones were added to the open spots on the tree. When they were finished, Kimmy stood back and let out a piping squeal. “It’s beautiful, Uncle Doug.” Her eyes shifted. “And Nina’s beautiful, too.”
Doug moved to Nina’s side and slipped his arm around her shoulders. “I agree, Kimmy. She’s as pretty as the tree.” Far prettier than the tree, but he wasn’t sure Kimmy would understand.
* * *
On the way back from taking Kimmy home for good this time, Nina fell silent. She’d had her tests and would soon hear from the doctor so it was time to prepare Doug for the good or the bad diagnosis. She’d been hoping she’d get some speculation from the surgeon or the technicians, but they’d said nothing despite her questions. Her doctor would study the two tests and let her know the results.
Waiting unsettled her, but she prayed for patience and for her acceptance, whatever the outcome. Though Doug had been sincere in his statement that the result would not influence his feelings, she left the door open. She’d been hurt once before and she could be wounded again. This time could result in a deeper wound, since Doug had opened her heart and her mind to loving again and this love seemed deeper and stronger than her marriage had ever been.
“Are you okay?”
Doug’s question jarred her thoughts. “I’m fine. It’s difficult when things change.”
He reached across the space and squeezed her hand. “It’s not a forever goodbye. We’ll see Kimmy often. But I agree that it’s different now.”
Tension eased when she heard his response. Naturally, he’d considered her statement a reference to Kimmy’s returning to her mother’s home. It was for the best.
She initiated conversation about Christmas. They were attending a small neighborhood party to celebrate the holiday, and Christmas dinner when both of their families would meet. Her mother had called and probed her with questions about her relationship with Doug. She’d finally given in and admitted her feelings. “Finally,” her mother had said with a puff of relief. “And what about your infertility?”
The question had knocked the wind from her until she found her breath. “We will deal with that when it happens. Doug knows the problem, and he
seems to accept the possibility. I can only trust his word, Mom, and he’s never broken it in the months I’ve known him.”
She remained silent and Nina prepared herself for a biting remark. Instead her mother surprised her. “I would agree. He comes across as a very down-to-earth, honest man. At least, there is hope that he means what he says.”
Her pulse tripped, then calmed.
“We look forward to meeting Doug’s parents. I’m so glad you invited us, Nina.”
“Thanks, Mom. It won’t be long.”
The conversation ended and she clicked off and released a lengthy sigh. The idea of their families spending time together made her nervous but worrying about it got her nowhere. Her mother had made amends and they now could look beyond the past, and Doug’s family was not a threat.
By the time they’d exhausted their Christmas plans, Doug had pulled into his driveway. The glimmer of lights from the large front window lifted her spirits. “The tree looks lovely, Doug, and look at the reflections on the snow outside. It’s like white cotton fluffs littered with diamonds.”
He sat a moment, looking through the window, and then turned to her. “It is lovely, but as I said to Kimmy earlier, Nina, you are far lovelier than diamond-littered snow or a falling star.”
He leaned closer, and she turned her face to his, accepting his kiss. When he drew back, he touched her cheek. “Let’s get inside before we freeze out here.”
A whoosh of icy wind filled the car when he opened his door. She unhooked her seat belt and stepped outside, meeting him halfway. He grasped her arm to keep her from slipping on the frozen surface. When they entered the house, he took her coat and motioned toward the sofa. “I’ll make something warm to drink. How about some mulled apple cider?”
“Sounds good.” She sank into a chair facing the tree and wrapped herself in the warmth of his kiss and the cozy Christmas decor. Yet as she waited, the admission she had to make swept through her again.
Doug came into the room whistling “Jingle Bells,” and she wished her heart could be as merry as the tune.
The scent of cinnamon and orange zest passed her chair as he set a mug of cider beside her. He settled nearby on the sofa, his gaze shifting from the glittering tree to her. “You’ve been too quiet, Nina, and I sensed the long discussion of Christmas Day was a cover-up for something that’s bothering you. Are you worried about our parents being together? I think it will be fine. I—”
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