by Randi Rigby
Scrud.
I took a lot of abuse for my vocabulary. Mostly from Travon. Exactly! You’ve got his back, right T?
Always.
Miss him like crazy.
Travon’s response was immediate. He misses you too.
Jack was now a fairly regular observer of Torture by Tony. They must have believed I really did have a “team.” No one even batted an eye anymore when he just showed up and settled in to do some work. Except for Nessa, one of the trainers. She batted both eyes at him every chance she got and fetched him glasses of ice water. She was always finding an excuse to touch his muscle groups, which seemed like a thinly-veiled excuse to grope him. “Someone likes you,” I teased, laying a towel down to absorb my sweat before I plopped myself down on the table next to his laptop. Either I was getting tougher or Tony had gone soft. It was no longer excruciating.
Jack leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his brown wavy hair, which he’d taken to wearing quite short. The scruff would always be there. “Of course she does. I’m very likeable.”
“Do you like her too?”
“What is this, Kel? Sixth grade?”
“You’re here all the time.” I pointed out the obvious. “And your apartment smells better.” I was actually guessing on that. I’d never been to Jack’s place, but it couldn’t smell worse.
“Yeah, but you can’t beat the entertainment value. I think I’d actually pay money to watch you do squats on a Bosu ball,” he said, closing his laptop. He was done talking about Nessa. “Kirstie wants me to go with you to New York to shoot footage for your next vlog.”
Shae was visiting her sister in California. I was going to do this trip solo. It was an overnighter, but Jack had gone with me before, it shouldn’t be a problem. Truth be told, I could use the company right now. “Sweet. I get aisle this time. My legs are longer and you never have to go to the bathroom.” I hopped off the table. “Which reminds me, I should probably go inform Tony I’m out Thursday and Friday.”
“Try and look a little less giddy when you do,” Jack advised dryly.
We were shooting a promotional video in New York for Archer Darby to play on a loop at their stores. And we had an early flight out. The darkness was still heavy when Jack’s Mustang pulled into our driveway. I left a note for Dad on the kitchen counter and strict instructions with Charlie not to wake him as I turned the alarm off and slipped out with my luggage.
“You know there’s a weight limit, right?” Jack said hefting my backpack into his trunk.
“Homework,” I shrugged. “But if you want me to do the heavy lifting just let me know. I work out.”
“Get in the car, McCoy.”
Jack videoed me in the airport as we sat off in a corner by ourselves while we waited to board. “Heading to the Big Apple today.” I grinned and made a face. “It’s really early.” I pulled out my phone and flashed the display on my screen for the camera to see just how early it was. A big 4:27 a.m. floated boldly over a selfie I’d taken of me on Drew’s back, my arms thrown around his neck as I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. I dropped the cheerful façade. It had been a week today.
Jack put his camera down. “Still no word from Disney Prince?” he said quietly.
“No.” It was small and tight. Not a lot of room for expansion.
“He’s going to come to his senses Kel.”
“Maybe he already has,” I said flatly, turning to stare out the window at the planes emerging whole from the darkness as they approached the terminal. I wondered if he was up, what he was thinking. I’d text and ask him but at this point it was starting to feel naggy. I didn’t ever want to be that girl.
Jack disappeared for about ten minutes. When he returned his arms were hidden behind his back. “I got you something. Pick a hand.”
I humored him. “Right.”
“You suck at this.”
“The other right.”
He produced a bottle of water. “Ta-dah!”
I smiled faintly and rolled my eyes. “Gee, thanks.”
“Okay, maybe you were right the first time,” he grinned. There was a box of three Godiva dark chocolate truffles in his outstretched right hand now dancing around my nostrils. He knew me so well. They were my absolute favorite.
“I can’t eat those, Jack.”
“I won’t tell Tony if you don’t.”
“He’ll know,” I sighed. “He’s probably downloading satellite pictures of this even as we speak.” But I took them anyway. “Thanks, that’s really sweet of you.” Our zone was being called for boarding. Carefully tucking the chocolates and water bottle in my bag, I gathered up my belongings and my breaking heart and followed him dejectedly onto the plane.
* * *
“Hang on just a sec, Dad?”
Jack was knocking at the door of my hotel room. We were going out to dinner together after a very long day of shooting. “Come on in. I’ll just be a minute,” I told Jack, waving him in. I had Dad on speakerphone so I could finish getting ready. “You look nice,” I whispered with a smile and went back to my conversation with my father while putting a few pins in my hair. “I can’t believe you told Uncle Bryce about Erin. What were you thinking?”
“Thanksgiving is next week. I couldn’t put it off much longer.”
Thanksgiving. There would be no escaping the inevitable questions about Drew this time. What am I going to do? In the long ensuing silence Dad finally cleared his throat. “Drew stopped by earlier this evening on his way to a game.”
My heart leaped. “He did?”
“He didn’t know you were in New York.”
“How did he look? What did he say?”
Dad sighed. “I don’t want you to read anything into this—the two of you really need to talk face to face. But he had the guitar you gave him for his birthday. He wanted me to return it to you. He probably would’ve held onto it until you got back but I think he was worried it might get stolen if it was left in his truck, and he didn’t have time to go back home with it.”
The handful of hairpins I was holding scattered as I staggered over the bathroom sink. He returned the guitar. It’s over. We’re over. My brain couldn’t process it. We can’t be.
“I’m sorry, Kel. Just promise me you won’t jump to any conclusions. Give him a chance to explain. I gave him your flight information. He asked if he could be here when you got home. You can get this all sorted then.”
I was nodding and mutely crying.
“Kel?”
“I heard. I’ve got to go,” I finally managed and I ended the call.
Jack already had tissues in hand. “Come here,” he said, taking me into his arms. I couldn’t talk about it. Mostly because I didn’t really understand what happened. So I just sobbed all over his jacket and ruined his dress shirt. And he let me.
“You sleepy?” Jack asked some time later when I was all cried out. We were stretched out on the bed in my hotel room against propped up pillows, under a few blankets to keep warm, his jacket was off, his sleeves rolled up, his shoes by the door, my hairpins gone and my hair down. I’d cleaned the mascara streaks off my face, my contacts were out, glasses on; and I was lying curled up next to Jack, barefooted in my dress, my head on his chest, his arm around my shoulder while we watched Jason Bourne nail someone with a stapler. Our room service dishes were still sitting by the TV. The empty Godiva box was in the trash.
“No,” I said. I was exhausted. But I didn’t want him to go. It felt a little less lonely with him here.
He ran the back of his finger tenderly across my cheek. “You sure, Kel? That was some pretty heavy breathing coming from you a minute ago.”
“Hello. Matt Damon.”
“He’s short.”
“So are you.”
“6'1" is not short.”
My eyelids were growing heavier and heavier as I nestled into him. “Jack?”
“Hmm?”
“Promise you won’t leave me.”
“I won’t,”
he sighed and kissed the top of my head. “I can’t.”
I woke up in the morning, momentarily disoriented and confused. There was a solid arm draped across my waist and the body heat I was feeling along the length of me wasn’t coming from Charlie.
Jack. New York. No Drew. My eyes were wide open now but I still couldn’t see. And I didn’t want to search for my glasses in case I woke Jack up. I didn’t know what time it was but my 7:00 a.m. alarm hadn’t gone off yet.
Jack snuggled in tighter and then his breathing pattern changed slightly and I could almost gauge the moment he was fully awake because he immediately let go. I shifted slightly in his arms, suddenly a little shy. “Good morning.”
He was quick to put some distance between us. “Morning.”
I sat up and found my glasses on the nightstand. I was pretty sure my hair was a tousled mess. The blankets were pooled at my lap. “Did you sleep okay?”
He rubbed at his eyes. “Well, you don’t snore.”
Something in his voice made me ask. “Do I kick?”
“Like a mule.”
I laughed. “I do not.”
He pulled at his scruff and smiled sleepily at me. “Why do you think I was spooning you McCoy? Those long legs of yours can’t do as much damage from close range.”
I blushed. “Sorry.”
He propped himself up on an elbow. “How are you?”
“Resigned, I guess.” It was strange, this newfound intimacy between us. It felt different. We felt different. I now knew Jack was a cuddler. I wasn’t sure how to find my way back to familiar ground. Mom believed manners were the perfect answer to any social difficulty. I reached for them now. “Thanks for last night, Jack. Maybe one of these days you’ll be the needy one and I can return the favor.”
“Maybe,” Jack said, as if it was a real possibility. It was kind of him not to laugh it off outright. He tugged on my blanketed toe. His hazel eyes were searching my bespectacled ones like he wanted to tell me something but he wasn’t quite sure how to begin. He didn’t get the chance. My alarm went off and he ran a hand impatiently through his hair as I reached to quiet my phone. The moment was gone. “I guess we better get this day started,” he said, sitting up and throwing the blankets aside. “I’m going to go back to my own room and shower. The car’s scheduled to pick us up at 8:00. We should leave enough time to eat something before we go.” He headed into the bathroom briefly and then retrieved his jacket and tie.
I was at my hotel room door in my badly wrinkled dress. “I’ll hurry. Thanks again, Jack.”
He reached out and gently touched my hair. Possibly because it looked like a haystack and could use a good patting down. “Any time you want me to spend the night with you again, Kel—just let me know.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. His whiskers skimmed my jawline as he nuzzled his way to my ear and whispered, “I’ll be sure and bring shin guards next time.”
My hair was still in an elegant chignon from the final wardrobe ensemble for the shoot and I was wearing considerably more make-up than I normally did. I almost felt underdressed boarding the plane at the end of the day in my turtleneck and skinny jeans. The businessman sitting across the aisle from me had put down his Wall Street Journal and eyed me appreciatively. I’d pulled out my copy of Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness and spread out my usual assortment of sticky flags and highlighters across my table tray.
“You like Conrad?” he asked.
I put my finger down to hold my spot so I could politely give him my full attention. “So far. This is my first time reading him.”
“Oh, did he write anything else?”
“I think he was fairly prolific. Heart might’ve just been his most renowned work.” I returned to my book.
“You reading it for a class?”
Beside me Jack was getting irritated. I put my finger back down on my passage. “I am.”
“English major?”
“Not exactly.” I picked my book back up and did my best to look deeply engrossed in it.
“Humanities?” he continued, oblivious to my body language.
“High school,” Jack said pointedly. “You want to give her some space? She’s got an assignment due.”
I smiled at Jack.
“What?” he muttered.
“Nothing,” I shrugged. But a moment later I drew a little orange heart on the back of his right hand with my highlighter.
Betty was already sitting in our driveway when Jack pulled in.
“You okay?” Jack quietly asked as he put the Mustang in park.
“Part of me never wants to get out of this car,” I confessed, suddenly terrified of what was about to happen. Right now, nothing was definite; nothing had ended. In a few minutes that could all change. Then I saw Drew. He was walking out to meet me. In the sudden glare of the motion sensor security lights all I could see in that tense, tired, beautiful face was that he still loved me. And I couldn’t get out of the car fast enough.
“Hey Kel,” he said hoarsely. Travon was right. He looked terrible.
I threw myself into his arms. “Drew Jarrod, don’t you ever do that to me again.”
12
“Hello from the other side”
Adele
“I’ve told myself I’m not him, I’m nothing like him, for so many years that I actually believed it,” Drew said. We were sitting on my bed, our legs tangled together, both my hands were touching him. I couldn’t seem to let go. “Turns out I’m just like him, only sober. At least he had an excuse.” He sounded so bitter and self-recriminating I couldn’t bear to hear any more.
“Look at me.” Words could hurt, break, blister, and punish but they could also lift, restore and heal. Find those words. Use those words. “You’ve taken care of your mom and your brothers and sister your whole life, not because you had to but because it’s who you are. You’re big-hearted and brave and extremely loyal. People depend on you because they know they can. This, losing your temper with your dad—someone who has hurt people you love—doesn’t make you a monster. It just means you’re human.”
“I saw the look on your face, Kel. You were scared of me.”
“No. No, I wasn’t. I was scared for you. It’s not the same thing at all. You asked me not to have anything to do with him. I promised I wouldn’t. But I did it anyway. If anyone should be apologizing, it’s me. I’m sorry, Drew. Really, I am.”
Drew pulled me onto his lap. “That’s my line.”
“I forgive you.” I smiled and kissed him soundly. “See how easy that was?” Then I spotted the Taylor Signature guitar I’d given him for his birthday, sitting in the corner of my bedroom. “Now mister, about your birthday present. You have some explaining to do.”
He watched me watching him. “I loved it. It’s the most beautiful guitar I’ve ever seen. And the sound is amazing.”
“So?”
“It cost thousands of dollars, Kel. It’s too much.”
“This may surprise you, it still surprises me, but I actually get paid a lot of money to have my picture taken.”
“Save it for school.”
“My parents set up a college fund for me when I was born. It’s already paid for.”
“Buy yourself something nice.”
“I did. And I gave it to you.” I extracted myself from his arms, retrieved the guitar and placed it on his lap. “Happy Birthday, Drew. I hope this inspires you to always follow your dreams.”
“You inspire me,” he said quietly. “But thank you, Kel.”
I kissed him gently. “Right answer.”
Erin had daughters. Two, if we were getting specific. Ava was sixteen and Bella, thirteen. They were all coming to Thanksgiving dinner at Pops and Gran’s. Dad thought we should do a trial run on a smaller scale and invite them over for Sunday dinner at our place to ease them into it before we went the whole McCoy.
“Ava’s a vegan,” Dad announced, making her my assignment as he walked by with a basket full of freshly folded laundry.
I looked up from my shopping list. “Are you serious?”
“What? You’ve sort of already eased me into it.”
“Once a week.” And Dad never complained about it but there was a visible sagging of shoulders and immediate air of resignation whenever he wandered into the kitchen and discovered it was vegan night again. If things between Dad and Erin continued as they had been there was a definite possibility we could all be family one day. Neither of us had actually said it out loud yet but that was the collision course we were on. I pulled up a recipe for an apple nut quinoa salad I’d tried a few weeks ago and quite liked. It would go well with the pork roast already on the menu and we had almost everything we needed to make it. My list transferred automatically to my phone. I closed my laptop and hopped off my stool just as Dad re-emerged with his keys in hand. “Have you met them yet?”
“Just once. They spend every other weekend with their father in Dallas.”
“What are they like?”
“Teen-age girls.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ll see.” He shook his head at Charlie. “Sorry bud, not this time. Can we try and keep it to a two-stop shop? Bryce and Justin are coming over this afternoon to help me lay down some flooring upstairs and I need to do some prep work before they get here.”
I had to spend my afternoon with Tony. Jack was nowhere in sight, which was completely understandable—it was the weekend and he had a life. But I missed his sardonic grin all the same. I wasn’t the only one. “Jack’s not with you?” Nessa said wistfully when she realized I’d come alone, that I hadn’t just hidden him behind me. She checked.
She waited expectantly for me to tell her where he might be or what he might be doing but he hadn’t texted or called since he dropped me off last night. With a start I suddenly realized I was in such a tear to get to Drew I completely forgot all about Jack. No: Good-bye, Jack. No: Thanks for letting me cry all over you, Jack; and eating room service when you REALLY wanted to go out, Jack; and then putting up with me kicking you all night when you could’ve been comfortably asleep in your own bed, Jack. After everything he’d done for me in New York, I’d left him in an instant without a backward glance, without another thought. I didn’t even remember my luggage in the back of his car. Dad must’ve brought it in for me.