“Please, just let me explain.”
“Let me guess,” Jo said, pressing her finger to her chin. “You got bored with your glitzy life, took a bet or signed up for some stupid reality show, then came up here to live amongst the little people. To make fun of us and call back to your friends with stories of how pathetic we all are without our jets and limos and five-thousand-dollar shoes.”
“That’s not what happened, Jo. I swear.”
“Seriously, Cassie. We don’t want to hear it. You lied. You hurt Jake. And I told you what would happen if you did.”
Now Jo’s protective ways made me feel like a small child rather than a grown man.
“Just go, Cassie,” I finally managed to say. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“Jake, please.” She stepped toward me and touched my shoulder. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to touch me that had me shooting up off my stool and out of her grasp, it was that I did. Even with all her lies, the electricity in her touch still affected me like it did before. It still ripped through me and had me desperate to pull her into my arms. But not this time. This time I wouldn’t forgive the woman, eat up her lies, then let her humiliate me over and over again.
No fucking way.
“Go, Cassie,” I commanded.
“I’m not leaving until you let me explain myself!”
“Fine. Then I’ll leave.” Pushing past her, I stormed out into the streets and made a beeline for my truck. Maybe it was childish to run, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t be with her and not succumb to my desire to taste those lips again.
Slamming myself inside my truck, I pressed my head into the steering wheel. Why couldn’t she just stay gone? Let me get on with my life? My life alone.
The dome light flicked on and I heard my passenger door open. Looking over, I saw Cassie fumbling to get inside.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I growled when she planted herself beside me.
“Please, Jake. You have to let me explain,” I begged while I closed the truck door, sealing us both inside.
“Apparently I do need to lock my doors even in Door County. Get out, Cassie.”
“Jake, please. I’m not leaving until you let me talk.”
The hurt and pain in his eyes tore me apart. I’d been the cause of it. This time, I’d put it there and not some random faceless woman who’d fled the scene of the crime. The last thing I’d wanted to do was hurt him, yet it was exactly what I’d done. He was the first man in my life who set my soul on fire, who cared about me for me, and I’d destroyed him.
“I don’t have to let you explain anything. You lied. Period. You know how I feel about lies. Now get out.”
“I do know how you feel about lying, Jake. I swear I do. But I had to lie. I was trying to save my company. It was a requirement for me redeeming myself that I not tell anyone my real name. I was planning on telling you as soon as my grandpa said I could.”
Shaking his head, he scoffed. “What are you even talking about?”
“If you’ll let me explain, it will all make sense!”
“No. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care about whatever stupid excuse you have for lying to me about who you were. There isn’t an excuse in the world to make what you did okay. I trusted you. I cared about you. Hell, I was falling for you! And I didn’t even know your fucking real name!”
Tears burned behind my eyes while I braced against his anger like the hurricane I knew it would be.
“My parents died.”
“So that’s your excuse? Your parents died, so you come up here and lie to us?”
Shaking my head, I reached for him, but he pulled away. “No. Two years ago, my parents died. And I went off the deep-end, Jake. I went from a good girl, grad school high honors, and the heir to my family’s company to a complete disaster. Drugs. Parties. You name it, I did it. Before they died, taking over that company was all I had ever planned on doing, but I thought it would be years away. When my father retired. But after he died, my future fell into my lap while I was stunned by tragedy.”
He’d let me get this far without stopping me, so I kept on, hoping he would finally let me explain.
“I wasn’t ready. Not only was I too young, I was overwhelmed with my grief. I handled it poorly. Poorly is an understatement. I was a shit show, Jake.”
“I’ve seen the photos online now.” He glared across the dim lights of the dashboard.
“I’m not proud. And neither was my grandpa. He toughened up and cut me off. Taking away my chance to step into my father’s shoes and run the company. So, I begged for any way to show him I was capable of taking the reins. And his solution was to send me away, on my own. No money, no help, and no using my identity as a crutch. No favors based on my name. If I told anyone who I was, my family company was gone, and he’d consider me a failure. But I swear I was planning on telling him I couldn’t lie to you anymore. I’d even called him that day to ask him if I could reveal myself to you, but he was in meetings. I promise Jake; I never intended to hurt you. I didn’t know what to do. If I told you, I betrayed him. If I didn’t tell you, I betrayed you. I was so stuck.”
Silence settled over us and I inhaled, glad he’d stopped screaming at me to get out of the truck.
“You need to know that I want this life. I don’t want to go back to who I was. Parties, drugs, and a life filled with empty people who would sell their soul for money. This is where I want to be. Here.”
He scoffed. “Sure, Cassie. The second you win your way back into his good graces you’re out of here.”
“No. That’s not true,” I reached for him again, but he wrested himself away. “I already did win my way back into his good graces. That’s where I went. Home to New York. Even though I was too late to claim my place in the company, I earned his forgiveness. And I chose to come back here. To you.”
“I don’t even know what to think right now, Cassie.”
“I know it’s a lot to take in. And I did not want you finding out that way. I thought I’d cut them all out of my life, but they found me anyway. I swear I was going to tell you the next day.”
“So, what exactly was your plan. With us?” He glared. “You said you were just here to earn your way back into the company. So what, you were going to have a fling with me and then just haul ass out of here the minute you proved your worth? Leave me here while you fled back to the city?”
“No.” I shook my head and sighed. “I don’t know. I wanted both. And I was trying to figure out a way to have both. You, Door County and the company. I wanted to fulfill my dream, my father’s dream, and step into his shoes. But I wanted to live here. With you.”
“Bullshit.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s such bullshit, Cassie. You would have taken off in a second.”
“That’s not true! I would have figured something out! But it doesn’t matter now. The company is gone. Sold.”
“So that’s why you’re back.” He snorted. “Your plan failed, so you came running back here hoping I’d forgive you. Your second choice.”
“Jake. I swear to you I wasn’t going to bolt once I inherited the company. This is where I want to be. With you. Right here in Door County.”
Those blue eyes burned through mine. Searching. I could only hope he could see the truth inside me. My feelings for him were real. My desire to be with him was real. It was the most real thing I’d ever had in my life.
“Please, Jake. I know I fucked up. Again. It seems to be all I’ve been able to do since my parents died. Hell, I’m even the reason they’re dead. It was my fault. They died, and it was my fault.” The tears broke free and saying those words out loud ripped back open the wound I knew would never fully heal.
Even though I knew he was furious with me, seeing my tears softened the anger inside his eyes.
“How was a plane crash your fault, Cassie?” he asked, quieter now.
“Because they were flying to me. I’d gone skiing in Vail and fell, breaking my leg. When I called them from the
hospital, I begged them to come be with me. Grandpa was away on the jet, so they chartered a plane and were flying to me. It crashed, Jake. And they died. They died because I went skiing down a hill I wasn’t ready for. They died because I made them come. They died because of me.”
Sobs shook my shoulders. Saying it out loud, admitting it to Jake felt like unloading a burden I’d carried alone these past two years.
“Cassie, it’s not your fault,” he whispered. His hand brushed against mine. When he squeezed it, I cried harder.
“It is my fault. They got on that plane because I begged them to come. They died because of me.”
“Hey, hey,” he said softly, scooting toward me. Wrapping an arm around my shoulder, he pulled me into his chest. “They died because of a plane crash. You didn’t control the plane. It happens. Life. Death. It just happens. And it’s no one’s fault. You can’t blame yourself, Cassie. You couldn’t have known.”
“I do blame myself! It’s all that I could think about until I found the escape, the crutch of booze and drugs I’ve leaned on for two years now. And even though I still blame myself, I finally found peace up here. With you. I started to heal.”
“You’re not to blame, Cassie. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. But you’re not to blame. You need to forgive yourself.”
He held me while I cried. Knowing he was the type of man who could comfort me even amid his anger made the agony of my lies to him burn deeper.
“I’m so sorry, Jake. I’m so sorry. I messed everything up. Again.” I sniffled and peered up at him. This time it wasn’t anger burning through me. It was understanding. Kindness. I leaned up, closing my eyes while I pressed my lips to his.
“I’m so sorry, Jake,” I whispered against his resistant lips. But he didn’t pull away. I pressed my lips to his again. This time they responded. Soft at first, a reluctant return of my kiss. I pressed deeper into him, wrapping my arm around his neck. Passion exploded from his kiss when he pulled me against him. I whimpered into his mouth when our lips collided, the power of our connection crackling once again between us. But then he froze in my embrace.
“No,” he barked, ripping himself away.
“Jake.” I tried to reach for him again, but he shook his head, wiping his lips while he stared out the window.
“No. I can’t. I’m sorry, Cassie. I’m sorry about what you went through. But I can’t do this. Not again. I— I don’t know what to feel right now. I don’t even know what to believe, or how to make sense of this. I just need time, or space, or... I don’t fucking know what I need, but I just... I can’t.”
“Jake, please.”
“Go, Cassie. Please. Just go.” Tears shimmered in his eyes and caused mine to flood unchecked again.
Nodding my head, I sucked on my lip still tingling from his kiss and opened the door. With teary eyes, I looked back at him once more before climbing out. He didn’t look at me, and I wondered if he’d ever look at me without hurt in his eyes again. He’d already been so damaged, and I’d torn apart what was left of him.
“I’m sorry, Jake. You have to believe me,” I said, before I closed the door.
Silence was his only answer. When I stepped back, the engine roared, and he drove off, leaving me standing in the road. Struggling to keep from running after him or crumpling into a heap, I heard my father whispering in my ear again. Crying wouldn’t fix this. It wasn’t going to make Jake forgive me or pay the new bills I’d have out on my own. And it wasn’t going to bring my parents back.
Even though I didn’t know if I could ever truly forgive myself for their deaths, I knew to finish the process of healing and fix all the damage in my wake, I needed to try. This was a fresh start for me, and I felt like they each stood holding my hand, encouraging me to take the first steps toward redemption. I was too late to save the company, but I hoped I wasn’t too late to save myself.
With my new resolve coursing through my veins, I turned back toward the Blue Ox. Maybe Jake wasn’t ready to forgive me, and Jo may kill me when I walked through those doors, but I needed a job and I needed her forgiveness. Hoping to win both, I marched inside.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she groaned when I came through the doors.
“Jo. I need to apologize to you.”
“Don’t want to hear it.” She turned her back and pretended to fuss with the beer bottles.
“You’re short staffed now. And that’s my fault. But if you’ll let me explain myself to you, and what really happened, maybe we can find a way to work together. Or I can at least help you until you replace me. Unless you feel like working doubles in the middle of the busiest month of the year.” I arched a brow and held my ground.
Rising slowly, she turned to meet me. “Fine. Speak. But if we get to the end and I don’t like what you’ve said, I get full permission to punch you. And you don’t get to call your lawyers and throw me in jail.”
Struggling to suppress my smile, I nodded. “You have yourself a deal.”
With an eye roll, she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. “Well. Go on then.”
After exhaling a long sigh of relief, I started from the beginning.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Jake
My muscles ached from the fight that salmon put up during my evening charter tonight. I’d welcomed the battle to help unleash all the anger Cassie’s return yesterday had built within me. Just when I’d thought I could start healing and move on, she’d marched back into my life. Like a wrecking ball, she’d blown everything to pieces.
With the call of whiskey pulling me in, I stumbled up the steps to the Ox. Being a Saturday night in July, the bar was packed, and I felt bad that Jo would be alone. This would have been a shift Cassie was on if she still worked here. But there was no way I could sit here with Cassie behind the bar again, so even though it sucked for Jo and meant slow service for the night, I looked forward to a Cassie-free night at the Ox to unwind and help forget her.
“Hey, Jake!” Jo said while I slid into my stool. “You missed happy hour. You’re in late tonight.”
“Yeah. Evening charter ran late. I’ll take a –”
“Really? You still think you need to order a drink? I’m pretty sure you’ve been drinking whiskey and cokes since we had our first one sophomore year at that field party out on Logerquist Road.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I think I still have prickles embedded in my skin from when the cops raided, and we tore through those juniper bushes.”
If I’d been in a better mood, I would have laughed. Matt, Jo, and I had run for an hour when cops busted in on our underage party. It was the first time any of us had gotten drunk. But remembering my friendship with Matt only pushed the knife deeper in my back. It seemed everyone wanted a turn twisting the blade these days. At least Jo was still a loyal friend.
“So, there’s something I need to tell you,” she said as she dropped the drink in front of me.
When I looked up, her eyes shifted, and the brazen confidence Jo wore like a cape flitted away. Biting her lip, she glanced toward the door to the kitchen. It opened. The second I saw the blonde hair I started off of my stool.
So much for Jo being a loyal friend. She hired her back?
“Jake. Just wait.” She grabbed my arm and pulled it down to the bar with strength surprising for someone her size.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I growled. “She’s back?”
“Jake. You really should listen to her story.”
“I did listen to her story. That sucks about what happened, but the bottom line is she lied to me. I’ve been lied to by women enough!”
“Come on, Jake. Life isn’t so black and white. That girls been through some shit. I think she means it when she says she wants to make a life here. And if I can find it in my hardened heart to forgive her, maybe you should at least consider it.”
I shook my head hard. “No. I can’t.”
Cassie stepped behind the bar and our ey
es connected. How she could still send my stomach tumbling into the abyss after everything she did shocked me more than the sight of her still working at the Ox.
“Jake. Just hear her out.”
“I don’t need to hear her out again. You’re short of help. You hired her back. I get it. But that doesn’t mean I need to sit here and get tortured by her. I’m out of here.”
“Jake!” Jo pleaded while I ripped my arm away.
“I can’t, Jo.” Hanging my head, I pushed through the crowd out onto the front porch. Even my sanctuary was ruined now. The Blue Ox had been my bar. Matt got the Cornerstone. I got the Ox. Now Cassie had it and I felt one more thing being taken from me. The door creaked when it opened behind me.
“Jake.”
Cassie. Of course, it was. I groaned and stared out at the street. “Don’t Cassie. It’s fine. I’ll go.”
“I don’t want you to go, Jake. I want you to forgive me.”
“I can’t.” I couldn’t look at her. One look into her teary eyes last night shattered my resolve. One taste of those lips and I almost couldn’t stop. I didn’t dare look into her eyes now. One look and I knew she could strip away the last of my defenses and send me hurtling off the cliff again. Not this time. I couldn’t take another crash to the ground.
“Jake.” She brushed her fingers against my arm. “If you won’t forgive me, I’ll quit. I’m not going to ruin your life any more than I already have. But I wish you could find a way to forgive me. If I’d have known I would fall for you, I never would have lied the first day we met. I swear.”
Fall for me? Oh, God. I wanted to turn around. I wanted to look into her eyes and see if they were filled with more lies or maybe, just maybe, this time the truth.
“I’ll do anything to prove it to you. Just give me a chance, Jake.”
With my eyes boring through the pavement, I heaved a breath. Could I? Could I trust her one more time? But then I remembered the pain. The agony. The shame I’d felt in falling for her lies before. Her lies I’d endured while still reeling from the aftermath of betrayal from my best friend and Nikki. No. I couldn’t take another round of devastation and get deceived again. Shaking my head, I shrugged away her hand. “I can’t.”
The Other Half (Door Peninsula Passions Book 1) Page 21