“But the water…” Heather gestured weakly in the direction of the beach. “How can you say that wasn’t intentional?”
“I don’t have all the answers, but I have to believe in what I feel. If I can’t trust myself, then I am not sure how to live,” Vivien said.
Heather glanced at the two women and then down at the coffee table.
“That smells fresh,” Heather said, pointing at the pie.
“Lorna made it,” Vivien said.
“I thought maybe having sugar around might help the cravings after we use our magic. Maybe even if we eat before we séance,” Lorna said. “Plus, I like to bake.”
“That’s a brilliant idea. If we sugar load before a séance, maybe we won’t feel so drained after,” Heather agreed. “By this logic, it would practically be irresponsible of us not to eat more desserts.”
“We do like being responsible adults.” Vivien grabbed a plate and sank into a chair.
“It’s a hard job, but someone has to eat this pie.” Heather sat on the couch and picked up a plate. Lorna joined her.
After several bites, Heather said, “What happened with Troy last night? I have been waiting all day for details. We tried to stay up to see how asking him on a date went, but you didn’t come home.”
Vivien smiled. “Troy and I… Well, let’s just say that he was a surprise—a very good surprise.”
Ordinarily she would have told her friends everything, but with this story, she decided to leave a few of the details out.
Chapter Fourteen
Sand pushed its way between her toes as Vivien walked barefoot over the beach. The sound of the water lapping against the coast created a backdrop to the distant screams of children playing along the shoreline. Occasionally the murmur of voices from the distant public beach caught on the wind.
Vivien loved the smell of the ocean, the hint of salt and seaweed. Depending on the time of year, the breeze would carry the fragrance of wildflowers from the vegetation along the edge of the sand. Though she couldn’t smell the wildflowers today, the strong memory of them tricked her senses and she imagined them lingering in the fresh air.
“The water seems too cold to let children play in it,” Heather said, zipping her lightweight jacket as the breeze coming off the water became stronger.
Vivien had changed into a pair of leggings and layered a long sweater over a t-shirt. She carried her sandals, preferring the feel of the sun-warmed sand beneath her bare feet.
“Do you see him?” Lorna asked, not for the first time. She’d appeared on edge since they left the house as if she were on alert to fight off anything that tried to come near them.
“No,” Heather and Vivien answered in unison.
Lorna kept to the wet sand where it was easier to walk in her sneakers.
Heather stayed between them. “Any clue on where we’re going or how long until we get there?”
Vivien wasn’t sure where they were going. All she knew is that when they walked toward the water where Sam had first led her, she had the urge to turn left and stroll along the slight curve of the inlet. “I have no idea.”
“Good thing we brought our phones to call a cab,” Lorna said. “If we end up walking another ten miles, there is no way I’m making the journey back.”
Heather laughed at the exaggeration. They were scarcely a mile from Vivien’s home.
“Is your hip bothering you?” Vivien asked, concerned.
“No, I’m just being dramatic.” Lorna said.
As they neared an old walkover, Vivien stopped to study it. The metal had rusted, and the boards had bowed until it appeared less like a functioning walkway and more like the skeletal remains of an ancient serpent, blown from the ocean and smothered in the sand.
“What is it?” Heather asked.
“I’m not sure.” Vivien moved quickly toward the structure. The smell of the beach changed, now carrying a hint of decay from the rotted wood. She cut across the beach through the loose sand only to stop near the end of the metal skeleton. The walkover had served as a way to pass over the vegetation leading to the sand and did not make it to the water’s edge like a boardwalk. Her friends followed her. “I thought I sensed something, but I don’t know.”
The wood slats had decayed over time, though a few broken pieces still clung to the metal with old bolts. Someone had nailed a no trespassing sign on a falling rail, but it had faded to the point the lettering was barely decipherable.
“That looks like a great way to catch tetanus,” Lorna said. “I wonder why they don’t tear it down.”
“It’s been like this ever since I can remember.” Vivien walked toward the structure. “This is it.”
“Is what?” Heather asked. “A safety hazard? Yes. We should petition the town council to do something about it.”
“No, this is the place.” Vivien looked at the water’s edge. With the curve of the beach, her home was a straight shot across the choppy waves. She held her arm out straight and pointed the tips of her fingers toward her house. “This is where Sam was trying to take me that first night, only he cut across the water in a straight line. He wasn’t trying to drown me. He wanted to lead me here.”
“Why here?” Lorna asked. She shaded her eyes as she looked toward the nearest crowd.
Vivien closed her eyes, hearing the ocean. She remembered the sensation of twirling around as Sam spun her until she could no longer stand.
“Viv?” Heather prompted.
“Don’t you remember? This is where Sam asked me to marry him.” Vivien began to rotate, slowly at first, as she felt her feet shift in the dry sand. She lifted her arms to give her body balance.
“There is only us,” he had whispered as he kneeled in the sand. “Only our hearts. Say you love me. Say you’ll be mine forever. Marry me, Viv.”
“Yes,” she mouthed. Vivien twirled faster, just as she had that night. Sam had taken her hands and spun her until her heart pounded and she was dizzy.
She leaned back her head and opened her eyes. The sky moved. She imagined she heard laughter. It wasn’t long before her rotations became wider, and she stumbled to keep her footing.
Images and sounds of the past swam through her thoughts in no particular order—Sam laughing as he packed their van with blankets, the time they argued over grocery money, running across the street drunk and almost getting hit by a honking car, high school prom, a glance, a kiss, a tear, a scream, the doctor repeating the words they’d been too stunned to hear, and finally that last rattling breath from his chapped lips.
“Uh, Vivien?” Heather said, sounding concerned. “Are you doing that on purpose, or are you possessed? We can’t tell.”
“There she is.” Sam’s garbled voice sounded as if from far away. “There’s my girl.”
Vivien dropped her arms and lowered her head. She swayed on her feet as her eyes met Sam’s. The dizzying effect of spinning made it hard to focus. He seemed more sunlight than man, an almost translucent image of his former self.
“Should we…?” Lorna whispered to Heather in concern.
“Just wait,” Heather answered.
“He’s here. Do you see him?” Vivien asked, not taking her eyes from Sam.
“Yes,” the two women said in unison.
“How in the world are we going to be able to explain this if someone comes by?” Lorna asked. They had discussed the subject at length and had all agreed that none of them were ready to be publicly ousted as a medium. In the era of internet and camera phones, such a revelation would make life unbearable.
“That crowd is pretty far away. I think we’re good,” Vivien added, even though she didn’t turn to look down the beach. She didn’t want to take her eyes away from Sam for fear he’d disappear again.
“Yeah, I don’t think anyone else can see him,” Heather said. “Otherwise we’d be getting a lot more stares right now.”
Vivien stared at Sam for what felt like a long time. Deep inside she knew this would be the last time she saw him.
A tear slid down her cheek. He seemed content, like a mirage waiting for the sunlight to release it.
“There is only us,” he whispered.
“Only our hearts,” she answered with a nod.
Heather touched her shoulder from behind. She felt her friend without looking to confirm which one it was. Empathy and concern flowed from Heather into Vivien.
“You have to say goodbye,” Heather said. “It’s time.”
“Sam, I—” Vivien began, but he disappeared. She gasped.
“There.” Lorna appeared next to her, pointing. “He’s there.”
Sam had rematerialized near the end of the metal skeleton. He pointed a finger toward the sandy ground near the base. His eyes remained steadily on her.
Vivien moved closer, torn between looking at him and to where he pointed. There was nothing on the ground.
“I don’t understand,” Vivien whispered as she reached toward him. Heather’s hand dropped from her shoulder.
Sam’s energy tingled as she touched his form, not unlike the flow of magic. She felt his love for her, love that had been etched in this very spot like an invisible signature only the stars could see.
“Yes, I’ll marry you,” her past words filtered through her thoughts, as if he wanted her to hear them the way he had the first time, with all the excitement and joy and certainty that they had felt at that moment.
He’d spun her until she’d fallen on the ground, and they’d ended up making love right there. They had been young and stupid, and it was only dumb luck that no one had seen them. Is that why he pointed at the ground? He wanted her to remember that moment with him?
Vivien nodded. “I remember, Sam. I remember all of it. I promise I won’t forget.”
Heather took Vivien’s free hand and must have held onto Lorna with her other one because Vivien felt both of them through the connection.
“It’s time, Viv,” Heather said.
Vivien nodded. “I love you, Sam. I always will.”
He smiled at her and again pointed toward the ground.
“I’ll remember,” she assured him.
His hand jerked a few times, repointing, as if biding her to look. Still, nothing was there.
As Heather and Lorna said the words to release his spirit, Vivien could only move her lips to mouth them. “Spirit you have been found pure. We release you into the light. Go in peace and love.”
“Goodbye, Sam” She nearly choked on the words.
Sam’s form blew into ash, scattering into the wind like the dying embers of a bonfire. Before he was completely gone, she heard him say, “Don’t give up. You have so much of it to give.”
This time his departure felt different, and she knew he had left her for good.
She took a deep breath. In many ways it felt like her first real breath in twenty years.
“He’s gone,” Vivien said. A feeling of peace settled over her where once sadness had lived. “For real this time.”
“I felt him go too,” Heather confirmed.
“Yeah, me too,” Lorna agreed.
Vivien dropped to her knees and felt around the sand where Sam had pointed. She laid her hand on the surface, remembering the grainy texture against her naked body as they’d made love.
“What was he trying to tell you?” Heather asked.
“I think he wanted me to remember when he proposed to me.” Vivien smiled, taking a deep breath. “I can still feel him here.”
Heather and Lorna joined her on the ground.
Heather scooped up a handful of sand and let it fall from between her fingers. “I don’t know. There was something about the way he pointed.”
“Hey, Lorna, do you feel anything here?” Heather patted the ground close to Vivien’s hand. “Can you use your finding power to pick up any vibes about what Sam wanted Vivien to find?”
“I can try.” Lorna leaned forward, lifting her hands toward the metal structure. To herself, she whispered, “What did Sam want Vivien to find?”
Vivien sat back to watch as Lorna lowered her palms and placed them on the ground.
Lorna swished her hands over the ground like a human metal detector before finally stopping. She swept some of the sand aside to mark a spot. “Here. Something is buried in the ground. We need to dig it out.”
Vivien’s breath caught in excitement. “He buried something for me?”
“There’s only one way to find out,” Heather said. She dug her hands into the ground and tossed the looser surface aside.
Vivien and Lorna joined her. They shoveled the sand out of the hole with their hands. The ground became firmer and wetter the deeper they dug.
Vivien scooped her hands to lift as much as she could with one pass. Dirt packed under her fingernails, chipping them, but she kept going. Suddenly, a sharp pain sliced her finger as her skin slid over something buried about a foot into the ground.
“Ow!” She jerked her hand back. Blood dripped down her finger. “Oh, shit, that hurt.”
“Let me see.” Lorna tried to reach for her.
Vivien jerked her hand back, automatically knowing that Lorna was going to try to heal her and take the injury for herself. “No, you’re not taking my pain. It’s my cut. I’ll deal with it.”
“There’s something buried.” Heather reached into the hole and began digging around an object. “Once second. I think I can get it.”
Heather leaned back on her knees, using her weight for leverage as she rocked back and forth to wiggle it loose. The ground released its hold, and Heather fell to the side. She caught herself with one hand and held a green glass bottle in another. Lifting the bottle toward Vivien, she said, “I think this is for you.”
Vivien held the bottle to the sunlight. A piece of paper had been rolled within.
“A message in a bottle,” Lorna stated.
“I used to look for them when we walked the shorelines. I told Sam that I would never be completely happy until I found one,” Vivien said. “I was joking, of course, but…”
“He always wanted to make you happy,” Heather said.
Vivien’s hand shook. Some twisted metal wire held an old cork in place. It’s what she’d cut herself on.
“Viv, you need to hold your finger up over your heart to slow the blood flow,” Lorna said. “You’re dripping.”
Vivien obeyed, lifting her hand next to her shoulder as she made a fist to put pressure on the cut. She sat on the ground and put the bottle between her thighs as she untwisted the metal tie. The cork fell apart as she tried to pull it out.
Vivien handed the bottle to Heather. “Would you?”
Heather tried to dig the cork out before finally poking it down with her finger. It dropped into the bottle. She turned it upside-down and shook until the rolled paper bound with twine fell onto the ground. Heather pulled the string off before handing the message to Vivien.
“What does it say?” Lorna asked breathlessly.
Vivien unrolled two pieces of paper. On the top of the page in Sam’s handwriting read, “For Vivien.”
“They’re song lyrics,” Vivien said. He used to jot things down all the time in his notebook. She recalled some of them being quite terrible, but occasionally something beautiful came out of his rambling thoughts. Music notes were notated next to each line in Sam’s shorthand to go with the words.
There is only us.
Only our hearts.
Or so it’s been said.
Vivien’s breath caught and she had to look away as she composed herself. She pressed the paper to her chest. She turned her attention back to the page.
But we did not plan on this.
How could we know?
The last moment would come.
I’ll be watching you.
“Oh, Sam,” Vivien whispered. She couldn’t believe this bottle had been here waiting for her all this time. He’d loved the beach and must have hidden the bottle months before he died. The end had come so fast, and he’d never told her to look for it. If not for their
new magical powers, she never would have found what Sam had left for her.
Save a piece of your heart for me.
It’s mine for always.
But don’t give up on love.
You have so much of it to give.
I want you to give it.
I want you to feel.
Think of me, and there will be only us.
But you cannot come.
Not yet.
You must live.
“All this time,” Vivien whispered. “I’d misunderstood his last words. He had so much morphine in his system, and he wasn’t making a lot of sense at the end. He must have been trying to tell me to look for this, but he only managed to mumble a few broken lyrics.”
“May we see?” Heather asked.
Vivien handed her the first page. On the second was a short note.
She read aloud, “Dear Vivien, far be it from me to argue with the women in your family, but now that I’m gone I guess I can have the last word. Our love is great and transcends time. I want nothing more than to stay with you forever, but how can I say I love you if I don’t also wish for you to find what we have again should I not survive? The thought of you with another man is not one I will dwell on. Rather, I think of your smiling face and hope that he will treat you as you deserve. Find someone who can give you everything I no longer can. Settle for no less than everything. I love you, Viv. Forever, Sam.”
Vivien rubbed her eyes with her sleeve to soak up the tears.
“I can’t believe this was here all this time,” Heather said, giving the lyrics back to Vivien.
“He probably thought he had more time to tell me where to look.” Vivien gazed at the water. The sky had darkened, but late afternoon was just now turning to evening.
“I’ll be watching you. Save your heart for me. It’s mine.”
In those last moments, his meaning had been lost. The memory she clung to had been unfinished. He wasn’t telling her to wait for him. He was trying to give her his blessing to move on.
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