She didn’t get ready for bed, though. Instead, she wrapped a quilt around herself, sat in the big, cushy chair near the window, and looked out at the moonlight glistening on the snow.
When she heard the light tapping at her door, she almost didn’t answer it. But then her wish for the day to last a little longer outlasted any desire to observe propriety.
As she’d feared and expected, Chris was at the door.
She opened it a crack. “Chris, do you need something?”
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you.”
“Now?”
“Yes, now.”
She shouldn’t let him in, but where he was concerned, she had no choice. Not really. “What will your parents say?”
“Nothing, because I don’t intend for them to see me visiting you in the middle of the night.”
“Come in, then.”
Chris came in, closed the door behind him, and then leaned against it. “What a day, huh?”
“Yes. It’s been a wonderful-gut day.”
“The best.”
It hadn’t been one of the best for her. She’d been too aware of his impending departure to be completely happy. But she did know that it was one of his best days. “Yes.”
“I owe all of it to you.”
“You owe it to yourself, Chris. You are a gut man. You are a very good man. Your family loves you, as they should.”
“I don’t want tomorrow to come. I don’t want to leave them, or leave you. I don’t want to leave this life.”
She sat on the side of the bed and tried to imagine what it must be like to leave one’s identity behind. Especially to leave one’s identity behind in order to adopt such a bad one. “Is it hard, becoming a criminal?”
He smiled. “Yeah. I used to kind of like it. It was an adrenaline rush. Constantly being on edge, living in fear. Plus, I knew I was good at it. Not everyone can be so good at pretending to be bad.”
“I imagine not.” She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of trying to assume someone else’s personality.
“But Beth, now? I’m dreading it. I don’t want to continue to be someone I’ve grown to hate, not even if it’s to the benefit of the greater good.”
“I’m dreading your leaving, too. And hating the thought of you having to give yourself up again.”
“You are?”
“Chris, I meant what I said this morning. I’ve fallen in love with you. Even though we’re not meant to be together, there’s a part of me that’s always hoped that we could.”
“If I had you, I couldn’t live this way. I couldn’t live in hiding. I’d be too worried about you. I’d want to always be with you.”
“Truly?”
“Definitely.”
“I’d want to always be with you, too.”
“Beth, tell me, why haven’t you joined the church yet? Have you ever thought about not being Amish?”
“I love my faith. I love my way of life. But these past few days made me realize that I haven’t completely embraced it. I’ve enjoyed my English babies and families. And with everything with my mother, I’ve needed to be a part of that world, too. I guess I’ve always had one foot in another world.”
“Do you think we’d have a chance together?”
Hope filled her, but she forced herself to tamp it down. “How would we even know if we did have a chance? You’re leaving.”
“You’re right.” He cleared his throat. “I guess I just wanted to take a second and tell you thank you. For taking me in. And calling my family. For making this a Christmas that I’ll always remember.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Well, I guess . . .” His voice caught but he stumbled on. “I guess I’ll head off to bed. Good night.”
As he quietly opened and shut the door behind him, she lay down on the bed and cried.
The knock on the door came before eight in the morning.
Still feeling protective over Beth, Chris opened the door with a jerk, then felt his stomach drop when he realized it was Taylor. “You’re here already?”
“Yep.” In typical Taylor fashion, she walked right in, her manner as no-nonsense as ever. When her phone beeped, she lowered her head to read the message, talking at the same time. “How long are you going to take? I’ve got to get you out to St. Louis, dump you in a halfway house, and try to get back to watch my sister’s kid’s wrestling match.”
“St. Louis, huh?”
Taylor was busy texting on her phone. “Yep. I’ll fill you in on the drive.” Glancing up, she looked at Chris critically. Then her eyes widened a bit. “Chris, look at you. I haven’t seen you look this good in months.”
He knew she wasn’t joking. “Thanks,” he said as he fingered the still fading bruise on his cheek.
“Listen, don’t take a shower. You’re supposed to be down on your luck.”
“Sorry; all my clothes are clean.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got the clothes you’ll be wearing in the car.” She wrinkled her nose. “They’re pretty ripe.”
Slowly, Chris became aware of the crowd of people behind him. All in sweats or jeans or robes and pajamas, everyone looking at his partner with somber expressions.
Taking in the crowd, Taylor looked slightly chagrined, like she suddenly remembered that she was supposed to have better manners. “Hey.”
Out of the crowd walked Beth. As usual, she looked perfect. Neat as a pin. And completely welcoming.
“Won’t you come in for a little while? May I make you some breakfast? Or pour you a cup of coffee at least?”
Taylor’s eyes widened as she shoved her phone into a pocket of her wool coat. “Oh. You know what, thanks. Who are you?”
Taylor had always had the manners of a guinea pig. “This is Beth,” Chris answered. “She’s . . .” His voice drifted off as he realized that there was only one answer. “She’s my girlfriend.”
Beth froze.
As did his family.
But Taylor? She just looked amused. “Yeah, right. You don’t date, Hart.”
“I do now.”
“Besides, she’s Amish. I’ve seen them on TV.”
Chris knew his partner well enough to know that she wasn’t trying to be rude or dismissive. That was just how she was. She thought about work, that was it.
But as he watched her check her messages once again, he knew he couldn’t go with her. He didn’t want to go put on smelly clothes, live in a halfway house and assume yet another fake identity.
He couldn’t walk away from everyone in the room who meant so much to him.
Turning to Beth, he said, “I wanted to ask you this last night but I didn’t know how. Would you start over with me?”
Her gaze met his with utter confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t want to become another person. I don’t want to do things I’m embarrassed about, say things I don’t mean. Be a person my family is afraid of. But most of all, I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you, Beth.”
Not giving her a chance to argue or protest, he reached for her shaking hands, then wrapped his hands around her waist. “I’m better with you,” he murmured. “Please, let me be with you.”
As she stood there stunned, obviously shaken, he started talking faster. Eager to say or promise whatever it took to make her his. “Beth, I’ll live here with you and your mom. Or I can get a job somewhere and she can live with us. I don’t care what we do, or where we’ll be. As long as I get to be me, and that I’ll get to call you mine.”
Her facial expressions had gone from stunned to amazed to joyous to teary. “Chris—”
“Chris? What is going on?” Taylor blurted.
“Looks like you’ll be leaving on your own, ma’am,” Kevin rasped from his spot next to the stairwell.
Ignoring everyone else, Chris looked directly into her eyes. “Beth? What do you say?”
To his surprise, she pulled out of his embrace and slowly looked at his family behind him. Glanced at Ta
ylor. Then finally reached up to him and rested one hand on his cheek. Right in the spot that was still swollen and black and blue.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Oh yes.”
Chris smiled. He ached to kiss her. He ached to pull her into his arms and tell her in a thousand ways how much she meant to him.
But all he did was raise his hand and place it over Beth’s on his cheek. Keeping it in place. “Taylor, I won’t be going with you.”
Though her phone was buzzing again, she ignored it. “You can’t just quit the DEA,” she said, her voice incredulous.
“Sure he can,” his father boomed. “Now come and get some breakfast.”
Taylor kept looking around at the lot of them, just like she’d entered a crazy house. “I don’t want to interrupt—”
“We insist,” Kevin said, ushering Mike, Becca, and their parents into the kitchen. “Haven’t you heard? It’s Christmas. Join us.”
And Taylor, his tough, heroic, somewhat reserved partner, melted a bit and smiled. “You know what? Thanks. I . . . I’d love to join y’all.”
When they were finally alone, Chris gathered Beth close and held her tight. “You, Beth Byler, are a miracle worker. You’ve changed my life in ways that I didn’t think possible.”
“It wasn’t so hard. All I had to do was say yes.”
He laughed. She was right. All it really took was a will to change, and change did occur.
Right there in Amish Country. In a tiny, bright yellow inn. On a beautiful, very special, very blessed Christmas.
Epilogue
New Year’s Day
Beth Byler shifted her tote bag into her right hand before opening the door to Schrock’s Variety Store.
The store was officially closed for the holiday, but Jacob and Deborah had decided to host a party for their friends. Actually, they’d wanted to host the party in their home behind the store. It had been Walker Anderson who’d asked that the location be changed.
“Beth, you finally made it,” Frannie called out from one of the brightly painted rocking chairs that they’d arranged in a circle at the front of the store.
Leave it to Frannie to never hold her tongue. “I’m not that late,” she said as she set her tote bag down next to a card table laden with food.
“Thirty minutes late.” Her face breaking into a bright grin, she said, “Care to tell us the reason?”
Trying to ignore everyone’s chuckles, Beth shrugged off her coat and hung it on one of the half dozen coat racks out for sale. “Chris called.” For a moment, she tried to act nonchalant about her new relationship, but she quickly gave up the fight. Looking around the room, she met all of her friends’ smiles as she felt her cheeks heat. “Chris wanted to tell me happy New Year. He’s up in Chicago, you know.”
Giving her a quick hug, Lydia said, “I bet that wasn’t all he wanted to tell you.”
Beth smiled. It wasn’t. Chris had given her an update on how his last days of working for the DEA were going, and how his recent phone conversations with his parents had gone.
And then he’d told her how much he loved her.
“When will you see him again?” Walker asked, coming to stand by his fiancée.
“Hopefully next week. He said he’ll be done with his work soon, then he’s going to spend a few days with his parents and brothers. After that, he’ll head out here to Crittenden County.”
“He’s going to stay at the inn,” Frannie announced, looking very pleased.
“He’s looking forward to it,” Beth said.
Thinking about their plans, Beth let her mind drift once again. Chris was going to stay at the inn while she was going to be at home with her mother. But they’d already planned lots of things to do. Beth was mighty sure they’d spend every moment they could together.
Though they hadn’t talked about marriage yet, she knew Chris well enough to suspect he was ready to broach the subject.
“I’m anxious to see him . . . and eager for you all to get to know him.” Turning to Deborah, she winked. “But at the moment, I’m more anxious to see how Jacob is doing.”
Jacob, who had been busy pouring sodas, paused. “What are you talking about?”
Deborah looped her arm around Jacob’s elbow. “Beth’s wondering what you think about our new hund.”
His eyebrows rose. “What dog?”
“This one,” Luke said, coming out from the back with a beautiful Irish setter. “Jacob, meet Ireland.”
Beth stood next to Frannie and Lydia as Jacob stared at the dog in shock.
“Where did he come from?”
Luke rolled his eyes. “It’s a she, Jacob. She’s a rescue. Someone dumped her on the side of the road, and one of the patrolmen at our station found her shivering in the snow.”
“She was abandoned? That’s terrible.” Jacob walked closer to her, slowly held out his hand for the dog to sniff. Ireland sniffed his hand carefully, as she stared at him with a wary expression in her dark brown eyes. They softened when he gently patted her.
When her tail started to wag slowly, Luke stepped away, letting Jacob and the dog get to know each other.
Still petting her, he said, “I don’t understand why you brought her to me.”
“It’s for the store, you see,” Frannie said. “Everyone misses the animals. Since you don’t want to sell pets, we thought she could come to work with you each day.”
Deborah crouched down next to Ireland and petted her, too. “When Luke and Frannie called me about Ireland, I thought it would be the perfect solution. Folks could come in, see us, and see the dog, too. But she wouldn’t be all the work that your father’s pets for sale were.”
Still hardly looking away from the dog, Jacob said, “It’s a gut idea, for sure. But I don’t know if we need a pet, or if the store does.”
“Trust me,” said Walker. “The store does.”
“How about this?” Deborah asked. “Maybe it doesn’t matter if you need her or not.” Gesturing at the dog, who now was lying down on a little rug, looking happy and at peace, she said, “I think she needs you. Is that enough?”
As Jacob pondered that, Beth looked at their little group. At Frannie and Luke, at Lydia and Walker, at Jacob and Deborah, too.
Then, she smiled a bit, realizing that very soon she, too, would be a part of a couple.
Her friends were wunderbaar. Surely, some of the best friends in the world. The friends who had been there for one another through thick and thin.
And she realized that Deborah had made a very good point—they all needed one another.
Luckily, Jacob Schrock agreed. “Deborah, you’re exactly right. Needing to be needed? Needing to be loved? It’s more than enough for me,” he said. “It is more than enough for anyone, I think. I do believe I have a new dog.”
Pleased about Jacob’s decision, Beth knew exactly the right thing to say to break up their serious moment. “Who’s hungry?” she asked. Pointing to her tote bag, she smiled brightly. “Guess what? I brought snacks.”
As expected, her announcement brought a chorus of groans and more than a few derisive jokes. And a whole lot of laughter.
Soon, Beth knew they’d all be having babies, and most likely she and Chris would be moving somewhere else.
Who knew what else the Lord had planned for them?
All she did know was that this moment was just about perfect. They were happy and healthy, and had each found someone who needed and loved them. They had found peace.
And that, indeed, was good enough.
PS Section
About the author
Meet Shelley Shepard Gray
About the book
Letter from the Author
Questions for Discussion
Read on
A Sneak Peek of Hopeful
About the author
Meet Shelley Shepard Gray
I GREW UP IN HOUSTON, TEXAS, went to Colorado for college, and after living in Arizona, Dallas, and Denver, we moved to southern Ohio abo
ut ten years ago.
I’ve always thought of myself as a very hard worker, but not “great” at anything. I’ve obtained a bachelor’s and master’s degree . . . but I never was a gifted student. I took years of ballet and dance, but I never was anywhere near the star of any recital. I love to cook, but I’m certainly not close to being gourmet . . . and, finally, I love to write books, but I’ve certainly read far better authors.
Maybe you are a little bit like me. I’ve been married for almost twenty years and have raised two kids. I try to exercise but really should put on my tennis shoes a whole lot more. I’m not a great housekeeper, I hate to drive in the snow, and I don’t think I’ve ever won a Monopoly game. However, I am the best wife and mother I know how to be.
Isn’t it wonderful to know that in God’s eyes that is okay? That from His point of view, we are all exceptional? I treasure that knowledge and am always so thankful for my faith. His faith in me makes me stand a little straighter, smile a little bit more, and be so very grateful for every gift He’s given me.
I started writing about the Amish because their way of life appealed to me. I wanted to write stories about regular, likeable people in extraordinary situations—and who just happened to be Amish.
Getting the opportunity to write inspirational novels is truly gratifying. With every book, I feel my faith grows stronger. And that makes me feel very special indeed.
www.shelleyshepardgray.com
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About the book
Letter from the Author
Dear Reader,
Have you ever spent a Christmas that wasn’t all that festive? That was our Christmas in 2012. After my twenty-year-old daughter suffered through a series of increasingly bad bouts of strep throat, it was decided that her tonsils needed to come out during Christmas break.
She had the procedure on December 14, right after she finished finals. We had been warned that the recovery might not be easy for her. In truth, it was very difficult. As the days passed and we all grew exhausted, I stopped thinking about Christmas and only thought about taking care of her.
Peace Page 15