Paris Revealed
The Secret Life of a City
Stephen Clarke
Acknowledgements
MERCI, FIRST OF ALL, to my fellow Parisians for being so very Parisian.
More specifically, merci to everyone who helped, knowingly and unknowingly, in the construction of the book; to all the people I interviewed (and some who interviewed me); to those who gave me access to their buildings, books, exhibitions and events; to anyone who might have been worried when I started staring at them and taking notes; and to everyone who makes life in the city possible, practical and (usually) fun.
Even more specifically, merci beaucoup to my editor, Selina Walker, especially for taking the trouble to nip over to Paris so often ‘to see how the book’s coming along’; to everyone at Susanna Lea’s literary agency and especially, for this British edition, Susanna Lea and Kerry Glencorse; to all at Transworld for putting the book together (they continually prove that old-fashioned three-dimensional paper books with covers and pages are actually a nice, albeit ancient, invention); and to Marie-Christine Frison, Alain Plumey, Susan Oubari, Lyne Cohen-Solal, Brian Spence, Heather Stimmler-Hall, Sophie Boudon-Vanhille and Aline Jumeaux for their invitations and explanations.
To the Crimée Crew, and especially N, for revealing so much that is good about Paris.
To M, bon vol.
Paris is a bit like an ocean. It’s a great place to live if you’re a shark. There’s loads of fresh seafood, and if anyone annoys you, you just bite them in half. You might not be loved by everyone, but you’ll be left in peace to enjoy yourself.
If you’re human, though, you spend your time floating on the surface, buffeted by the waves, preyed on by the sharks.
So the thing to do is evolve into a shark as quickly as you can.
(From A Year in the Merde)
CONTENTS
Foreword
1 Parisians
Parisians are ‘arrogant, aggressive, stressed, snobbish and self-obsessed’—at least, that’s what other French people say about them. But who are the Parisians really? And do they deserve their terrible reputation?
2 Pavements
A portrait of the city’s streets and the people who work or just loiter there, who battle to keep the pavements clean and the trees alive, and who do their best to baffle pedestrians with confusing road signs.
3 Water
Life in Paris is a story of eau—the city’s emblem is a boat, and water gushes everywhere, from fountains and along gutters, reassuring Parisians that there will be no return to the bad old days when all they had to drink was the Seine … and wine, of course.
4 The Métro
More than just a transport system, the Paris underground is a way of life with strictly defined rules and customs, shifting populations, its very own architect, and some dramatic tales to tell. Includes a line-by-line listing of the most unusual stations.
5 History
You might think that Paris is a beautifully preserved historical city, but just imagine how it would look today if the Parisians themselves hadn’t spent so much of their history trying to demolish it. The story of two millennia or more of social and architectural turmoil.
6 Romance
Like a well-chilled glass of Champagne, Paris is always capable of hitting the mark, whatever your tastes in matters of the heart. What are the secrets of the city’s well-deserved reputation as the capital of canoodling?
7 Sex
If Paris thinks of itself as a Latin Lothario, it’s because it is an experienced lover. It has slept around a lot, and always feels the need to kiss and tell. But are its glory days over?
8 Food
For Parisians, food isn’t only about taste—they also have to squeeze, prod and sniff it to make sure it’s fresh. The problem is, they like doing all these things to the food that other people are about to eat. Includes the best food markets in Paris, and how to spot a good or bad restaurant.
9 Fashion
Surprisingly, it was an Englishman who created the concept of Parisian haute couture. And even more surprisingly, the Parisians give him credit for it. But why exactly is Paris la capitale de la mode? A designer explains.
10 Cinema
The city’s movie career is stage-managed just as efficiently as that of any Hollywood star, and it has an agent who fights to get Paris’s name up on the big screen as often as possible. So what are the essential ingredients for a great Parisian film?
11 Art
At the big-name museums and exhibitions, the queues can stretch for a hundred metres. And that’s just to use the toilets. How to see great Parisian art, including some of the biggest names, without being forced to fight through a crowd to stand in front of your favourite painting for five seconds.
12 Apartments
What to do if you feel like becoming a more regular Parisian, or even a permanent one, as well as all the pitfalls of buying an apartment in a city where surveyors’ reports are considered a frivolous luxury.
Appendix 1: Addresses
The addresses, or coordonnées as the Parisians say, of the places mentioned in the book.
Appendix 2: Further Reading
A short suggested reading list of books by Parisians about their own city.
Photo Acknowledgements
Index
FOREWORD
PARIS IS LIKE THE world’s most famous screen goddess. We’ve lost count of all the movies she’s starred in—from romantic comedies and historical dramas to thrillers and even cartoons—and we feel as if we know everything about her thanks to all the photos, books, songs and glossy magazine covers that keep her constantly in the public eye.
But of course we don’t know everything.
She’s had many famous lovers, she’s taken quite a few knocks in her long history, and like all true divas, she does her best to keep her private life very private. There are things that she needs us to know, and others she would prefer to sweep under her expensive carpet.
This book, however, is designed to reveal her secrets.
The idea is not to turn anyone off the city—on the contrary, I hope that Paris will become a real, fully rounded personality rather than the glitzy, romanticized image that is often projected at us by her fans and her backroom staff. After all, you don’t truly fall in love with someone until you know what makes them tick.
And there is a lot to love. I’ve lived here most of my adult life and I’m still discovering seductive new eccentricities and eye-opening facts.
Make no mistake—Paris has got where she is today because she has genuine star quality. And, unlike most movie stars, this becomes more obvious when you see her close up. She even looks great first thing in the morning with no make-up and the sleep still in her eyes. Which is not bad for a 2,000-year-old.
Stephen Clarke, Paris, January 2011
‘Welcome to Paris, you annoying tourist.’ In fact, most Parisian waiters are very polite, much to the annoyance of visitors hoping to go home with anecdotes about grumpy service.
1
PARISIANS
Dieu a inventé le Parisien pour que les étrangers ne puissent rien comprendre aux Français.
(God invented Parisians so that foreigners wouldn’t understand the French.)
ALEXANDRE DUMAS THE YOUNGER,
NINETEENTH-CENTURY WRITER
Paris is full of Parisians
PARISIANS HAVE a terrible reputation for being self-centred, rude and aggressive, and the worst thing is that they’re actually proud of it. A few years ago, the daily newspaper Le Parisien made a series of commercials that were shown in cinemas. As the paper is the local version of the national Aujourd’hui, the ads were obviously aimed at Parisians themselves.
One of the films shows
a pair of lost Japanese tourists begging for help from a middle-aged Parisian man. He stares blankly at them as they point at their map and valiantly try to pronounce ‘Eiffel’. Then, when the penny drops, he points them back along the way they came, and they thank him as if he’d just saved their lives. He goes off in the other direction, turns the street corner, and there, looming large, is the tower. The Parisian deliberately sent the tourists the wrong way. Cue the punchline, Le Parisien, il vaut mieux l’avoir en journal—The Parisian, it’s better to have it as a newspaper.
Another ad shows a respectable-looking man peeing against the outside of a public toilet. He zips up, walks away and smiles innocently at a woman whose shopping bag is standing in the rivulet of urine he’s just created.
Then there’s the one in which a guy strides quickly to a supermarket checkout, cutting in front of the little old lady with her meagre supply of groceries. He has been waiting in line for a few seconds when his wife turns up pushing a huge, overloaded trolley. The Parisian shrugs to the horrified old lady as if to say, well I did get here first. Cue the punchline.
And the funniest thing was that every time I saw one of these ads in a Parisian cinema, it got a huge laugh. I was astonished - it was as though the New York Times had put together a campaign saying that the paper was like its readers—thick and opinionated.
But Parisians don’t mind the insult at all. On the contrary, they love to think of themselves as anti-social pushers-in, always trying to get one over on anyone gullible enough to fall for their tricks.
They even enjoyed the ad that went too far. In this one, a tall, chic Parisian businessman is seen leaving a café. He grudgingly accepts a business card from a small, subservient type who is leaving with him (from his grovelling demeanour, the little guy has to be a provincial). The Parisian goes to his flashy 4WD, reverses and hits a parked car. He’s been seen by everyone sitting at the café terrace. He gets out to inspect the damage—his car is fine but he has dented the other car—and has a brainwave. He takes the little guy’s business card out of his breast pocket, holds it up to show everyone what an honest fellow he is, and slips it under the windscreen wipers. The little loser is going to take the blame. One up for the totally amoral, treacherous Parisian, and the city’s movie-goers cheered.
Who actually likes the Parisiens?
A survey in early 2010 by Marianne, a national news magazine, asked its readers what they thought of Parisians, and the answer was a typically French contradiction.
Overall, provincials had a bonne opinion of the capital-dwellers, recognizing that they were sophisticated, well-educated and trendy—while also showering them with insults.
The survey found that Parisians were seen as arrogant, aggressive, stressed, snobbish and self-obsessed, as well as being much less generous, tolerant, light-hearted and welcoming than people from the provinces.
But was the Marianne survey accurate, or just a reflection of the clichés bandied about in the media (including those Le Parisien newspaper ads)?
Parisians certainly think of themselves as a race apart, probably because the city is separated from its suburbs not only by its postcodes, which all start with ‘75’, but also by physical barriers. The boulevard périphérique, the ring road that encircles Paris, is lined for much of its length with high-rise HLMs—habitations à loyer modéré (low-cost housing) —the modern version of the old city ramparts. And even though the walls have long disappeared, the twenty arrondissements comprising Paris itself are still referred to as intra muros—inside the walls. No wonder Parisians are considered snobbish—they’re using a medieval term to distinguish themselves from anyone unfortunate enough to live outside the périph’ (the abbreviation commonly used by the locals).
This sense of geographical uniqueness does seem a bit exaggerated, though. After all, a commuter who lives, say, 10 kilometres from Notre-Dame is still going to be pretty Parisian, even if he or she does live on the ‘wrong’ side of the périph’.
And commuting and working are at the root of the Parisians’ famous aggression. That man pushing past you on the métro, or snarling at you when you ask directions in the street, probably got up at six that morning, wedged himself into a suburban train and/or a métro carriage, stood for forty minutes with his nose in someone else’s armpit while the carriage jerked his spine out of shape, and then got told by his boss that his workload was being doubled because a colleague has been given three months’ sick leave by an indulgent doctor. He’s not going to smile at you if you can’t find your way to the Sacré Coeur.
So, oui, Parisians and their suburban cousins are aggressive and stressed, but no more than the inhabitants of any big commuter city. And they seem intimidating only because they know how the city works, and therefore get impatient with people who don’t—the tourists and provincials. To Parisians, cohabiting with outsiders is like going fishing with someone who has never baited a hook before. Surely everyone knows you’re not supposed to throw the fishing rod in the water with the hook and line? No? Well, then they must be really, really stupid.
This uncomprehending impatience explains why Parisian drivers’ fists seem to be permanently jammed on their hooter, and why waiters (who more often than not give perfect service, despite seeming to ignore you) can get irritable with their customers. Many diners, especially the non-French and non-Parisians, are mere part-timers in the restaurant game, and the waiters are old hands. They’re simply expressing frustration at being forced to share their territory with untrained beginners.
In short, the Parisians’ apparent unfriendliness is not a deliberate attempt to insult outsiders. It’s just a symptom of their wish to get on with their lives.
On the other hand, the accusations of snobbishness and self-obsession are entirely justified, because right from birth, a sense of their city’s greatness is hammered into Parisians’ heads with a gold Chanel mallet.
Paris is undeniably the centre of the French-speaking universe. It’s only a slightly skewed interpretation on the part of some Parisians to see the city as the centre of the universe, full stop. The top dogs of pretty well every prestigious French institution—cultural, economic and political—have to be based in Paris to stay close to the centralized action, so the crème de la crème are always going to be here, and, being Parisian, will always think that their own particular brand of crème is the creamiest.
And their snobbishness is not only inflicted on outsiders—Parisians weave a tangled web of snobbery amongst themselves. For example, those in the posher arrondissements will look down on their less chic counterparts with a mixture of scorn and pity. Try telling someone from the ultra-snooty 7th on the Left Bank that you live on the other side of the river in, say, the 20th, and a polite grimace will come across their face as though you’d just confessed to an infestation of headlice. And it works both ways—a TV cameraman living in the northern media ghetto of the 19th will think of a blazer-wearing 16th arrondissement banker over in the southwest of the city as a slug-like, brainless slave of philistine capitalism. Meanwhile, someone with a loft in a pleasantly gentrified part of the 11th, but near to a poor neighbourhood, will see themselves as an urban pioneer, living much closer to the edge than a person whose apartment is 500 metres to the south.
The rules of Parisian snobbery are as complex as a 3-D chess game played on twenty boards at once, despite the fact that the city is a rough circle of only about 10 kilometres in diameter. The key thing being, of course, that if you don’t live inside the circle, you’re totally out of the game.
This is not to say that Parisians don’t have their chinks of self-doubt. They can, for example, feel inferior to New Yorkers, San Franciscans, Londoners and the Milanese—in short, to anyone with their own superiority complex. And Parisians are scared of, and therefore a little overawed by, the poorer banlieusards, believing that anyone who can survive life in an ugly apartment block more than a kilometre from a cinema or decent restaurant deserves le respect. And the success of French rap, as w
ell as mainstream films like Neuilly Sa Mère and Tout Ce Qui Brille (in which young Arab banlieusards make fun of absurdly stereotyped snobbish Parisians), have proved that Paris is losing ground in the trendiness stakes—the irony being that as soon as a banlieusard rapper or film star becomes famous, they move intra muros and turn into typical Parisiens.
Parisien-spotting
Paris’s twenty arrondissements contain some 2.2 million people, who can be as different as Champagne and absinthe and yet still remain quintessentially Parisian.
There are as many types of Parisians as there are fish on a coral reef. But what makes them all Parisian, apart from simple geography, is the way they interact. Like the fish, they have to negotiate their way around the reef. The small fry have to steer clear of the sharks; the shrimps have to watch how they cross the open spaces in case a crab runs them over; and for all his or her bright colours, even the most beautiful individual will never outshine the reef itself.
Certain species of Parisian gather in certain arrondissements, and take on the characteristics of the neighbourhood as if trying to camouflage themselves. Of course, there are dozens of subtypes that will have to be left out to avoid turning this book into a sociological encyclopaedia, but here is a run-through of the main species of Parisian you will find in each of the arrondissements, and the best places to see them. And the good news is that you won’t need a mask and snorkel to explore this particular coral reef.
The 1st
So much of the nucleus of Paris is taken up by the Louvre, the Palais-Royal and shops that hardly anyone lives there, except around Châtelet and Les Halles, where you can get a loft with a balcony and exposed wooden beams much more cheaply than in the nearby Marais. Though not many people want to live in an area that attracts all the suburban racaille (the establishment’s insulting name for young wasters) who come in from the northern banlieues on the RER (the suburban métro) and hang around Les Halles, chatting each other up and getting hassled by the police. If you want to spot weekday locals, especially civil servants from the nearby Ministry of Culture and the Conseil d’État (the state’s legal department), sit on the terrace of Le Nemours, the café at the entrance to the Palais-Royal gardens, near the Comédie Française theatre.
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