“I just feel dead inside,” she whispered, having dragged me into the bathroom while the boys were making music selections. “I know I thought he was just for fun, but something just changed, and everything got serious. Maybe I scared him away?”
“I don’t think so, sweetie. You’re amazing. He’s just a man. They’re weak, dick-led fuckwits—we both know that. What is it Bridget Jones says? No more of this fuckwittage!”
Look at me, giving tough advice. I’d never have said something like that when I’d first come aboard. I looked at Caitlin hopefully; she looked sad and nestled up against me for a moment.
“You’re a good friend,” she said into my top. Then she pulled away and added, “Right, motherfucker, stop being a big sap. It’s time to get out there and entertain those boys!” She gave me an exaggerated wink and flashed her trademark smile. To anyone else, she’d have seemed the same Caitlin as always; I knew better, and I knew just how fragile that façade was.
We rejoined the boys, and had just cracked the beers and opened a bag of salt and vinegar crisps when Caitlin spoke.
“So, Cooper,” she said, “has Ellie told you her fabulous news?”
“Um, no,” Cooper said, raising his eyebrows at me. “What?”
“Someone from head office called to say I’m being trans-shipped,” I said. “The girl from the Pic Stop is coming back. I only just heard about it today and was just about to tell you.” I swallowed nervously. “They’re not sure where yet, but maybe Hawaii or Alaska. It’s a proper photography position.”
I waited for Cooper to react and beg me not to leave him.
“Wow,” he said, “that is big news.” He popped a crisp into his mouth. “When do you leave?”
His emotionless tone and unconcerned body language took me by surprise. Did he really not care if I left? No, I thought, he was probably just trying to be supportive and didn’t want to seem like he was holding me back. Maybe he didn’t want to appear vulnerable, especially in front of his mate. Men were like that.
A small part of my heart, and the sudden aching pit in my stomach, told me he actually might not be bothered, that maybe Caitlin and Jock had been right, and that I’d been trying to make this into something it wasn’t. I instantly became nervous. We’d had our share of ups and downs; maybe if I could bring back the fun and romance, it would liven things up again. I slurped down my beer and opened another.
I sidled over to Cooper and slid onto his lap, which was a bit tricky, since he was perched on the end of my bed. “So if I moved to another ship, you wouldn’t miss me?” I asked, draping my arms around his neck and using a husky, Scarlett Johansson-inspired voice.
I’m a seductive sex kitten. Want me already, dammit.
“Ellie, you’re squashing me!”
He pushed me off his lap, and I felt the fear inside rising. Why was he acting so peculiar again? I downed another beer, already feeling the rush of swirly tingles from the previous bottle.
Cooper reached over and removed the beer from my hand. “Ellie, people get trans-shipped all the time, and sometimes you can’t avoid going it alone.” He sighed. “But I’ll tell you what—obviously I don’t want you going away without me, so I’ll look into getting trans-shipped, too.”
I looked up at him, hope crashing through me. “Really?” I squeaked. “Oh, Cooper!” I flung my arms around him and then quickly let go. “Sorry,” I said.
“So why don’t you go,” he said, “and then, as soon as I’m able, I’ll see about joining you. And it doesn’t have to be in the photo team, I’ve got heaps of experience outside this you know. I’ve been in the casino, bartending, cruise staff…so I could take almost anything. Let’s not talk about it now, but I’ll sort something out.”
I wondered briefly if maybe he was just trying to brush me off, and then mentally scolded himself. My little scare had been brief and unfounded; he was just trying to find a way to keep us together, which was what I wanted. I smiled happily; maybe I’d end up having everything, after all.
Caitlin was a bit quiet in her corner, and I suspected it was because I’d just quashed the idea of coming to live in New York. I still thought New York might be in my future, but not right now. It seemed a stroke of incredible luck and fate that the original job I’d been given wasn’t in line with my career goals, but now they had one that was. Maybe Cooper and I could do a contract on the new ship, and then join my friends in NYC? I couldn’t keep the smile off my face; the tipsier I became, the more fabulous were my ideas.
Between the booze and Cooper’s promise, I was feeling upbeat, so the timing was perfect for a spot of dancing around the cramped cabin. Caitlin joined me; the boys’ focus on us abruptly became more intense, and, knowing that, we jokingly turned it on for them. At first, it was just for fun; I’d been riveted by Caitlin’s stories, of course, but just as I’d never imagined actually doing anything she’d described, I would never have actually followed through with any of the suggestive moves. But as the guys played increasingly sexy music and the beer flowed, I felt myself getting more than a little bit turned on. Caitlin was dancing behind me, and with my back to her, I was playfully gyrating my bottom against her stomach. She ran her fingers delicately up my sides from behind. I instinctively raised my arms into the air, and she continued the line up my arms, and then entwined her fingers in mine.
Then she lowered our hands together and crossed them across my chest in a spoon-like embrace. Caitlin was breathing hard behind me and kept darting the end of her tongue to lick my earlobes. The room was spinning and I was absorbed in her sensual moves. She released her hands and caressed my breasts briefly before slipping her hands into my shirt. A pleasurable pain pierced my groin and I groaned. My legs felt weak beneath me, and I felt the urge to lie down. I made my way to the bed and collapsed onto it, face first. Caitlin continued to explore, her hands drifting over my skin until I felt like I was on fire.
She turned me over roughly and pinned my arms down. As she brought her face close to mine, I became acutely aware of how heavily we were breathing. Caitlin leaned in to kiss my neck, her hands making their way much lower. She traced a line around my belly button, then walked her fingers down to my skirt. Without looking for a zipper or button, she slid her hand straight underneath the hem and into my pants. When she reached what she was looking for, I breathed in sharply, my eyes rolling back in my head.
Just as I felt ready to explode, Cooper let out a moan. I had forgotten they were even there. He grabbed my hair, then leant in to kiss me hard on the mouth. Caitlin wiggled down to the floor and pushed my skirt up around my waist. I briefly caught sight of my pants as Caitlin tossed them to the floor and, just as Cooper stuck his tongue deep down my throat, I felt Caitlin’s tongue exploring somewhere else entirely.
So this is a threesome. I stifled a laugh. How was this even happening? With my roommate and boyfriend? Cruise ships definitely weren’t for the faint hearted—it seemed like anything you wanted to try was entirely possible. Cooper was completely into it, and my eyes searched for Mikhail and found him hovering over us, virtually salivating. I only needed to flick my eyes towards Caitlin to encourage him to join us. And then there were four…
Mikhail got busy somewhere up Caitlin’s skirt; she, meanwhile, was still occupied with me. She responded to Mikhail’s overtures by withdrawing from me and pulling him up onto the top bunk, where I could no longer see them.
“Let’s catch up to them,” I whispered hoarsely in Cooper’s ear, and he soon filled the breach, making me moan as loudly as Caitlin was above me. If the cabin had had windows, they would have been steamed up—and I could do a very Titanic-esque hand on the glass—although I suspected that actually only happened in movies. Our windows would be clear and I’d probably pull a muscle.
Moments later, as I was struggling to get my breath back, an uncomfortable sense of guilt and shame washed over me. What had I just done? Having sex with my boyfriend was fine, but getting it on with Caitlin and then being intimate w
ith Cooper in the same room as Caitlin and Mikhail? I never would have imagined myself in this situation when I’d first arrived only a couple of months earlier. Though, to be fair, it wasn’t exactly something I’d not thought about; Caitlin’s stories always turned me on, and I’d realised, watching Caitlin and Gabriel on the dance floor, that I enjoyed observing.
I suddenly felt awkward, and naturally couldn’t let the moment go unnoticed. “So… is it just me, or is this anybody else’s first time having group sex?” I said to nobody in particular, cringing at having to say the word ‘sex’ out loud.
“Don’t worry, roomie, it’s not group sex until there’s at least five people,” Caitlin said, popping her head over the side. “So you’re practically a virgin.” Well, that was a relief. “Let’s go up to the crew bar for a drink, shall we, guys?” she added.
Grateful for the distraction, I got up and straightened out my clothes and hair. I thought it would be better to just ignore the fallout of what we’d just done, so I buzzed around the cabin, chatting inanely about a bizarre passenger I’d encountered in the Pic Stop. I caught Cooper looking at me sideways a couple of times, but I couldn’t quite read him, so I just kept talking. My motor-mouth had made a stunning return, and I couldn’t seem to shut up.
As we were preparing for the crew bar, Cooper headed for the door. “I’m really tired,” he said, smiling as he stifled a yawn. “Let’s catch up tomorrow to talk about the new job, okay?” He kissed my cheek and disappeared to his cabin. I was disappointed; I’d wanted to talk things through—both the job and the sex, if I were honest. But in light of my vow to be bright, breezy, and super-sexy, I just returned his kiss and said goodnight.
Caitlin pointed at the top bunk. “He’s asleep!” she said, laughing. “Let’s just leave him there.”
Apparently the men had been rather more tired by our exertions than Caitlin and I.
On our walk to the crew bar, I had a profound thought—or at least one that felt profound in that moment. I suddenly understood why ships were known for so much salacious behaviour. So many emotions—excitement, disappointment, and anticipation—fuelled by plenty of alcohol, and combined with living in such close quarters, were a recipe for disaster. And the fact that people moved on so quickly meant that no-strings-attached sex was easy and even encouraged.
The crew bar was pumping as usual, despite the late hour, and I wondered if anybody ever performed their job with a full quota of sleep. Maria and a hoard of her admirers were in the corner near the jukebox, and before she saw us, she grabbed the guy nearest to her and kissed him deeply. I recognised him as a waiter from the pool deck buffet.
“She’s clearly enjoying life as an almost-wed woman,” I said to Caitlin dryly. “Poor Luiz. He really has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.”
“Mmmmmm,” Caitlin said. “We really should enlighten him.”
I frowned at her. “What are you thinking?”
Without a word, Caitlin whipped out her phone and snapped a few photos of Maria tangling tongues with the handsome blond waiter.
“Right, roomie,” she said, looking at me with a satisfied smile, “let’s get back to our cabin and see if Mikhail is awake. I think I’m in the mood to party again!”
We crept quietly into the cabin, but Mikhail had mysteriously disappeared. Caitlin shrugged and said, “Truthfully, roomie, I’m not worried. I still hate men after what Gabriel did. I’m just trying not to focus on being so sad.” The cheery façade had fallen, and her eyes were sad.
I hugged her. “I know, Caity. Just do what you need to do.”
The night had taken its toll, and soon we both settled in to sleep.
“Ellie?” Caitlin whispered from her bunk. “I’m glad we’re okay after the thing that happened here before…”
“Of course we’re okay,” I said. We were, mostly. It was a little weird, though. I’d never thought of myself as bisexual, but I had to admit it was the best tongue-work I’d ever had. I laughed quietly; maybe she could give Cooper some pointers… On the other hand, while it had been exciting, I didn’t think I’d be likely to seek a reprise of the night’s action, and although she liked a bit of girl-on-girl action from time to time, I knew she’d respect my limits.
I decided to start locking the bathroom door, just in case.
The next morning was Martinique, so I opened the shop for the required few hours.
It was a boring morning, so I was grateful to finally be able to close up. I’d originally thought I’d head back to bed for a nap once we’d docked, but I realised I hadn’t emailed my parents lately and instead detoured to the internet room.
Sitting at the computer, waiting for it to boot up, I stifled a yawn and tapped my fingers impatiently on the table. As I wrote a carefully edited email to my parents, I thought about the night before; I needed to track Cooper down today so we could talk. I was so distracted it took me a while to realise that I’d accidentally typed everything I was thinking into the email to my parents. Oops. I deleted it; they definitely didn’t need to know all of the details about last night.
With the email sent off, I brought up Facebook—and immediately wished I hadn’t. There, at the top of my newsfeed, were the pictures that Caitlin had taken of Maria last night…and worse, she’d actually tagged Maria in them. It suddenly dawned on me that Caitlin was doing to Maria exactly what Maria had allegedly done to the other girl on her previous ship. I checked the time; Caitlin had posted these not long after I’d opened the Pic Stop, which meant they’d been up for several hours now. Luiz wasn’t online, which I was grateful for, as I’d no idea what I would have said to him. And then I realised that he was no longer listed as engaged to Maria, but as single.
Shit, shit, shit.
I’d felt bad for Luiz, and I thought he deserved much better than Maria, but I didn’t really feel like this had been the right way to go about it. But then, Maria had hurt Caitlin much more than she had me. She’d been cruel and cutting to me, but I’d been the one who’d slept with men she’d previously been with, not the other way around, so I could at least understand why she might have hated me. Caitlin, though, she’d destroyed by sleeping with Gabriel, and I knew Caitlin had never really recovered.
Before I had a chance to think about what I wanted to do, if anything, the door banged open and Maria appeared, looking frantic. She spotted me and stormed over.
“You!” she shrieked. “Where is that fucking bitch?”
I stared at her, speechless. She looked like she was about to cry, and I realised that the vulnerability I’d been seeing in her face was probably a symptom of a much bigger problem.
Her eyes darted past me to the computer, which was not only still open to Facebook but had those damn photos plastered across the top of the page, and she wailed, sinking down into the chair at the computer next to me.
“He called me,” she said, her voice wavering. “This morning. He saw I was tagged and looked at the photos expecting to see something nice and then saw—that.” She gestured weakly at my computer. Her lower lip trembled. “He ended our relationship. And hung up on me. And now he will not answer the phone.”
I sat there, completely flabbergasted. What the hell was I supposed to do? Caitlin would kill me if I comforted the Brazilian Bitch, but…
“Do you want me to message him for you?” I asked hesitantly.
Maria burst into tears. “Why are you being nice to me?” she demanded. “You do not like me.”
True. “You’re right, I don’t,” I said bluntly. “But you’re upset, and I like to think I’m a nice person. And for the record, I didn’t know Caitlin was going to post those photos.”
By now she was sobbing, great shuddering sobs that shook her small frame until I was afraid she might completely fly to pieces.
“You do not understand,” she said, sounding hysterical. “I have to marry money. I have to. I have to marry someone with money because otherwise, how am I supposed to look after my family?” She dragged her sleeve
across her face. “It is not fair…no. I am beautiful. I know I am. But no one wants me!”
I blinked in surprise. “Erm,” I said, “really? From where I’m sitting, everyone wants you…”
She lifted her head, a miserable expression on her face. Her eyes were puffy, her skin blotchy, and part of me was pleased to see that she wasn’t one of those women who managed to look beautiful when crying. “But they do not want to keep me,” she said.
I waited for further explanation, but when none was forthcoming, I said, “I’m sorry, you’ve lost me.”
“They meet me. They like me. They sleep with me, and for a little time I feel better about myself. I feel beautiful again. And then, a day or a week or a month later, they toss me aside like so much garbage.” She took a deep breath. “Seth no longer wanted me, and he went to you. I was not important enough to Luciano for him to only want me.”
“Well, I hate to break it to you,” I interrupted, “but Seth and I didn’t work out, either, and it’s not like Luciano wanted to be exclusive with me, either.”
“But they still wanted you!” she wailed. “I have to marry money, and Luiz has been the only man I could find with money who was willing to stick with me—because he is so fat and dull that he thought a beautiful wife was too good to be true. And now even he has cast me aside.”
I hesitated, turning words over in my mind, and then said, “Look, Maria, I’m not trying to be a bitch, but if you wanted to make sure Luiz didn’t end things, you probably shouldn’t have been sticking your tongue down other guys’ throats, much less sleeping with them.”
“But I do not want Luiz,” she said miserably. “I am so unhappy with him. He is so…nice…and boring. I keep trying and trying to find someone I can be happy with and who has the money to help me take care of my family, and it just goes wrong every time.”
Sex, Lies, and Cruising Page 26