Geezer Paradise

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Geezer Paradise Page 17

by Robert Gannon


  The goon jumped to his feet. "You told me you were alone he screamed." I guess he didn't expect us to lie.

  "We lied," I said. "Oscar's up there."

  "You no good bastards . . ." He moved toward us with murder in his eyes, but stopped suddenly when he heard a second drum go thunk on the upstairs floor.

  "Way to go, Oscar," Willey yelled. We all watched as we heard the turpentine come splashing down the stairs, out through the door, and onto the floor. We stood up this time because the flood came all the way to us and swirled around dour shoes. The fumes were making me dizzy.

  "Tell Oscar to come down here or I'll shoot all of you," the goon yelled.

  "You can't tell Oscar to do anything," Willey said. "He isn't human."

  "Whadda you mean he ain't human?"

  "He's an ape," Willey said.

  "Yeah," Jasper added. "And he's big and mean. He'll tear you to pieces."

  "You think I'm stupid?" the goon yelled. "You tell him to come down here now or you're dead."

  "Willey yelled, "Come down here, Oscar." The response was a loud thunk from upstairs, followed by another river of turpentine. Then we heard, "Ew, ew, ew, ew, ee, ee, ee, ee."

  The goon waved his pistol. "I ain't afraid of some ape. Not as long as I've got this." He waved his gun.

  "That pea shooter won't bother Oscar," I said. "You know how thick the leather is on an ape's chest? It's over an inch thick. A howitzer couldn't penetrate that. I just made up the one inch part, but the goon believed it."

  Thunk, another drum down--another river of turpentine. The fumes were so heavy that the tiniest little spark would blow the whole place into the stratosphere.

  "With all these fumes, I'm pretty sure if you shoot your gun we'll all be incinerated," I said. The goon turned pale. He ran for the window, threw it open, and climbed out. A few seconds later we heard a car start and drive away.

  "Sofie," I yelled. "He's gone. "Come around to the window." A minute later Sofie and Oscar appeared at the window.

  "Let me have the bolt cutters," I said. Sofie handed me the bolt cutters through the open window. I hurried over and cut Jasper free from the pipe. Then Willey and I grabbed our guns from the table and we all scrambled out through the window.

  "Hi, Oscar," I said as we met outside. "Did you help Sofie turn those drums over?"

  "He sure did," Sofie said, as we ran towards the Wrangler. "I couldn't have done it without his strong hands."

  "Let's get out of here," I said. "That guy called for back-up a few minutes ago. I don't want to be here when they show up." We all piled into the Wrangler. Jasper sat in front holding Oscar in his lap. Willey and Sofie were in the back. At the first turn in the road a black SUV with four tough looking guys in it sped past us. "They made good time," I said.

  Willey said, "Shit."

  "What?"

  "One of those guys was smoking a cigar." I jammed on the brakes and we all piled out onto the quiet country road, and stood looking back. It didn't take long, about a minute--then all hell broke loose. The explosion was stunning--a gigantic fireball rose into the night sky, lighting up the landscape for miles around. The percussion from the blast pushed us backward a few steps. It was followed by an even larger explosion and fireball as more drums exploded. Flaming pieces of the building were falling from the sky.

  Oscar was hiding behind me. I wondered if Stevens was among the newly deceased. I wasn't hoping . . . honest. I was just wondering.

  Jasper said, "Damn, I bet that hurt." Sofie made the sign of the cross and whispered a short prayer. We all got back into the Wrangler and headed for Sofie's house. We smelled of turpentine so bad we had to open the Wrangler's windows. I felt bad that the thugs had been killed, but it wasn't our fault . . . was it?

  Sofie leaned toward me from the back seat and tapped me on the shoulder.

  "I don't think we should mention any of this to Eduardo," she said. Willey and I agreed.

  Willey took out his cell phone. "I'm going to tell Edna we have Jasper." It took a while to calm Edna down and let her talk to jasper. Then Willey took the phone back and said, "Listen Edna, I don't think we should send Jasper back home, it would be too dangerous. Besides, his ex-wife has a detective chasing him around with a summons. Why don't we send him to live with Clyde in Orlando? He'd be safe there."

  "Good, I like uncle Clyde," Jasper said.

  "Okay," Willey said. "Give Clyde a call and we'll put jasper on a bus." Willey said his goodbyes and closed the phone.

  "We're sending Jasper to live with our brother Clyde until this blows over," Willey said. "Let's head for the nearest bus terminal." Sofie gave us directions. After we got Jasper safely on the bus and waved him goodbye, we headed back to Sofie's. It had been a busy night.

  After Jasper's rescue we had a quiet day just sitting around watching the boats on the river. Willey and I had sent flowers to Mary. She was feeling much better and was clamoring to go home. On the second day of sitting around we were bored out of our skulls.

  Willey asked, "Barney, have you ever been in a kayak?"

  "No, I can't swim. Don't those things tip over easy, and then you have to use your paddle to get them upright again?"

  "You're thinking of Eskimo kayaks. The stuff they have today are one piece, made of plastic--and they're wide and low in the water. They're wide open and it's harder to tip them over. Besides, you wear a life jacket. They're really safe.

  "Why, Willey?" I asked. "Do you want to go out in a kayak?"

  "Yeah, it's lots of fun and it beats sitting here letting moss grow on us. What do you think?" He had a point. We were just vegetating, sitting there day after day. Maybe it would be fun, and I could afford it. And just maybe I could write an article about it for the Sun. "Will there be any alligators?" I asked.

  "They're won't be any alligators," Willey assured me.

  "Okay, let's do it." We went into the house and I put my gun into my pocket, just in case. We asked Sofie if she wanted to come along, but she said, "Sounds like fun, but I'm too busy. You guys go ahead."

  "What about Oscar?" I asked.

  "Oscar can come with us," Willey said. "These kayaks are big enough, Oscar can sit in with me. He'll love it."

  "Be sure to put a life jacket on Oscar," Sofie said. "And you two put your life jackets on, too." We grabbed Oscar and we were off. We drove down 19A to a bank with an ATM machine to take out some cash. It was far enough from Tarpon Springs to be safe, even if someone was able to follow our transactions.

  Neither of us thought it was a good idea to write a check with our name on it--not with Flaherty looking for us. As we were leaving the bank's parking lot I thought I caught a glimpse of a red car behind us. I looked in the rear view mirror--nothing. Stevens has a red Cadillac, but I was probably just being paranoid. How could Stevens know we would be at that bank at that time? I let it go. It was probably just nerves. We drove down to 580 East and headed for the top of Tampa Bay.

  Sam's Kayak And Canoe Rentals was kind of campy. Just the kind of place where you would be able to reach into the overgrown backwater creeks that crisscross Southern Florida. We pulled into the crushed shell parking lot and parked next to a beat-up red pick-up truck. It was the only vehicle there. It must have belonged to the owner of the place. At least we wouldn't have to wait in line to rent a kayak.

  The office was an old garage just big enough to hold a Model-T Ford. It had probably been built just about the time when Model-T's ruled the roads. On a small porch built onto the creek side of the garage, sat an old Cracker in a rocking chair, smoking a corn cob pipe. The creek appeared out of the bush on the right, and quickly disappeared into the bush on the left. It was Old Florida just as it would have been a hundred years ago. It was perfect.

  When the old man saw us his face broke into a big smile. "Howdy, folks. Want to go kayaking?"

  "Sure do," Willey said. He pointed at Oscar. "Can we take the little feller along with us?"

  "Sure, just put a kid's life jacket on him. Fi
rst time I ever had a monkey go kayaking. The life jackets are right there beside the creek." He pointed at a rack filled with Orange jackets. The kayaks are right there, too." We figured he wasn't going to wait on us so I went up on the porch to pay him.

  When I came back I said, "I rented it for two hours so we can take our time. We put on our life jackets. I helped Willey put one on Oscar. Willey and I grabbed a green two-seater kayak and eased it into the water. This wasn't anything like what the Eskimos use, no tiny openings to get trapped in if the thing tips over. The inside had a flat, wide, bottom and plenty of room.

  There were two flimsy looking seats attached to the bottom of the open well, one in front and one in back. Willey went up front. I was wearing flip-flops so I picked Oscar up and sloshed into the water to hand him to Willey. Then I climbed into the back and settled myself into the rear seat. We picked up our paddles, waved at the old guy, and pushed off.

  The old guy waved back and said, "Watch out for the gators." I froze.

  Willey turned around and said, "He's just joking, Barney." I hoped he was right. But alligators, like cockroaches, have been around since prehistoric times, bothering the cave men.

  The creek reminded me of The Green Swamp, except it had more trees and brush and less open space. The stark contrast between the bright green foliage and the pitch black water was the same. The shack quickly disappeared behind us as we glided under the canopy of low hanging trees. Unlike the swamp, with its wildlife concert, the creek was quiet, peaceful.

  "Isn't this nice?" Willey asked.

  "It's beautiful," I said. "I don't know why I didn't think of this myself." Oscar was taking in the surroundings, and smiling. "Oscar looks like he's enjoying it, too," I said. We paddled along, watching the shoreline go by and enjoying every minute of it. We paddled slowly, looking from side to side, taking in the lush scenery.

  "There's a little current," Wiley said. "We can paddle up stream for an hour and then let the current carry us back." We turned one scenic bend after another, until we heard something big plop into the water. We all looked in that direction--nothing showed. A few seconds later an alligator's eyes rose above the water. Oscar started chirping, "Ee,ee,ee,ee." The gator was coming for him and he knew it.

  I yelled, "Let's get out of here. Suddenly the bucolic jungle had become . . . well, a jungle.

  "Just don't make any sudden moves," Willey said. "He won't bother us." We sat stone still but the alligator kept coming toward us. Oscar looked terrified.

  "Willey . . ." I said.

  "Just be quiet, Barney and he'll go away." I was quiet, Willey was quiet, Oscar was quiet, but still the alligator swam toward us. I finally realized Willey didn't know what the hell he was talking about. I slowly pulled the gun out of my pocket. We watched, almost mesmerized, as the monster slid toward us with its huge jaws wide open.

  Willey screamed, "Shoot it, shoot it!" Oscar screeched. I was speechless as the giant lizard chomped down on the side of the kayak right in front of Oscar. The alligator pulled, and almost tipped the kayak over. I pointed my gun at the gators head and fired two shots. The kayak went right side up again, and the alligator slid quietly beneath surface of the water.

  We sat there trying to catch our breath . . . until the first bullet went

  whizzing by! We looked into the brush and saw Stevens battling his way through the dense growth, trying to get close to us. He was having a bad time of it, mostly because he was so drunk he was staggering and his left arm was in a sling. Mary had shot him at least once.

  "Turn this thing around," I yelled. We paddled furiously back the way we had come. Another bullet whizzed by us as we went around a bend and out of Steven's site.

  "Hurry, Willey," I yelled. "We have to get back and out of here before Stevens gets back to his car." Oscar kept looking back to see if the gator was following us. He was wide eyed, he knew he had come within inches of being that demon's lunch. For that matter, we all had. We came steaming around the last bend before the rental place at Olympic speed. The old Cracker actually got out of his rocking chair when he saw us coming.

  "What was all that shooting about?" he yelled.

  "Hunters," I lied. "Too dangerous."

  "Damn," the old man cursed. "Come into the office and I'll refund your money."

  "Keep it," Willey yelled, as we scrambled to get out of the kayak. "We'll be back next week and try again." I couldn't get myself out of the kayak. I was sitting on the bottom with my legs stretched out in front of me and I couldn't pull myself up. Willey grabbed my hands and pulled with all his strength, but I still couldn't pull myself out of the damned thing . . . until we heard a gunshot from close behind--then I jumped out of the boat like a jackrabbit. We pulled off the life jackets and dropped them into the kayak.

  "See you next week," I said to the owner, and we ran for the Wrangler.

  As we pulled out onto the road we passed Steven's Cadillac parked off to the side. He hadn't reached it yet.

  "That was a close one," Willey said.

  I said, "I thought I saw his car behind us back at the bank. But I thought it was just my imagination." As we raced down 580, Willey said, "Take the next exit and we'll take the back roads to make sure he isn't following us." I took the exit and we took the back roads heading to 19 North.

  "Did you notice that Stevens had his arm in a sling?" I asked.

  Willey smiled. "I can't wait to tell Mary she shot the bastard. She always was a fighter." We stayed on the back roads all the way back to Tarpon Springs just to be safe. Along the way I heard Oscar whimper a few times from the back seat. I reached back and rubbed his little head. He had been traumatized. We all had been traumatized--including Willey. I thought about Willey screaming, "Shoot it, shoot it," like a little girl, and I had to smile. I was losing my fear of Stevens and his gun. Not that I thought there was something wrong with the gun, but with the shooter. I hoped he wouldn't sober up anytime soon.

  After a while I said, "Well, that was a relaxing change of pace, Willey. We'll have to do that kayak thing more often."

  Willey said, "I think so, too." I thought Willey was starting to lose his fear of Stevens, too. But he sure as hell was scared by that alligator. So was I.

  Chapter Seventeen

  AFTER LUNCH WILLEY called the hospital again. Mary was well enough to have visitors. We told Sofie we were going to visit Mary in the hospital. She was busy in the kitchen and Oscar was trailing around behind her. We drove down to Largo. Once again Willey wore the ball cap and I wore the sunglasses. It probably was a waste of time but it made us feel a little safer. We parked a block away from the hospital, walked around to the emergency room entrance, went in and took the elevator up.

  When we got to Mary's room the door was open. Mary was sitting up in bed watching TV. When she saw us she broke into a smile. "The psycho ward is down stairs if you guys want to turn yourselves in," she said. She was looking good.

  "When are you going to stop loafing around here and help us stop Flaherty," Willey chided.

  "I'd like to stop him with a bullet between his eyes," Mary said.

  "Speaking of bullets," I said. "We ran into Stevens and he had his arm in a sling."

  "I thought I hit him," Mary said. "I'd like to shoot him between the eyes, too. Where did you see Stevens?" We told her about our kayaking trip. She just shook her head. ”I feel like we're an endangered species."

  Willey asked, "How did Stevens sneak up on you, Mary."

  "It was the middle of the night and I was asleep, until I heard him break the glass in my side door. I didn't have time to call 911, but I got to my gun and shot at him as soon as I could see him moving through the darkness. He fired back and hit me in the stomach. All I could do after that was to keep on shooting until I was out of bullets. I think I passed out after that. When I woke up again I was in here, all bandaged up." We chatted a little more until we ran out of things to say.

  "Well, we'll let you rest, Mary," I said.

  "Get better soon,"
Willey said, and kissed her on the cheek.

  As we left, Mary called out, "You two be careful."

  We went down in the elevator and left the hospital looking over our shoulders. Finally, we reached the Wrangler and drove back to Sofie's.

  The next morning we got a call from Eduardo. Willey answered it. "Barney, Eduardo wants to know it we'll do an overnight stake-out for him at Frank's. He thinks they're smuggling something through there."

  "Who's smuggling what?" I asked.

  "That's what he wants us to find out. It'll give us something to do and we'll make some money."

  "Sure, I'll do it." I could always use the money.

  Willey said, "Sure, Eduardo, we'll do it . . . yeah . . . yeah. Okay, but I'll need a gun. Sofie? . . . okay, we'll be looking for the package, see ya."

  Willey said, "Sofie will lend me a gun and he's sending us the keys to the back gate and the back door of Frank's by currier. He made copies of them when he was working there. He says the neighbors call the police because a big cabin cruiser pulls up to Frank's dock in the middle of the night, stays for five minutes, and then leaves. When the police get there the boat is gone. Anyway, it's happening on a regular basis and he wants us to hide up in Frank's cupola and find out what's going on. We're not supposed to do anything, just observe."

  "Okay, maybe it won't be so bad," I said. "And it means another four hundred apiece for us, that's the best part. When do we do it?"

  "Tonight. Better bring a thermos full of coffee to keep us awake."

  An hour later the currier arrived with the package. There was a note inside from Eduardo. It told us to go up into the cupola on the roof and just observe. He said to stay out of site. Smugglers are dangerous people--and not to forget to lock the back door and the gate behind us, both going in and coming out.

  Willey and I went to a local camera store to buy film so I could take pictures of the smugglers.

  "Just don't hit the flash again like you did at Ransom's," Willey said.

 

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