Bastard.
“I did shower before I came, by the way,” he added. “You ready to go?”
“Go?” I laughed. “Adam, for the last time, I’m not going to the Brewers’ with you tonight. I need to stay here in case the kids need me.”
Hailey spoke up. “You should go. I’m staying the night, anyway. I can keep an ear open for the kids.”
I turned to glare briefly at her. Hailey grinned back cattily. I wasn’t expecting to see a wide smile on Adam’s face when I looked up at him again. “Fine,” I said. “Give me a sec to change. I stink.” I pushed back from the doorway, but Adam took my hand in his and pulled my purse off the counter.
“You’re fine. Come on, before we’re late, Pavlova.”
“Have fun, you two!” Hailey called after us with mocking sweetness.
I flipped her the bird.
15
Let Your Love Flow
At the Brewers’, things were in full swing by the time we arrived. It seemed they had pushed the party a bit farther into the backyard, and the size of the fire reminded me of our old high school bonfires. Then I remembered what an ass I’d made of myself the last time we were there. I stared from the passenger seat of Adam’s truck at the silhouettes shifting in front of the firelight. He opened the door for me, but I couldn’t find the willpower to move my legs.
“This is a bad idea,” I said.
“It’s a good idea,” Adam argued as he undid my seat belt and took my hand back in his. His touch pulled my stare from the fire to his beautiful eyes. This did not help to calm my nerves.
“Caleb’s probably still pissed at me.”
Adam tugged me until my feet hit the ground and I had cleared enough space for him to shut the door and lock the truck behind me. “In case you forgot, I was the one who lost my shit last time we were here.”
I bit my lip and tried to look past him but stilled when his other hand took hold of my chin.
“You deserve a break too, Dani,” he said.
Why do you care so much? I wanted to ask him.
He half led, half dragged me to the bonfire and the music and the people I’d once hated.
Caleb and his wife, Andi, were the first to greet us with equally wide eyes and blatant shock. “Wow, brother, you finally did it,” Caleb said with a laugh and slap on Adam’s back.
“Shut up, man,” Adam grumbled.
Andi pulled me from Adam’s grasp before I could throw in a comment and handed me a beer. “Wow, didn’t think you would make it tonight!”
“Neither did I. Sorry about last time,” I said.
Andi’s smile was as warm and genuine as it was forgiving. I knew there was a reason I had liked her alone of all the girls in our class.
“Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t the first time things got a little heated around here. Besides, the kids are with my mother tonight. We can be as loud and obnoxious as we want. Come on, let me reintroduce you to everyone,” she said and linked her arm through mine.
Everyone looked shocked when Andi pulled me around, introducing me as “Adam’s date.”
“We just came here as friends,” I said, attempting to correct Andi, but she would not be dissuaded.
Justin Greene, would-be archeologist and former nerd, was there sans uniform, and I found myself smiling back at him when he offered me another beer. “Danica Pavlova! Haven’t seen you around town lately. Hope you’ve been settling in okay.”
“Town’s about as welcoming as I expected,” I replied.
“It’s so good to see you again. I told the guys, and they wouldn’t believe me!”
Andi kept her arm through mine when several of the girls from last time started to whisper amongst themselves. She stretched onto her tiptoes to speak against my ear. “Sorry about them. They’re not so bad when they’re not all together like that.”
I took a sip of my beer. “I never got along with those bitches when we were kids. They used to make fun of my accent, especially when I’d accidently ask a question in Russian.”
Andi nodded solemnly. “I remember that. They didn’t care much for me, either. I think Alyssa is still pissed at me for stealing Caleb Brewer from her.” She giggled, and I clinked my glass to hers in approval.
“Screw them. You got your man. They’re probably here to hook up, anyway.” I pushed aside the guilt I felt for that statement. Two weeks ago, I hadn’t cared for much else besides the next hookup. I took a bitter sip of my beer to wash the sour taste from my mouth. “So, tell me all the juicy drama. Who’s dating who around here?”
Andi’s eyes sparkled as she leaned in again and kept both of us entertained for the next half hour. Turns out my exes—decent Shane, sleazy Jake, and creepy Ted—had all taken turns dating Alyssa and the other three girls. Jameson was the worst of all, though, no surprise there. He’d acted as though he was alpha dog in high school too. All the girls wanted to date Adam King, but he always said no. This made me both satisfied and angry at the same time. I hated feeling like the jealous girlfriend.
Jameson walked up to us first out of the guys, and I was grateful for the new distraction. “Hey, Pavlova, glad to see King didn’t scare you away for good.”
Andi sucked in a breath and started to say, “Matter of fact, she’s—”
“I was wondering when you were going to say hi,” I interrupted as I released Andi’s arm and ignored her confused look.
The two beers I’d had weren’t enough to make me tipsy, just buzzed enough to feel good. I took the apple margarita Jameson handed me and took a swig.
He led me back toward the bonfire and the music, and before I knew it, his hand was pulling me closer to him. “You know, I’ve been wondering if you have any ink on you all night,” he spoke roughly against my ear. I felt the vibrations all the way down to the warm space between my legs and shivered.
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I said. I let him grind against me in rhythm with the music and enjoyed the sensation of his fingers playing against the skin under my shirt.
“Maybe you wanna show me?” he asked with a knowing smirk. It was the same look he’d given me when he’d tried to talk me into sex the last time. I had kneed him in the balls and ended the relationship then and there. Something about the moment and the words and the familiarity struck me again.
This isn’t what you wanted then or now, Zvezda.
I started to pull away but not before a force beyond us jerked Jameson up in the air and threw him to the ground. Glass shattered, and one of the girls screamed. I froze and watched as Adam straddled Jameson on the ground and threw swift punches at his face. All the while, he spat curses that were best not repeated.
“Caleb!” I heard Andi call from somewhere behind me, and this spurred me into action. I knew without a doubt if Caleb interfered, he’d get a nasty left hook. Instead, I ran up to Adam until I was in his face.
“Adam King! Stop it!” He ignored me at first until I grabbed his chin and forced him to face me. “Grow a brain, asshole!”
He blinked, and some of the blind rage fled his face as he froze. “Dani?”
I glanced down at Jameson’s ruined face and Adam’s bloody knuckles then turned around and walked away.
I meant for my exit to be a lot more graceful. Unfortunately, that third drink was working my system and causing me to stumble in my boots. Still, I struggled up to the edge of the field above the bonfire, past the barn, and up the hillcrest. I didn’t even notice Adam calling after me until he caught up and walked backward in front of me.
“Dani! Dani, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have punched him. It was stupid.” He held his hands open and trembling in front of him. At first, he looked so lost that I almost forgave him.
“You’re such an ass!” I yelled instead. “I can’t believe you punched him for dancing with me!”
“Dancing? He was all over you!” Adam clenched his fists and held them rigid to his sides.
“Oh, please, it’s not like it meant anything!”
&n
bsp; “It meant something to me! He knew you came with me tonight.”
“Yeah, as a friend, remember? You can’t go around beating up every guy who looks at me, Adam! It’s like high school all over again!” I threw my arms up and attempted to walk away from him. The grass must have been slicker than I thought because I was flat on my ass the next moment and laughing.
Adam sighed heavily as he sat down next to me and buried his head in his hands. “I’m sorry I fucked up. You’ve already had an awful day, and you’re right—this isn’t high school.” His voice was as rough as sandpaper.
I wanted to rub against that sound, against him. I edged a little closer until our sides touched. This got his attention. He lifted his head and looked at me, a frown marring his beautiful eyes.
“I have a confession to make,” I said with a slight giggle. It was pointless to say what I truly felt. I was no better than the girls back at the party, wanting the next hookup. I wanted Adam King.
“What’s that?” Adam asked, and this time I saw the lust hiding just behind the apprehension in his eyes.
I leaned in closer and rested my hand on his bare arm. “I like it when you get protective like that.” I wasn’t so tipsy I wasn’t aware of what I was saying. And it was almost easy to tell him the truth there in that field, beneath the stars. “I’ve always liked it.”
I didn’t want to be angry with Adam King anymore, I admitted to myself. I wanted to be close. I linked my fingers with his and tugged ever so slightly. His nostrils flared as air fled his lungs, and his other hand reached up to grasp the side of my head and tangle his fingers in my hair. I pushed against his chest and covered his lips with mine.
It was just like my dream. It was better. I pressed both hands to his chest and pushed until he was lying flat on the grass. His hands engulfed my waist and pulled me on top of him until my legs straddled his. His tongue swept against my lower lip, and I opened my mouth to let him in, to thread my tongue with his, to let him taste every crevice of my mouth. I rolled my hips against his and sighed when I felt him harden through his jeans.
“Zvezda…” He moaned my name and ran his hand up my shirt at the same moment he released my mouth to trail kisses down my neck. Only Adam had ever called me by my first name. His voice was the only one I wanted to hear saying it, whispering it against my ear. I gasped when he sucked against my earlobe and drew his tongue against the shell. Shivers laced my spine, and I could feel the difference between us in the desperation in which we moved against each other.
His hands trembled slightly as he found the clasp of my bra, and I thought for a moment how easy it would have been to let him unhook it, to let him take me there under the stars I was named for. Something took possession of me as I reached back to still his hands, as I pulled up and looked into his beautiful eyes. My hair blotted the rest of the world out as I managed to whisper between stolen gasps of air, “Take me home.”
He nodded quickly and helped me stand, though he seemed unsteady on his own feet. Once my hand was fitted in his and we were walking back down the hill, his step was sure. I had to concentrate hard not to smile as we passed our old friends and the people we barely knew. Andi raised an eyebrow when I meet her gaze across the fire and slowly smiled at me while Adam told Caleb, “Thanks for inviting us.”
“Later, brother.” Caleb saluted and winked at me as I passed him by.
Adam buckled me in and paused to caress my face, to kiss my lips again while I reached between us to stroke his length. I needed him to know this wasn’t about saying good night for me. I wanted to say good morning.
I reached over to rub him from my seat and delighted every time I felt him twitch against my hand. His hands were tight against the wheel, and he kept his face forward on the drive home. I was so keyed up by this point, I didn’t even notice when we passed by my house and pulled into the back lot at the garage downtown.
He killed the engine and jumped out, slamming the door behind him. I opened my mouth to ask him why we were at his flat when he opened the passenger door, but the passion and fury in his eyes made me shut up. I unbuckled my seat belt, and he pulled me up against him before I could take a step out of his truck. My back slammed against the truck bed as his arm held my waist to his and his lips descended on mine again.
I smiled and wrapped my leg around him and grabbed the bed of the truck with my free hand. The Adam I remembered was as shivering and gentle and virginal as I had been. This Adam was forceful but somehow not too rough, a man in place of a boy. He pulled away just when I thought we were about to finish this in the back lot of my brother’s business.
I almost laughed when he smiled at me and managed to speak between breaths. “Sorry, you were just driving me crazy back there.” He nodded at the truck, and I slid down from his waist, rubbing against him one last time as I twined my hands around his neck.
“You going to invite me up?” All my efforts at appearing confident and sexy were shot when he rested his hands on my waist and leaned his forehead against mine with an even softer smile.
“Yes, Zvezda Danica, I’m going to invite you up. But I need to know if this is something you really want. If you say no, I’ll try my damnedest to be your friend. I’ll take you home, and I won’t mention this to anyone.” His eyes searched mine, and I held my breath. “But”—he paused to kiss the tip of my nose and then each eyelid—“if you say yes, there’s no running away again.”
I struggled to swallow and wet my lips. “If I say yes, will you let me stay until the morning?”
He smiled at me, and I saw the kind of light I hadn’t seen in his eyes since we were little. He smiled, and I saw the same hope and joy I thought I had killed. I saw in his smile that he still, by some damned miracle, loved me even though I didn’t deserve it.
I covered my mouth with my hand and squeezed my eyes shut. DO NOT ruin this!
“Would you like to come upstairs?”
I nodded and blinked back tears as he took my hand and led me.
16
Spanish Sahara
After our struggle getting there, we took our time once Adam had locked the flat door behind me. I held back, watching him secure the door and toss his keys aside. I froze in place, not because I didn’t still want to jump his bones. I very much wanted him, and he obviously wanted me, judging by the erection struggling against his pants. The truth was I was nervous. It had been forever since I had been naked in front of him, or anyone really. All the years spent in dorm rooms and flats, hostels and hotels with other men were quick, hurried affairs. I never liked to stick around long afterward and kept a strict rule about not spending the night if I could help it. I never invited anyone to my house in the city.
Now I felt just as nervous as I had in Adam’s bedroom ten years before. I watched as he checked over his house and toed off his shoes in the hall. He disappeared into his bedroom for a moment before returning to stand just outside in the hall. I hadn’t moved an inch. He shoved his hands in his pockets and pulled them out again then ducked his head and looked up at me in the dim lamplight.
“I’ve never had a girl in my room before,” he said.
I glanced down the dark hall leading to his bedroom door. “Sure you want to let me in?”
Adam nodded and waited. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves as I walked past him and pushed open the door.
The only light in his room was a bedside candle he must have just lit. A single window was obscured by dark curtains, save a sliver of moonlight that crossed the floor to my feet. A pile of clothes sat in one corner, and I was pleased to see the king-sized bed. But what held my attention most were his walls. They were covered in sketches and paintings. Some I recognized from high school. Others were quick charcoal sketches of war, terrible images interspersed with pieces of the same face. At times, the sketches would only be focused on her hair, others on the curve of her arm or spindly hand, the turn of her lip. I stared at the easel set up in the corner and the pastels scattered on the floor. The face stari
ng back at me wasn’t as young as the one pictured on the walls. The dark eyes were haunted, and she looked too skinny about the face and arms, causing the eyes to appear even larger and lost. Her hair was a black, curled mess she struggled to push off her face.
I didn’t know I was crying until Adam used his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I blinked up at him, stunned. “You said you don’t sketch anymore,” I whispered.
He shrugged and studied my face. “I didn’t want you to know. I was angry for a long time. I didn’t want anyone to know.”
“Why me? I was the dumb bitch who broke your heart in high school. You could have moved on after me. You could have started a family…”
He stepped into the space left between us until my breasts were pressed to his chest and I could feel how much he still needed me. “I made up my mind about you in the third grade. It only would have worked with us.”
I shook my head and blinked back tears. “You should hate me. Why don’t you hate me?”
He pushed my shirt up until his hands encased my waist and kissed me softly. “I can’t hate you any more than I can hate myself.”
I lifted my arms to let him pull my shirt away. His gaze swept over my chest and my breasts. I wanted to cover them up, convinced he would think they were too small. He grabbed my hands before I could, though, and kissed me again.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. That hasn’t changed for me, and it never will.” He stole my breath away when he unhooked my bra and trailed kisses over my breasts. He covered one nipple with his mouth and teased it with his tongue then gently sucked. I held on to his head, dug my fingers through his hair, and arched into him as he moved on to the other nipple.
He picked me up and laid me on his bed and pulled my boots off before peeling my pants off my legs. “I’m going to take my time with you tonight, Dani,” he said.
I nodded in agreement and tensed when he pulled his shirt over his head. His body was damned beautiful in the candlelight. His arms and shoulders were more defined than his chest, but he was mostly muscle. And my heart ached to see all his scars. The ones on his upper arms and torso looked like bullet wounds. I sat up on my knees to take hold of him, to kiss those scars and caress them with my tongue. I wanted to erase the pain that he had felt and the memories that came with them.
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