This late in the afternoon, there were few people on the train. Plenty of empty seats. They’d scoped out the reactions of the passengers nearby, but none of them seemed to have noticed Mai—they most likely couldn’t see her.
“Hey.”
“Should I get down on my hands and knees?”
“No. Why do you insist on involving yourself with me? Fess up. Consider it your punishment.”
“Where’d that come from?”
“As big a pain as I’ve been, most people would have called it quits by now.”
“How self-aware.”
“It’s not like people around me hide it.”
Mai had never fit into her class or the school. She was treated like the air, and no one voluntarily interacted with her.
“That grumpy streak is why you can’t make friends, Mai.”
“You’re one to talk.”
He ignored her spiteful comment. He was fully aware of this. Yuuma and Rio told him the same thing all the time.
“But you’re also totally shameless, Sakuta.”
“I am?”
“You’re, like, the only one who’s not afraid to talk to me.”
“You can be kind of unnerving. That definitely keeps people away.”
Her beauty alone made it hard to strike up a conversation with her, and her celebrity status only made that worse.
“Oh, be quiet,” she said.
“Do you like school?”
“If you mean, ‘Even though I’ve got no friends there,’ it’s been like that since grade school, so it’s not like anything has changed. I’ve never thought of school as a place you ‘like.’”
That didn’t sound like she was trying to put up a front or be evasive. It sounded like her honest opinion. She had no strong opinion about not fitting in at school. The difference between her and those around her didn’t strike her as strange. She’d given up on it long ago, and Sakuta almost felt like she’d achieved a form of enlightenment about school life.
“Also, you’re avoiding the subject,” she said, giving him a sidelong glare. “I asked you a question first. You haven’t answered it at all yet!”
“What was it again?”
“Why are you so hell-bent on helping me? You even gave that reporter information that could cause trouble for you. You’ve got to have some reason why you’d go to such lengths.”
She was being even more insistent now.
“I just can’t ignore someone in trouble.”
“I’m asking seriously.”
“Oof.”
“You’re nice, but you’re not naturally nice.”
“I’m not?”
“You’re not nice to everyone. When that college couple tried to take my picture in Shichirigahama Station, you were downright mean.”
“I think anyone would do the same.”
“I’m saying you chose a particularly not nice way to go after them. You could have gently nudged instead.”
“Even though I was mad?”
“You could have if you wanted to. You were still levelheaded enough to pick exactly the right way to drive him into a corner.”
“The more you talk, the worse I sound…”
“You thought you were a good person?” Mai questioned, looking astonished.
“At the least, you’re worse than me.”
“Whatever. Just tell me the reason.”
She wasn’t letting him wriggle out of this. She never did.
“Then I’ll give you a serious answer. You’d better listen.”
“Go on.”
“I thought, here’s my chance to impress a beautiful—”
“I’m not asking you to confess the raw, unvarnished truth.”
“You’re the one who demanded a serious answer!”
“Just give me your current best excuse.”
Anyone would assume Mai was out to find out how he really felt. Sometimes he really didn’t get her.
“I know how excruciating it is when you’ve got no one to ask for help,” he said, like he was past caring.
“……”
This time she didn’t interrupt. He must have been passing.
“When Kaede got Adolescence Syndrome, nobody would believe it, even when it happened right in front of them.”
Sakuta took a bite of Pocky. If he talked with his mouth full, he figured Mai would scold him for bad manners, so he swallowed before continuing.
“Nobody would listen to us. They all just pulled away. We were telling the truth, but they called us liars.”
And he didn’t blame them. It was the natural reaction. If it hadn’t been his own sister, Sakuta would never have believed it, either. He’d have closed his eyes and ears, pretending he’d seen and heard nothing.
That would have been so much easier. Everyone knew as much.
“Can I ask one thing?” Mai inquired, sounding slightly hesitant.
He nodded. He had a feeling he knew what was coming.
“Your parents?” She treaded carefully.
She had problems with her own mother, so it must have taken a lot for her to risk asking something so intrusive. He felt like her ability to put herself in his shoes was a good thing. She might act the queen a bit, but she could also understand how the commoners felt.
“They don’t live with us.”
“I know that. I’ve been in your apartment.”
Certainly, seeing his place would make that very clear. There was no hint of anything grown-up. Only Sakuta’s shoes were at the door, and the vibe in the hall and his bedroom was the same. Normally, people’s territories felt different, even if they were family.
“I’m asking if…”
“I know.”
He’d known what she meant from the beginning. How had they handled Kaede’s situation?
He ate three Pocky at once. The box was empty now. He crumpled it up and shoved it in his pocket.
“Mom, well… She tried to accept it. In the end, the whole situation was too much for her, and she went… She’s still in the hospital. Her daughter being bullied was hard enough without this insane Adolescence Syndrome stuff on top of it. Dad’s at her side.”
Sakuta himself still didn’t know how to handle it. Before he did anything, everything around him had changed, and before he knew it, things were the way they were now.
Only the results remained.
He hadn’t been able to do a thing, and there was nothing he could do now.
“Kaede took Mom’s rejection hard, and since she was the cause of it, that was even worse…and now she won’t let anyone come close but me.”
“How old is she again?”
“Two years younger than me. She should be a third-year in junior high. Ever since it all went down, she became an extreme homebody and hasn’t been to school at all.”
Strictly speaking, she couldn’t leave the house. If she put shoes on and stood at the door, her legs refused to take a single step outside. She’d start crying like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
A counselor came to see her once a month, but so far, there were no signs of improvement.
“Your mother… Do you hate her for it?”
“I used to,” Sakuta admitted. “I thought it was her job to help us, to believe Kaede and me.”
But living away from her had opened his eyes to a few things. How much work she’d done around the house on a daily basis. Cooking meals, doing laundry, cleaning the bath and toilet, taking care of all sorts of problems. And when they’d all lived together, Sakuta had taken that for granted.
Once he had to do it all himself, there were things he noticed, things he changed. Specifically, he now sat down to pee.
He knew for a fact his mother had been putting up with a lot. There would certainly have been things she wished the rest of the family were more conscious of. But she never once uttered a single word of complaint in front of Sakuta. It never once showed on her face. She never once demanded anyone thank her for it.
And he started
to feel that he had no right to bear a grudge against her, given all he had to be grateful for. Over the last year, those feelings had only grown.
The same went for his father. They met once a month to report progress on each side. His father was looking after his wife while also providing enough money for Sakuta and Kaede to live on their own. No matter how many shifts Sakuta took at the restaurant, he’d never earn enough to pay the rent at their current apartment. Sakuta had to admit he was simply not able to sustain his current daily life with nothing but his own power.
“Dealing with Kaede taught me that I’m just a kid, and being a grown-up doesn’t mean you can solve everything. Pretty obvious, I know.”
“Wow…that’s quite astute.”
“You totally think I’m an idiot.”
“Not really. Most of our classmates still haven’t figured that out yet.”
“They just haven’t had the chance. Everyone will once they’re forced to face the facts.”
“So where are we going with this?” Mai asked, glancing toward the windows. The ocean would be coming into view soon.
He remembered her original question.
Why did he insist on involving himself?
That’s how this conversation started.
“There was one person who listened to me about Kaede’s Adolescence Syndrome.”
If it hadn’t been for that, Sakuta was sure he’d never have made it through.
He’d learned some harsh lessons.
Being lonely wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
Being genuinely alone was far, far worse.
This was a truth everyone knew, deep down. And the deep-rooted fear of that led to rules like “answer texts immediately” or “never leave a message unread.” Without realizing how those rules became nooses tied around people’s necks, it simply led to getting permanently ostracized.
“I found someone who believed me.”
It hurt to remember her. He found himself biting his lip each time he recalled her name.
“A girl?” Mai inquired.
“Huh?” Sakuta jumped. She was right.
Mai’s cold stare was downright unnerving.
“I could see it in your face,” she said. Clearly displeased.
The train stopped at Kamakura High School Station. The next stop was Shichirigahama, where they usually got off.
The moment the doors opened, Mai stood up.
“Come on,” she ordered.
The goal of their date was the last stop on the line. They still had a fifteen-minute ride ahead of them.
“Not Kamakura proper?” he asked.
Mai was already off the train.
“Uh, wait.” He scrambled after.
The doors closed a second later, and the train slowly rattled off. They watched until it was out of sight, then Mai turned her gaze toward the shore.
This station was built right on the waterfront. Technically, on a hill above it. There was nothing obstructing the view. You could just stand on the platform waiting for a train and have the view all to yourself.
It was the kind of location used in movies all the time. Sakuta was pretty sure something actually had filmed things here—he’d definitely seen film crews on the beach.
“Since you were ninety-eight minutes late, it’s already evening,” Mai explained.
The sun was hanging low over Enoshima, and the sky was turning red.
“Let’s walk.”
She pointed toward the water and left the station without waiting for an answer.
Sakuta laughed about that but followed her happily.
Outside the station, Sakuta and Mai had to wait an eternity for a walk light to cross Route 134. On the other side was a twenty-step staircase down to the Shichirigahama beach.
Keeping Enoshima at their backs, they walked in the direction of Kamakura.
The sand pulled at their feet, making it hard to walk.
“Did you know that, despite its name, Shichirigahama isn’t even close to being seven ri long?”
“One ri is about two and a half miles, but this beach isn’t even two.”
This was a far cry from the usual exaggeration.
“How dull,” Mai said. Maybe she’d wanted to be the one to tell him.
“Kujuukuri Beach in Chiba also isn’t ninety-nine ri.”
“You know a lot of useless facts,” she remarked, looking very bored.
“You raised the subject!”
“So what was she like?”
“Hmm?” He pretended not to follow.
“The crazy lady who believed your nonsense.”
“You’re jealous?”
“What’s her name?”
“You are jealous.”
“Just spit it out!”
Teasing her further was clearly just going to make her mad.
“Her name was Shouko Makinohara,” Sakuta said, listening to the sound of the surf. “She’s five foot three. Smaller than you across the board. I dunno how much she weighs.”
“If you did, I’d want to know why.”
“She heard me out, listening carefully, but never changed the way she acted or seemed to take pity on me.”
“Hmm.”
Mai had asked, but now she didn’t seem to care.
“Only other distinguishing feature was her Minegahara High uniform.”
“……”
Only then did she look at him.
“Did you enroll here to chase after her?”
“With everything that happened with Kaede, staying where we were was too hard—that was the deciding factor. We talked about going someplace even farther, but info spreads online no matter where you go, so we figured distance wouldn’t really matter. But, well…the reason I picked this school was basically what you said.”
He might as well admit it. After everything else he’d divulged, there was no point hiding it.
“But she rejected you,” Mai said, seemingly enjoying his misfortune.
“The outcome’s the same, but…I never actually asked her out.”
“Even though you chose her school?”
There was an accusatory look in her eyes, as if she were saying, “What was the point of coming to Minegahara High, then?”
“She wasn’t here.”
He picked a rock off the beach and threw it at the ocean. He felt like this was the same spot where he’d gotten rid of his phone.
“She graduated?”
“I was in third year of junior high when we met. She said she was in second year of high school, so I doubt that’s it.”
“Then she transferred?”
“That would have been preferable.”
“Then it was something else?”
“I went around to all the third-year classes, asking all the students.”
“And?”
Sakuta shook his head.
“Nobody’d ever heard of a student named Shouko Makinohara.”
“……”
Mai appeared unsure how to take that.
“I checked the class lists for the entire school, wondered if she’d been held back a year…even went through the last three yearbooks.”
But he’d found no sign of her.
There were no records of any Shouko Makinohara ever attending Minegahara High.
“I don’t know what it means, either. All I know is that I met someone named Shouko Makinohara, and she was there for me when I needed her.”
“Yeah.”
“And since I can’t pay her back for that…maybe I’m trying to help you instead.”
On your own, the anxiety would never go away. Just having someone there with you could be enough to get you through it. That had been Sakuta’s experience two years ago.
“Also, I’m just curious.”
“About what?”
“Why does Adolescence Syndrome happen? If I could crack that…”
His hand drifted to his chest.
“The scars bother you?”
“A bit, y
eah.”
Summer was coming, and swimming class was going to suck. If there was a way to get rid of his scars, he’d love to know how.
“And if we can crack it, maybe I can help Kaede.”
“Right.”
It would be a tragedy if she could never leave the house again. A real waste to spend the rest of her life reading and playing with their cat.
Sakuta wanted to bring Kaede to this beach someday. But to do that, he had to learn more about Adolescence Syndrome and find a way to apply that knowledge to her case. That was the real reason he’d first gotten interested in Mai…
He didn’t need to spell it out. One glance at the smile on her face made it clear she understood.
Sakuta picked up another rock and flung it at the water. It traced an arc through the air and sank with a plop.
“Hey.”
“……”
He waited silently for her next question.
“Are you still in love with her?”
“……”
He couldn’t confirm or deny. All he could do was cover it over with a smile.
“Are you in love with Shouko Makinohara?” Mai asked.
Once again, he turned it over in his mind.
Did he still love her?
Maybe he’d been avoiding that question all along.
Did he love Shouko Makinohara?
Once, the very thought of her had sent stabbing pains through his chest. If he dwelled on thoughts of her, the tightness inside would get so bad he couldn’t sleep.
But a year had gone by. It wasn’t like that now. Not anymore.
Maybe he’d found his answer a long time back and had just been avoiding putting his feelings in words. Maybe this was the time to say it.
“I really did love her.”
He let the words drift toward the ocean. That alone felt like a huge weight off his chest.
Without there ever being a specific trigger for it, time had turned his feelings into memories. But a scab had formed on the wound of his broken heart, and before he knew it, that had peeled away, too. That was simply how human beings moved on with their lives.
“If you’re going to say it, might as well say it louder.”
“I feel like you’d never let me hear the end of it.”
“I could film it for you,” Mai offered, holding up her phone. “Come on! Say it again!”
Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, Volume 1 Page 10