“But you are.”
“Well, it’s going to change. It’s my birthday in a fortnight. There’s going to be a new me. I’m going to diet and exercise.”
“Huh. I give it two days max before you’re back on the crisps and slouched in front of the TV.” He went indoors, leaving September at the gate.
“No, I mean it. I’ll show you,” she said to herself.
It was a struggle. She was hungry, tired, irritable, despondent. School was difficult as teachers fretted about the exams that would be looming like a great high wall at the end of the year that she would have to clamber over. September gave in to temptation once, twice, three times as a packet of chocolate biscuits disappeared almost before she realised she was eating them. But Gus’ repeated taunts, the remembered insults of the boys and girls at school and the memory of the image of herself wielding the starstone kept her vow firmly in her mind.
In some ways her focus on dieting and fitness made her memory of her experiences that night become less vivid and she sometimes wondered whether they had really happened. She even found herself questioning her ‘proof’ – the pendant. Perhaps it had the silver clasp and chain all along and she had just forgotten. Each evening and morning she looked out of her window for the stars and Moon. When the sky was clear she held up the starstone and peered into its cloudiness, but nothing happened. She watched the Moon pass the third quarter as it became old and saw the changing shape for the first time.
She wanted to question Mother more about the seventh child but she felt that Mother wouldn’t welcome the subject coming up and an opportunity didn’t arise. Mother did of course notice the change in her. She responded cheerfully to September’s sudden desire for healthy food, and she encouraged her on her jogs around the housing estate. September was grateful that she didn’t question too much the reasons for the sudden change in her habits but seemed to accept September’s explanation that turning sixteen was the incentive. Despite mother’s quiet assistance September still found it difficult to maintain her programme. She felt starved most of the time and she feared being seen and ridiculed on her runs, well trots, around the houses. The most depressing thing was that despite all the effort there didn’t seem much change. She had barely lost any weight, she couldn’t see much difference in herself in the mirror and concentrating on her work seemed more difficult than ever.
A weekend came and passed. Gus remained in his room, with a mate or two, making loud crashing noises which he called music. September met up with Poppy and Emma for a visit to the shops but she found her heart wasn’t in shopping even though her birthday was just a few days away. There was homework too of course. Although it was months till exams teachers were piling on the homework as preparation and nothing came easily to her.
The Moon became a crescent getting slimmer and slimmer. She wished her diet was having a similar effect on her but any changes were impossible to detect after just a couple of weeks. Now the Moon was a thin sliver, her birthday was just a day away. She had checked up on the internet and confirmed that her birthday would be on the new Moon. Perhaps because that was on her mind the dreams were troubling her more. It seemed each night she witnessed vague disturbing events in the Land. Comets and strange winged creatures filled the sky and there was fire all around. Each morning she awoke sweating and trembling. What did these foggy and indistinct images mean? She was torn between wanting to discover what was happening and dreading what was expected of her. The memories of her visit seemed distant and unreal now but the dreams kept her unsettled and wondering what would happen.
The Saturday of her birthday dawned at last. September stayed in bed, reluctant to meet the rest of the family and tired after another night of broken sleep. Eventually Mother came up to her. At least this morning she knocked on the door before opening it.
“Happy Birthday, love,” she looked at September with a worried frown on her face, “are you all right, Em? Your eyes look tired.”
“I’m fine Mother,” September said, a little annoyed with herself that it came out rather more petulantly than she intended.
“Are you sure? You’ve been looking a bit run down for days. You’re not overdoing it with your exercise?”
“No, Mother.”
“You’re not worried about your school work are you?”
“No. Well not much. I’m trying to learn it, I really am.”
“We know you are, love,” Mother said softly, “Your father and I have been really impressed with how you’ve been looking after yourself these last couple of weeks and how you’ve been working since the new term started. We know the exams will be difficult for you, but we’re proud of you.” She gave September a broad smile, “Anyway, give it a break today. It’s your sixteenth birthday. Come and open your cards.”
Mother left and September hauled herself out of bed.
Soon she was immersed in the celebrations. The house filled up with her other sisters. Even April and her boyfriend arrived. Well, sixteen was quite special, September thought. Gus kidded her about all the things that she could now do legally. She ignored him.
September tried to look pleased at seeing everyone and oohed and aahed over her presents but drifted through the day as if it was someone else having the birthday and she was just a watcher. By the evening the kitchen and living room were full of sisters and boyfriends and aunts and uncles. Mother was careering around trying to keep everyone happy and produce food for all. September slipped outside into the garden. It was still daylight but cooling quickly after a sunny day – it was September after all. She looked up into the sky. No moon this evening of course. She shivered, not just from the cool air, but with apprehension. Was a new Moon significant? A new beginning. Was this was the night she would be called back to the Land? What would she find there? What was expected of her?
She realised that April was standing next to her, puffing on a cigarette. April had dark hair like her father and there was little resemblance to September or Mother, or her father for that matter. April had always tried to be different so had her hair spiked, wore heavy make-up and there were various rings and studs piercing her face and ears. Gosh, she’s thirty now and still acting the rebellious teenager, September thought; the product of Mother’s youth and inexperience, the daughter who, as the oldest, always had to look after herself.
“Finding it too crowded, then?” April said, puffing on her fag then offering it to September. She shook her head.
“A bit,” she replied.
“You seem a bit, sort of subdued; not the September I remember always bouncing around with a smile and a laugh. You look different, too. Mother says you’ve been on a slimming thing.”
September shrugged but was secretly pleased that April could see a change in her.
“Got a problem? Try it out on big sis April.”
“No, it’s nothing...” September was going to deny everything, and then a thought came to her, “Well there was something.”
“What is it? A boy?”
“No, don’t be silly. Would a boy look at me?”
“’Course he would, now you’re losing that flab, and especially if he thought he was going to have it off with you.”
“Thanks.”
“My pleasure. So what is it?”
September paused, wondering if she should ask the question, then decided that this was her chance to find out.
“Did Mum have another child before me?”
April stared at her through her black shadowed eyes.
“You mean between Augustus and you.”
“Yes, I suppose so.”
“No-one’s told you?”
“Told me what?”
“Well...”
“Look, come on April, if you know something, tell me.” The normally sullen and impassive April suddenly looked on edge.
“If Mother doesn’t want you to know, I’m not sure if I should...”
“It’s too late now, April. There is something, I knew it, so tell me what it is.�
� April glanced over her shoulder through the kitchen window. The noise seemed to be growing. April grabbed September’s arm and dragged her down the garden path towards the shed.
“Let’s go down the garden like we did when you were little,” April said. They went behind the shed. There was an old wooden bench there where April used to take her when she was a toddler, out of sight of the house, so April could light up a fag without Mother seeing and getting annoyed. She took another drag, and then leaned her head towards September.
“Now you’ve got to keep this to yourself, at least till I’m well away from here. I don’t want Mother going on at me like I was still a kid.”
“Okay, I won’t tell anyone, whatever it is.”
“Oh, everyone else knows, except, perhaps, Gus. He’s a boy, he doesn’t count. But if Mother doesn’t want you to know then keep quiet when I’ve told you.”
September stared at April.
“Right, I’ve said I won’t say a thing, but tell me. Now!”
April peeped around the corner of the shed then leant close to September.
“You were twins,” she whispered. September was confused.
“What do you mean?”
“There were two of you. Two girls but the first one out was dead. They thought you were too, but obviously they were wrong.”
“So I am the seventh child.”
“Yeh, I suppose so. Because Mother was so upset Dad let her call the other one, Mairwen, a good Welsh name. It’s just blessed Mary really.”
“But the baby was dead. How could she be baptised?”
“Chapel has its ways.”
“But why has no-one told me before?” September shook her head in disbelief, “I shared a womb with her.”
“Don’t ask me. I suppose when you were small they didn’t want to trouble you with the knowledge of a dead twin and then I suppose it just went on.”
“What went on?”
“Well, you know, you had your problems...”
“Problems?”
“I don’t know. Mother told me you were being bullied, school was difficult, that sort of thing.”
September understood what April meant. She’d been no good at anything and then took to eating to be happy which had only made the bullying worse as she got fat. Mother and Father had always been kind and gentle with her, always concerned, always there. She realised why Mother was always looking in on her.
“I think Mum is still upset.”
“Why?”
“Well, when I casually asked if there had been another child, she cut me off.”
“Why did you even wonder about it?”
“Oh,” September realised she couldn’t tell April the truth, it was too ridiculous, “I suppose I just had a feeling, like twins are meant to have.”
April nodded as if she understood.
“Look we had better get back,” she said, “and remember, don’t mention this till I’m well away.”
They crept back into the house, drawing a suspicious look from Mother, but soon they were both caught up in the party.
It was late, gone midnight, when September finally closed the bedroom door, except it wasn’t just her room tonight. Julie was home too, already undressed and climbing into the top bunk. Of course Julie wanted to chatter, about the party, the family, how annoying Mother and Father could be, what a great holiday she’d had, how exciting it would be going back to college after the vacation. September undressed and pulled on her sleep T-shirt, barely listening and just offering a grunt when it seemed to fit in. She put out the light, got into the lower bunk and waited for Julie to stop talking. Eventually there was just the soft sigh of her breathing.
September lay awake thinking what she had been thinking all evening. She was the seventh child, as the Mordeyrn had said she was, but not just that, she couldn’t stop the picture of a dead baby being drawn from the womb filling her head. Her dead sister, her twin, half of her. Absentmindedly she rubbed her birthmark and listened carefully. The house was quiet. The guests had either left or settled for the night. September stretched out an arm from where she lay in her bed to the bottom drawer of her desk. Very slowly she pulled it open, scared of waking Julie. She reached in and drew out the locket. It felt warm in her hand, not the cold metal she expected. She flicked the front and back open and looked in wonder at the stone. It was clear and dark.
September knew what it meant. She slid her legs out from under the duvet and slowly stood up. She reached across the desk and tugged on the curtain. The curtain parted a crack and she gazed out at the clear sky. There was no Moon of course but the sky was filled with stars.
September looked from the night sky to the stone in her hand, dark but warm as if it was alive. She started to raise the stone but stopped. Did she have to go to the Land? Couldn’t she just stay here and forget all that nonsense about evil and the powers of metals and the planets? But the Mordeyrn said that they needed her. What would it be like to have the powers that the Mordeyrn said she would possess? Surely she could return at any time? Perhaps if she went just for the night again to see what was happening, then return home again like she did before.
She heard a snort from the top bunk but Julie settled again.
“If I don’t try, I’ll always wonder,” September whispered. She lifted the stone, peering at the stars through it. The stone seemed to magnify and concentrate the star light. The stars looked much brighter than they did just looking out of the window.
The light hit her in the face like water from a hose. Her head jerked back and she was losing her balance. The bedroom filled with a torrent of blue-white luminescence. The walls, the beds, the desk were hidden from view. She fell backwards.
6
The light did not banish the dark. Still small and distant, the globe of light cast no shadows and the dark filled the immeasurable depths. She was borne towards the light by the hate of the unconscious souls that surrounded her. While the malevolence of her companions was unthinking she found herself developing an awareness and form. As well as eyes to see, she felt corporeal. She was whole, a personality, a being. As yet she did not know who or what she was and anger and malice remained her whole existence but she could feel pleasure in the thought of bringing destruction down on those who opposed her, whoever or whatever they may be. She was able to reflect too that there was something other than pure hate that was drawing her towards the light.
The glowing ball was growing and now she could see its incandescence was not homogenous. It was a hollow sphere and the light emerged from specks that covered its surface. The object of her hate was within the sphere. Time began to have meaning. The migration of the betrayed souls was becoming a stampede. Soon a torrent of hate would descend on the occupants of the sphere of lights. She realised that her uniqueness gave her a power to direct the vengeance. She would be the guiding force of malice.
7
September felt the damp under her hands and bottom. She was lying on her back on grass. It’s happened, she thought, I’m here. She felt elated and sick at the same time. She pushed herself on to her bare feet and slowly stood up straight. She felt her stomach, her breasts. Yes, she was back in the Land with her slim, fit body. She looked around. The scene was the same as the first time she had come. Once again she stood on the ridge with the grassy hill falling away from her in front and behind. Once again she was dressed in an ankle-length white linen dress and her hair had become long. The Moon was high in the direction that she assumed was the west and casting a pale blue light. The Moon? What did it mean that there was a Moon in the sky here and now while at home it was in shadow? Time was measured in the phases of the Moon. She was sure it meant something. She drew her gaze away from the silver orb.
She turned to face the east and gasped. The copse at the top of the hill which had been made up of rings of trees surrounding the altar had gone. Well, not gone exactly, she could see the massive tree trunks lying on the ground. Just a few of the smaller younger trees remained behind the
altar. September gathered up the hem of the gown and hurried up the ridge to get a better look.
As she approached she could see that the fallen trees were laid out as if they had been blasted by a huge explosion exactly above the altar. Was that what she had seen in her dreams? Many of the trunks lay, scorched, pointing the way to the centre. A smell of burnt wood still hung in the humid air. She picked her way across the singed branches finding it difficult to fight her way through. As she approached the centre she could see the white stone altar lit up by the moonlight but she paused in shock when she saw that it was cleaved in two as if by a huge axe. There was a figure sitting at the base of the altar. She pushed desperately through the last few metres of prickly branches, thankful that the long dress protected her legs.
She must have been making a lot of noise because the figure stirred as she entered the clearing. He stood up and ran to her.
“You have come, you have come,” he called as he came, then flung his arms around her and hugged her. September staggered and responded half-heartedly. She recognised the young man as one of the metal bearers she had seen on her previous visit, but which metal she could not recall. He pushed himself away from her.
“I’m sorry, Cludydd, I am overcome with joy. We have waited so long for your return.”
“It’s only been a couple of weeks,” September said, confused.
“Not for us. It has been two years since you visited us. We have watched and waited for you ever since. I am so pleased that you have come during my period of duty. I, Berddig, cludydd o alcam, welcome you.”
“You have sat up here every night waiting for me?”
“Well, not me. Many of the people of Amaethaderyn have willingly given up their nights to keep the vigil.”
“But what has happened here, Berddig? The Mordeyrn called this place your refuge.” September looked around at the scene of destruction, the noble trees snapped off at their bases as if they were twigs and the altar riven in two. A great sadness at the destruction filled her.
Seventh Child Page 5