by Steven Brust
“Vlad—”
“Okay, we can get to your questions in a bit. But first, you have a job to do.”
“A what?”
“A commission to fulfill.”
“What commission?”
“Tell the proprietor—”
“You mean, you’re serious about that?”
“What would make you think I’m joking?”
After a while, he said, “Umm, all right. You’re serious. I need to—Verra’s tits, Vlad! You just come in here and … all right. Do you have a name?”
“Sandor.”
“Okay, where do I find this Sandor?”
“No, no. That’s my name. While I’m in disguise.”
“Is that a disguise? I thought you’d just changed the cut of your clothes.”
“Shut up,” I suggested.
“Nice beret, though. It suits you.”
“Shut up.”
“Okay, well, good, now I know what to call you while you aren’t answering my question.”
“You mean the name of the target.”
“Yeah, that would be helpful.”
“It’s a sorceress named Crithnak. Left Hand.”
“Okay. Any other information?”
“Her sister is dead.”
“Okay. Is that important?”
“I doubt it.”
“What else?”
“She’s very good. She managed to find me when she shouldn’t have been able to.”
“I’m sure he’ll be terrified. What else?”
“How long have you been his contact, Kragar?”
“About, uh, ninety years, I guess.”
“How did you meet him?”
“A mutual friend introduced us.”
“A friend? I didn’t think Aliera even liked you.”
He chuckled. “One for you, Vlad.”
“Kragar, didn’t you once tell me, in so many words, that you didn’t know how to get hold of Mario?”
“Uh, I don’t think I ever said that. I may have implied it pretty strongly.”
“Heh.”
“But I also asked him if he wanted to get involved that time. He didn’t.”
“Why not?”
“I didn’t think to ask him. I usually don’t.”
“Okay.”
He nodded. “Wait here. I have an errand to run.”
“Yep.”
I sat back to wait.
“You think he’s doing it, Boss?”
“You mean, as opposed to running off to arrange to get the bounty on my head?”
“Yeah.”
“I trust him. Don’t you?”
“Yes, but mostly because if he doesn’t get that message to Mario, Mario will kill him.”
“Good point.”
I glanced at the open door, and wondered if I should shut it. But, no, it wasn’t my office anymore. I looked around. Yeah, I missed the place. Maybe not all that much, but I missed it.
“Okay, Vlad. Now do I get to ask questions?”
I jumped about halfway to the ceiling and glared at Kragar.
“Don’t ask why I’ve never killed you, because I don’t think I know the answer.”
He smiled. Maybe I’ve never killed him because he’s the only one who always knows when I’m joking.
“What about me?”
“You missed one just the other day.”
“So, where have you been, Vlad?”
“You mean, for the past few years?”
“Well, no, I meant the past few days. But I’m curious about the past few years, too.”
“All over. Went back East, northwest … all over.”
“Okay. But, these last few days—oh. You’ve been in South Adrilankha, walking around like an Easterner.”
“Right. How have you taken to running things?”
“I like the money.”
“Yeah, that part is nice. Any problems?”
“Yeah. Finding someone so stupid that he’s willing to do for me what I always did for you.”
“That would be tough, wouldn’t it?”
He nodded. “So what’s been going on? I haven’t heard—”
“You’ve been working for Mario all this time, you sneaky bastard?”
“Well, yeah.”
I shook my head. “And the worst part is, you’re really enjoying it that I’m so shocked.”
He smiled innocently.
“Bastard.”
“Does this mean you won’t tell me what’s going on?”
“Do you really want to get any more involved with my affairs than you already are?”
He shrugged. “Why not?”
“Well, for starters, they’ll kill you.”
“Okay. What after that?”
“Chances are, that’s all.”
“So only one thing to worry about? That’s not so many.”
“How long did you say you’d been Mario’s contact?”
“About ninety years, and I prefer the term ‘business agent.’”
“You mean, messenger.”
“Something like that, yeah.”
I shook my head.
“So, what’s the plan, Vlad?”
I studied him for a little. He frowned. “Vlad, are you wondering if you can trust me?”
“Actually, no.”
“Good.”
“I know I can trust you. I’m having real doubts about getting you killed.”
“Why? You never did before.”
“This is different and you know it.”
“What’s so different about it?”
“Well, it’s Morganti. And it’s the whole damned Jhereg. And the Left Hand is involved. I’m gone. I’m out of here. If you’re known to be in this with me, and you live through it, then you’ll have to be gone, too. You can’t come back from this and go on with business.”
“Isn’t that my decision?”
“It isn’t that simple.”
“Yes it is.”
“Not to me.”
“That’s because you complicate everything.”
“Oh. So that’s my problem?”
“One of them.”
“Going to give the whole list?”
He grinned. “Not unless you ask for it.”
I sighed. “I’ve put things into motion that I can’t control. Things have started. I—”
“Just now? With my errand?”
“A little before that, actually. It all centers around South Adrilankha.”
“Yeah, I knew that part.”
“Do you know why?”
He smiled happily. “Not even a guess.”
“For one thing, Terion,” I said.
“What about him?”
“He’s pushing for the number-one spot on the Council.”
“Okay. And?”
“He’s enlisted the help of the Left Hand.”
“How did he do that?”
“His mistress is one of them.”
“Ah.”
“How is—”
“By gaining control of South Adrilankha.”
“Why there?”
“It’s the most lucrative area that’s up for grabs. They’re already fighting for it. I mean, the Jhereg. I mean, the Right Hand.”
“Bodies turning up?”
“No,” I said. “But one of the parties tried to start up a little enterprise among the Easterners. Small stuff, but if it had worked, it could have eventually put the heat on the Left Hand, and maybe interfered with their business there.”
“Could have?”
“I sort of squelched it.”
“Okay, that leaves Terion.”
“As far as I know. And I’m pretty sure I know the whole way.”
“And Terion’s connection to the Left Hand is his mistress. Who is—wait. Crithnak.”
“Yeah.”
“Terion won’t be happy.”
“With any luck, Terion won’t be alive.”
“You going after him?”
; “Yep.”
“How?”
“The usual.”
“Vlad, the usual doesn’t involve protection by the Left Hand.”
“They aren’t protecting him, Kragar. They’re just helping him take South Adrilankha.”
“How do you know that?”
“I—”
I frowned.
Crap.
“Damn you, Kragar.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Before you said that, I thought I had a plan.”
“Uh huh. Like the guy who found his walls were hollow when he saw a chipmunk making a home in them, and said, ‘Damn that chipmunk, I thought I had a nice place until he came along.’”
“Yeah. Just like that. I thought I had a plan.”
“Damn good one, too. What exactly is the problem you just discovered?”
“I’m in disguise.”
“So?”
“So the fellow I just tried to smoke out won’t be able to find me.”
“Can you explain that?”
“I’m not sure.”
“All right. So, what’s your next plan?”
“There’s a house in South Adrilankha, on Stranger’s Road. The Left Hand runs their operations from it. I’ve been thinking of walking in there and just seeing how many throats I can cut before they take me down.”
“Hmmm. Been feeling frustrated, have we?”
“A little.”
“How about a backup plan, in case you come to your senses before trying that one.”
“You have something in mind?”
“Nope. Plans are your department. Blowing them up is mine.”
“Okay. Glad to know we have the division of labor figured out.”
He nodded.
Except for him sitting on my side of the desk, it felt a lot like old times. I’d have enjoyed it more if I hadn’t been so busy trying to figure a way out of the mess I’d gotten myself into.
After a few minutes of contemplation, I said, “Things are already in motion. I have to take out Terion. Once his mistress gets shined, then the Left Hand will be after me in addition to everyone else.” I sighed. “It’s sad. They all want me dead.”
“That’s true.”
“And yet, I’m such a great guy.”
“You are. Everyone says so. Can you tell me why you got involved in this in the first place?”
“Cawti,” I said.
“Oh.”
There were things Kragar and I didn’t talk about it, and Cawti was most of them. He cleared his throat into the moderately uncomfortable silence, and said, “Okay. So, you need a new plan.”
“Actually, maybe just a couple of small modifications to the old one.”
“All right. I can accept that. What do you have in mind?”
“You’ve sold me on one thing: I have to ask you for help.”
He smiled. He looked pleased. Sometimes I wondered about him.
“You want me to find out who on the Council has just gotten upset that his scheme in South Adrilankha has just been broken up.”
“Yes. Can you do it without anyone finding out that you’re working for me?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I cursed under my breath.
“Anything else?” said Kragar.
“Maybe one other thing.”
“Hmmm?”
“Can you find Terion?”
“I imagine so. It might take a little time.”
“Okay. Just make sure no one knows you’re looking.”
“Just how do you imagine I’ll be able to do that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never known how you do anything you do. But just be sure.”
He shrugged.
“Dammit, Kragar, don’t you get it? Don’t you have any idea just how big this is? If they know you’re helping me, they will kill you.”
“Well—”
“They will kill you, Kragar. I don’t know how they’ll find you, but they’ll manage, and they’ll kill you. I will not wander around with that on my conscience. If you can’t figure a way to find him without it being known that you’re looking, then don’t find him.”
“And you’ll do what, then?”
“I’ll think of something.”
“Right.”
“That isn’t an answer,” I said. “I want your agreement.”
“I don’t work for you anymore,” he said, smirking. “You can’t give me orders.”
I found a use for several of the more creative curses I’d learned from some Orca I’d briefly traveled with. Kragar waited. I said, “I suppose threatening to kill you would be counterproductive.”
He nodded. “And carrying out the threat would be entirely out of line.”
“Yeah.” I drummed my fingers on the arm of my chair.
I leaned back. “Okay. Let’s go back to the beginning and take another look at it.”
He nodded and waited.
“What happens if I kill Terion?”
“He doesn’t get the Council seat. There are rules about dead people—”
“Yeah, yeah. What else?”
“I don’t know who does get it. Probably the Demon. Maybe not.”
“What about South Adrilankha?”
“What about it?”
“Who takes it?”
“Without Terion getting the Left Hand involved, then I guess they get out of it. Probably goes as a prize to whoever gets the seat. Or else maybe he gives it to someone else who supported him.”
“Yeah, either of those are reasonable. What else?”
“Well, they can’t try to kill you any more than they already are, so no change there.”
“True enough.”
He frowned. “If you really want my help in figuring this out, you’ll have to give me a better idea of what’s going on.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You keep saying things like, ‘things are in motion,’ but you don’t say what things.”
I nodded.
“So, you want to tell me?”
“Not especially.”
“Vlad—”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “The Left Hand seems to be—”
“Seems to be?”
“Kragar, I’m giving you my best guesses. If you’re going to demand certainty, we need to give it up now.”
“All right.”
“The Left Hand seems to be backing Terion in his bid for the Council, because his mistress is one of them. They—the Left Hand—are trying to take over the action in South Adrilankha, figuring that will tip things in Terion’s favor. With me so far?”
“Uh huh.”
“Okay. Now things get fun.”
“Oh, good. I’ve been waiting for the fun.”
“Well, what happens when you send your forces against a particular part of the enemy’s lines?”
“Vlad, have you been hanging out with Sethra?”
“Okay, sorry. Anyway, because Terion has gotten involved in South Adrilankha. It’s become a battleground.”
“Yes, you mentioned one other was involved. The one I’m supposed to find out about.”
“How do I find you, once I know?”
“Ugh. Good question. There’s a shoemaker named Jakoub. Leave a note with him.”
“You sure he won’t read it?”
“You’re funny.”
“I know. So, you were saying South Adrilankha has become a battlefield; so, while you’re smoking out this guy—”
“Right. And, at the same time, I’ve just given Mario the commission—”
“To kill Terion’s mistress.”
“Yep.”
“So, you figure, you’ll find out who is running that operation in South Adrilankha, and kill Terion, and mess up the Left Hand when Mario kills that sorceress … uh, and then what?”
“That’s the problem. I’m no longer sure.”
“What if you do all of that, and leave Terion alive?”
“What does that do?”
&nb
sp; “Gives you bargaining power.”
“How … oh, right. Anyone else who’s interested.”
“You have something to give them.”
“That could do it,” I said.
“And it removes the problem of exactly how you get to him before someone gets to you.”
“Yeah, that was a problem I hadn’t solved yet.”
“So we go with it?”
“I admit there’s a lot to be said for it.”
“But?”
“But I’d really like to kill Terion. He’s a bastard.”
“No shortage of those.”
“Yeah. No, you’re right. That just might be the one number that might work for getting Cawti out of this jam.”
“It gives you a wedge, but how to use it—”
“Oh, that part I have worked out already.”
“Oh? Well, now you’ve gotten me interested. What’s the big plan?”
“That’s your other part.”
“Uh huh.”
“And at least one person is going to have to know you’re working with me.”
“Okay.”
“And that isn’t going to be safe.”
“I got that part.”
“Okay. Set up a meeting with the Demon for me.”
He kept his face expressionless. “Are you going to kill him?”
“No.”
“I just ask because I’m sure he’s going to kill you.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you … okay.”
“You’ll do it?”
“Yeah.”
“Not quite yet.”
“Oh?”
“We need to wait for things to ripple in.”
“You mean, for word to get out—”
“Yeah.”
He nodded. “Is this going to work?”
“Maybe.”
“Best shot, right?”
“Right.”
He grinned. “It’s good to be working with you again, Vlad.”
“I hope you’re still in a condition to say that in a couple of days.”
He nodded judiciously. “That would be good,” he said. “Oh, by the way …”
“Hmm?”
“What do I get for this?”
“I’ll buy you a meal at Valabar’s.”
“Done,” said Kragar.
14
Brisket of Beef
“Telnan shook his head in wonder. “How can they make food this good?”
“It’s not actually all that difficult,” I said, “if you know how to make pepper-essence and you’re a genius.”
I’d just given him a small bite of my beef. He had the look on his face of a man who had just discovered that food can be sublime. Yeah, I knew that look, and I envied him his epiphany.