FEARLESS & FABULOUS
Copyright © 2014 Cara Alwill Leyba/Passionista Publishing
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
Cover art © Cara Loper/Loose Lid Creative
www.looselidcreative.com
Interior design by Ryan Leyba
ISBN-13: 978-0692252963
For every woman who has a dream of living a better life.
And for my mother, who taught me I deserve nothing less.
INTRODUCTION
What Would You Do if You Weren’t Afraid?
ONE
Decide What You Want
TWO
Own Your Desires
THREE
Get Confident
FOUR
Get Uncomfortable
FIVE
Believe That Everything is Possible
SIX
Let Go of The Past
SEVEN
Embrace Fear
EIGHT
Redefine Failure
NINE
Detach from the Outcome
TEN
Channel Your Inner Muse
CLOSING
Your Fearless and Fabulous Life Awaits!
by Jonna Spilbor
From the moment I had enough hair on my head to squeeze a couple of curly tufts into pigtails, I knew my career would find me in front of a camera.
Since I had formulated that thought at a time when my age and my shoe size were equally miniscule, I was blissfully unaware that there were several different career opportunities within the entertainment industry. So, I fixated on becoming a movie star as my way in.
In fact, one of the very first real conversations I remember having with my mother happened before I hit kindergarten, and it went something like this: “Mom, how come you’re not an actress?”
She replied, “Well honey, not everyone in the world wants to be an actress.”
I can’t remember exactly what came out of my four-year-old mouth at the time, but I can articulate today that my mother may as well have been speaking monster. In my young, endearingly unruly brain, I simply could not fathom how any person on the planet wouldn’t want to be famous! To this day, a teeny tiny part of me still clings tight to that four-year-old’s wistful confusion.
Fast forward a few decades, and I’m happy to say I’m not only living that dream, but I have learned how to harness the fearlessness that came so easily as a child to bring my grown-up goals to life. Teach yourself to dream without limits, and you will achieve without limits.
I think back so very fondly to those yesterdays. Days when daydreaming was as big a part of our routine as breathing and blinking. Days when all we needed to become a full-blown superhero was a cape and two outstretched arms. Days when we unwittingly fed our little brains big, lofty goals and never, not for a second, doubted we could achieve them. Days when sandbox sand became a new and exciting city until we were summoned inside for dinner. When a rope and a tire allowed us to fly. When we befriended bugs and caught them in a jar, never once contemplating the cruelty of mortality – theirs or ours.
Have you ever wondered why those truly were ‘“the days”’?
I will tell you why. You see, children are fearless.
A child’s mind is fertile, limitless and expansive. Physically, a child will naturally outgrow her high chair, her baby shoes and her big wheel, but she never outgrows her dreams. Never, ever. So why, then, do so many of us grow into the adults we are today, but have yet to fulfill our highest goals and aspirations?
If you have ever stayed in a job you hate, or lingered in a crappy relationship, or wouldn’t know a personal boundary if it bit you on the butt, then this book is about to change your life.
There is one thing, and only one thing, holding us back from creating the life of our dreams.
Fear.
It’s not money. It’s not education. It’s not our looks, our relationships, or our responsibilities that keep us from going out and getting everything we want. All of these things are merely excuses. We create these roadblocks in our own heads, as if they were hope traps (“There goes another hope! Better not let it loose or I actually may fulfill a goal!”). Self-imposed hope traps are the way in which we keep our dreams under wraps, and hold ourselves back from forging ahead into the life we long to lead.
I’ll say it again. The one thing that holds us back from creating the life of our dreams, is fear. That’s it. That’s all. Eliminate fear, and there is nothing you can’t do!
“Oh, is that all?” you ask. “Simple as that, huh? Just forget my fear, and poof! Like magic here comes my dream job, my dream relationship and my dream bank account? Sounds like the only one dreaming here is you!”
Okay then, humor me.
You have before you one of the greatest tools to get you started on your new, fearless path. Read it cover to cover. Put the techniques to good use, and choose one thing in your present circumstance you would like to change. Just one. Then ask yourself, “How would I behave in this circumstance if I had no fear?”
Got it? Now close your eyes, and see yourself as the five-year-old superhero you once were. See yourself as the six-year-old kicking her legs to the sky on a tree swing. See yourself as the little girl who built cities in sandboxes and befriended bugs in a jar.
Feels familiar, doesn’t it? It should. Because she is you…without fear.
Your fabulously “Fearless” life starts right now.
Enjoy each moment of your new and exciting journey, and if ever you’re in doubt, please repeat after me.
Just be fearless.
With much love to the author, and to my sexy sisters everywhere,
Jonna Spilbor
Attorney, Radio Host, Author, Motivational Speaker and TV Legal Analyst/Contributor
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”
— Jack Canfield
Chances are if you’ve picked up this book, there are things you want to do in your life but up until this point, you’ve been too scared to do them. Maybe you’ve filed them away onto your “bucket list” or maybe you’ve just become content with that fact that you’ll never even attempt them because for some reason, fear tells you that you shouldn’t. Perhaps it’s fear of failure, or fear of rejection. Maybe it’s fear of being judged, or not liked. Or perhaps it’s even fear of your own success or personal happiness (how’s that for jumpin’ right in?).
Fear can be responsible for changing your life – for better or for worse. If fear persists, you run the risk of missing out on some of the greatest experiences life has to offer. If you can overcome your fears, you open yourself up to a world beyond your wildest imagination. I wrote this book because I believe everyone deserves to live a remarkable life. With loving support and guidance, we all have the power to be extraordinary.
Now let’s get something straight before we go any further. We all have fears. True “fearlessness” does not really exist. When I refer to being fearless, I’m talking about recognizing that you have fears, but deciding to move forward anyway. That’s a biggie.
A fearless and fabulous woman is someone who recognizes her desires, has the confidence to chase her dreams, and believes that everything is possible. She does not believe in the word “failure.” She redefines it. To the fearless and fabulous woman, a “failure” is just a signal that she needs to change her course and try a new way of doing something. She thinks positively, t
akes consistent action toward her goals, and never gives up.
Nothing makes me sadder than seeing a woman with boundless talent and aspirations who has let fear take the wheel. There are far too many people out there who are stifling their own success because they are afraid to make the first move. Can you imagine what an amazing world this would be if we all fearlessly stepped into our full potential?
It may seem daunting to look at your dreams and truly believe that you have the power to make all of them a reality. It takes a lot of work and even more faith to move past fear and make things happen, but it’s far from impossible. I genuinely believe that every single woman has the capability to conquer her fears and live the life of her dreams. Why am I so confident? Because I’ve done it myself, in fact I’m still doing it, and I’ve helped countless other women do it as well. As a Certified Master Life Coach and self-proclaimed Inspirationista, I have taught workshops, coached women all around the world, and spent years researching this very topic. I have helped hundreds of women harness their vision and create serious shifts in their lives. I have seen it happen first-hand, and let me tell you, it’s pretty damn awesome. As a result, I have developed a foolproof way to live a fearless and fabulous life. And guess what? It’s really not that hard.
How This Book Works
This book will teach you ten powerful strategies that will help you overcome your fears and live the fabulous life you’re meant to live. And we’re gonna get real – fast. I purposely kept this book short because I’m all about action. If you’ve read my other books, you know I don’t dance around topics. My job is to get you thinking in a fresh, focused mindset and inspire you to start making things happen, glass of champagne in hand.
Each chapter outlines one strategy and includes short exercises so that you can start putting these strategies in motion immediately. I urge you to read through this book with an open-mind. Tuck your doubts away and be fully present during each assignment so that you get the most out of this experience. You should have a journal next to you as you go through each chapter (preferably a really fabulous one!) so that you can take notes and complete the exercises. There are also areas to write directly in this book if you’re reading the paperback version.
At the end of each chapter, look for the Fearless & Fabulous logo. I’ve included a manifesto that sums up that chapter. These are great little reminders that you can highlight and come back to whenever you need a boost.
I’ve also included success stories from women I have either worked with personally or been inspired by to illustrate some of these strategies. These women are the epitome of fearless and fabulous! Dig into their stories and get inspired. They are the real deal.
This book is here for you to reference as often as you need. Keep it loaded on your Kindle, or keep a copy stashed in your purse at all times. It’s meant for you to whip out whenever you need a boost, so feel free to mark it up with a hot pink highlighter, fold over pages that stand out for you, and share it with your girlfriends. Think of it as your fearless and fabulous Bible.
Are you getting excited? Nervous? Good! This book is meant to shake you up and turn you on. You’re gonna to have to be very honest with yourself, and work really, really hard. But in the end, you’ll be so grateful that you did. So put your worries aside and dust off those dreams, sister. You are about to become fearless and fabulous!
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”
— Joseph Campbell
I want you to answer this question: what do you want? What are your deepest desires? What do you require as a human being to ensure that you live your best life? And for the record, living your best life is exactly what you deserve. In order to answer this question in the most honest way, you have to put everyone else’s opinions and needs aside. I’m not asking you what you think you should want. I’m not asking you what your parents think you should want. In a perfect world, what do you desire?
I’ve watched so many women trapped in a state of fear because they were striving for a dream that wasn’t their own. Let’s imagine that you are trying to buy a home. You’re saving every penny and applying for a mortgage, but you’re petrified. Let’s also imagine that you’re trying to buy this home because you were raised to believe that you should own a piece of real estate as an adult. In your heart, you know you aren’t ready to make that kind of commitment. You still want to travel, you don’t have enough money in the bank to comfortably make a down payment, and your job is unstable. And if we’re honest, there are far too many pairs of Jimmy Choos yet to be purchased. Yet you’re still trying moving forward while paralyzed with fear because you think buying this home is what you should do.
Now let’s imagine that you’re planning a trip around the world. It’s always been your dream to travel. You don’t like to fly, and you’re still trying to save enough money to be able to afford the plane tickets, but you are thrilled at the thought of taking this trip. You have a burning desire to see the world, and you’ll make it happen come hell or high water. Sure, you’re scared shit-less, but your passion outweighs your fear.
Do you see the difference?
It’s so much easier to move through fear when we truly desire what’s on the other side of it. The trick is channeling that passion and focusing on the parts you’re excited about as opposed to the parts that terrify you. When you can achieve that mindset, everything is possible.
My decision to publish my first book, Sparkle: The Girl’s Guide to Living a Deliciously Dazzling, Wildly Effervescent, Kick-Ass Life, was laced with fear. I had been signed to one of New York’s top literary agents and we had shopped the book (which initially had a different title) to major publishers, only to be rejected by every single one of them. Nineteen, to be exact. All came back with a similar response: “It’s not the right fit for us.” There were many reasons: some had just taken on a similar book, some did not feel the topic was aligned with their expertise, and others just simply weren’t interested. I was crushed, but I was not giving up. Most authors would have crawled in a hole and surrendered their dream by that point. But that wasn’t going to be my story. My book may not have been the right fit for those publishers, but it was the right fit for my readers, and that’s why I knew I was going to publish it – someway, somehow. By that point, I was ready to sky-write the damn thing.
I had to make a major decision: rewrite the book and stick with my agent in the hopes that we could re-pitch it, or believe in my project and self-publish. I was scared to put my work out into the world and become vulnerable to the harsh critical eye of the public, especially without a major publisher behind me. Yet my burning desire to get my work out there is what drove me through my fear. I had dreamed of writing a book since the second grade. I always wanted to be a published author, and I believed I deserved to be, even if I didn’t have the support I thought I needed. Though I was scared, the thought of not achieving that dream became even scarier for me.
I challenged my inner fearless and fabulous self and chose to move forward with self-publishing despite my fears. I knew it would be a daunting task (with lots of blood, sweat, and Pinot Noir involved), but I maintained a positive mindset and developed a strategy to stay focused on the excitement of the project. I had absolutely no experience with self-publishing, so I had to do my homework. I researched until my eyes bled and then researched some more. I hired an editor, worked tirelessly with my designer on the cover, and basically lived online gathering as much information as I could to ensure this book was done right.
Every day, I woke up and committed to my passion in some form or another. Whether it was writing a certain amount of words, or approving cover designs, or engaging my future readers through social media, I spent my energy propelling my dream into reality rather than getting caught up in my own my anxiety. I channeled that fearless woman I knew lived deep within me (if you need a visual, she prances around in five-inch Louboutins and has really toned arms) and she is one fabulou
s bitch. Whenever I found myself paralyzed with fear, I pictured her crushing that fear with her spiked heels and a steaming hot soy latte in hand and I quickly got over it. You can spend your energy getting excited or being afraid. The choice is yours.
Sparkle went on to become a #1 Amazon bestseller in multiple categories, multiple times. It received rave reviews from readers all around the world, and it continues to sell tons of copies. I’ve received heartfelt emails from readers that have literally brought me to tears. I’ve met readers and signed copies of my book in New York, London and Paris. How bad-ass is that? If I had let my fear consume me, I would have never had those life-changing experiences. And I would have never gone on to produce more books like this one.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS EXERCISE
It’s time to whip out that ultra-fab journal and grab your pink pen to declare your desires. Then, write down all the reasons why you want those things. Get as detailed as possible. Remember: the details and the “whys” are what get us excited.
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Your Life is Your Own. Act Accordingly.
Did you know that the #1 regret of the dying is that they did not live a life that was true to themselves? A palliative nurse did a study on the most common regrets of the dying and published her results in a book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. The top regret was that they lived a life that others expected of them. “This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
Fearless & Fabulous: 10 Powerful Strategies for Getting Anything You Want in Life Page 1