Your energy vampires love to tell you to “be more realistic.” But being “realistic” looks different to everyone. One of the main concepts of the Law of Attraction is that your thoughts become things. You create your reality. So it makes no sense for someone to tell you something can’t be done. Sure, maybe it’s not realistic in their world, but this is your party, sister. You invite who you want and what you want in it.
I once coached a woman (let’s call her Marissa) who had the ultimate energy vampire – a negative spouse. Marissa and her husband had been married for thirteen years, and over time he had become more and more toxic. Because he had low self-esteem and was extremely unhappy in his own life, he cut Marissa down at every chance he got. Whenever she would share her success with him, he belittled her and ultimately rattled her confidence and caused her to spiral into a deep depression.
Though it was difficult, Marissa and her husband eventually split up. She decided that she did not deserve to remain in such a negative situation and had to make a very big decision. Was it extremely painful to end her marriage? Absolutely. Did she doubt her decision a thousand times? She sure did. But the pain of living with someone who not only drained her energy, but emotionally abused her was so much worse. Marissa took control of her life (by believing in and using the strategies in this book!) and eventually built back up her self-esteem. She is now happier, more successful and more confident than ever.
Right now, commit to releasing all energy vampires from your life. Commit to letting go of anyone that does not fully support you and help lift you higher. Do not let anyone who drains you or muddies up your spirit take up room in your precious mind or your physical space. You have one life to live, and you deserve nothing but the best people in it.
Create Your Own Reality
When I first read The Secret, I felt as if I had already been living this way for years. The Law of Attraction had been my guide for most of my life and I didn’t even know it. For the most part, I have always felt that anything was possible as long as I could envision it, work hard, and believe that it could happen. This type of thinking has allowed me to accomplish many of my dreams, and has given me the courage to keep plugging away at the things I know will happen in time.
My friends always tell me, “Cara, you always make things happen. If you say you’re going to accomplish something, I never doubt you’ll do it.” And one of the main reasons I am able to do that is because I can truly visualize my desires coming true. I focus all of my energy on what I want and I don’t spend any precious time wondering what will happen if it doesn’t work out. Does everything I want always happen exactly as I envision it? Of course not! But I don’t view anything as a failure. I just view it as a sign that I need to tweak a few things and try a new way. And you can do the exact same thing.
As you read this book, I want you to believe that you are the ultimate designer of your future. Much like the Law of Attraction says, your thoughts create your reality. So know that your mind is powerful beyond measure. When you subscribe to this way of thinking, fear disappears. It’s impossible to be afraid when you have an unwavering faith that everything will work out exactly as it should.
This mindset takes practice, but it’s entirely possible to train yourself to operate on a fearless and fabulous frequency at all times.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS EXERCISE
Answer these questions in your journal or below.
In my fearless & fabulous reality, I am capable of:
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I will not let the following things distract me from living my best life:
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Have Faith in the Universe
No matter what your religion is, I bet you probably have some sort of faith in something. Whether it’s God, or The Universe, it’s hard to deny that there is a divine force working around us at all times. The sooner you can believe that, the sooner you will become fearless. Why? Because that divine force is working in your favor. The Universe embraces fearless and fabulous women because they are the ones living their truth!
One of the biggest reasons we are fearful is because we assume we’re not going to get what we want. But guess what? There is so much sparkly, fabulous goodness in this world that it’s impossible for you not to get your share of it. In fact, you can have as much of it as you want because there is an endless supply. The Universe is abundant. There is more than enough for everyone. So that crap you’re afraid of? Get over it! Amazing things are waiting for you. You just have to build up the courage to go grab them.
The trick is to cultivate a sense of faith so strong that nothing breaks it. If you truly believe with every fiber of your being that everything you want will come to you, you will be unstoppable. We get caught up in fear when we begin to overanalyze and overthink things. So give up those behaviors that do not serve you and believe that your life will be nothing short of amazing.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS SUCCESS STORY
An Essay by Kelly Barkhurst
Party Planner Extraordinaire at Ohkellys.com
My all time favorite quote is this: “We do not remember days, we remember moments.” - Cesare Paves.
Every single one of us has moments that are vivid in our memories ... our lives are made up of them, each one piling on top of the others. Some are made up of pure joy and happiness and some are tragic and full of deep sorrow. Happy or heart wrenching, they have the power to define our days and we remember them with great clarity.
My most defining moment in life was on November 5, 1978 when both my mother and father were killed in a plane accident. I was eleven years old. This is by far the most heartbreaking event of my life and in many ways defines me and who I am today. It is a rare day that I don’t think about my parents and miss them terribly, but I am not a victim of this accident. In the midst of my sadness, I choose to be thankful for the short time I had with them and realize that every moment is precious and fleeting. It is up to us to appreciate and celebrate the life we have rather than fear it and also celebrate the people who are a part of it when we have them, because “this too shall pass”. My parents’ death taught me this.
My second favorite quote is: “The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.”
More than anything else, I love to create events, plan parties, and bake fabulous cakes and desserts. This runs deep in me and I cannot even tell you how ridiculously excited I get about helping you plan a party. However, I have always just thought that this passion was a hobby and it wasn’t until recently I realized it’s the gift I have been given and that I should cultivate it and share it with others. We are all given special gifts and talents and I believe with all my heart that it’s our job to share them. This doesn’t mean we’re not afraid.
After a lot of thinking and planning, I launched my company Oh Kelly’s this year, because I finally realized that I wanted to spend my life helping people create their own special moments. I am passionate about creating moments for people that they will remember, helping them mark a moment with something special and helping them celebrate a loved one. Life is what we make of it and I want to spread as much joy as possible.
It’s impossible to be afraid when you have an unwavering faith that everything will work out exactly as it should. Cultivate this faith every single day.
“We can’t become what we need to be by remaining what we are.”
— Oprah Winfrey
Have you ever tried something and failed? Of course you have! That’s why you’re fearful in the first place. When things don’t go the way we expect them to, it’s easy to throw in the towel and never take a chance again. Our pasts can either define us or deve
lop us. If our pasts define us, that means a determination has been made and there’s no chance for growth. But if we allow our pasts to develop us, we are able to learn from our experiences and gain invaluable wisdom and perspective.
One of the main causes of fear is a lack of past success. Think about it: if you’ve racked up an impressive portfolio of “wins” then most likely you’re confident enough to pursue your dreams fearlessly because you have proof that you can accomplish them. But that isn’t the case for most people. We all make mistakes and experience perceived “failures”; that’s part of life. Unfortunately, we can’t rewrite history, but we can begin taking small steps that will ultimately lead us to success. Every move in the right direction can be celebrated as an accomplishment.
Let’s imagine you want to write a book. Maybe up until this point, you’ve been unsuccessful in completing it. Right now, I want you to focus on the tiny steps that will ultimately add up to a finished manuscript. Let’s say you’ve researched similar books in your genre, written down a few rough ideas, and came up with a title. You may not realize it, but those actions are moving you toward your ultimate goal. The more we view those steps as successes, the more confidence we gain. And confidence builds momentum.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS EXERCISE
Think about some goals you’ve been working on. Write down every small success you’ve achieved up to this point.
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Focus on What You Want Now
In case you haven’t noticed, I make a lot of references to The Secret and The Law of Attraction in this book. One of the major concepts taught in The Law of Attraction is that when you focus on what you want, you get more of it, and what you don’t want falls away. Of course, as the Law goes, the opposite is true as well. If you focus on what you don’t want, you get more of that.
So let’s take for example a past failure. Let’s say your last relationship fell apart. If you spend all of your time focusing on what went wrong, how you and your former partner behaved in that relationship, and how you don’t want a repeat of that relationship, chances are that’s exactly what you’ll get. You will be so obsessed with looking at the past that you’ll project it onto the future. Come on, we’ve all done it! You blame the potential new guy for everything the past guy did. You assume that all guys are jerks because the last one cheated, or you assume that you’ll never meet a man who puts your needs first because none of the past ones have. But if you wipe the slate clean in your mind and live life with fresh eyes and an open heart, focusing on everything you do want in a new relationship, you will get exactly that. So spend your time thinking about what you want now, and forget the rest.
Remember, you are the “haute couture” designer of your life. It’s on you to make it as fabulous and extraordinary as you want it to be. You can choose to keep reliving past failures, or decide to keep going and create something amazing. Eventually, you will succeed as long as you follow these powerful strategies to get you there. Fearless and fabulous women do not live in the past; they spend their energy creating the future. As Lisa Nichols from The Secret says, “You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author. You write the story. The pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose.” Choose wisely.
Schedule Your Pity Party
Now, don’t get me wrong, we aren’t fembots. It’s completely natural to feel bad over a past failure. We are sensitive, emotional creatures. That’s part of what makes us so beautiful. But it’s not natural to obsess over that failure. The longer we focus on what went wrong and how badly we feel that we didn’t accomplish something, the longer we stay stuck. And in case you haven’t noticed, being fearless and fabulous is all about moving forward and taking action. Whenever I work with clients who are trying to move past disappointment, I recommend they give themselves a “mourning period.” Whether it is a few hours, or a full day, I encourage them to utilize that time to feel badly and have their pity party, but when the time is up they must move on. By assigning a mourning period, we get it out of our system and then emerge with a recharged outlook.
A few years ago, I started making collages using mixed media. I used beautiful paper, selected a quote, and then designed each collage, which I then framed. I made a few for myself, and then friends started asking for them. Since they were becoming popular, I thought it might be a good idea to sell these framed collages, so I created an Etsy shop. When they started selling out, I went a step further and approached a few boutiques, which also took them to sell. In two month’s time, I had signed up for a huge local fair and sold my creations at my own booth. I absolutely loved designing these collages. It was my therapy and a brand new creative outlet that I truly enjoyed. But even though they were selling like hot cakes, I wasn’t making any money on them. In fact, I was losing money. The frames were expensive as was the shipping, and ultimately it was not proving to be the profitable business I had hoped it would be. It was hard to make the decision to put my efforts elsewhere, especially since I designed a website, logo, and business cards, but I ultimately decided to close down the business.
I remember taking that weekend to grieve. I was sad because I had found so much joy in creating art that people loved, but ultimately I made peace with the fact that it was not sustainable. I closed down my Etsy shop, packed away the remainder of my stock, and moved on. Could I have let this “failure” prevent me from ever starting another business? Absolutely. But instead I let it go and moved onto something else that inspired me.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS SUCCESS STORY
An Essay by Keryl Pesce
Author, Happy Bitch at Happy-bitch.com
“I don’t care. I love you. I love you, baby, and I’m going to be with you.”
Hearing my husband say these words was a powerful turning point in my life – a moment when I was being truly blessed and given a gift that would forever change the course of my life. The gratitude I feel for these words today is immense and something I reflect on often.
What’s the big deal? Why are they so powerful and meaningful? Allow me to put this in perspective for you.
I grew up, as most girls do, with the goal of marrying the man of my dreams, of being married once, being a devoted wife and living happily ever after. So after six years into the relationship and finally deciding to get married, my dream came true. Five years later, it came to a crashing end as I walked up behind my husband to hear him say the above to someone else.
I can unequivocally tell you that the moment I heard those words brought forth an absolute low point in my life filled with such immense fear and pain, so deep in my heart, I was certain a piece of it, if not most of it, had died. The fact is, hearts do die - in pieces and sometimes as a whole emotionally as heartbreak and physically as a heart attack. . And when this happens, while it doesn’t always claim a life completely, there is some irreparable damage. It simply can’t be undone.
So how lucky are we, really, when the pain of a perceived failure, whether it be a job, business venture, or relationship, doesn’t permanently damage our hearts? Not only are our hearts not damaged, they grow stronger. Show me a strong, vibrant, caring woman and I promise she has a story to share that at one time, wasn’t so pretty. She is the powerhouse she is because of the strength she gained from her past.
As low as that point was in my life, I can equally be strong in my statement that I am now the happiest I’ve ever been, married to an amazing man who’s every thought, decision and move are with my happiness in mind. And vice versa.
; No one can tell you or anyone else how long it will take to get over a perceived negative event, but anyone who has triumphed over one or two or a hundred will tell you the key to getting there faster lies in changing the questions you ask. The sooner you go from “Why me?” to “What’s next? What do I now want? What good can come from this?” the sooner you’ll thrive.
None of us need wish our pasts were different. It’s impossible to change. But every single one of us can choose to change how we see it and not only diminish its negative power over us, but leverage it to create something more beautiful and fabulous that would never have been an available option, had we not gone through it.
The only power the past has over you is the power you choose to give it. Letting go of regret, forgiving yourself, other people and circumstances not only releases you from its grips, it fills you with a newfound power. One you own, always. It’s simply up to you to see it, grab onto it and share it with the world.
Much love and happiness to you always.
Keryl Pesce
The past does not define me. Every day is a fresh start to be the “haute couture” designer of my new and fabulous reality.
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face … we must do that which we think we cannot.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Let’s be honest. Fear is scary. The unknown is exactly that: unknown. And that can be a terrifying thought. It’s totally natural to feel fearful. In fact, it’s important. Fear lets us know something is at risk. Whether it’s the fear we feel as a child before touching a hot pan that our mother warned would burn us, or the fear we feel before giving our two week’s notice at our job in order to change our career path, fear is a real feeling that should be respected and embraced. The sooner we meet our fears with open arms and embrace them lovingly, the sooner we will be able to watch them disappear.
Fearless & Fabulous: 10 Powerful Strategies for Getting Anything You Want in Life Page 4