Besides, I told myself, if something was up, he would have told me already, right? He’d had the chance to do so. Once, if not twice.
It was probably nothing anyway.
So I shoved all the doubt and worry from before and pretended that what was going on between us was no big deal.
Kind of like a big band-aid over a badly sprained ankle. But hey, it did the trick for a couple hours.
By the end of practice, though, the band-aid had definitely fallen off.
I gave the girls a half-hearted wave as they left the locker room, making sure I was the last one to leave. When Ian and I talked about this, we definitely didn’t need an audience.
Exhaling big and slow, I finally made my way to Ian’s car, really wishing I had driven myself to school today.
And that everything could just go back to the way it was the other night.
A lone figure stood at Ian’s car, his back to me. I recognized his black long-sleeved shirt and his perfectly tousled post-practice hair. His neon goalie gloves lay on the hood of his car. As I approached Ian, my gym bag hanging from my shoulder, I noticed his head was down, and I wondered instantly what he was thinking about.
The last couple people other than us pulled out of the parking lot, calling out goodbye to us.
I waved to Chris, and behind him, Sam.
Then I went up to Ian.
Ian coughed and then said, “So should we get going then?”
I put my bag down. “I actually want to talk to you first.” I could hardly meet his eyes.
“Oh,” he said quietly. “Okay.”
He grimaced, and my stomach sank.
Would I end up having to call my dad to pick me up after this conversation was over?
The thought of that made me want to throw up.
I took a deep breath and moved my foot around on the concrete like I had something to squash.
I stopped and looked up at Ian, making myself meet his gaze. “So, like, about today…”
Ian shifted uncomfortably. “About that, Lena—”
A surge of something like confidence or maybe anger or disappointment had me interrupting him. “Yeah, today,” I said. “What was that about? I mean, I’m in class, and half the people are talking about you and Bethany.” I fought the bile in my throat so I could finish. “Getting back together?”
He took a step closer, and I took one back. “Lena, just let me explain.”
“Okay,” I said, hands on my hips. “Explain. Why are all these rumors going around? Are they true?”
He paused, and I felt like throwing up.
“Ian, are they true? Have you been talking to Bethany? Because you said you were done with her.”
He ran his hands through his hair, sighing out of frustration. “It’s not like that. Yeah, I talked to her—”
“What?” I cried. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
He spun around, resting his hands against his car and pushing his weight against it. “It’s nothing!”
I scoffed. “Nothing? Really? Talking to your ex is nothing? Talking to the girl you’re trying to get back—”
He turned back around. “It’s no big deal. She texted me, saying she wanted her stuff back so I took it to her house—”
I laughed then, out of sheer surprise. Or maybe non-surprise. Maybe part of me had been expecting this. Knowing it was all too good to be true. “What? Oh my gosh,” I said, shaking my head. “I should have known—”
Ian came in close. “Lena—”
I took another step away from him. “You don’t get it. Who cares about this stupid dare? I thought you were my friend before anything else. You could have just told me the truth so I’m not walking around like some…” I closed my eyes, exhaled, and looked at him again. “Just tell me one thing. Is the rumor true?”
He glanced away. That one moment of hesitation was all I needed.
I turned away then. Pulled out my phone and texted my dad to come pick me up at school as soon as possible.
“Lena, wait,” he said, coming around so he could face me. He faltered.
I stared at him, my voice hardly above a whisper. “I can’t believe you still can’t see her for who she is. You deserve better.”
“Lena, please,” he said. “You don’t get it—”
“Oh, I get it,” I spat. “Just leave me alone.” I began walking away.
He touched my arm, and I stopped. “Just let me explain.”
His eyes pleaded with me, but inside, I was done.
I kept walking, wanting to put distance between us so he wouldn’t see how much this hurt.
My dad texted me, letting me know he was just a few minutes away.
Ian called after me. “Things with me and her are complicated, okay?”
I spun around one last time. “Do what you want. I don’t care.”
Maybe I’d finally struck the right nerve because Ian didn’t go after me.
By the time I got to the front of the school, my dad was pulling in. I got in his truck and slammed the door.
My dad glanced around, obviously not seeing Ian, then his gaze settled on me. I faced the window, blinking back tears.
I knew Ian had to still be at his car, and I wondered if it was because he wanted to make sure I was long gone before he left too. That thought made me want to give up and just start bawling.
At least I could count on my dad to not pry.
As much as I loved him, this was not something I wanted to talk about with anyone other than my friends.
And I guessed he didn’t want to have that awkward conversation either because he didn’t say a word.
Nineteen
A few days later, things between me and Ian were not fixed.
And I was seriously doubting all the advice the #BFFs had given me at lunch.
To make things worse, it was game day.
Instead of being pumped for it, I spent the entire day distracted. Kind of sad. And definitely not with a champion mindset.
On game days, it was safe to say I usually even felt a little cocky. Confident. Ready to get on the field and kick some butt. Make some goals.
Today, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, eat ice cream, and cry when Ross and Rachel broke up.
But no can do, I guess.
The entire girls’ varsity team—and the coach—was counting on me.
So I faked a smile and got through the day, our uniforms on to encourage school spirit.
It was going to be a big game, and a huge accompanying turnout was expected.
Along with a sure victory so we could go on and play against Chestnut Mountain for the state championship.
We’d beaten this team once already this season. They were good. We were better.
But I hadn’t been going through a rough patch with my fake-turned-real boyfriend then.
Why did life have to be so complicated??
Life had been sooo much easier when Ian and I had been best friends. Before a home game, I could count on his assortment of playlists to pump us up. We’d listen to song after song from the bleachers overlooking the field, nodding our heads to the beat and envisioning what an awesome game we were going to have.
But instead of looking for him after school so we could start our usual routine, I kept to myself, kicking the ball around in an empty baseball field. The baseball coach would pitch a fit if he saw me ruining the grass in my soccer cleats but whatever. I couldn’t see Ian right now.
I kind of even wished that he would just go back to his easygoing, quiet yet goofy freshman self. But that was ninth grade.
We were seniors now. No going back.
The time for the game came, and we warmed up. Stretched together. I led the team as usual, willing my voice to be just as loud as any other day.
I told myself that I had to do this. I’d played so many great games this season. I could do it again.
Taking a deep breath, I walked out onto the field. Within seconds, the referee’s whistle blew.
> I pushed Ian away from my thoughts. I had to get this game over with and help my team win. The boys had their game afterward, and it was going to be a tough one. The girls had already decided to stay and cheer them on from the stands, but I had an excuse ready to go when our game was over.
The ball came toward me, rolling through the perfectly trimmed grass. I stopped it. Okay, so good so far.
Searched for someone to pass it to.
Found Katie. Kicked the ball hard toward her.
And watched it sail too far to the right.
No!
Three flubbed passes and one easy yet horribly missed goal later, I sat on the bench.
Coach looked at me and sighed, mumbled something about coaching teenage girls and went back to watching the game and yelling at the rest of the team.
We were down one goal, and if we didn’t get our act together, we were going to lose, big time.
And by we, I meant me. I needed to get my act together.
During half time, I opened my locker and stuck my head inside, ignoring the pointed looks of everyone else on the team. Coach began his usual speech, going through us one by one and telling us what we needed to work on during the remaining half of the game.
He saved me for last. My head remained in the locker, my eyes closed. “And Lena?” I was sure everyone else was staring at me, wondering what the heck I was doing. “I’m not sure what’s going on today, but the team is counting on you so get it together.” His tone was firm but soft and I knew he meant well, but the words stung anyway. I hated that I was messing this game up for everyone.
Katie came over and put her hand on my shoulder. “Come on, girl. We need you, so get out there and make a goal or two, okay? Or get me the ball, I don’t care. But it’s like you forgot to put your batteries in this morning or something. Like you didn’t drink your special Lena juice. Dig deep and kick some butt, okay?”
I nodded, but inside, I knew that the game was already over for me.
We got back on the field, but I just couldn’t get my head on straight, no matter how hard I tried.
By the last five minutes of the game, I was holding back tears. I’d missed another goal. Not an easy miss like last time. It had been a tough shot, but nonetheless, I hung my head in shame.
If it weren’t for Sam, our sweeper, and the tight defense she ran, we would have been slaughtered, but at least we kept the other team at bay. They didn’t score again, but since we never scored at all, the final whistle blew and they won, cheering and screaming at the center of the field.
The rest of us walked off the field, silent and somber. I glanced at the stands just in time to see Mr. Barry making his way out. Had he seen the whole thing?
I shut my eyes, partly to pretend I hadn’t just seen the recruiter and partly to hold back tears.
We joined coach in the locker room, and still upset with myself, I got ready to get yelled at for the next twenty minutes.
But what happened next was almost worse.
Coach stood in front of us, disappointment clear on his face. “A team is more than just one star player.”
Ouch.
He went on. “I know it was a tough game tonight. Sometimes, one key player has a bad day and it throws everyone off. It happens. I get it. But I’m really proud of everyone for giving it their all anyway and not letting it completely derail you. That second half we just played was great. Not our best, not our usual, but you kept the other team from scoring again. Every single person gave extra effort today to keep the team working. Lena, I know you missed a couple goals. That’s okay. You kept trying.”
I nodded and sighed.
“I’ve seen exceptional players just give up and not care. I know you care. You stuck with it.”
A few players murmured in agreement, and I wondered why everyone didn’t completely hate me. Why I wasn’t getting dirty looks.
Then Coach gave me the answer. “Normally, tonight’s loss would mean losing our chance to go on to state. But thanks to our previous games and the points we accumulated, not to mention not getting killed tonight, we’ve scraped on by and will continue.”
I blew out a breath. Thank goodness. Maybe I’d be able to sleep tonight without too much guilt weighing on me.
Coach told us to go home and get some rest. “We can’t afford to lose our next game. We win that one, we get to go against Chestnut Mountain High School for the state championship. So I need everybody in tip top shape the rest of the season.” He jotted down some notes on his clipboard. Then he muttered, “And not just physically either.”
The girls got up and began grabbing their stuff, pulling on their warm-up hoodies and taking off shin guards.
I stood up too. “Sorry, you guys,” I said. “It won’t happen again. I promise.”
Perry came over. “Don’t worry about it. Happens to the best of us.”
Then Katie came over. “But seriously, girl, go fix the boy troubles because we can’t afford another loss. I really want that state trophy,” she joked.
I bit my lip.
“We love you,” she said, easing up. “But seriously, if anyone deserves that state title, it’s us.”
She was right. I gave her the best smile I could. “Count on it.”
I had no idea if the “boy troubles” would be fixed by then, but I knew one thing.
I could not let my team down again.
No matter what happened, I wouldn’t mess this up.
Coach came over, looking uneasy. “Lena, I’m not sure if you know this, but Mr. Barry was out there tonight. He came to see you play. I’m sorry to have to say this but… this might have been it. Tonight was your chance, and to be frank with you, I’m not sure there will be another one.”
As if things weren’t bad enough, with my soccer career going downhill before it even really got started and the awkward state Ian and I were in, that weekend was Homecoming.
Great...
I’d been so looking forward to this before, and now I was absolutely dreading it.
I could have kicked myself.
Why had I agreed to this stupid dare?
Then another part of me was angry solely at myself. This was my fault. I should have kept my feelings in check, but things had gotten murky so fast.
I should have slowed down for a minute, figured things out, cleared up boundaries or whatever. But instead, I had just let myself get caught up in what was happening without stopping to think.
Ugh.
On the field, my speed was a good thing, but when it came to boys? Definitely not a good thing.
It had definitely backfired on me, and now I was paying the price.
No more dares for me, and definitely not ones that involved boys…
Or friends that were boys.
What if things between us were ruined forever?
Homecoming was definitely ruined, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. I wasn’t about to text Ian and figure out if we were still going together. The assumed answer was no, especially if Bethany was set on getting him back.
Ugh. Let her have him.
As much as the thought of them back together made me want to curl up into a ball. I brushed away a tear.
No crying. I’d already decided I was to make the best out of tonight.
I had the rest of the #BFFs to hang out with.
And I was determined to have fun, even if it meant putting up with Ian and Bethany a few feet over.
They were not going to ruin Homecoming for me, even if the prospect of staying home with a bowl of ice cream and a good rom-com sounded way more appealing.
So the #BFFs and I met up at Tori’s house and got ready together. Harper and I did everyone’s hair and make-up, except for Rey, who did her own super emo but super cool look.
Just a few minutes before we were supposed to leave and meet up with the boys, we slipped into our dresses.
Mine was long and figure-hugging, made from a rose gold fabric that shimmered from a mile away. The sweethear
t neckline showed off my lean shoulders and my hair fell down to my elbows in perfect waves, with a bit of it pinned on the right.
The matching shimmery eyeshadow, dangly earrings, and nude lipstick really completed the look. Along with my favorite set of heels.
But I could hardly smile back at myself in the mirror. I looked like a million dollars, but I felt empty inside, knowing I wouldn’t have someone special to hold me tonight.
A certain someone special. Someone I’d be able to reach perfectly in these shoes. Shutting my eyes and taking a deep breath, I gave myself another reminder of the strict no tears policy tonight.
I promised I would have a good time tonight. With or without Ian. I needed this, especially after everything that had happened on the field recently.
This was senior year Homecoming, and nothing was going to ruin it.
And if life was anything like those cheesy movies on TV, then maybe tonight Ian and I would kiss and make up.
Maybe there was still a chance we’d end up on that dance floor together, swaying to a slow song with our arms around each other.
Maybe.
A girl could hope, right?
My heart gave a resounding no.
Twenty
All through dinner with the boys, I couldn’t help but stare at Ella and Jesse or Harper and Emerson or Tori and Noah and how stinkin’ cute they all are.
The way Noah grabbed Tori’s hand when she sat down or how Emerson looked at Harper. Or when Jesse put his arm around Ella after they were done eating.
I turned to Rey who was also flying solo tonight. “I guess we’ll be each other’s dates tonight, huh?” I teased.
She smiled. “Totally.”
I pushed my plate away. If I ate any more fries, I’d be popping out of this dress later. “You know what that means, right?”
Rey blinked back at me, almost like she was a little afraid.
And for good reason.
“We get to dance together,” I said with a wide smile.
I definitely didn’t plan on spending the entire night alone sitting somewhere watching everyone else having fun.
Rey looked like she wasn’t sure about the whole idea, but she totally said, “Okay,” anyway.
#TheBoyfriendDare Page 10