“I’m a senior, about to graduate. I got a job waiting on me. I’m going to be a lawyer one day and you trying to tell me that you don’t want this.”
“HELP!” I yelled out, but a mean sucker punch caught me in my jaw. The gory taste of my own blood filled my mouth.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to do that,” he said, getting real close to me.
His sweet attitude change reminded me of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
“You can’t deny what is mine. Don’t cause no trouble. We’ll have a good little party. Then I’ll let you go on your merry little way. After I get mine, I won’t care if Creed takes my leftovers. Now though, I want this and I know you ain’t gave it to him yet,” Butch said, as he put his hand up my shirt.
My eyes watered as he unbuckled his pants while one arm was around my throat. “Don’t do this.”
“I didn’t want our first time to be like this. I didn’t want it to be outside. I wanted it to be comfortable on a nice plush bed. You know I got a waterbed at my apartment, but you wouldn’t work with me. You wouldn’t give me what I deserved, so now I’ve just got to take it. Don’t fight me though. You’ll love it.”
He was having trouble getting his pants all of the way down and when he eased up off of me just a little, I used my elbows to move backward. Nothing was going in my favor. I could not get away.
Angrily he snarled, “I tried to play it right last year, Hayden. I took you to all those fancy little dinners, introduced you to all of the right people and you basically spat in my face by breaking up with me. We’re not in high school anymore so of course I’m going to want a little piece. But I was willing to let that go. I could have made up some rumor about you to save my reputation, but then you got to parade one of my frat brothers all up in my face. He gonna try to stand up for you at a party because I want what’s mine. Whatever, I’ma show him. He couldn’t get you to give him none. At the end of the day he is the weaker man. You try to play that little innocent role, but deep within I know you’re easy.”
My body temperature was rising so fast. I disliked Butch before this, but now I hated him. I mustered up as much spit and blood as I could and spat it right in his face.
“You hussy! But that’s good—don’t play the victim, give me a little of that sauce. I know you’ve got some within you, make it fun for me. Fight me, fight me!” he said as he ripped open my shirt and put his filthy hands all over my chest.
“Stop it, stop it! Get off of me!” I screamed.
“What, I didn’t do enough to get you to shut up? What, you trying to get me in trouble? You trying to get people to come out here?”
Lord, You’ve got to help me. I know I haven’t talked to You in a while and I know it always seems that I come and talk to You when I am at my lowest, but this guy is going to really hurt me, I prayed.
Then I heard my front door open and the light come on. “Hayden, are you out there?” Chandra called.
“Y’all, we’ve got to find her,” Bridget said.
“She’s out here somewhere,” Myra said.
He quickly covered my mouth. I knew as he looked around, he was panicked. Rightfully so. He cornered me when I was helpless. How cowardly.
“Dang it!” Butch said.
It didn’t matter from that point that he was frustrated. So was I. I was already beat up. He had taken a lot from me, but he wasn’t going to take what he wanted. With my free hand, I pinched between his legs and when he jerked up, I yelled, but I wasn’t loud enough.
“Where is she?” Creed asked in a panic. “I dropped her off. I’m so glad one of you guys answered your house phone.”
“Her car is here, but she’s not inside. I’m calling the cops,” Bridget said, running back into the house.
“Help!” I screamed again, louder this time. Butch hit me again.
The next thing I knew, Creed was pounding Butch’s face. My girls helped me off the cold, hard ground and took me inside.
Hallelujah, I thought, as I saw tears of joy flow from their eyes. I must have looked horrible. God heard my plea and looked out for me. Hallelujah, I thought as tears came from my eyes as well, as I knew what the Lord had just allowed me to escape from.
After giving a statement to the police, I was able to relax some. Turns out Creed had only gone a few miles up the road before he called my house to see if I had made it in. Chandra told him I wasn’t in the house, so he immediately turned around and they came out looking for me.
When I looked into the mirror, I didn’t even recognize myself. After initially refusing, I ended up going to the emergency room for treatment. Word spread around campus pretty fast. Though they were keeping me overnight for observation, I was surprised to wake up and see Bea, Audria, Dena and Sharon standing over me.
“She’s waking up, y’all,” Sharon said.
I tried to say hello, but my jaw and mouth were too swollen. I wanted to tell them I was sorry and to please give me another chance. But I guess the tears that welled up in my eyes told them all they needed to hear.
“We’re sorry too,” Audria said.
“Especially me,” Bea said, as she came onto the other side of the bed and held my hand. “Am I hurting you? Hayden, I pushed you away. Now I just want you to go off on me, because I guess hearing you fuss at me would be better than having you say nothing at all. I was so wrong.”
“I told these jokers to call you a long time ago,” Dena said.
“Well, you know that we couldn’t make up our mind as to who would be president, so you’re still it. So you’ve got to come back to us.”
“Yeah,” Audria said, “I’ve been praying that we all get together. I’ve been feeling bad because I asked the Lord to make it happen at any cost. We need you. However, I didn’t want you to end up in the hospital.”
“If I see Butch myself I could just kill him,” Bea said, with an angry look I had never before seen. And I had seen Bea angry.
She’ll have to get in line on that one, I thought, as I tried to crack a smile. It was so good to see them all.
“I know you’ve got a lot of people that care for you. It’s amazing to me that a GDI, MEM, a Nu and a Beta could all get along like you and your roommates have proven to do this year. I think deep down, a couple of us were jealous of that relationship. We’re supposed to be sisters and have that emotional bond, but we failed you.”
“Yeah,” Dena said, “we failed you while you were trying to encourage us to be the best that we could be. So when Bridget called and told us you were in here we had to come.”
Bea said, “And when Trisha did wrong, you didn’t give up on her. Because we were able, you had us lend a hand and we resented you for that.”
“And even at Founders’ Day, we were moved,” Sharon said. “We should have come to you then to try and work it all out. I saw you all over there, emotional, just as your eyes are now, and you care deeply for us even with all of our faults. And you’ve got a guy that cares about you—Creed is the man. You’ve got roommates that care. But they’re not the only ones, which is what I guess I am trying to say.”
“Yeah, as pitiful as we are,” Bea said, “we love you too. We need you back leading us, showing us the way.”
“And to show you we are really sincere,” Dena said. “It wasn’t just because of all of this that happened tonight, even though I am glad we found out, because we brought you lilies.”
That was so sweet. It was the sorority flower and they brought them to me. When you give them to a soror it shows your deep love and care for her.
“I wasn’t trying to be a dictator,” I uttered slowly, trying not to irritate my cut jaw.
“Shhh, don’t talk. I know,” Sharon said. “You just had stubborn folks trying to do the job we elected you to.”
“Tell her, Dena. Tell her what you were saying.”
“Yeah!” Dena said, “I told them the convention was coming next month and they don’t have anyone running for National Se
cond Vice President. We think you should run.”
“Well, I’ll help with your campaign,” Sharon said. “You’re a person who truly wants the best for our sorority. You stepped away from it yourself just to please us. You gave us time and space and I think because of it we were able to see how wrong we were.”
“I’m still sorry,” I said, in a voice that I didn’t recognize. “I didn’t want to push y’all away.”
“We understand that,” Bea said. “But will you forgive us? Do you still love us? Will you still be our president?”
“Yes,” I nodded.
Audria said, “Well, you ain’t Jesus, but right now, I say, thank you Lord. We are in a mess. We need you back. We need to nurse you back to health and get you out of this hospital because you’re the only one that can get us back on the right track.”
“I don’t deserve all of that. You guys can do it though.”
Sharon took my hand and rubbed it. “What happened to you tonight was awful. We are so sorry. These kinds of things you don’t deserve. You’re an awesome person, Hayden, and you need to hear that sometimes. You deserve praise and glory.”
18
PLATINUM
“What the hell do you want, Hayden?” Keisha yelled into the phone as I pulled it away from my ear for a second so I wouldn’t hear her harsh word. “Hayden, did you hear me? What do you want?”
“Look, you don’t have to cuss at me,” I said to the ring leader who had caused most of the drama when I was on line.
“I don’t have time to hold your hand and be all sweet and nice. Because of you wimps I’m out of the sorority, okay. Why are you calling me?”
She had me there for a second. I just had to pause. So much had gone on this whole year. It was now the beginning of May and though a month had passed since Butch’s brutal attack, I was still a little shaken. Thankfully he was behind bars. After my chapter came to me and asked me to lead them again, we spent several weeks on public service: giving to the community, giving to kids, doing deep study sessions to make sure we all aced our exams, and even with all that, there was still a part of our chapter that needed to heal.
I didn’t know if our chapter could be completely healed with half of the members either suspended or about to graduate. But certainly before they walked out of Western Smith we could share and begin the healing process. Edythe, Penelope, and several other members were all on board. Keisha was the one person that we most wanted to talk to. Even some of her own line sisters hadn’t talked to her since they had been sentenced to stay away.
Knowing that I couldn’t back down I said, “I’m calling because I want you to be a part of our meeting.”
“Girl, I heard about your little meeting. My line sisters called me—they hadn’t called me in months. But now they talking ’bout we need to sit before you guys and answer questions,” Keisha said angrily, then paused. “Please, whatever. Don’t look for me to show up. I won’t be there.”
“Can you tell me why?” I said. “Why are you so opposed to it? I am going to make sure it is not a bashing session.”
“I don’t even care if it’s going to be a stone-throwing session. I can take all of y’all’s little comments. Regardless of what people tell me I am supposed to do, I have my own view. Because y’all didn’t go through everything we had planned, I still think you are nothing but paper.”
“You’re entitled to your opinion, Keisha,” I said, not wanting to argue with her. “And if there are some things you want to say to everybody, now would be a perfect time to ...”
“What for? Why would putting all those feelings out on the table help?”
“Because if you keep them bottled up inside, how can everyone move on? This is about all of us healing.”
“Well I’m moving on. I’m transferring from here next year. I’m not coming back, so you can do whatever you want to do and say whatever you want to say about me. If I had to do this all over again, I might have believed that the girl was allergic to peanuts but other than that I would have not made it any easier on you guys. So what you got to say to that?”
“I know that I can’t make everything perfect, Keisha. I’m actually sorry I haven’t talked to you until this point,” I said sincerely. “But honestly, I didn’t know what to say. You say we are paper. You say we are unworthy to be Betas. To keep it real, we made a lot of mistakes without you prophytes around. You called us out on one of those mistakes the day we weren’t protecting our spot on the yard.”
“Yep, and if I still would have been a Beta I would have been able to teach you guys those things. But y’all know so much.”
Glad she was letting me in on her thoughts, I said, “You believe right to be one thing and I truly believe right is something else. You are still my sister, and just like my birth sister gets on my nerves a lot of the time, I still love her.”
“Oh, so you trying to tell me you love me? You ain’t never called me all semester, but you love me?”
“Maybe the right answer is I am connected to you in a way that I cannot even explain. The feelings I have for you are automatic. I don’t think hazing somebody and demeaning them makes you closer because if you believe that, then why do you say you are not connected to us? So what purpose did hazing us serve in the end? I don’t like that you’re transferring. I hate that none of this worked out, but I guess I just wanted you to know that at least I can say I am here for you, if you ever want to talk.”
“Whatever Hayden, bye.”
When I placed the phone down, I just felt real disappointed. The ultimate goal for a leader is to make everyone happy and get the job done. It was evident that I wasn’t going to be able to do that.
When I got to the meeting later that day I shared Keisha’s perspective with the old sorors and my line sisters.
Edythe, the former president, stood up and said, “Hayden, you did what you could. You shared your heart, and a lot of us have not done that with her yet. That is what the sisterhood is about. That’s what being the right leader is about, going to your sister when she is down. Anybody can be close when things are perfect, when everybody is in accord, but it’s a lot harder when everyone is in disagreement—then there’s always going to be drama. But I think having all of us here to avoid some of that is the first step in getting the Alpha chapter sisterhood back on track, and honestly we have you to thank for that. You can’t please everybody, and sometimes the people at the root of the problem don’t want to change, so they need to go.”
Penelope said, “Keisha was my line sister and because I followed her I can’t even be a part of you guys anymore. You care about what she thinks more than I do. Relax girl, you are doing a good job. That’s why we are about to move on from all this and talk about you winning National Second Vice President in a couple of weeks.”
“Yeah!” they all cheered.
This sisterhood could be special if you just gave it your all.
The National Convention was held every year. This year it was in Washington, D.C. The Little Rock chapter, Creed and some of his frat brothers, my line sisters, and my roommates were all attending. College students and other Greek organizations attended convention because it’s a great way to meet other Greeks and have fun. But they were on deck as part of my campaign crew to help me have a splash from the floor. Everybody had their ears and eyes open, with people in the other four regions trying to see if someone else was going to run from another chapter. We hadn’t heard of anybody, so honestly I wasn’t really that worried because I thought I would be unopposed.
However, when the call for nominations came, before someone from my chapter could nominate me, someone from the host chapter stood and nominated their chapter president. When that girl stood and addressed the mic, I slid down in my chair. You would have thought that she had on the Queen of England’s jewels and I had on fake ones from a swap meet. She just seemed so poised, so together and I just felt out of my league.
“Beta Gamma Pi Sorority,” the nominee said, “deserves the
finest kind of representation. I am not someone who just became a Beta yesterday. I pledged two years ago. I have a four-point GPA and even with a full plate, I am ready to serve you. Elect me—Salina Dee—Second V.P.”
After they nominated me, I had to address the five hundred delegates representing three hundred alumnae chapters and two hundred collegiate ones. I hadn’t really prepared a speech because I thought it was just going to be me up there. Mental note to myself: You never rise to the occasion, you only default to your level of training. I should’ve prepared. I should have come up with something, but all I had was why I truly wanted the position.
So I got up and said, “It was only nine months ago when I was inducted into this illustrious sorority. It was the happiest day of my life. The dream I wanted for so long came true for me. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I not only ended up leading my line, but I also ended up being elected Chapter President. Looking back on those past months there were so many things I did right. I read all the manuals, I followed protocol, I held my meetings regularly and I cared deeply about what happened to every member of my chapter. But even with all that, I still got hurt. And there were so many times that I wanted to say, ‘you know what, to heck with Beta Gamma Pi.’ ”
At that point, I could hear sorors mumbling and whispering. Though I was making up the speech as I talked, every word I said was coming from my heart. No pretense, only realness.
I continued, “But deep down I knew I couldn’t walk away because I’d hurt some people in my chapter. I felt guilty, but above all, I thought I wasn’t doing the sorority any good. So I said, forget Beta Gamma Pi. But what kept me going on is knowing none of us is perfect. As your Second Vice President there is no way I could stand before you now, asking you to elect me because I will be a perfect leader. But I can ask you to elect me because I have a heart to serve and I will strive daily not to let you down. As I balance my academics and my social life, Beta Gamma Pi will be a priority in my life. I want to make sure every collegiate follows the high standards that our founders call us all to adhere to. This is something I would dedicate my tenure to in this position, if so elected. Yes, we have young voices, but we are collegiates who love Beta Gamma Pi, and as your Second Vice President, not only am I willing to serve, but I won’t stop serving until each task is done.”
Work What You Got Page 17